• Member Since 13th Oct, 2018
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

Fleety


E
Source

The deed was done, her sister was now banished, and Celestia realised too late that condemning her sister to the moon meant loneliness for herself.


This story was written as an entry for A Thousand Word Contest under angst.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 1 )

Post-banishment Celestia angst a well-traveled road, and this doesn't do much to offer new scenery. The main issue is that after the first scene, it glosses over everything in order to meet the word count. You might have been better suited extending Celestia's conversation with the moon and ending on guards rushing in, or cutting to a different perspective to show her delusional and muttering to herself. As is, you do do a good job of showing the gray malaise of depression, but there's just not enough to grip the reader's attention.

Still, there's undeniable potential here. It could be excellent if expanded. Best of luck in the judging.

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