A Balance of Fire and Light

by Stolenalicorn

25 Ghosts of the Present

“Well howdy there Miss Airi.” Applejack said as she finished her morning run. “Anything we can do for you?”

“Hello Applejack. I'm actually here to talk business with James, and to let you know that your appointments are set for your augmentation.”

“That's awful nice of you. Well, James is making breakfast with … I think it's Starlight today. I don't know, I was out here running before they were up.”

“It's good to start your day with some light exercise.” Airi said approvingly.

“Well, without all my chores on the farm I'm a bit restless and going for a run helps.”

“Yes, I remember hearing that you work on a farm with your family. I'll have to come by sometime and get some fresh ingredients.”

“You'll only get the best from Sweet Apple Acres.” Applejack boasted, puffing her chest slightly.

“How have you been enjoying it here?”

“It's been real nice. Friendly people, and I can't really complain about the house.”

“Good thing it's got enough room for everyone.”

“Yeah … though James has been sleeping on the couch more often than not this week.”

Airi nodded as she frowned slightly, “That's just what he has to live with.”

“You know … when he couldn't remember who he was, he told me that he's done terrible things. I don't know what he's talking about, but I guess that's what's haunting him.”

Airi paused as she heard the comment. “He's a different person now than he was as a young man. And those memories are his self imposed punishment.”

“What was he like?”

“I don't know for certain, I met him after he started to change. But if you pay attention, you'll catch a glimpse of who he used to be.” Airi took a breath and put on a smile, “Anyway, let's go in, smells like James and Starlight make quite a good team in the kitchen.”

***

James sat at his small desk, turned to face Airi who sat opposite him. “Well, you wanted to speak in private.”

“It's about the security you'll have: We're assigning a detail to you specifically, and as we can, we'll have someone watching the girls. But since they're not targets we're not as concerned for them.”

“That makes sense.” James said as he leaned back in the chair, looking up at the ceiling.

“This is a serious situation, James!” Airi insisted, leaning forward with her elbows on the desk. “The pirate guilds have gotten more dangerous in the last few years. The Kage guild particularly.”

“I've been told.” James commented, sitting up straight once more and looking to Airi.

“But they haven't.” Airi clarified. “They deserve to know the danger you're in.”

“There's too much risk to the operation if they know. Pinkie in particular isn't subtle … period.”

“But they're your friends, and more.”

“I'm going to tell Rainbow Dash that something is happening, but what would telling them everything do?” James cut in suddenly. “Worry them, add even more stress on them, they'd insist I return to New Guardia for my safety!”

“Can you blame them?” Airi snapped back. “They care about you! That's the point of having friends! I swear, you've been alone too long.”

“I've never been alone.”

“Of course you have.” Airi scoffed, tapping James' chest. “You give your compassion freely, but you almost never let anyone in. You need more than physical company to maintain your soul.”

“Airi,” James calmly said, “it's for the best that they don't know. For both the operation and their own good.”

“So if anything happens you can just vanish and hope they pretend that you never existed. Like with the crew of the Massao Nami?”

“They knew that was likely to happen, and had their orders for when I didn't return.”

“Well, you should know that nobody's heard from the Massao Nami for years. And they weren't among any of the pirates that Seina captured.”

“You think they were absorbed into a guild.” James commented.

“It's about the only way they could survive in this climate and still be pirates.”

“Well, I for one hope that they're not pirates … honestly, if I could track them down I'd want them on my flag ship.”

“You think they'd follow you after all this time?”

James paused a moment before scoffing. “Absolutely not. Just something I'd want were it possible.”

Airi sighed as she shook her head. “If you don't want to tell the girls, that's your prerogative. Anyway, I'm your contact for the security detail, so be ready to see a lot of me.”

“I won't complain about that.”

Airi's grin turned mischievous as she heard the comment. “Is that so? Maybe to make things easy I should just move in? I understand your bed is available.”

“No such luck there.” James said evenly.

Airi shrugged and stood up. “Good point. I'm probably more woman than you could handle anyway.”

James didn't look at her as she spoke, instead looking out the nearby window, his mind drifting to the bridge of the Massao Nami. “Airi …”

“Come on, you know I was just teasing you, right? This little game goes both ways after all.” She was quick to cut in.

“Huh? Oh, no. Not that.” James said.

“Then what?”

James paused as he thought before shaking his head. “Nevermind. Was this all you came for, or is there anything else?”

“The girls appointments are set up for two days from now, and we're having the training supplies delivered here so we can better keep track of you.”

