• Member Since 25th Jan, 2023
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Aromatic Brew


Hello there everypony! I'm Aromatic Brew! I run a small tea shop in Ponyville, but my other greatest passion is writing!

T
Source

Inspired by: The ending to Shed.mov and the Cupcakes episode of Rainbow Dash Presents

Rainbow Dash is lured to Sugarcube Corner by Pinkie Pie for a special baking seesion. Except, in this timeline, nothing happens in Pinkie's favor.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 9 )

This was very silly. I enjoyed it greatly. And thank goodness Pinkie didn't have her henway!

😮
and that's all I'll say

What? No plea for insanity? I'm pretty sure she could have gotten away with that one given that it's Pinkie we're talking about. *shrugs* I guess Pinkie was Equestria's first psychopath and there weren't any clauses for insane ponies.

I was 6-8 when i first watched cupcakes :pinkiecrazy:

11799715
If she plead insanity I wouldn't have been able to sneak the Green Mile in there. What would you rather have, Pinkie being put in a ward or a horse with urinary problems?

This felt different from any of the alternative takes I usually read. Mostly because you expect a twist or so secret villain, but you were straight to the point of what would probably happen and I liked it. Especially love how it ends. You kept Pinkie the villain and I was glad. It was surprisingly funny.

This story's plot seems very...artificially forced against Pinkie. Pinkie is one of the last ponies I would expect to properly write out explicit steps for her plans, let alone for them to just appear without her trying to reach for them, yet that's what gets the ball rolling. Equestria's justice system meanwhile I would expect to be very reform-focused, and to only consider executing Pinkie (who note, is vitally important to the country's continued existence as an element of harmony...) after it turns out her powers are too much for something like an asylum.
Finally, it's a bit crazy for Equestria to have the electric chair on the books; it's an execution method that literally cooks its victims to death while giving them seizures. There's things like the anti-mirror-pool spell to use that offer a pretty fast and stress-free death, and if worst comes to worst, there's the guillotine (chopping the neck may seem brutal, but at most 13 seconds of consciousness with a sharp pain, and virtually no risk of it not working, makes it pretty humane compared to anything any real country currently actually uses).

Overall, I get where the story is coming from in its silliness, but I feel like references and such could've still been made without the story seeming like it was just "railroading" everyone towards its conclusion, perhaps even just by having ponies give basic justifications for the differences from canon Equestria (maybe this is an Equestria where there are no elements and Celestia just sends in guards with guns against villains).

11802712
But the Green Mile reference was good, right?

11804521
It just seemed kind of bizarre to me, because I didn't know what it was; without knowing The Green Mile, the scene seems like "he was attacked by a toilet alligator and died offscreen". My general advice is that you should first write references as if nobody gets them (many won't), and only after they seem good for that audience, consider what to add to make getting the reference really fun to those who do get them.

Btw, about the last few sentences, while I personally think they're barely within what E should be, I know from experience that FiMfiction's ratings are a bit stricter than I tend to think, and they're definitely more intense than anything else in the story. I think you should really consider toning down that part or making it be offscreen, or rerating to T and going a bit crazier overall with the story.

Login or register to comment