• Published 12th Sep 2012
  • 11,406 Views, 603 Comments

What Happens in Terraria - BioChemicalWolfGear

I was playing Terraria when I found a magic mirror that went somewhere...new.

  • ...


Getting up the next day was easy. I didn’t have work so I could sleep late but I had places to be. Like Equestria.

I still have gifts to hand out gifts to all my favorite ponies. I also want to play with Mrs. Cheerilee’s chalk board and put faces on it for the foals…he he he >:)

Maybe a penis or two.

I then looked over my inventory again and I ran my curser over the Equestrian Mirror.

It was a material item.

I immediately wanted to know what I could make out of it so I sprinted over to the guide and checked its crafting abilities.

A portal…It was like a door but it was purple door in the center with a white outline. It was a strange look. It also had six gems on the top that I presumed looked like the elements of harmony.

I had no idea what to make of this…I needed pearlstone and pearlsand. Also a few souls of sight might and fright…and sight…


I had none of these items. There was only one thing I could do now…get help.


Ok no stress brah. I got today off as well so I can spend the whole day playing with friends…wait why do I need the portal?

And like that I put it in the back of my mind for a later date.

I found I had enough souls and other items to create a cursed flame book. Which I then reforged to a Murderous Cursed Flame.

Which did A FUCK TON of damage…39…thousand…no just kidding it was 39 damage. Which was actually a lot considering their balls of fire that when they burn you, you can’t put it out with water.

Also it had the word Murderous in it so it so reflected upon my character.

I also acquired a Furious Ice Rod. Which will come in handy if I go to clouds dale or something.

Well I don’t know why I brought it…anyway I decided I should take all my vanity items and put them in my gold chest. I kept on the tuxedo on and my sunglasses. I also held onto my wings just in case.


Again in the Everfree forest. This place is starting to get really old. Maybe I should set up a house here so I can have a base of operation in Equestria…nah too much work. A castle would look cool though so I might reconsider that choice in time.

Maybe I should plant some corruption to mess with the future of Equestria.

Wait how far are we in the season? Am I in after season 2 or 3?

I should ask when the wedding was when I get the chance. HEY WAIT A MINUTE! Pinkie is a party pony right? Where’s my party?

Oh wait hold on…If I was a party planner where would I plan a party for a creature that doesn’t live in Ponyville?


Where’s that again? What ever I’ll ask for directions.

I made another work bench and placed it down near where I enter Equestria so I wouldn’t have to waste any wood making another one. I then created a sign so I can lay it down and talk to ponies.

After all that was settled I ran through the Everfree forest and stopped at its edge. Ponyville…I’ve been to Ponyville several times now. Why not somewhere new?


But I’m interested in what Ponyville still has to offer so I’ll explore later.

I made my way closer to Ponyville and I noticed most of the street has been deserted. I saw only one pony who I asked…well actually I threw down a sign in front of him and typed out “Where is everyone?”

He had no idea.

So I picked up my sign and walked to Sugar Cube Corner. If Pinkie decides to surprise me I’m going to eat her cotton candy mane…AND SET SUGAR CUBE CORNER ON FIRE MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Or massacre Fluttershy’s bunnies…OH GOD THE BUNNIES!

I started looking around for wild life…a flock of birds was flying above head and two birds where sitting in a tree…cuddling. Awwwwwwwwww..

*zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz SPLAT!*

I’m so evil…What? Yea I just killed two birds while they were cuddling…oh wait that one is still alive and is staring in horror at the other’s dead body.

Wait a minimum of ten seconds for maximum evil…and for the reality of the situation to sink in.

She sees it’s covered in her mates blood and gore screeches in terror.

*zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz SPLAT*

Now I feel like an ass. I should have waited for them to start having sex when I kill them. But no I didn’t even let the guy get to second base before I detonated his internal organs in front of his mate.

I look around to check and see if anypony saw that. Thankfully no one did.

Now that I think of it I think I may have overdone the whole evil aspect of that. OH SHIT WAIT?! Fluttershy’s friends are dead.

Oh well she doesn’t need to know.


Finally after getting lost and running around the town, then finding the same stallion again and asked him to bring me to Sugar Cube Corner I’m finally here.

I open up the door and find the room dark.

I squeal for joy as I ruin the surprise by pulling out glow sticks.