“If I limit my movements it's going to be obvious that we know something is up.”

“I'm aware of that, but it also gives us the best chance of catching them. Besides, it's not uncommon for the rich to handle things like recuperation at home. Nobody will suspect a thing as long as you don't start locking yourself in or anything weird like that.”

“So how should I coordinate with you when I'm going somewhere?”

Airi gave James an irritated glare as she heard his question. “You have a phone I believe, or even send a message. It's really not that hard old man.”

James cocked an eyebrow at the comment. “Sure thing sheanmhair”

“What was that?!” Airi said, her face forced into a distorted smile as her irritation was more than clear.

“Turn about from an old man.” James calmly answered.

“Is everything okay in here?” Starlight asked as she opened the door, watching the two stare each other down.

“Just practicing some Neo-academy techniques.” James answered, a smirk forming while maintaining eye contact with Airi. “Useful for when philosophers start throwing jabs.”

“Or theorists forget to show respect.” Airi countered, just as determined as James to not break eye contact.

James briefly chuckled and shook his head slightly. “You don't want me to respond to that one Airi.”

“Okay.” Starlight said, her voice firm as her horn lit up. “Let's cool things off in here.” As Starlight spoke a wall of emerald light sprang up between the two. “Just what is going on here?”

“We're not actually fighting.” James insisted.

“Then what was that?”

“Just a spirited debate.” Airi answered for him. “We hadn't even gotten to the part where I win.”

“I doubt you could use the Neo-academy techniques to beat me anymore.” James finished.

“Let's not get whatever that was started again.” Starlight interrupted before anything began.

“Alright,” James conceded, “It's just some news that complicates things.”

“What's going on?” Starlight asked as Airi sat back and gave James a serious look.

“Just a little complication with the Academy. We'll probably see more GP around. It's nothing to worry about.” James calmly answered.

“I'll make time to check in regularly to ensure everything is alright.” Airi finished.

“Alright …” Starlight said evenly, “care to tell me what that “spirited debate” was about?”

“Honestly, it was nothing. Just trading jabs.” James insisted.

Airi nodded as James spoke, and with a confused look Starlight shook her head.

“Like how Applejack and Rainbow Dash will seem like they're fighting, but really they're just poking each other.” James attempted to clarify.

Starlight sighed and shook her head. “Well, don't let it devolve into an actual fight.”

“While we're talking about fights,” Airi said, pleasantly, “how have things been working out with the cooking here. It seems everyone knows their way around a kitchen so it must be interesting deciding who cooks.”

“Oh, not everypony.” Starlight said dismissively. “I don't actually cook all that often and just wanted to help out. And it's safer for all of us if Rainbow Dash stays out of the kitchen.”

“That's not fair.” James said, “There's plenty she's good with in the kitchen … just not the actual cooking part.”

Airi chuckled, “You know,” She said thoughtfully, “it's been a while since I've cooked for so many. Maybe I should help out while you're all recovering from your augmentation.”

“You don't have to.” James was quick to say.

“Nonsense, I love cooking. Besides, I found a few vegetarian recipes I want to try out. I've given them a taste already and I bet you'll all just love them.”

“You're not going to hear me complain.” Starlight said with a smile.

“Well then, it's settled. We'll try the first one the day after tomorrow. It's a savory curry that's simply amazing.” Airi boasted as she began planning meals.

“I was going to be using cooking to help get them used to their augmentations.” James said.

“Not a bad idea,” Airi praised, “but they will need some time to adjust first. I'll come and help out from time to time, and in return you'll help me by telling me how the recipes turn out. After all, what good cook doesn't give her food a bit of personal flair.”

“The day after tomorrow?” Starlight asked, looking to Airi.

“Yes, that's one reason I came here today. The day after tomorrow is when your appointments are scheduled.” Airi explained, adjusting her seat to look directly at Starlight.

“That's … a lot sooner than I was expecting.”

“Is everything alright?”

James turned his head to look to Starlight as well. “Are you feeling alright?”

Starlight nodded slowly. “I just thought it would be a little longer. I'm … still not sure I want to do this.”

Airi gave Starlight a snarky grin. “You're telling me you're not sure you want to be young and beautiful for centuries? Rarely if ever get sick?”

“Well … I'll outlive so many of my friends.”

At the comment, Airi's grin softened to a genuine compassionate smile. “That is a trade off many from worlds like yours would have to make. Yosho's watched friends and family die of old age, Tenyo just went on a final trip with her friends from school.”

