What Lurks in the Dark

High excitement. High energy. High on sugar. Just sounds like any other slumber party if you ask me. While it's an absolute blast, it can get exhausting, and I just wanted to call it a night there.

Little did I know, that choice would become one of the most frightening experiences of my life!

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gapty

gapty #1 · Jan 1st, 2023 · 1 · ·

That twist at the end got me, expected it later to reveal to be like Maud or someone else from the Pie family.

Imo, considering the long description you had focusing on the party, you got very fast away from the party. You tell here just that the party was like ultra crazy and all that, but that's it. We barely see it and then we jump to Sunset going to sleep.

If you wanted it to go the horror route, describing how the party is going crazy, showing scenes, showing how the friends interacted with each other before Sunset leaves them would've made the moment of Sunset being suddenly thrown into that sleep paralysis more effective—we'd have seen Sunset enjoy the time and then be in fear that it all would end. And then, when we would see Sunset in that state, the twist would then be even more effective.

Basically, interesting premise and end, but it had the first scenes just told instead of shown imo.

Enza Ren

Enza Ren #2 · Feb 7th, 2023 · · ·

Ah sleep paralysis, you can make anything utterly terrifying, even something as harmless as a glasses-wearing science geek
This was a nice short read and it was pretty spooky. I especially liked how the encounter scene was done: creepy, mysterious, and not too drawn out. Thank you for writing it