“Aw hey put those out!”

I cooperate and sheath my glow stick….LOL


Wow really? They went ahead and said it anyway even though I knew they were there?

I saw Twilight with the rest of the main 6 in the room. Twilight was particularly face hoofing and possibly trying to give herself a mild concussion.

I was impressed on how well the party actually looked…and how many ponies Pinkie was able to cram into Sugar Cube Corner…holy shi-

“HI there wolfGear! I’m Pinkie Pie the best party pony in Equestria!” She was wearing the summer hat I gave her. “Thanks for the hat and I hope you have a wonderful time in Equestria, and we could be the bestest of friends.” She surprisingly ran off to go dance. I EXPECTED her to talk more…oh well Pinkie never seemed all that hyper to me because I have ADHD. Which makes me hyper by default so I was worse off than Pinkie.

It’s also the reason why Pinkie was one of my number one favorite ponies. I really wanted to talk to her.

“Hello wolfGear.” I look toward the voice that got my attention. It was Twilight. “I was wondering if you can answer questions for me.”

I threw down the sign.

“Sure thing.” I wrote on the sign.

“Oh I had a quill and scroll.”

Oh I was disappointed. I used the Pwn Hammer to pick it up from the ground. Twilight saw it and immediately asked.

“What was that?” Some other ponies in the room also were staring at me.

I wrote. “The hammer that an ancient evil from hell dropped after I killed him.”

She looked like she didn’t believe me. She had that uninterested half closed eyes with a bored frown.

“Uh-huh.” She said. “You sure you’re a god?”

“Well I wasn’t the original creator of this world so I don’t know all about it. I looked up some information about it though and I found you like knowledge.”

I placed the water candle on the table beside us. There were oooooh’s from ponies who were watching us.

“I also heard you like books so I grabbed a few. I’m sorry I don’t know what they say, but maybe Equestria has a similar language.”

I dropped twenty books from the dungeon on the table. Her jaw dropped when she saw their foreign titles.

“T-this is a very ancient form of griffon writing.” She said flabbergasted.

I wrote. “Ha I was correct in my assumption! I hope you can learn things from these books. Even I don’t know what they contain.”

“T-thank you.” She looked over them.

“Whoa many of these are like ancient prophases! This one says…” She looked over it for a few seconds. “Terraria and its guardian? What’s Terraria?” She said looking at me.

I wrote down. “The place I’m from…you can keep these books. The more you know about me and my way of life the better.”

“Ok I’ll work with Celestia to learn more about the world you’re from.”

“I would like that too Twilight.” Said a regal voice from the crowd. Which abruptly split and made way for the sun goddess. “Hello again wolfGear.”

“Princess Celestia!” Exclaimed Twilight as she bowed.

“Hello Twilight. I must speak to wolfGear now.”

“Yes princess.” She walked away carrying the water candle and the books.

“Hello Celestia raiser of the sun. I’ve read up about this world so I’m prepared for anything you can throw at me.” I typed.

“I would like to continue our conversation from yesterday.”


“I would like to as well but I would like to get more acquainted to the elements of harmony better. Maybe learn more about them. We can easily plan a good sit down and discuss things, but it’s a party and you need to loosen up. I’m sure running a country is stressful.”

That last paragraph ran off the end of my screen. Now that I think about it that shouldn’t happen at all. Why is Terraria changing? Could it be because of the link to Equestria?

“Oh umm…right I’m sorry Mr. Wolf.”

“Mr. Wolf?”

“I’m sorry wolfGe-”

“I like it!”

“Oh I’m glad you feel that way Mr. Wolf. Ta ta.”

She walked away to play pin the tail on the pony. But the funny part was when she asked how to play! Apparently Celestia hasn’t been to many parties as she leads us to believe. Luna was supposed to be the dazed and confused one.

“Yoohoo wolfGear!” Said a white mare from across the room. Rainbow Dash and Rarity were sitting at a table with each other. Rarity was waving enthusiastically in my direction. I made my way over to them and stood next to the table. (Not like I can sit anyway)

“Hello wolfGear, I’ve heard a lot about you and know you can’t speak so I’ve taken the liberty to give you a quill and note book for you to communicate with others.”

Oh wow that like…SOLVES EVERYTHING! I took a moment to figure out how to use it. To my delight it was an equitable item that I can put in the accessories list. I swopped it out with my Guarding Cloud in a Balloon.

