• Member Since 17th Nov, 2014
  • offline last seen 14 hours ago

Goldfinch142


A little birdie told me.

T
Source

Princess Luna is certain, in her final moments on the moon as the last of her strength dies, that she deserves it.

A thousand years later, Princess Celestia prepares for her sister’s return.






Cover art by BlitsAzalisDash.

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 125 )

Wow... It was very short, but it was a perfectly written story that sent chills through my spine. It wasn't a gore fest like most "horror" stories on Fimfic, and everything just felt like a poem of nightmares. It wasn't, "Jumpscare, and then the veins popped as her head was violently torn from her neck and spilled blood everywhere." This was slow, methodical, and set up a genuinely chilling story that will stick with me. Great job!

Now this is how you do a first publish.

Simple in concept, haunting in execution. Well done.

Wait this was supposed to be horror? I just felt sad. It was dark but not horror to me.

An intriguing premise that was executed in a very effective manner. Kudos, and congrats on the successful debut!

Also, just curious: was the implication supposed to be that Celestia killed Twilight at the end, or am I just reading it completely wrong?

10590080
I was thinking more along the lines of playing dress up with a corpse.

The story and the artwork are both exquisite!

10590104
I get the whole "dress-up" thing, but the wording at the end is kinda throwing me off regardless:

Twilight jerked violently when a hoof fell on her shoulder and snapped her head around to look up into Princess Celestia’s face.

The Princess’ smile didn’t quite reach her empty eyes
.

My problem is that I can't tell which "her" the empty eyes belong to. If they're Celestia's—which, for now, I'm assuming was what the author intended—then it's just a physical representation of her insanity. But if Twilight's eyes are the ones that went empty, I'm left with the implication that Celestia "snapping her head around" broke her neck and killed her.

I know I'm probably overthinking this, but I just wanted to double-check.

10590151
I think it's the princess' empty eyes, like there's no emotion in them since she's mentally broken now.

Yeah... That's pretty dark.

10590155
I've seen some authors use "empty" as a synonym for "lifeless" when referring to eyes (which is probably what's throwing me off so much), but yeah, I'm willing to bet you've hit the nail on the head.
:)

I also like the ideas that The Nightmare ran away once it realized it would spend 1,000 years on the moon, and that Celestia only meant to banish her for a while, and that an accident caused her to supercharge the spell and set it to 1,000 years. Really nice pieces of world building that were easy to accept and fit well into the universe.

Then, with Twilight's help, Celestia used the ancient art of necromancy to revive Luna as a draugr, and they all became great friends, going on to have many zany adventures.
That's my headcannon, and I'm sticking to it.

Well that there is a broken bird if I ever saw one.

ARRughhhhhhh my heart has been butchered :applecry:

10590173
When I was first learning Shakespearean Middle English in high school, I had a crazy misinterpretation of a story based on language.

The story was about was this guy who was really good at making birdcall, and he was calling out to some owls. I read the part about "his greatest skill betraying him," as "the owls betraying him," and apparently "jocund din" means "playful noise" instead of the loud noise I thought it did, and finally when he saw his reflection in the pond, I thought that it was his own lifeless body.

Basically I misinterpreted a story about a man learning to appreciate the quiet and gentle beauty of nature as a story where a bunch of owls tear a guy apart with their claws and cast his dying body into the lake.

10590080
I think its more about Celestia going bat crap crazy. The loss of her sister unhinged her and we refiuses to see her as dead.

Its my opinion that Celestia is going to continue treating her sister as alive. Body in a chair for a tea party, combing the bodies hair and telling it about her day, tucking it into bed at night.

You know, Unhinged things.

The Monk
“Because we killed all of the monsters we ever ran into, save for ourselves and Death. What better way to respect death than to give it the form of the only monster we could never kill?" - WhatMustIDo

As for this story,

Sometimes its the short ones that are the best stories. A skilled Author can paint a perfect masterpiece in the shortest of stories.

This IS one such example.

To the Author, and make no mistake, you earned the A in author that I give truly skilled writers. This is well done and a fantastic example of short fiction.

The Monk
"Knowledge is power and power corrupts, so study hard and be evil." - Reykan

This was a very good story. I really have a hard time reading stories like this where Luna's time on the moon is just unbearable. For me, my head-cannon is that she essentially spent the entire time up there in a dream. I have a very hard time liking stories where Luna dies, but this one was done very well. As sad as it makes me, it was a very good read.

10590197
Yes, but Nightmare didn’t know how long they would be banished, and Celestia planned for a banishment of a few years.

And Luna was dead in a month. This story would have ended the same no matter when it would have happened.

Dang... so much story in under 2000 words. The messages were literal wrecking balls, each one striking with more force than the last one. This truly does justice in showing us an alternative timeline, where things went from bad to tragic. Imagine the thoughts running through Celestia's mind, that haunting image of Luna's frozen corpse forever symbolizing her sorrow and regret. Not only could she see that her sister had realized her wrongdoings and would never be able to show Equestria who she truly was. But she'd also been sent to the moon alone in isolation for a thousand years in constant pain and torture, both physically and mentally.

Not only that, but Celestia knew she'd been the one who'd set Luna on her deathbed, the one who pulled the trigger without even realizing it. Then at the end, seeing Celestia's mindset only cemented just how shattered she truly was over her actions.

This is a magnificently well made story. Rest In Peace Princess Luna... :fluttercry:

Short and packed with emotion. I love how you portrayed unhinged Celesta, solid 10/10

Thanks I hate it

Reality Ensues in the worst possible way.

