- Member Since 31st Aug, 2012
- offline last seen March 21st
MightyMadBoio
I write bad smut. Hopefully, somebody reads it.
MightyMadBoio
Joined 31st Aug, 2012 ·
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- Futile Task · 24k words · 74 14 · 1.2k views
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Rushed, quite a few spelling and grammatical errors.
Try to slow the pace down a little by describing more of the surroundings, and try to also incorporate more buildup, leading up to the big orgasm.
Also, be wary of the fact that, there are rules to English, and it's best you follow those rules, if one wants to get a message across without being misunderstood. You can have style to it, but the priority for most fanfictions (except the ones that troll, and even still, they make sure it's funny by not having errors in their writing) is legibility.
Keep this in mind when writing and try again.
Boy that escalared quickly.
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what what what what.
Rushed.
Escalated WAY to fucking quickly
The grammar is out of place.
Fruit I didn't expect that but it felt rushed
Yeah I'm sorry about how rushed this story was guys, I kind of got bored with the build up and rushed it (because I'm a fucking dumbass). I can remake it and put some actual time into it, but only if you guys want that. Once again I'm sorry for my stupid shit and I will try to improve so I don't make a major fuck up again.
Could use some. A pre-reader, more details, and some spelling, grammar errors. Some misplaced letters or letters missing altogether. And you rushed it a lot.
Escalated a little too quickly. Some errors in your grammar. notbad.jpg for your first one. Better than mine I'd say. Do a quick revision. Post it. Become a star.
it like this, however. I give you up vote.
Hay don't take it so hard, everyone fucks up , just put a little time into it and and expand it a bit, you have the building blocks of a grate story, good luck wrighting
1500420
Thanks for the positive comment, but I think one of the things thats holding me back is the fact that my computer is down and I typed this story through my phone. But thank you once again
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Nuff said.
it's true that was quick but as far as im concerned its a good story and i would like to see what happens next
Many spelling and grammatical errors. Slow down.and put detail into the story. It escalared quickly. But there is potential here. Keep trying.
1504986 he did type this on a phone, do agree that it was rushed but the base was there just need to flesh it out a bit keep writing:)
i liked it and some of your sentences have even given me ideas for my clopfic only complaint too short but 5/5 and please write more
It was.....umm....interesting?....no thats not it....hmm
......you know I do even know if there's a single word out there in the English language for what I'm thinking
......It's not that I thought it was bad
.......Seriously can someone help me here? I'm at a loss.....
it was a good story. i just think it needed more foreplay. but please don't go apeshit on me if you dont think the same way as me
Meh... Not to sound too judgmental as I can be a rather blunt writer myself, but this seems a bit rushed. She just sort of randomly takes interest in him, he becomes a nervous nelly, she gets turned on, and the whole sex thing lasted about 3-4 paragraphs.
I'd love to see a longer, and more in-depth version of this somewhere, if it exists
2487852 well, I am remaking it. Im turning it into a real story rather than just a five second talk scene then sex. But I'm having problems with my new computer so that's why I haven't uploaded it yet. that is also why I'm replying to you through my phone. But please be patient.
2537800
Sounds good. I'll be watching then. Best of luck to you, man
Felt I should add my two bits as well. Your story has a great deal of potential, but as the others pointed out it did have a few problems. The main two I noticed was spelling/word choice and pacing. The spelling errors weren't too bad, but you did have some word choices that were either awkward or the opposite of what I think you were aiming for. The other issue was the pacing. Granted it's given that Luna is socially awkward, but it's still quite the leap from "hello" right into "You.Me.Bedroom. Now!" Perhaps you could insert more character interaction, which would give you plenty of entertainment potential and smooth the way for when they do get together. Other than that great work for a first time!