The first thing I wrote on it was. “Thank you Element of Generosity. I thank you for your gift.” I actually typed it but somehow they were now able to understand me.

“Oh you’ve read up on us have you? Well you have me and my friend at an advantage. I’ve seen the things you gifted my friends and I was quite impressed.”

“Yea these Goggles are awesome!” Rainbow emphasized her point by pulling them out from under the table and putting them on. “I almost feel like a Wonderbolt.”

“Quite my point. But all these items I noticed compliment the wearer. So I’m taking a gamble to ask this but…are you an artist?”

Oh wow…Umm to be honest I am. I know exactly what a painting needs to look good and I see beauty within chaos. Artists are known for seeing what others can’t and I saw each of these items going perfectly to each pony I gave them. Except Rainbow Dash who I was debating on whether or not to give her glasses or goggles.

“Well Mrs. Rarity you’ve discovered my secret. Yes I am an artist officially.”

“Knew it! You had the air of one and you dressed quite nice at all times. Hmm you look more like a prince or a businessman now that I think of it. But your actions and your chosen gifts just scream at me. And let me be the first to say your choices on attire is divine!”

“Thank you Rarity.”

“Yea yea boring artsy stuff. Anyway you’re pretty awesome and that was a cool prank you pulled.”

“YEA!” said a pink mare who popped out from behind Rainbow which startled the group. “At first I was like. ‘what is he doing?’ and then I was like ‘OOH I GET IT!’ and I laughed! And then I decided I should throw you a party so you can make friends but Celestia was all like-”

That’s better. Keep talking Pinkie. Oh yea that feels so good that you’re in character!

“-‘aw but I was going to throw him a party’. But she didn’t say anything about it so I had everypony hide at Sugar Cube Corner and wait for you but you never-.”

“Pinkie I don’t think he’s listening to you.” Interrupted Rarity.

“Oh no keep going I want to hear this story.” I typed.


“Yay! But you never came so I was so sad! And then I thought HEY! Let’s try again tomorrow! And here you are enjoying yourself with all my friends and all of your new friends!” She finished. I was enjoying her fast talking actually. I was able to follow the whole thing.

“I’m glad you tried again with the surprise party. I’m enjoying myself amongst these kind citizens and the new ponies I’ve met.”

“That’s totally awesome! Wanna play pin the tail on the pony?”

“No thank you I was just having a lovely conversation with Rarity.”

“Oh ok have fun!” She jumped over the table and went to join Celestia who figured out the game of pin the tail on the pony and was currently trying to shank Big Mac with a tack while blindfolded.

Thankfully Big Mac shouted in fright and Celestia realized there was a pony in front of her.

“Anyway Rarity I would like to continue our conversation about…” I stopped right there when I saw Rainbow’s bored face. Then a thought occurred to me.

“Actually does Equestria have alcohol?”

Rainbow answered. “Yea why?”

“What’s it used for?”

Rarity responded this time. “Yes it is used in many different products.”

“What about drinks?”

“I can’t see why you would put alcohol in drinks. Isn’t it poisonous?”

“Not in really small amounts. Now wait right here. I’ll be right back.”

I took out the magic mirror and disappeared.

Everypony saw.

“Awwwwww did he leave?” Said a deflated Pinkie.

“Don’t worry everypony!” announced Rarity. “He said he’ll be right back.”

Collective yays came from the crowed.



OH there you are. Shit I don’t have glass…Better quickly get sand.

I went outside and found a pocket of sand next to a small pond just below my house. I grabbed it and created glass. Then I converted them to glasses and I filled them with Ale.

Perfect. 30 Ale.

I used the Equestrian Mirror once again.


I sprinted through the Everfree Forest without incident. I was overly excited. I mean who has the chance to go to Equestria? Better yet who has the chance of a life time to introduce them to alcohol?


And NOTHING will ruin this day!



*zzzzzzzzz BOOM!*

Its face was detonated by the Quick Rainbow Rod and its body went limp.

I was still in the Everfree forest.

I kept sprinting towards the left when I reached the edge of the forest once again. I went straight toward Sugar Cube Corner (Which I now know the whole town after my getting lost episode earlier today) Then I barged in the door.

