Infinite Imponability Drive

by Pineta

Chapter 6: Ponyville epilogue

It was a beautiful sunny day in Ponyville, a few weeks after Pinkie Pie’s infinite imponability generator invention. Outside Fluttershy’s cottage, little critters were happily running up and down the trees. Birds were singly merrily in the branches. Everything suggested a gloriously day ahead.

An alien flying saucer descended silently from the sky above. It paused for a moment, while checking the address, then extended its alien legs and landed on the meadow. An alien doorway opened. A ramp rolled down to the ground like a monster sticking out its tongue. A very alien-looking alien creature, carrying a clipboard, came out and walked up to the cottage door. It knocked politely.

The door was a little ajar. A small white rabbit hopped out and looked up at the visitor with a happy face. Visitors from other planets did not arrive every day. This was exciting.

“Mister Bunny?” asked the alien.

The rabbit’s ears stood up and it nodded enthusiastically. A visitor from another planet asking for him!

“Mister Angel Bunny?”

Angel nodded even more vigorously and looked up with eager eyes.

“You’re a fluffy-tailed fluffy-brained moron.”

Angel’s ears dropped. What was happening?

“A total loser of a leporid.”

Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged marked a tick on his clipboard to note that Angel Bunny had been properly insulted, read the name of the creature who was next on the list, then turned and walked back towards his ship.

Only to find this route was blocked by a pink-maned yellow pegasus pony, walking forwards, step by step, and looking right at him.

“Just who do you think you are?” said Fluttershy. Her pink mane was swept back behind her and her green eyes were fully open and staring at the alien. Wowbagger looked for another way to his ship, but found he couldn’t get past or even look the pony in the eye. He turned to one side, then the other. All the gaps between the bushes and trees had suddenly filled with rabbits, squirrels, chipmunks, deer, and other critters. Birds lined up on the branches were looking down at him. The audience was excitedly waiting for the anticipated result.

“Just because you’re immortal, it doesn’t mean you can go around the universe bullying people.” Fluttershy continued walking very slowly forwards, hoofstep by hoofstep. Her eyes were fully wide and radiating visible force lines focussed on Wowbagger. “You should be ashamed of yourself. You’re old enough to know better. Now, you go and say you’re sorry to Angel.”

Fluttershy came close, rose up her head and directed her vision directly at her target. Wowbagger stepped back and fell over the doorstep. He tried to twist his head away from Fluttershy’s stare and found himself looking at the rabbit. Angel thumped a foot on the ground expectantly.

“Do you understand me?”

Caught in the legendary stare, the alien had no choice but to comply. He mumbled a barely audible apology. He quickly turned and tried to dash away, but Fluttershy was not yet finished.

“And now, you are going to get back in your space ship, and go back to visit everyone else who you have insulted across the universe and apologise to them too.”

Wowbagger nodded meekly. Fluttershy relaxed just a little.

“And, by the way, when you meet my friend Marvin, you can pass on a message from me that he has made his point, and now it is time for him to stop chasing people across the galaxy, and to settle down and use his planet-sized brain to do a sensible hobby like knitting.”

With this final meassage, Fluttershy relaxed her gaze just enough to let Wowbagger escape. He shot back to his ship as fast as his alien legs could run. The flying saucer accelerated. Fluttershy sat down to hug Angel Bunny, while the critter crowd around her cheered, chirped, and stomped their hooves in applause.

Comments

[Herald of Opera]

Oh yeah, this asshole. The Eoin Colfer finale closed that loose end in a different way.

[Draco Dei]

The ending was a bit sudden (according to a comment on an earlier chapter this is in keeping with the original book).

In keeping with that trend I very much hope there will be a large number of sequels.

[redmar]

At least apologizing to everyone would give Wowbagger something to do.

[Walabio]

11859232

Indeed:

If one lived forever and had an FTL, and timetravel so that one can stay in the Stelliferous Epoch, and go anywhither in the Universe, ¿what would one do? After about a Googol years according to a watch one wears, because only a finite ways exist to arrange matter, one would run into an analogue of oneself. One would not know it because one would assume that it is just another of oneself from a different point in one's timeline (because one continuously loops back in time and space, one would inevitably run into oneself from a different point in one's timeline before one runs into one's analogue).

[Booster Spice]

At some point in wowbaggers further journeys, a certain little bit of chaos is going to mean him crossing himself and insulting one way and apologising the other while the database fault makes him not realise its himself?

[Pineta]

11859227
Yes. The trouble with stories with 'infinite' in the title is finding an ending. (I remember that when I wrote Infinitely too many Pinkie Pies. I felt I had to finish this somehow or it would have remained in an incomplete state forever. There is certainly a lot of potential for sequels.

[FanOfMostEverything]

As with making the infinite improbability drive itself, all you have to do is calculate the precise imponability of a shenanigan-free lunch and plug that in. And it gives enough time to give Wowbagger something else to do with his life.

Delightful bit of madness, and I can hardly blame you for the abrupt ending. This must have been a nightmare to coordinate for as long as you did.

[Trent Roogna]

That was a ride. I’m putting this on my profile page (that no one looks at) of stories to read.