Join Sunny Starscout, Izzy Moonbow, Zipp Storm, Pipp Petals, Hitch Trailblazer & Misty Brightdawn as they attend Maretime Bay high school while living their lives (which aren’t filled with chaos in anyway).
An Equestria Girls AU based on G5. Featuring characters from A New Generation & Make Your Mark chapters 1 & 2, along with several OCs.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Wondering when someone would do this.
Somewhat, though it could be worse.
The quickest thing to fix (as it's a technical issue rather than story issue) would be dialogue punctuation, which is either missing or inconsistent, for example:
It's mostly fine, but the final period should come before the quotation mark. In other bits of dialogue, punctuation is missing altogether:
It should end with a period.
11514128
Corrected. Thanks for pointing that out. I’ve been known to have some trouble with punctuation in the past.
11514022
There's a few tbf.
So far, this isn't bad for a first story. Definitely appreciate the work going into characterizations. Admittedly, I'm not much for same gender pairings (unless it's specifically in the characters' character), but I'm also not one to let little things stop me from enjoying a good story and, so far, this looks like it DOES have the potential to be a good story. I can at least appreciate how they can bond over mutual misfortune.
Possible one for later:
Sunny: This is Hitch Trailblazer, the brother I never got the chance to have as well as the head of our school's two-member safety patrol (as well as a volunteer at animal shelters). He's also - until now - the only one in the school other than Principal Heart herself who has never picked on me and makes any attempt to try to help me, even if his duties keep him too busy to be able to help me much.
But, I can understand if you don't like the idea and will profusely apologize for wasting your time.
11514700
Oh well just using the design for the mane 5 in eg form as a cover art
11514722
Thanks for the suggestion. I do have something different in mind for Hitch, though your comment did remind me that he’s supposed to be a critter magnet. Also well done for predicting that [NAME REDACTED] will be in this story.
11515265
To be honest, I half expected that anyway, but still had to try. It's cool that you have other ideas. I completely understand.
Whoa mama. Another appropriately emotional chapter. And, yeah, your points in the author's notes were pretty good too. So, it looks like one of the substitute teachers has an unreasoning grudge against Sunny and Izzy. Definitely has the "bad feeling that is good for story-telling" all over it. I DID, at least, appreciate Hitch making some attempt to stick up for Sunny and Izzy, even if it was a failed attempt (and Sunny appreciated it too). Also liked Sunny and Izzy mentioning a few of their hobbies and skills on their way to the principal's office. The "sparkle reading" was a good mythology gag as well.
REALLY looking forward to more of this.
I am curious as to why everyone seems to dislike Sunny and what could have caused it.
11515854
It's possible that they could be really, REALLY annoyed by her social activism, but, thus far, that is just a guess and I admit that I could be wrong.
I like what I see so far. There's nowhere near enough EqG G5 stuff on Fimfiction, so thank you for helping to plug the gap.
It was worth the wait and I can't wait to see what lies in store.
Thanks very much for getting the next chapter to this up. Really appreciate the work that went into the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up in all the right places. Definitely liked Sunny showing Izzy to the principal's office as well as discussing what happened to her father and about Hitch and Sprout. Also liked the dialogue with Principal Beautiful Heart. And, yeah, I can kind of understand concerning Sprout and Posey, but something will eventually happen that will wise those two up (similarly with their pony counterparts).
Izzy: Why does everybody except Hitch and Principal Heart seem to hate you? You seem like a really nice gal to me.
Sunny: Part of it is jealousy of how much non-negative attention Principal Heart gives me. But most of it is because I tend to be a social activist - and, by my own admission, I can be downright obnoxious about it. You know, the "having to work ten times harder to get one-tenth the positive attention" type of stuff. But then, DOCTOR Twilight Sparkle also had almost everybody against her in her Crystal Prep days. But she eventually found the right friends and turned things around for herself and now, she has three PhDs, is a world-famous inventor, is happily married with two foster children and is one of the richest and most successful women in the world - while using a fair portion of that wealth to help others.
Izzy: Yeah, I heard of Doctor Twilight Sparkle and her friends over in Canterlot City. Who hasn't these days? But you seem to REALLY admire her.
Sunny: There are FAR worse people in the world to look up to.
Izzy: Point well taken.
************************************************************************
Zipp: Hey, my sis isn't a bad gal, but Pipp is just a little too much into the "wannabe pop star" stuff and "putting on a brave face for the fans". I mean, I get the wanting to use our family wealth to help others - within reason of course. But that "People's Princess" stuff has the potential to epically backfire.
*********************************************
Pipp: No, our mom is NOT a real queen, obviously. "Queen" is just an affectionate nickname she has in Zephyr Heights because she is the richest woman in that town and owns our city's most successful business - an Aeronomics firm that designs, builds and tests numerous airplanes and helicopters for private and commercial use.
************************************************************
Sorry about that. I let my imagination run away with me. Again.
Anyway, really looking forward to more of this.
11534354
I am so happy that this story is being well received and your suggestions are nice to read, though once again I hope you don’t mind that I have my own ideas. Also, did you edit the comment at some point? I could have sworn Pipp’s dialogue wasn’t there the first time I read it.
11543681
No. I don't mind one bit. To be honest, I kind of half-expected that anyway. And, yes, I DID do a quick edit.
