For once, everything is peaceful in the Mushroom Kingdom. And things only get better when Princess Peach's royal friends in Equestria invite her to attend the Grand Galloping Gala with the company of the famous Mario Bros.
While everyone and everypony is having a good time, a cataclysmic event is brought about by a draconian sorcerer...who isn't Bowser! (Dramatic Cello).
Using his awful powers, the villain does away with the Bearers of Harmony, and renders any magic of the Mushroom or Equestrian royalty inert.
Drained of all power, confined to their castle, and with their own heroines out of commission, the powerful royals must rely on the power of the heroes from another land, who may not bear the powers of harmony, but may have something just as powerful: brotherhood.
It's an interesting start and I look forward to seeing where it goes. The arguing in Italian was also a nice touch.
I DO however have a few criticisms. The first being that based on the wording of their dialogue, Mario and Luigi don't really sound... Italian-y enough. When I think of them speaking, I imagine a lot of "a's" in their speech. Maybe it's because I can't physically hear them and I get that impression, but it just seemed off for some reason. And the last, which is pretty minor, is that Parakarry is a Parakoopa, not a Magikoopa.
7530124 I get what you mean about the dialogue not sounding Italian-y enough. The reason I wrote it the way I did was because that's the way it's written in the actual Paper Mario games. I know that Mario doesn't talk, but when Luigi does, it's written the way that I wrote it here.
I also went back and looked over where I may have accidentally called Parakarry a magikoopa, and I didn't find it. But, I did find that I referred to him as a mailkoopa, and I think you may have just misread that as 'magikoopa.' If I'm wrong, could you please cite the passage where I did so that I can correct it?
7530165 I can understand that.
And it look like you're right. I guess I jumped the gun there. Sorry about that.
I like it so far, but it feels more to the Mario & Luigi RPG than the Paper Mario series.
What it needs, is that you need to make sure the world is like paper, cardboard, paint & etc. but though I have no clue if it we'll be the same Equestria... (I'm rather carious about that, looking forward to paper versions of are heroes)
I did see a few things from characters that act like what it is from Paper Mario, but it shouldn't be so small. But you can have more world environment & character animations to the story, to act like in Paper Mario.
But overall really good job so far!
This looks interesting, gonna read it after I finish another story I'm on. Hopefully this thing won't die prematurely.
I have to ask if I understood it right? Do they fight together?
Team Mario X Dash
Team Applejack X Daisy
Team Rarity X Peach? Is it supposed to work like that?
I mean I prefer it if the real characters exist as well and they are not just filling in for them.
7530260 Thank you! I was writing the prologue, knowing that something was missing! Paper! The characters' actions need to be described like they're made of paper!
7531715 Don't worry. I've already got three completed stories under my belt. I plan to finish this as well. Then I plan to make a fifth story once this is completed.
7532500 No. The characters do not separate into teams of two. Well, the do, actually, but not like how you're thinking. It's more like the first two games where there is a party of two, but it's made of characters who are met during the story.
But, fear not. The Mane 6 will be a part of the story.
7532751 Okay I think I understand how you mean it, and I'm perfectly fine with it.
7532664
Sweet, looking forward to it.
*Inner Screaming intensifies*.... I am a Luigi fan, so I expected this, but jeeeez, it's harsh. However I am Thankful for Flutters and Apple Bloom being his fan.
So far I still think this isn't a Paper Mario game, but more of a mix of the whole series.
I don't mind they are Paper version, but so far I can't seem to see them like that in the story. Maybe I'm missing something...
7548185 yeah I get what you mean makes me think more of Paper Jam where the Paper Mario characters ended up in the 3D world of the Mario and Luigi series.
It's no problem. Writing about a turn based battle can be really difficult, so it makes sense to write it like you did.
Also, wow, 10,000 words, I wish I could write an action sequence that long, lol.
7578851 I hope everyone else is as understanding as you are about the writing. Of course, I'm sure they are. And for me, a 10,000 word chapter that's mostly action is easy, since writing action scenes is actually my favorite part of doing these projects.
So Twilight met Count Blumiere/Count Bleck and Tippi/Lady Timpani. I miss those two characters.
mario? Oh no. OHHHH NOOO
Wow Applebloom is Nickpicking at Luigi
7937862 Not necessarily nitpicking, so much as fearing for her tiny, broken body.
So if this new villain was voiced, what would he sound like?
8066968 Ooh, that's a good question. If I have to think about it, he would sound like Kurt Russel. In case anyone reading this isn't familiar with that name, he was in Big Trouble in Little China, Hateful Eight, Escape from New York, The Thing, Overboard, and The Fox and the Hound.
PRAISE BE TO THE SUN LIKE BEING! \T/
7548185 *GASP* PLATINUM!?!?!? PLATTY OL' BOY, IT'S BEEN AGES!
8154780 Hey, long time no see. Haven't spoke to you in ages... How have you been?
7600168
I miss them too.
Hope Luigi gets to fight. He needs more love.
8455486
I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
Very cool.
First chapter had suggestive themes and alcohol references. I'm sleep and going to bed bruh. Thanks for getting my hopes up only to dash them.
I'm calling it here. Since the bit with the cookies, I'm thinking gold boy is Starswirl
8786476
I won't say if you're right or wrong. But, I like that you're thinking.
So did Twilight commit Tax fraud?
No. It's kind of a long story about what happened with Twilight, so you'd better start reading from the prologue, if you care to find out what happened to her.
I'm willing to bet that the Golden Dragon that took down Bowser ad took over Canterlot is the smaller of the two dragons. Everything he's doing is to reunite with his brother.
Called it.😉
I think that this tune works rather well for what is happening with our heroes
9058549
Excellent. I love perceptive readers.
9059258
Wait chapter 30 but there are only two?
maybe a Bowsette?~
I haven’t read this yet, but will it be continued?
10537475
Not for a long time to come. At some point, I just started to realize that it was becoming too much to handle, between this story, my other story I'm working on and other things I have going on in my life at the time I put this story on hold. So, it is going to get worked on eventually. Most likely when the other story I'm working on gets finished. In the meantime, you can read that one if you want by clicking here.
10538542
Ok
Uh-oh...
How to defeat (use?) a chargin’ chuck
Step 1: throw your cap at it
Step 2: follow the instructions at the bottom of it.