"M-my name... yes, that's definitely something I should hold onto... Twilight Sparkle,
my name is Twilight Sparkle, and I'm trapped here... please... somepony help me... Something is
hunting me... stalking me through the shadows, I can't escape this place, The Mist won't let me
leave, oh i just want to go home..."
-
Inspired by Amnesia The Dark Descent, clearly. Watch through the eyes of Twilight Sparkle as she fights against the encroaching shadows, struggles to restore her memory and unravel the mystery of Old Canterlot Castle.
Chapters (2)
There. My first Publication, I'll admit, I'm anxious to see how this is received and I shall now proceed to pace before my laptop, heart racing and my over critical mind slowly eroding my confidence in my writing skills.
Not that they were very good to begin with
Have at me! fair readers, I shan't expect any mercy from thee!
(EDIT: Also, I'm unsure if i should add the crossover tag, since this has no solid connection to the universe of Amnesia The Dark Descent, asides from the amnesia potion itself and the monster concepts... AND the mist which is a blatant rip off of the shadow with a twist... suggestions and corrections would be most welcome.)
It is so closely connected to Amnesia that I suggest you add the "Crossover" tag. Otherwise you would come off as a "I made this up myself!" kinda guy, which you, quite frankly, didn't.(The Amnesia part that is)
I really like the style of writing; very creepy.I also didn't notice any mistakes, but I'm not a great editor.
I shall be eagerly following this.
It does reference a lot on Amnesia (in which it does), but I don't know about the Crossover tag.
Depending on how your story goes you should add the tag. 
Anyway, good story so far and yes I can agree with you on your comment. I'm sure you feel the same when I posted my first story, waiting for criticism making my heart go faster.
In my opinion, the fact that your story draws so heavily on Amnesia means you should either add the Crossover tag, or at least mention that you got your inspiration from Amnesia in the description.
It takes elements from Amnesia. It warrants a Crossover tag for that. It's not connected to the universe, but it uses the elements of it.
Anyways, I'm willing to read this.
Ahrg! damn these freaky stories! My beautiful Twi! Let me in there I'll rip up that monster! Well or die alot...
Nicely done.
Interesting start, will keep an eye on this one. Definitely gives the impression that bad things are about to happen... Look forward to seeing where you go with this. Good work, keep it up!
I would feel so bad if it was Flutters... Although it isn't I still fell bad for Twilight being chased by the Thing. Great Fanfic though!!! Keep up the good work.
You do need to find an editor - particularly one with a strong grasp on orthography.
I'll leave this on my 'read later' list; when it's been properly edited, it might be an interesting read.
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I believe the term you are looking for is a "pseudo-crossover".
Well, I just read the chapter. There is a lot of potential here, it's just a little rough around the edges. Get yourself an editor, and you could have one hay of a thriller on your hooves!
Keep at it, my friend.
1318689 I figured people would get the inspiration from the title, but I see what you mean.
1318739 Thanks! now i feel guilty about slicing out a huge chunk of this chapter to meet a deadline...
1318748 Seeing all the likes and lack of dislikes... i don't want to say but... My heart rate has been DOUBLED!
1318827 Will do, although i believe it would detract from the potency of my lure, you're the reader so i guess you know best.
1319023 I'd considered adding the tag when i submitted it but the rules were vague at best about the criteria for the crossover tag, added it though, just to be sure.
1320026 Don't worry, you'll be seeing more of the Thing soon... very soon
1320249 Smug Statement: I feel immensely proud of my decision not to end this in a cliffhanger.
1320443 Don't you worry, i have something horrifying in store for Fluttershy, not in this story though, i have five story arcs that are amnesia themed in the works. Release order is as follows (though that may be subject to change) Twilight, Rainbow, Fluttershy, Luna and Cadence. Each have their own stories and some will be tied together and some will stand alone.
1320717 Orthography huh? excuse me, i now has some research to do! To the Library!
... Well I've never been strong in orthography so an editor is an idea worth merit.
And to you all. Puzzles. Puzzles everywhere.
Also, I'm throwing open the doors for an editor! one strong in Orthography, but if you believe you can add to this who am i to deny the lightning strike of inspiration.