I hope Sparky in the story as hitch son like a single father
It was definitely worth the wait for a new chapter
11580412
Well, Sparky is probably a dog in this universe (dragons are dogs in the EG universe) but given that the more loving pet owners DO treat their cats and dogs like their own children, you'll still be likely to see some "Papa Hitch" in this.
Hey there. Thanks immensely for getting the next chapter up. Took a while but was quite worth the wait. Definitely liked the effort going into the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up. Certainly appreciated Sunny explaining things to Izzy to the best of her ability concerning the reason she's so hated. So, Phyllis, Argyle, Principal Heart and Hitch's father were the town's founders who used to be friends, but Phyllis changed for the worse by her teens and got even worse as an adult. Phyllis was up to some pretty nasty stuff (and I have a pretty good suspicion who Phyllis's "business partners" were, but I'm not going to spoil things, especially since I half-acknowledge, half-hope that I could be wrong). Argyle exposed her, but Phyllis beat the rap without any damage to her reputation. Then Phyllis took revenge for Argyle ruining her business by turning the whole town (with the exceptions of Beautiful and Hitch's father and grandmother [the last of whom wasn't mentioned, but is still a canon character]) against him (as well as Sunny when she stood by her late father). Also liked Sunny and Izzy's first face-to-face meeting with Zipp (as well as Sunny's helpful pointer at the beginning concerning the bag).
And, yeah, definitely saw your point concerning what Phyllis would have to lose from reunification and the reason for Phyllis's Adaptational Villainy in this universe (though if Phyllis is that bad, I get an EXTRA-bad feeling for how bad this universe's OPALINE is).
Anyway, really looking forward to more of this.
11580412
11580537
Sparky will be in this story, he will be a dog and he’ll be a living nightmare to everyone except a certain Brightdawn
11580551
You’ve commented on ever chapter so far, and for that I thank you. It’s an encouraging sign for me as a writer that this story is being enjoyed and that means the world to me. As for your comment this time around I stared at it for twenty minutes trying to find out who you thought Phyllis’ ‘business partners’ were when it suddenly clicked with me who you might be referring to. If you’re thinking it’s Alphabittle and Haven then you needn’t worry. Their only crime in this story is bad parenting, as we’ll soon see.
11580676
Thanks immensely for the reassurance. That is a HUGE relief.
11580676
That kind of makes me sad a little that Sparky going to be a dog. I was going to open Sparkle be a one year old boy and that hitch was struggling to be a single father for Sparky.
Hey there. Once more a great job on the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up in this latest chapter. Definitely appreciated the description of how Sunny is obviously in a much better mood than she has been in a long time (with Izzy and, to a lesser extent, Zipp being a significant contributor to that better mood), not just with the dialogue with Hitch, but also with her encounters with Izzy and Zipp on route. Of course, Sunny, Zipp and Izzy got so pre-occupied at that coffee shop that they completely lost track of time (though I DID appreciate Sunny at least calling Beautiful to let her know). Yeah, really felt for Izzy when she mentioned how Alphabittle's daughters like to bully her as well as for Zipp when she mentioned how she doesn't like the spotlight anywhere near as much as Haven and Pipp do. The little race to the lighthouse was another good scene as well.
And thanks very much for the correction in the author's notes.
All in all, really looking forward to more of this.
Hitch manager holder her Bridal Style that was pretty nice
11581152
To be fair, Hitch kind of strikes me as the kind of kid who would "wait until marriage" as it were. Especially since his dad would probably frown severely upon underage intercourse.
It was great, I happy for sunny that finally she have other friends and I like the race moment, it’s a good story, I can’t wait to see the next chapter.
11595226
I was originally going to have them be in their mid teens during this story, but due to the site’s guidelines and posting standards which state no person under the age of eighteen may engage in ‘bedroom activities’ I had to age them up. The whole teenage cast are eighteen and in their final year of high school. It hurt the pacing of my original idea as I had to condense the whole story into taking place over the course of their final year instead of over several years but I had to have them be eighteen for certain planned elements of the story. Hint: look at the red tags.
Also, while I do believe Hitch would be the kind of person to wait, but I doubt a certain tomboy Princess would be, and I doubt Hitch would be able to say no to her.
11595259
I see your point, but you could have bumped it up from high school to college to keep them the proper ages AND allow it to take place over the course of several years.
Then again, the final year of high school could still work as a starting point before having it continue into college in the second through fifth years (or more), allowing for an extra year and making for a good compromise.
Then again, I'm also mature enough to respect the fact that this IS your story, so I profusely apologize in advance for the commentary.
11595414
I considered this, but given how everyone seems to be interested in different careers (using the cannon examples of Pipp being a pop star and Hitch being a sheriff) I don’t think they would all go to the same college.
I do hope Hitch is gonna get a girlfriend because it's gonna be pretty dismal when Sunny Rejects him.
11598164
Glad to see someone picked up on the fact that Hitch has a crush on Sunny in this. Don’t worry he will, and judging from your Blanket of Stars story, you’re gonna love who he does end up with. Love that story by the way.
Uh shucks, I was hoping to see a Sunny x Hitch story, I really liked the interaction between them🫶, anyway
I'm loving the story ❤️ I was looking for some really good story like this, can't wait for the next chapter🤩 keep up the great ideas👌
11598371
OH MAW GOD I LIKE THAT SHIP
I'm glad they are the ones getting together ngl they are like the only ship I kind of like
And yeah keep it up 👍