Spike "Drake" and Gabriel "Garble" Duke, 2 cousins from Hazzard County find themselves involved in misadventures fighting against injustice headed by James "Discord" Hogg and his right-hand man, Sheriff Ken "Flash" Coltrane
Chapters (9)
- Member Since 3rd Dec, 2022
- offline last seen March 22nd
Spike DrakeStar9
Just a boy who had his childhood with My Little Pony and who now makes and will make stories with his favorite character: Spike
Spike DrakeStar9
Joined 3rd Dec, 2022 ·
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Why isn’t there a crossover tag?
11617719
I did not put it because it is my version of the series
Good story ~
11623271
Thank youuu 👌
11623401
You're welcome ^^
Umm, the concept is interesting, but you really need a proofreader. The story is very hard to read and it's obvious that English isn't your primary language. For example:
In English, there are no exclamation points or question marks at the start of a sentence (upside down or otherwise), only at the end. It should be:
"Why did you think stealing our other neighbor's alcohol would be a good idea?!" Spike yelled as he drove.
Also, if there is no exclamation point or question mark, then the end of a dialogue should have a period before the final set of quotation marks, except when you're identifying the speaker afterwards, in which case, there's a comma instead, and the sentence is considered to keep going, so you don't need to capitalize the next word unless it's a proper name. For example:
Should be:
"You think the same as me."
With a period at the end of the sentence, just inside the quotation marks.
Whereas:
Should be:
"I went too far with the dynamite," he responded nervously as he smiled at the boys.
Notice the comma before the end quotation marks, and how you don't capitalize the word he, since the comma means that the sentence is continuing,
Likewise:
Should be:
"But what do we do if Discord or Flash get suspicious? We just took the safe from him," Garble wondered, thinking of a possibility so they wouldn't get framed.
Again, no need for an upside-down question mark at the start of the sentence, and, because you're identifying the speaker as Garble at the end, you add a comma just before the last quotation marks. If he had asked a question, then it would end with a question mark, and not a comma.
Hope that helps!
Upside down question marks are a normal part of Spanish grammar. Maybe the author speaks Spanish.
11637086
Thanks, it's just... They're old habits, actually I've never written like that before, but I'm going to take your advice to improve 👌 And yes, English is not perfect for me, I am Argentine and I have always been used to writing in a different way.
11637131
11637086
I hope you liked it even so 😅 I'm still a bit new here
11637423
Like I said, it's a good concept, and there's a lot of potential. I don't think this type of crossover has been done before. It's just hard to get past the grammar and actually enjoy the content, is all.
I grew up watching this show, and I loved it at first sight. Your...grammar and syntax are a bit...off-putting, but I can see the potential.
11642033
I didn't think that someone other than me would have grown with this 1979 series, I try to improve on it, you have different writing rules than we Latin Americans have
You're getting closer, but the grammar still needs major work. For example:
The punctuation marks go inside/before the end quotation marks, not after. It should read like this:
"We need a car, one that's fast and strong," Garble replied, to which Pharynx thought and smiled, snapping her fingers, "Say no more, I've got the perfect car."
Notice how the comma and period are inside/before the end quotation mark. Also, for ease of readability, you usually separate lines when different characters are speaking, so it would really be better like this:
"We need a car, one that's fast and strong," Garble replied.
Pharynx thought and smiled, snapping her fingers, "Say no more, I've got the perfect car."
It makes it easier to discern who is talking, even though you've already identified the different speakers.
Hope that helps!
11645729
Thank you, bro
11617758
Really? I’m pretty sure that rules say this still counts as a crossover.
Why doesn’t the synopsis mention Twilight and Applejack?
I'll admit this story just seems fun.
Thank you for making this and thanks be to God for sending the idea your way.