This story is a sequel to Captain and Commander
Princess Twilight Sparkle has a tough time always getting along with former conqueror Tempest Shadow. Then again, Tempest has a tough time getting along with anyone. But in a quest to a foreign land to save Tempest's life, Twilight will have to learn what motivates this maligned mare and how to truly befriend her. Because once she returns, that knowledge may be the only thing that can truly save her—and herself.
Reading the prequel to this story will provide context but is not necessary to enjoy this one.
Cover art by Dawn on fire.
Chapters (15)
I enjoyed the the prequel to this story and I'm looking forward to seeing where your going with this. I'd say I'm excited, but given the tagging and the setup I might have to wipe some rain out of my eyes by the time this is done.
Twilight thinks the fact.she can find no way to help makes her unprincessly. The fact she feels that way proves the opposite.
What about the Mirror?
Even if the problem continues upon return to equestria, it would give them time right?
And maybe it is something that is fixable by human science, if she has any problems at
all when going through?
I do wonder if there was a human equivalent disease what it would be.
To (semi-)quote another member of this site "corrections offered without malice":
I would recommend replacing one of those "to"s with a "from".
Perhaps "one"?
If we are assuming they are speaking English, the " y" would argue against that... And if they aren't this seems the wrong way to introduce it.
Oh that's a rough point of view. I could never not try to help a friend if I thought I could.
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Off by a letter. Though "Chiyan's Glen" is an anagram for "changelin', y's?" Thank your for the corrections!
So does AJ, once 'Shy got AJ to listen to her ...
The shear contrast of detailed analysis versus, cutting to the point with a single word is wonderful. I'm more the detailed analysis type myself(to say the least...), but I must admit that summary can have its place for some people.
Regarding the ending: Allowing a tyrant to continue without challenge in exchange for giving a lifesaving cure is a Devil's bargain, but... mean is that what is going on?
One option to consider, and it would even be in-character for Twilight to think of this, and suggest it in case Rain Shine's longevity and the Kirin's isolation has left her blind to creative solutions.
Enforce peace and perhaps even silence in their dwelling places, but build stone buildings or tunnels outside (or below?) it. Many angry parents can keep to "not in front of the children", drunks can "take it outside", and soldiers who get pissed at each other (or joined up because they thought it would be a good outlet for an enjoyment of violence?) know that if it is going to happen, it %&#$ BETTER happen on a sparring mat.
Maybe have a weekly "Day of Discussion" where everykirin is expected to go to the fireproof location unless they have a pretty good reason not to. That plus a way of ordering each other to that location (including through intermediaries?) when necessary could serve as the cornerstone of a culture that is freer back while also being safer than both before and after The Vow.
And make no mistake, their biology is something that is always going to be a major point their culture must be built around at a deep level.
The dragons 'manage' their fire by not managing it and accepting that burnable things will get burned. The Ponies live in beauty, both natural and architectural. Perhaps a creature with two forms needs two habitats, one for each of those.
Look up C.S. Lewis's commentary on how a knight should be a deadly lion on the field of battle and a peaceful lamb at court* for further inspiration?
*Following after Jesus in being both "The Lamb of God" who went to his death without fighting back, and "The Lion of Judah" who will end with all the nations of the Earth under his feet.
I hope that was clear? I worry it might not be... ask question if you need to?
Ah, the old 'what you see as a (potential) problem, the one most affected by it doesn't' ...
Of course, being part of the Storm Kings military gives Tempest a bit more limited mindset than say Shining Armor as she did have to be vigilant for betrayal from above and below during her service ...
As for the 'Stream of Silence', we all know that the entire community was slightly overcooked when that solution was applied (was the only time it had happened before?) If the kirin were seeing only minor damage (one or two homes) then their need for a solution when the entire community was affected would lead to an extreme solution rather then just rebuilding and carrying on as before ... (small things going wrong at irregular times does not ask for a solution, but a major event asks (demands) for an immediate solution) ...
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The thing is - although we only have the semi-canon idw continuity to go by - she hadn't been a soldier in his army for very long at all.
She joined, as a grunt, told him about the staff and alicorn magic, and was then made "commander" for the sake of the mission she'd practically proposed herself.
Her service in the Storm King's army prior to the invasion was short and can't have influenced her personality or worldview much, if at all.
To me it seems there was simply a lot of confirmation bias in regards to concepts like 'the strong rule the weak' and 'taking things by force because you can' etc..
She had observed those concepts, and when she applied them herself she was immediately rewarded with a new purpose, a position of power and an irresistible chance to get back what she'd lost. No long periods of indoctrination or paranoia from grinding ranks necessary for that to have an effect.
When the tree missed her by so little I though to myself what if Rain Shine is keeping secret the fact that HER destruction is both more powerful, takes a different form (or can take many forms, AND can be triggered by even the slightest ripple in her serenity. Being challenged could have had a delayed effect as it percolated in her subconscious. Like Realty Check's* theory in "The Great Alicorn Hunt" about Twilight's misfortunes in "Feeling Pinkie Keen", she could have been aiming her powers with subconscious frustration/fear, regardless of what her conscious mind would wish.