The Princess’ smile didn’t quite reach her empty eyes. “Her name is Princess Luna, and she’s my sister. I’m sure you’ll all be great friends.”

Nothing good can come from this line.

10590466
I'm not trying to argue against those points or say Luna had a chance at surviving. I'm just saying that, in-universe, it makes sense. The Nightmare didn't know how long they'd be trapped up there, it saw that their host was dying and fucked off. As for Celestia, I only meant that in it made sense that she didn't want it to be a 1,000 year trip. I always thought that was a weird punishment for Luna, like 100-150 years should have been enough in my opinion. Now, Luna would have still been dead given that, in this universe, Celestia didn't have the foresight to add spells for healing, giving nutrients, or providing warmth, but I just thought it was interesting that the 1,000 years part of her banishment was a fuck up on Celestia's part.

Thought one of the tags was labeled 'Comedy' and clicked it thinking, "Oh, this seems like it could be a funny scenario." with no regard for the front cover and well. . . I got hit with the feels.

i.ibb.co/GCbXNGy/hq70664l6dt21.jpg

Edit: Oh shit, that made it sound like I hated it! Fuck! I loved the story, short and compacted with a lot of emotions. 10/10.

Celestia could do with a changeling to be Luna for her-or even a pony made to look like her and dressed in her royal jewels and peytral.

Brilliantly well executed. Short, snappy, and to the point, but with just enough zing to really give the story a kick. Well done!

Though I admit I too am wondering if Celestia killed Twilight at the end. But perhaps that's the point, the ambiguity. Leaves you wondering. Good horror does that, by letting the imagination of the reader fill in the blanks.

10590151
I didn't intend to imply that Celestia killed Twilight, but I honestly loved your interpretation! It could definitely go either way! :raritywink:

10590200
:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

That's definitely one way to go!

Tia has come unhinged.

What I would love is a spin-off, where Celestia is going mad. So mad as she starts spinning the lie on how Luna has returned, but can never be seen or something. Kinda like the Dragon Emperor of China, who had his body paraded around in a royal carriage. Idk but that would be cool, especially if it became even worse. Celestia starts using her magic to make Luna's corpse walk around, drink tea, that kinda thing. Idk, all I know is THIS is the story I was waiting forever for, and I'm so glad I got it.

Wow, so much said and done in only a little under two thousand words. Bravo!

A moment later, a perfectly preserved, frozen body lay in the center of the throne room.

I doubt it would be perfectly preserved

10590742

Sounds like a royal version of Pinkie Pie's private party of one [pony]

10590535
There are really six possible ways things went down.

1. Celestia banished Luna for 1000 years on accident.
2. Celestia banished Luna for 1000 years on purpose.
3. The Elements banished Luna for 1000 years on accident.
4. The Elements banished Luna for 1000 years on purpose.
5. Harmony itself banished Luna for 1000 years on accident.
6. Harmony itself banished Luna for 1000 years on purpose.

I think that all possible ways it went down suck pretty bad, especially since I take the explanation for her banishment at face value from Twilight's visions using Zecora's potion. That Luna got in one little fight and her mom sister got scared.

That was disturbing as hell..

I like it.

10590750
Why not? What would cause any form of rot or decomposition? The moon is hardly known for its bacteria or scavengers. Maybe it would be a little bleached if it was on the light side. It would begin to bruise as it thaws and blood leaks from the bursted veins and capillaries. But before then it would be rather pristine.

This was equal parts sad and horrifying, and didn't rely on cheap cliches that horrorfics normally go for. Celestia's quiet madness at what she'd done really sells it.

10590802
While there wouldn't be any normal type of rot that we know of, the radiation from space without an atmosphere would most certainly affect the corpse, also over a thousand years there is bound to be some interference with asteroids. but this is a magical world so I guess none of that would really matter since it could easily just be expand away as magic or things working differently.

10590807
I would say magic in banishment preserved body not life or nightmare runing away tampered with said magic and made it so that it drains luna but preserves her corpse as a final F U to Celestia

10590826
yeah that works. frankly it's up too whatever you want it to be since the author didn't give us an explanation.

That was disturbing enough that I can't honestly say I liked it, but I admire it for being a job well done.

Ah, ponies can be foolish at time. How do you expect one to last in the freezing expanse of space. I'm just surprised Luna lasted as long as she did. Without air of course.

Short but effective. A well witten case of ”reality ensues” in a tragic way.
And Celestia does seems a”little” unhinged at the end. Like in a ”the hinges left and took the door with them” kind a way... With the frame still holding the remnants of sanity together.

Keep up the writing.

10590802
Solar radiation...?

Hmmm, an alterante take from the show & comics, though I can respect the theme and message along with the underlinning that the elements are not some form of harmony, order, or chaos. They are tools forged from magic imbued with a single characteristic from seven former protectors of Equestria, a land whose residents, the ponies, are far more blind to their behavior and actions until a few realize & learn they messed up when it bites them in the butt.
So Celestia seeing the results of her reckless actions with relying on artifacts of percieved order is something quite real and believeable when not restricted by a child rating.

Is there to be a successor to this alternate timeline story you've crafted? I'm quite certain with Celestia's current mental state alongside Twilight's mental stress at seeing Luna's corpse in Celestia's room and the emotional conflict she would feel on how to handle Celestia's situation would be enough discord to free Discord of his stone prison. From there you'd have a range of story with the Spirit of Chaos possibly taking on something of a hollow humor, after all there are only a few who could comprehend the punishment Luna went through and Discord is certainly one of them.
So I am hoping to see this go further.

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