After a moment Airi quietly spoke again. “One of my daughters died of an age related illness. These augmentations don't guarantee a long or healthy life. That's something we have to continually work for, and even then something may happen to snatch that life from us. It's hard to think about outliving those you love. But that's possible no matter how long you live. The real secret is to love fully while they're with you, and never let time steal their memory away so that they are never truly gone.”

Starlight looked at Airi with newfound sympathy and nodded. “While that doesn't help with my decision it does put things in perspective. And you're right, it could happen no matter how long I live.”

“It's alright Starlight,” James calmly said, “you can have as long as you want to decide, however you decide.”

Starlight sighed and nodded. “Yeah, I know.”

“I understand that it is a big decision for you,” Airi said, “just know that you won't be alone if you go through with it.”

“Being stuck with me might be a reason to not go through with it.” James joked as Airi shot him a cold stare.

Starlight smiled weakly as she heard the quip.

***

Starlight listened to the waves of the ocean as a warm breeze blew over the beach. Behind her the street lights were beginning to blink on as the sky darkened, and in the distance a small group was cleaning up to go home.

“Only two days …” Starlight quietly told herself. “Two days to figure out if I'm just making another mistake.”

She took a moment to feel her hooves sink into the sand slightly, deliberately trying to distract herself even briefly.

“Two days to decide if I'm really going to … give up and run?” She asked herself. She shook her head and began to reason to herself “James has been planning this for a long time, it's not like I barged in to get away …” slowing to a stop she paused as she quietly finished her thought, “to get away from Sunburst.”

“You called?” Sunburst asked, making Starlight leap forward with a shout.

“Sunburst?!” Starlight practically shouted, “What … but … How?!”

“It's okay Starlight. Just take a moment.”

“I don't think taking a moment is going to help. How are you here?”

“I'm not.” Sunburst calmly answered.

“Uh huh. You do realize you'd have to be here to answer that question, right?” Starlight asked, giving him a blank stare.

“Take a closer look, Starlight.”

Starlight continued to stare at him without answering.

“You've been putting a lot on yourself, Starlight. That's kind of why and how I'm here.”

“Not complaining about seeing you, but I really don't see how it's possible.”

“Just look closer.” Sunburst gently insisted.

With a sigh Starlight stepped closer, quickly understanding what Sunburst had been saying. He looked off as she examined him closely, realizing as light reflected off the ocean and through him that this was just a projection.

“I don't know any magic strong enough to call you from another world.” Starlight said aloud as she circled the image, every bit Sunburst, even if he wasn't entirely solid.

“You're right.”

“You just told me I'm stressed out, maybe don't be so cryptic and add to it.”

“Oh, sorry.” Sunburst said, rubbing his neck with his hoof. “You're right, you don't know any magic that would call me from another world, so logically you didn't. I'm not here, Starlight, it's not me talking to you.”

Starlight continued to stare at Sunburst, pointedly silent.

“Uhm … Starlight?” Sunburst asked, looking at Starlight concerned.

“I'm waiting patiently for you to finish explaining and to stop being cryptic.” She answered evenly.

Sunburst swallowed hard and nodded. “I'm an illusion of Sunburst that you made. But I can't actually answer more than that. You made me, you should know why.”

Starlight took a deep breath and nodded, “So I'm under so much stress that I'm now having a magical hallucination of my best friend. And that's not going to make things worse?”

“Don't ask me, it's your mind. Maybe there's something you need to talk about but don't want to talk to anypony.”

Starlight stared at Sunburst a moment longer before turning and walking down the beach.

“Starlight,” Sunburst insisted as he walked to catch up. “Come on, it's just me … or you … or.” Sunburst stammered before shaking his head and started over. “Starlight, it's me, just talk to me.”

Starlight closed her eyes and sighed once more. “Well, at least it doesn't look like I'm just talking to myself.” She took a moment to compose her thoughts before she started.

“I'm just worried that I'm doing something stupid and rash that could just be another big mistake like every other impulse I've had has been.”

“That's not true.” Sunburst said, nudging her slightly as they walked.

“Really? What about my town?”

“What about your friendship with Trixie?

“And when I turned us back into foals to play a stupid game?”

“When you encouraged Twilight to continue with her school the way she wanted, despite Neighsay's protests.”

“When I destroyed Equestria to get revenge on Twilight!”

“When you saved it with Discord, Trixie, and Thorax!”

Starlight got more upset as Sunburst continued to counter her points with good things she's done.