*In case anyone cares: Reality Check now keeps his stories out on Archive Of Our Own rather than here.
Sounds like she needs to study her brother's shield spells a bit more... and maybe some "I am one with the wind and sky." lessons from Dash to know where gusts will happen or something?
She isn't JUST a ruler, she is also an archmage. Seems to me that neglecting one for the other may be an error. Sure, Celestia sat on her throne and deligated for the most part, but Chrysalis got LUCKY that Shining Armor's love was such an extreme power boost and even then Celestia recovered quickly.
So an instrumental heart-song. Obvious in retrospect I should think?
As for the ending, I am reminded of Sugar Belle in her first appearance asking the Mane Six if their friendship was ending when they had a bit of harsh words with each other.
Hmmm, two points against Tempest, one, Harmony started that friendship mission and two, everykirin agreed with Rain Shine's solution at that time (including Autumn Blaze). Of course, Rain isn't totally right about Tempest's current 'viewpoint' either ...
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1. How is your first statement a point against Tempest? It could've been Santa's second cousin who sent them on that mission, it wouldn't have changed a thing.
2. They all agreed? We don't know that; I think it's more likely that in their Nirik state not a single one agreed. The only thing we do know is that Rain Shine ordered/forced them to step into the stream - although it seems reasonable to assume that that was just the nice folktale version of the event and that in reality, after loosing her child, she was even more pissed than she's right now and simply grabbed and threw them into the stream one by one herself.
That was a beautifully written chapter.
And this is why Twily is going to be a good ruler. She still lacks the confidence and boldness to crack cases like this on her own, she still needs a blunt tool like Fizzle at her side to pave the way a little, but she's clearly improving.
Great chapter.
Poor Rain ... something must've gotten into my eyes when I read the last couple paragraphs, can't have been the feels, nuh uh.
This is rather illogical. If his ministry isn't administering the school then he shouldn't be pissy about this, it's none of his business.
It was Starlight's job to secure interim funding until Twilight could take care of the paperwork.
Also: Are her guards asleep? Noone should be able to waltz into her chambers, whether their reason for the intrusion is good or not.
ohh, interesting!, love how your using this chapter to show how Twilights constant pursuit of a cure for tempest is starting to have a detrimental effect on other things she cares about
Hmmm ... it was a good story until this ridiculous super artificial non-issue popped up.
She's a legislator, not the center of the universe. Why does everything go belly-up with her gone for two weeks?
A monarch's privately run school doesn't have emergency funds to stay operational for a month?
The school needs to stay closed for the entire semester now? Why? Let this semester start a few days late, big deal.
Besides, even if Starlight and Jerkburst didn't have any money left to pay their teachers ... the nobles of Canterlot would've lined up to lend or even donate that money to Twilight['s school] for the publicity and so Twi would owe them.
But the new popularity ratings are already out, I see. At least Pony-Redit didn't shut down while she was gone.
Of course the child-beater-parents enrolled their kid at the School of Friendship. It makes absolute sense. They're nice people so why wouldn't they.
And of course Tempest doesn't break their legs and opts to tell Twilight instead. Fits her personality perfectly.
"B-because for everything in Equestria and all that it's worth . . ."
"You're worth everything to me!"
At least add a 'Romance' tag. This isn't friendship. Not even Twilight's peak levels of friendship-autism would make her go that far. Twi does have more than just a rudimentary sense of duty and responsibility [towards her subjects/kingdom] - it's the main source of her anxieties.
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Thank you for the criticism.
There's a thing in writing called "suspension of disbelief" wherein logic is compromised for story. It's a constant balance as a writer to make the story cohesive but not fill it with so much explanation and "dot-connecting" that there's no room for narrative. And you're right in saying this chapter in particular goes heavy on not explaining things--there's a little too much emotion to make that happen easily. Each point you bring up has an explanation, but none of them drive the story forward enough that I felt they warranted their disruption to the story's pacing. If that omission breaks your suspension of disbelief, I'm sorry. It means I didn't balance it right, and you're no longer engaged. You needn't read futher.
On a few specific points:
I'll leave it at that.
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Translation:"I forgot to set up this plot point at the beginning of the story; now events are too illogical to explain quickly so I just don't explain stuff at all."
Except, it's not a public institution. It's funded and administered by Twilight personally. You had Neighsay point that out very clearly in the last chapter.
Details like an explanation as to why the school has to stay closed now for another 5 month plus change even though the money problem got solved makes the difference between a dramatic development/consequence of her actions ... and pure nonsense. Literally.
Heh, a mere 'clerical error that was discovered while the princess was away on a diplomatic mission'. I'd like to see how a noble, let alone a random aristocrat, is going to use that as leverage against their head of state. I love the 'shark tank' approach, but this wouldn't even register.
But I'll stop here, seeing that you're already resorting to personal attacks.
Where is Discord in all of this?
This was a good story.
This is severely underrated, and very touching.