- Member Since 9th Dec, 2019
- offline last seen Last Monday
Glory Bright
Laeol, nakta! -Lunar Guard Battlecry
Glory Bright
Joined 9th Dec, 2019 ·
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I am...unsure if something is spelled wrong.
But...in the short description after...
Chrysalises then heer?
Im not sure if...heer was supposed to be a invented word...or not. So...
Any-who.
(Whistles softly under breath)
Have a good day.
Ps. I like your description! Going to start on my own Equastria war story...see how that goes...thanks!
Pps. I just had a thought after I wrote this.
But...
After reading your short summary again. And...
Its...struck...me.
Often in war stories people say and talk about how war is horrible...
But...
I guess baring the images of tragedy, the weight death and dying on your hands. People...
Just write it...almost a...performative?
I'm just curious if...you get what I mean...
Not so sure myself.
I will read your story.
After a spot of time so small that a rabbit could shake its tailed and...
I would be back. Truly.
Any-who...bye...(dashs off into the distance.)
10723279
Yes, the Heer is the Changeling Army, it's like saying Wermacht for the Germans.
awesome chapter mate keep it up i can't wait for the next chapter personally i perfer a pipe to smoke tobacco https://serbia.desertcart.com/products/61264131-kenyr-solid-wood-pipe-bend-old-style-ebony-cigarette-filter-bag-pot-small-smoking-pot-pipe-tobacco-men
awesome chapter mate keep it up cant wait for the next chapter
awesome story mate keep it up cant wait for the next story
Hi! You asked for some feedback on the EaW 2021 contest thread, I'm one of the judges and was invited to give you my two cents.
Generation Changeling was not by any means a bad story, infact dare I say it was quite good, but I'm afraid it was overshadowed by some more fitting ones in the final get-go, there was some potential in this story that could've improved its placement but unfortunately they weren't really tapped into or they were held back by some aspects.
To delve right into the core of the issues, one of my biggest gripes is the dialogue; nothing wrong with it at all on the surface, infact it's good and fits well into the banter of what one could expect from this year's theme, however the story is utterly filled to the brim with it, and it starts to feel more like Band of Brothers-ish dialogue than it does regular banter, leaving little room to expositions and the events surrounding the characters other than the battlefield and war.
The events of which, seem just a tad too large-scale? You made the characters feel and take part of something bigger than themselves, which is good, but might be just a bit too much for this year's theme (apart from the last chapter, which was well-placed); it could've been remedied with a bigger focus on life in the camp instead, doing military maintenance and developing the story through secondary support roles such as artillery apathetically witnessing industrialized murder from afar rather, leading to gradual second thoughts rather than frontline combat— the latter of which has the tendency to just make any story (not just yours, many other stories feature this problem) feel like a Call of Duty mission for the most part, leaving again little room for anything else other than "He's down, shoot back!" "Watch out, take cover!" *Boom!* and *Crack!*
The story itself is fine, the only thing I have to say about it barring what I said prior (of which it would require an entire rewrite and change your entire idea for the story's progression, making it a tad unfeasible) was the pacing, it could've done better with smoother transitions (such as ending in the back of a changeling truck in chapter 2, and then deploying from another one in chapter 3 after writing a good conclusion right before and a good introduction after). Suddenly going from battling the deers to engaging ponies, and having instant second thoughts once Ticks dies is very sudden, and considering the time it takes to do that during a regular game of EaW, it made me feel like I missed a huge deal of Varynx' and Ticks' story together.
Other than these, it was a fine story, it got a fairly decent score but luck sided against you as the first story I read myself was written by someone who might've had a little bit too much free time on their hands— to both write for themselves and read others'.
Don't let this by any means discourage you though, it was a decent story, and I personally enjoyed it, but as judges (and additionally I, a nitpicky individual scarred by painfully editing a 400k words AC fanfic) we kinda had to be critical about it; and if you have time and energy and are looking to write more in the future as a hobby or for fun (or seriously, I don't know, anything can happen), I recommend reading some lengthier well-rated stories yourself and keep them in mind when you decide to write again, though always remember that write only if you find fun or enjoyment in it, it's the most important thing!
10723287
Wehrmacht=Defence force
Heer= Army
Kriegsmarine= War Navy
Luftwaffe=Air Force
These are the literal translations of the German military during WW2
11891155
Yeah, I wrote this when I was just a little less informed. I've done more research since then. Also done a lot more. I just don't have an interest in rewriting it.
11893850
Ok I just like history
And my grandfather was in the war, the British side tho
11894626
Both my great-grandparents served in the Pacific theater during the war, US Navy. You can say I have a family history in the military, one that I myself continued.