Without waiting for another example to counter, Sunburst continued. “Or when you saved James with Luna, Derpy, and Asriel? You gave everything! But you did it to save him.” He added as tears welled in Starlight's eyes, “Or when you joined Twilight and helped defeat Grogar! Or …”

“Or when I thought we could be a couple!” She shouted to cut Sunburst off.

Sunburst went quiet as Starlight's chest heaved with her breaths, only barely holding back sobs.

“And here we are.” Sunburst quietly said.

“Just when things were really looking right for me. Like everything was finally falling into place and I could actually look forward for once and see a true bright future.”

“And you're worried that now not only is the future not so bright, but could go on indefinitely.”

“Just more chances to screw things up.” Starlight sobbed.

“But,” Sunburst said sympathetically, “that's a possibility every day.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Starlight, mistakes happen. Making big ones doesn't mean you're immune to making new ones, but it also doesn't mean you won't make good choices. You just have to do the best that you can. Nopony's perfect.”

“Yeah, myself most of all.”

“I wouldn't say that. I mean, Cozy Glow's out there somewhere.”

Starlight managed a single laugh as she looked up at the apparition. “I don't want to be alone.” She quietly admitted.

“You won't be, just look around,” Sunburst said as he turned back and gestured to the city at large behind them. “Here you are, on a different world, further than anypony has gone before, surrounded by friends. You even know creatures who live out here.”

“I don't want just friends, Sunburst.” Starlight said emphatically.

“I know, Starlight.” He answered quietly. “But it's not like there will never be another chance for that in your life. Heck, you'll get far more chances with these augmentations.”

“But what about with you?” Starlight asked desperately, momentarily forgetting that she was speaking to a projection of her friend that she had created.

“Nothing is certain, but you also need to ask yourself: Is it what you want, or am I just comfortable?” Sunburst asked, turning back to Starlight.

“What do you mean?”

“Starlight, we've been friends (good friends) since foalhood, and that's not changing. But is this about what you want to be happy, or what would be safe and comfortable? You know I'll always care about you, but how do you feel knowing that? How do you feel when you think about life together in the future? Does the thought of being with me make you happy, does the feeling alone make you question anything? Does it give you answers? Any at all?”

“Sunburst …” Starlight started before being cut off again.

“Do you remember your sessions with Rainbow Dash? How she went on and on about her feelings: both good and bad? And how she was still happy even when upset?”

Starlight dropped her head, defeated. “You're right. I don't know how we would be as a couple. And with Velvet in your life now, I don't think I will ever know.” She lifted her head to look Sunburst in the eyes. “This whole thing is me running away again once everything goes wrong.”

Sunburst nodded and gestured for Starlight to walk with him as they continued on the beach. “And how do you feel about that?”

“Worried. I'm scared to think about life without you. I'm afraid of what life will be like when you're …” Starlight went quiet, not wanting to say the word.

“Dead?” Sunburst finished.

Starlight slowly nodded.

“Well, what was life like when we had lost contact?”

“Lonely, and I was just so angry.”

“Ah, maybe not the best example.” Sunburst said. “But let's take that anyway: Do you think you'll go right back to that without me?”

Starlight shook her head. “I've grown up a lot since then. But it would hurt so much.”

“Thanks, it's good to know you'll miss me. But does that mean it will hurt forever?”

“I don't know. I guess … it probably wouldn't.” Starlight admitted.

“I know you're hurting now because the idea of us together is gone: A future that will no longer happen, at least not in the way you imagined it. But the pain will fade, it's just a bit harder because I'm going to be around, and that will remind you.”

“Not just you, but you and Velvet reminding me what could have been.”

“How does that make you feel?”

Starlight paused, realizing that the yawning pit she had so often associated with them was no longer there. With that feeling gone, she was able to sense that there was something else there. “Jealous, but I'm happy for you. You deserve somepony who makes you happy like she does.”

“Even if it isn't you?”

Starlight smiled faintly. “Yeah, even if it isn't me. And there's something I wasn't thinking about. Something you told me when I was too upset to really listen.”

“What's that?” Sunburst asked, looking towards Starlight briefly.

Starlight looked up to the stars, imagining seeing the real Sunburst across the expanse of space and even universes. “You'll still be there, as my friend. Even if it's not how I imagined things. It hurts now … but I'm okay with that.” Starlight quietly said.

She stopped looking to the stars and looked to where her foalhood friend had just been standing, finding nothing there. And just as she had told herself, she was okay with that.