1321020
Actually, it's because you had a few run-ons, and other such punctuation errors in there. Truth be told, I hadn't even noticed if you'd misspelled anything. I tend to autocorrect mistakes like that without realizing, assuming they're mild enough and rare enough.
1321056 yes i saw that after i found that i looked up Orthology instead of orthography, the mistake has already been corrected
So far it seems really, really good! my only problem is that it's written in first person, and i'm not really used to that. Anyway, great work! keep it up
1321020
Looks like a good start. One thing I would like to say though about your Hunter (more like advice really), while I was reading about Amnesia and its reviews, I noticed a lot of them agree (as do I) that the less we see of an enemy meant for horror, ie: The Gatherers or The Hunter, the more terrifying it is when it appears. The more we see of it, the more it becomes predictable and usual. I'm not saying your overusing your Hunter, or what you're trying to do with it. Just giving you some friendly advice in case it helps
. Anyway, Nazo signing off.
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excellent advice, i'll be sure to take it, i have some other monsters to introduce Twilight to anyway
You're also the first to notice that it is originally called the hunter as amnesiac Twilight doesn't yet realize she's already named it
Damn good work, i tried to send the fans of my more crummy amnesia story over to yours
Whether it worked or not i'm not sure
1333760 Your story... it's hilariously crazy and i see where you're taking Twilight Sparkle, so ima ignore your blog and blindly hope for more of it anyway.
The fate of photo finish... serves the bitch right for putting me in a bear trap
EDIT: Gah! and, I'm totally sorry but when i read your story THIS popped into my head, here's how i would have enjoyed seeing Pinkie Pie introduced, uh.. i mean... if that's... okay with you...
I struggled against the ropes wildly as the pink pony bound my forelegs to my sides. It was no use however and she kept me pinned to the floor effortlessly as she tied me up, "Let me go! Let me go! Let mmphh!" i tried to spit out the strip of cloth she was using as a gag and continued to struggle.
'Magic! use your magic!'
I struggled even harder as the mad mare began to securely tie my hind legs together, using a combination of physical strength and magic in an effort to loosen the bonds around my fore legs, "Mmmph!"
My magical 'muscle' wasn't strong enough to loosen the ropes, i felt myself beginning to lose hope.
'NO! Don't give up, I have to escape!'
The pink pony at this point had finished restraining me and suddenly hoisted me, still struggling against my bonds, onto her back, "Ooh! we are going to have sooo much fun! There will be dancing! and cake! and punch! and all my best friends are there! You're going to have so much fun! We'll even play 'Pin the tail on the Pony'!" she turned to look at me and I stopped my struggles for an instant when i saw her eyes. Her pupils were tiny and the bright blue of her iris almost covered the whites of her eyes.
"Aaw! but it looks like you already have a tail! Well don't you worry, we'll soon fix that!" the pony turned away and giggled carrying me off.
----
Stupid Brain! Why you no stop thinking of dark things!
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Good
There. Another chapter, I'm hoping the quality of this one is of a higher standard than the previous... *goes quiet for a moment*
Well! Enjoy!
EDIT: Fun Fact! read the 'Research Logs' in Shockwaves voice from Transformers
You are doing quite well, Sir. You have nailed that sense of foreboding and other worldly that Amnesia had right on the head, especially the multiple levels of F'ed up it brought with it.
1341920 Well i think you'll be shocked when i say i didn't write this...
My OC did...
Another solid chapter, I'd agree it seems better-written than the first. The visceral aspects you've got going work well, and I can't shake the idea that bad things are about to happen...
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw5666-10821.png
No, not like that, Sweetie Belle. You and your companions' adorably misguided hijinks aren't what I mean at all. Good stuff once again, and looking forward to see what horrors you cook up next dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Twilight_crazy.png
This is so well-written, that it immediately gives that tedious, boring feeling when reading the research logs.
Another well written chapter. Your story is good and you should feel good.
should you add another survivor? or just leave it as Twilight?
this is horribad, sir
goo kill yourself.
Luna:
~Dawnforge, ranting ginger; Paladin of Pie and Luna, MDA's sexy mascot - MDA Co-Founders.
I love your story, keep it up