When a draconiqus archer is given the option to be free if he captures a monster terrorizing the town, he decided to do just that, along with what he choses as bait, but when he finds out the monster is a small boy will he find a heart or will he turn his back and not care at all.
This is a story for the new blood competition
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/215333/beans-writing-group
Also going for these bonuses.
The main character’s name and identity is never mentioned
And includes a bug
I would also like some judges feed back and criticism on my work.
Chapters (1)
this was a fun adventure read! i liked the obvious "first quest in a dnd game" theme/vibe this has going on, considering the source material
11633152
thank you so much
yeah its from dungeons and discords inspierd witch is d and d inspierd
This story is definitely worthy of attention and time. I would be interested in watching the adventures of the four brothers, although the only disadvantage for me is Sperity, but not the fact that you will realize it, and I personally do not like it, although if it will be, I will take it for granted.
11683436
Thank you, yeah the sparity I did for a friend, personally the only ship I like in mlp is fluttercord. Ine day i would like to flesh this story out into a full fan fic. If I ever did would you be interested in reading it. If I new more people wouled like it, it would encourage me to write that.
11683615
Despite my preferences, I really think that either the majority or the author himself should choose, because the number of views and the desire of the author (how well he can and wants to write a couple of characters). All the same, the plot itself interested me (although if you are interested, again, I would prefer to pair almost any other female (CMC, Twi, Sunset, etc.) character with Spike except Rarity)
11683700
lol thank you
Here's your New Blood Contest feedback!
My original judgement was that this was a cute & endearing story with terrible technical quality, and I think that holds up.
There's no end to the examples I can pull for criticism, starting with the first paragraph:
'clam stream'. Okay.
This almost starts out good, with an interesting (if not well-executed) literary structure of "the knight his sword drawn, the wizard his staff in claw" - but it's lost as soon as it gets to the archer. Also, "the creature was frightened and tripped out of the bushes by them" - this is saying they tripped the creature out of the bushes.
The archer suddenly forgets to speak with quotes? Yelled the horseword enthusiast.
I can't go on enumerating errors forever, so let's leave it at this: the technical writing is very bad, and it leaves an overpowering impression over the whole story.
That aside, while execution is not the only problem with the story, you've caught me with a soft spot for D&D stories, and the characterization for these weirdos is deceptively strong.
The scene of the changeling boy (colt? ...grub?) being put on a stake while the knight, the wizard, and the archer begin to go their separate ways before having doubts about turning him in is genuinely affecting, and the fact that they all make this decision independently is definitely the highlight here. It's an impressive dramatic achievement, building emotional stakes in this unnamed character and the three idiots who gave him up for money.
I just wish this moment occurred in a more well-written story.
Anyway, thank you for participating in our little contest. I hope you keep writing - and I look forward to seeing more from you in the future.
11770591
thank you ever so much, I plan to take in your criticism and better my own work in the future. it was so difficult to write this in only 4000 words and I feel I could do this far more justice in a story with more than twice that perhaps something to do in the future, 2ed this si a competition and I hate the fact that I missed the archer's quotation marks what a joke lol. thank you so much and I'm glad you at least enjoyed my try even if it was a complete failure lol.