My Pokemon

Spike starts his Pokemon journey and he will meet new trainers and new Pokemon

Chapters (3)

Ep 1 : Pokemon I choose you · 5th Oct 2021 · 1,025 words
1,025
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Ep 2: first Pokemon and new enemies · 6th Feb 2022 · 2,217 words
2,217
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Ep 3: Spike's new Pokemon and Pokemon mystery · 5th Apr 2022 · 4,244 words
4,244
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Comments ( 15 )

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Roboman3000

Roboman3000 #1 · Oct 5th, 2021 · · · Ep 1 : Pokemon I choose you ·

Your chapter is fine so far but you need to fix your sentences.
Put the . before the "

Roboman3000

Roboman3000 #2 · Oct 5th, 2021 · · · Ep 1 : Pokemon I choose you ·

Beedrill

DARKPHANTOM13

DARKPHANTOM13 #3 · Oct 8th, 2021 · · · Ep 1 : Pokemon I choose you ·

Nidoran

Blackcatsuperfan1

Blackcatsuperfan1 #4 · Oct 9th, 2021 · · 1 · Ep 1 : Pokemon I choose you ·

11007135
Tell your friends about my story

DGJabberwocky

DGJabberwocky #5 · Feb 6th, 2022 · · · Ep 2: first Pokemon and new enemies ·

You've used Spike's name a lot in this chapter. It's very jarring. Try to reduce the name usage and use some pronouns instead

Blackcatsuperfan1

Blackcatsuperfan1 #6 · Feb 6th, 2022 · · · Ep 2: first Pokemon and new enemies ·

11144189
Dude Spike one of the main character of this phantek so course I'm going to be using his name a lot

DGJabberwocky

DGJabberwocky #7 · Feb 6th, 2022 · · · Ep 2: first Pokemon and new enemies ·

11144291
You missed my point, using his name repetitively can be very boring after sometime. So you could try and use pronouns like 'he', 'him', 'his' etc

Blackcatsuperfan1

Blackcatsuperfan1 #8 · Feb 6th, 2022 · · · Ep 2: first Pokemon and new enemies ·

11144521
Dude you do you know that since this is a Pokemon fanfic soon there's going to be more than one main character

burner181

burner181 #9 · Feb 7th, 2022 · · · Ep 2: first Pokemon and new enemies ·

I noticed alot of repeating through the chapter, ie: reading the same sentence a couple times in a row

Manr

Manr #10 · Feb 8th, 2022 · · · Ep 2: first Pokemon and new enemies ·

You're missing a very important detail in every Pokemon games when you start your journey and that is the Rival. So in that case who Spike's rival it's very important to motivate the character in the story.

Magic135