Just a nerd who is in most fandoms... yep
On an 'average' day in Equestria, (whatever that entails), the whole sky suddenly turns pitch black. Its also concentrating over the Everfree. But when the silhouette of a pony absorbs the whole thing, and falls from the sky, you would think its a new villain. Well... not exactly.
(I'm bad with descriptions, and this is my first fic, so constructive criticism is appreciated.)
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Hey, just wanted to say great start so far in this story. Not to much info on the main characters so far on the first chapter. Maybe the only thing I would say would be a smoother transition into the character Blacklight if I remember correctly there at the start. Maybe set a mysterious area/room scene before, "He sighed. Who is this person you might wonder? Well, at this point, even he did not know truly." Unless you wanted the character left ominous and mysterious?
10691182
Yeah, that probably would have worked better, and more info on Blacklight will be put in as the Main 6/Princesses meet him.
Ok I see his problem but maybe he could try to not be so creepy and maybe be a bit more passive you know a lot of living things that can walk around would run away from something that is pitch black, far bigger than them and has the ability to bring up all your worst memories and feelings
10697289
Some things will be revealed next chapter, but I'll just say now, its not his choice.
I'm a little confused by the story's synopsis. If the entire sky is pitch black, then how can it concentrate over a single area?
10703295
It was more of a giant ocean of darkness that blotted out the sky... maybe that should have been more clear, sorry.
Ok the story good but try adding a chapter with his background like how he got his curse but other than that your doing good keep it up 👍
10704108
All shall be revealed after the next chapter... mostly.
I did change the one I would answer questions in, thought it would make more sense with a transition.
10697289
10697765
He wanted his apearance to be a surprise and the companion complied.