- Member Since 7th May, 2021
- offline last seen Feb 13th, 2022
dashiesfangirl
13 // Pegasister since 2014 HOW DO I PUT A BIO anways most of the time inactive cause school
dashiesfangirl
Joined 7th May, 2021 ·
Offline
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.117 seconds
Total duration
633 users online
936,251 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Are the lack of capital letters in the synopsis and title intentional?
10865372
yeah very much lol
Wait this is amazing -
10865517
bro you have no idea how much that means to me ty LOL i came up with it right on the spot [proud]
wow
10865570
you definitely should be proud, this story is amazing -
Goosebumps.
Maybe try the basement this time. Or at least take advantage of the head start.
Officialy one of my top favorite stories here.
I haven’t read this yet (though planning to), I just have to point out how much I love the innocent the picture is and non ominous the title is, and then I look up and see the gore tag.
10865820
LMAOAO righttt
10865668
dawg ty omg
10865764
THANK YOUU
Mmm.
Very good! I specialise in horror short stories - they're what I tend to write in real life - so this was a breath of fresh air. There were a few mistakes of partial note, but overall, all things considered, this is excellent.
10866141
thank you, do you mind telling my what my mistakes were?
Mind if I do a reading of this for my Youtube Channel?
Well this takes the top podium of Horror stories I've read in 2021, admittedly I haven't been on this site for the majority of this year but Its a refreshing horror story to read.
---- Now looking into escape options that
PrincessTwilight Sparkle has at her disposalT̶̻͍̋H̶͓͗Ė̶̦R̵̞͘E̴̹͑̕ ̴̜̩̆͝I̴̬̾Ŝ̴̗́ ̸̢̮̀N̷͙̦̄Ǫ̴͙͋ ̷͓̺̍͊Ĕ̶̳Š̴̥C̸̣̥̈͘Ä̷͓P̶̹̀Ẻ̴̠̽ ̸͍͘
She could teleport with the advanced warning to gather her friends and the elements... depending if the Season were in actually has the Elements in Ponyville or Canterlot, not sure if the awesome Rainbow has enough power to blast this g̶l̴i̸t̶c̷h̶i̷n̵g̷ voice "Luna" thing...
If that fails and you get sent back, then abandon Ponyville with Spike and that pet Owl like the sinking ship that Ponyville has become, use Magic to teleport, run, find Zecora in the Everfree and try to contact Princess Celestia with Dragon fire. And attempt to save your friends and their families.
Transportation options is use a Steam Train that has conveniently been steamed up by the Conductor and find help with Celestia.
Or borrow the Hot air balloon in the town, however filling it with air might be too slow when it comes, wait isn't the sky dangerous as that is where the lights are coming from...
If stuck in an endless cycle of failures then maybe one of them will succeed but the more likely conclusion is that your not a time loop instead your in an endless nightmare that is slowly killing you.
I'll mark this one as almost-Hopeless situation for Twilight.
10866615
yeah go ahead
10866255 Something that caught my attention was your tendency to refrain from using simple 'said' or 'responded' words denoting speech.
Generally, such practise is considered of bad form. It reads in a somewhat stuttered way, especially as most higher-level stories are not written as such: thus, it catches peoples attention, though not in a good way. Consider using simpler expressions instead;
Aside from this, there are minor dialogue errors, though they really are minor - for example,
is, when read out loud, probably not something a tired, panicked, Pinkie Pie would say. Soul-scratching is a better descriptor in literature than in speech.
In the same extract I chose to use as an example, there is a minor grammatical mistake; one I do not fondly remember from my younger years. It caught me off-guard many a time.
should instead be written as
Aside from that - which, if your bio is to be believed, is very little; I myself was troubled by more at that age when writing - I look forward to seeing you produce other works. I especially encourage horror! It is a favourite genre of mine.
10870374
thank you for ur feedback! i will definitely be using your advice when writing more fics (probably more horror)
10870440 Wonderful! I look forward to it.
Awesome story! I love the cosmic horror of a light being the monster. I did a reading of this story on my YouTube channel, I'll leave a link if you want to check it out.
https://youtu.be/srjFr02V5Ew