I wrote down. “I bring drinks from a foreign land!” I don’t know how but when I type everyone knows what I’m saying. Apparently everyone could understand what I ‘wrote down’ all the way across the café.

Because all the ponies went “Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!” or “Woooooooooo!” and I’m not complaining but really? Equestria is so Terraria…aw that’s my new line.

Equestria is so Terraria!

I handed Pinkie the 30 Ale and typed.

“Make sure everyone has one. Though if I don’t have enough tell me and I’ll get more.”

“Hmm.” She rubbed her chin. “Nope we need about 437 more to give it out to everyone!”

“Umm wolfGear are you ok?”

“Mr. Wolf?” Repeated Pinkie and everyone turned to look at me.




After several return trips I thought it was actually completely worth it. Remember the instant ‘Tipsy’ effect when you drink one bottle of Ale? Well have you seen a drunk Alicorn? I have >:)

“Shhho anyway! Then princesh Lulu told me it wash a bad IDEA. But I was all. Nope! So that’s how Manehatten was founded…After we let them run themselvesh.”

Yea drunk Alicorns talk about ancient politics…But Rainbow Dash…Well she seemed quite normal but she was all over the place. No seriously I don’t think there was a corner in the room she hasn’t touched.

“WHOA!” *Crash!*

For that night Rainbow Dash truly became…Rainbow Crash.

Not only that but she even hit the ceiling a few times and she refused to touch the ground because of some…childhood suppressed fear…I dunno I think she had to see a physiatrist to actually explain the ground was safe. She also went on and on about tales of ponies being eaten.

She did however sit down on a stool as long as she kept her feet up. I guess it explains the reason she has a cloud home.

Could never let go of the sky.

I like flying too…in Terraria. It’s way faster and safer than on the ground until you go too high. Then the Wyverns get yah.

Fuck Wyverns.

Oh and when Twilight’s drunk she starts studying…NO REALLY. Immediately after she drank her Ale she shut everything out and started studying. Mainly the books I gave her.

Rarity somehow was able to keep her complexion in front of everyone even though she was drunk. But you could see it in her walk that she was a bit tipsy. Who knew being a lady can suppress intoxication.

Oh and the limit for Ale to effect you was two minutes…but for ponies it was hours. I don’t know how that worked considering Terraria but it did. I wonder if items are nerfed when a pony uses them. I’d better test that with Twilight or something.

Ponies are really fun when drunk too. Rainbow couldn’t help but hit on Big Mac only to shoot him down and say “You can’t have someone as awesome as me!” which was a real bitch move. Though Big Mac seemed unphased and rolled his eyes. Speaking of which he didn’t drink any Ale after he saw everyone’s weird behavior.

He kept eying me suspiciously every once in a while. Big Mac was a sharp one I’ll give him that. Eventually he figured out I kinda intoxicated everyone after the first ten minutes and confronted me.

“This ya’ll doin’?

“Yes actually.”

“Why’d yah poison everypony?”

“It’s not poison but in enough doses it can kill. I only place a little bit of alcohol in the drinks so everyone would loosen up more.”

“loosen up?”

“If you drank some you’d become more talkative and probably have enough courage to hit on Rarity or something.”

“Now why’d I do that?” He said with a raised eyebrow.

“OH? Do you have…somepony special you’re looking at?”

“N-now hold on a sec!”

“It’s ok I won’t say nothin’.”

And with that the encounter was over and he decided it was best to leave me alone. Not while grumbling “If anythin’ happens to mah sis.” As he trotted away with his head low to the ground. He was however stopped by Fluttershy.

Oh I forgot to mention Fluttershy didn’t I? Well she became EXTREAMLY talkative…for Fluttershy that is. She started talking to all the stallions and mares that would walk by and she made a few new friends at the party as well. Awwwww.

But the best part of the night was when she started talking to Big Mac. OH GOD IT WAS ADORABLE!

Fluttershy and Big Mac where eying each other for a while now. I could tell by the fact Big Mac was being so bashful at the party while Fluttershy was doing everything in her power to get his attention reasonably.

Eventually I had to intervene.

“Big Mac?”

“What ya’ll want?” He said in a hostile tone.

“Your company, now follow me.” He looked back at Fluttershy and blushed a bit. He didn’t want to be around her because of worry he might slip up and she’d never want to talk to him again. So he took my invitation without question.

