Paper Bowser: The Saga. The Epic. The Adventure!

by Darkevony

Interview with Kammy Koopa

Hello once again, Madam Kammy. It is a pleasure to be talking with you today. We apologize for cutting into your work like this during such an important time, but our viewers are all dying to know more about you.

"Kekeke, of course dear minion! Of course. You don't get to be my age without a few fans. Having been the royal family's tactician for generations brings with it the renown of my wisdom." She said with a haughty laugh.

There was much truth to those words. Many of our troops in the legion often refer to Kammy as 'the brains behind the brawn' of our operations. She is also the one that gives us our paychecks. But that totally has nothing to do with our respect for her. Totally. No, she truly is a marvel of a creature. Her handiwork can be felt all throughout the best plans our Lord Bowser has set to foil the dastardly Mario. Unfortunately, even the best tacticians fall to the unfair nature of the conniving plumber!

"If it's not one thing, it's another with that Mario! Oh how he makes my blood boil!" The madam had flown into a rage at the mention of him, which was understandable. Nary a plan had worked against him after all, and it brought to question her skills as a tactician. But as everyone in the Koopa Legion can testify, there's no stopping that red wonder! He's more machine than jumpman.

Bringing our introduction to an end, the time for questions is now upon us. Is the madam ready?

She nodded and put up a claw in a thumbs up.

Fantastic, let's get right to it shall we? Here's the first question. We only recently found out through looking at the history of these lands as well as talking to those regal ponies that we are, in fact, in another world. How did you feel about being transported here? Are you nervous at all?

"Never! So long as I am by Lord Bowser's side, I'll do as he commands. Whether that's in the Mushroom Kingdom, Outer Space, or even in another world, I live for my Lord."

Marvelous. Such devotion is unprecedented in the whole of Lord Bowser's army. She truly is the best of us all. Even the wise-aleck Kamek did not fully bend to our Lord's will like this.

"Don't even mention that whippersnapper! I've told him time and again to dress for success, but he still insists on dressing in his uniform blues of generic magickoopa. Where did all my years of personally teaching him how to wield magic go? Into a churlish and insubordinate child! Bah!" Oh, seems like we touched another nerve. With this, we'd like to move on to another question.

And here it is. Tell us Madam Kammy, how do you personally feel of Lord Bowser and the way he's handling the conquest of Equestria? Another reminder, this film won't be seen by his Majesty as we both remember the promise he made back in the day, so feel free to speak your mind.

"Apart from the occasional overwork, I think he's a wonderful King." Another beautiful answer by a wonderful lady. Please, do talk more in length about it. "I don't know if there is much else to say about it, except... Maybe he can be a little too trusting of the wily Princess Peach. But I wouldn't like to tell him that since she's his first crush. Oh! But don't tell Lord Bowser I told you that." Don't worry ma'am, we all practically knew that already.

"And I suppose he has a tendency to space out and ignore the things I try to tell him. I mean, you heard it earlier no? He actually suggests we throw out the Elements of Harmony so that those ponies have a chance to obtain them and save the day. I mean, what is he thinking? I swear, that Koopa will be the death of me some day." You said it madam. We're with you 100%. Just what is he thinking? If it's thinking at all.

"And his impulsive nature! He was like this even when he was in his diapers you know. He used to cry for weeks on end after getting beat up by Mario, and it would take a lot of rocking to get him to sleep at night. He was so adorable back then." Oh my, now this was some juicy blackmailing information. Er, I mean... Such a wonderful flashback into Lord Bowser's youth.

"Also he could stand to be a little more appreciative! I mean I organize the troops, plan out parties, make the traps, select the chosen few who are going to get an element of harmony and the power of the Star Rod, collect the ingredients for Picnic Day, and I'm also the one that is constantly watching his health." Yes, yes, and absolutely. You do literally everything madam. Even fighting, occasionally.

"And his temper problem! He should really work on that. And-"

Okay, before we can let the madam continue on length, we'd like to remind her that we're short of time on this one and we'd rather not cut into her work more than we need to. Here's the next question.

What do you think about the regal sisters?

"Unfair! They wield stronger magic than myself, and even though they're almost as old as me, they look no worse for wear! They are a trite when compared to my likeness however. Thankfully, Bowser's wish to defend himself is serving to mitigate their power. The foolish mares should think twice about speaking against us. Kekeke."

That's a good point to make. Madam Kammy, we often hear you take remarks from our Lord Bowser about your age, but you're always so graceful about it. You're an inspiration to all of our aged lady viewers everywhere. How do you deal with that insult?

"When you get to be my age, it's nothing at all. At some point, you forget why you were ever mad so why get into it in the first place? We just have to learn to live with our years. Unlike that Puni Elder! That old hag just doesn't know when to give up and just accept it, always denying it. Your time doesn't mean you're not fit to party it up! I mean, even at my age, I shake what my momma gave me!"

Oookay, this just took a disturbing turn. Moving on Lady Kammy, you young spry you. Here's the last of our questions. My viewers everywhere all want to hear it from the horse's mouth.

What do you think Lord Bowser's chances of winning this are?

...

Silence. Oh my.

"They're good." She spoke up at last. Would you care to elaborate Madam Kammy?

"Well I can't say for certain at least. Without Mario, I'd like to think that our chances are the best they'll ever be. But Lord Bowser is still giving them avenues for success. Nevertheless, I'll do everything in my power to stop this Twilight and her friends for the sake of our conquest! Kekeke. Oh I already have so many plans ready. I've even sent a special little trio of Goomba their way. I know they can't fail."

And there you have it folks. A special interview with a special gal. Thank you Madam Kammy for your gracious hospitality today and we'll be seeing you next time when we touch up on more Bowser-y action!

For now, to all our viewers, stay tuned. Maybe something more exciting will happen in the next one?

Well for me anyways. I gotta run!

Comments

[NORTAGEM]

Please don't end up dead like all the other Bowser stories.

[Darkevony]

11394201
Not dead! Though I do apologize if it’ll be a slow burn since there’s two stories ahead of it in my priority list. One is almost done though, and it’ll be smooth sailing from there. I don’t get comments on my stuff often or at all, so it’s hard to tell what people want to read of my work.