We walked outside Sugar Cube Corner and I looked right at him.

“Big Mac.”


“You like Fluttershy don’t you?” His eyes went wide for a moment. Then quickly replaced it with his usual stoic laid back look.


“Really? You sure? Because I can totally ask Fluttershy if she likes you. She’d probably tell me the truth since she trusts me and she’s currently intoxicated so it’s likely she would tell me without much trouble. Maybe she’ll even forget she told me.”

He looked REALLY conflicted right now. He kept opening and closing his mouth unsure whether or not to confirm my suspicions and learn information. Or keep it quiet so he doesn’t have to deal with it.

“Big Mac I know you like Fluttershy. It’s only a matter of asking me to find out she likes you too.”


He took thirty full seconds before he responded.

“Do it.” He looked at the ground defeated.

“Go inside and I’ll pull you out when I have the answer.”

We both went back inside and he went his own way to be with his sister and Rarity. Fluttershy was by the punch with Pinkie Pie. Both chatting up a storm. Pinkie didn’t seem effected by the Ale. Probably she didn’t like it with her first sip and gave it away. Or she’s unaffected by alcohol.

I approached them and they stopped talking to look at me. I wrote for Fluttershy to follow me out and for Pinkie to leave us alone for a while.

We exited the sweet shop and Big Mac looked at us nervously. Applejack picked it up but I wasn’t inside so I don’t know what happened.

“So Fluttershy.”

“Yes Mr. Wolf?” she said while looking nervous. Like she’s been caught with her hoof in the cookie jar.

“I’ve watched you for only a short while now but I know how ponies work. You’re not acting normal.”

“W-what do you mean?” She was visibly shaking.

“I think you’re in love.”

Her eyes became pinpricks and she took off…NO SERIOUSLY SHE RAN!

I acted fast and I used the Quick Rainbow Rod and launched a Rainbow in her path. She halted and backed away from the strange light. The sun was going down too so it reflected a strange and ominous glow of shifting colors around the shadows that draped us. She fearfully looked around and right at me.

this is not going according to plan. I thought to myself.

“Fluttershy you’re not in trouble.”

She relaxed.

“Do you…or do you not love. Big Macintosh.”

She started shaking again.

“U-u-um...w-w-well.” I was so tempted to jump into my screen and give her the biggest bear hug in the known universes. “I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I…” She took a big breathe and then let it go. She did this several times before. “Y-…Yes.”

“Good…go to him.”

“W-w-what? No I-I can’t I might upset him.” She seemed frantic.

“Oh it’s ok. You don’t have to tell him now. I will help you with that since I myself am a guy.”

“Y-you’d help me?” She brightened up.

“Yes. But first.” She beamed at me with the most adorable smile. “You must know that if he approaches you and asks you if he loves you. You must tell him the truth. Most men only ask if you love them if they love you back. Trust me on this ok?”

“Got it.”

“Now let’s go back inside. I’ll come back tomorrow and go through the steps to get him to like you. But don’t back down if he confronts you before then ok?”

“Yes I will.” She said while hopping joyously back inside.

SO CUTE! I followed her back inside. I looked over at the table where Big Mac was sitting and he had a nervous expression. Rarity and Applejack had anxious faces as they watched me approach Big Mac. I ignored them and started typing.

“Go NOW.”

He nodded in understanding. Applejack and Rarity gasped with big smiles on their faces.

Big Mac got up and walked over to Fluttershy who was going back to Pinkie with a spring in her step.


I turned my character back to Rarity who tried to get my attention.


“So what?”

“Oh don’t give us that. What’d she say?” Said Applejack.

“Oh I was just seeing if she’d be willing to take care of my Fairy when I’m off on adventures.” Applejack scowled.

“Really? Fairy? Is that your cover story?” Said Rarity.


I summoned a fairy with my Fairy Bell.

“Yes.” Their jaws dropped. “Now shut up or you’ll miss the best part.” I turned back to the two soon to be lovers and they did the same with understanding on their faces.

I couldn’t hear them from this distance but I could tell some serious shit was going down.

Fluttershy at first looked worried as hell when Big Mac started conversation. Then her face went to shock when he stopped talking. Big Mac paused and frowned when she didn’t say anything. But as he was turning to go sulk in the corner Fluttershy grabbed his face and brought him in for a kiss.