A Balance of Fire and Light

by Stolenalicorn

3 Helping Friends

“… and he still needs to get dragged out to the dance floor,” Starlight heard Rainbow Dash complain as she began to pay attention again. Rainbow Dash had accompanied James back from Vanhoover, and insisted on talking to Starlight shortly after he'd gone home.

“Why are you here?” Starlight blurted out suddenly and flatly.

Rainbow Dash stopped mid breath and looked at Starlight. “Because you offered to help me with this,” She awkwardly said.

“Help you with what?” Starlight said bluntly, “You know what your relationship with James is. You may not want to admit it to yourself. But deep down, you know.”

Rainbow Dash glared at Starlight a moment. “You know what? If you're not up to this today, I'm gonna leave.” Rainbow Dash got up in a huff and flew towards the door.

Starlight's horn lit up and the door closed before Rainbow Dash could leave. “I'm sorry.” She said as Rainbow Dash turned on her, still scowling. “I just had so much planned when Sunburst came and now …” Starlight shook her head and sighed. “Do you mind if I vent this time?”

Rainbow Dash looked to her, confused, but eventually landed and nodded.

“Thanks. It's just, I'm pretty jealous of you right now.” Starlight admitted, walking out from behind her desk towards the couch. “You and James have this special relationship. And he's waiting for you to give him an answer. No matter how long you stall, he'll still be there for you.”

Rainbow Dash balked at the statement and nervously cleared her throat.

“Sunburst … didn't wait for me,” Starlight sighed as she shook her head. “I waited too long, so he moved on. He has a girlfriend now. She's nice, sweet, she cares about him, she even likes me.” Her voice broke as she spoke, tears rolling down her cheeks as she could no longer hold herself back.

Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her head uncomfortably as she spoke. “Well, if she likes you too … maybe it's not too late.”

Starlight wiped her eyes as she looked to the pegasus. “What do you mean?”

Rainbow Dash sighed as she readied herself. “Well … you could talk to them … about how you feel. I mean, if you didn't think it was possible, you wouldn't be here helping me.”

Starlight felt that horrid pit inside open up again. “I already talked to Sunburst. That's how I know I waited too long.” She burst out crying and flung herself onto the couch, stopping only after Rainbow Dash awkwardly pat her back.

“Oh,” Rainbow Dash squeaked as an idea came to her. “You should do something fun. You know, take your mind off all this stuff.”

“Like what? I can't even play my favorite game right now without thinking about Sunburst.” Starlight huffed as she buried her head under a pillow.

“Well … I could talk to James. There's an Armored Core competition coming up. Doubles too, so you'd be working with somepony. We've got to talk a lot so you won't even have time to think about Sunburst.”

Starlight huffed again, rolling over to look up at Rainbow Dash. “I don't know. I'd be a pretty lousy partner right now.”

“Tell you what. I'll partner with you. I'm sure between the two of us we can give Lucca and Tali a surprise.” Rainbow Dash said with a wide smile.

“You really think we can beat those two?” Starlight asked with a weak chuckle, just glad that someone was trying to make her feel better.

“Won't know until we try,” Rainbow Dash insisted.

Starlight smiled slightly, “When's the competition start?”

Rainbow Dash reached into her mane a moment, collected a small, golden bracelet and promptly put it on. An omnitool blinked to life and Rainbow Dash glanced at it's display. “Uhm, Saturday at about noon.”

Starlight gave Rainbow Dash a questioning look. “Isn't that late for them?”

Rainbow Dash shrugged, “That's when they always start. I guess it's just so they have most of the night to play.”

“I don't know. I had plans with Sunburst … and his girlfriend …” Starlight sighed, climbing back up to her hooves. She had originally planned on her and Sunburst visiting Trixie as she arrived in town that day, but maybe this would do a better job of making her feel better.

“Sunburst can take care of his girlfriend. You need to take care of yourself.” Rainbow Dash said as she poked Starlight's chest.

Starlight grinned again as she looked to Rainbow Dash. Taking a step forward she hugged the pegasus quickly. “Thanks. I'll be ready.”

“Maybe talk to James as well,” Rainbow Dash suggested, “he's a good listener and really patient.”

Starlight nodded as she thought about the suggestion. “Yeah, I've monopolized him once or twice.”

“Awesome. Get your AC ready and I'll see you Saturday.” Rainbow Dash said as she walked out the door.

***

It didn't take much searching for Starlight to find that Sunburst had gone to the library, with a steadying breath she reached her hoof out towards the door.

The door opened as Starlight knocked. “Sunburst?” She called out as she stuck her head into the room.

“Oh … Hi Starlight,” Sunburst uncomfortably said. “Look, I'm sorry about …”

“No. It's alright,” Starlight interrupted, “you were right, you've moved on and I can't change that. I'm not going to run off and do anything crazy this time. However, I know we were going to spend a lot of time with each other while you were here, but Saturday I think I'll go to New Guardia for a while. Just clearing my head.”

“Isn't Saturday the day of the Trivia Trot?”

Starlight's eyes glossed over as she heard the word “trivia.” It wasn't chaos, but between Sunburst and Twilight she was surprised anybody dared come back. Well, maybe not about Applejack or Rainbow Dash. Nothing could scare those two from a competition. “Uhm, yeah. That's kind of why my original plan put us far away from it.”

“I was already planning on going to that with Velvet. … We've been practicing for this for a while now. I think she expects us to be teamed together.”

“You think she'll be okay just sitting and letting you do all the answering?”

Sunburst blushed as he rubbed the back of his head with his hoof. “I hope so … but if she doesn't,” he paused and cleared his throat. “that's alright. As long as we have fun.”

Starlight's jaw dropped. Velvet had somehow managed to get Sunburst to ease up on his obsession with his correct answer percentage.

She had pleaded with him that first (and only) Trivia Trot and hadn't changed his mind. And she wasn't even his partner! This smacked her hard to know that Velvet had this much of an influence on him. That Velvet was able to reach him in ways she couldn't.

Starlight once again forced a smile, despite her pain. “You two have fun.”

“If you're interested, maybe the three of us can get dinner Saturday.” Sunburst suggested with a smile.

“Sure, if I finish up early I'll swing by.” Starlight had no intention of taking him up on the offer. As she walked out of the room the familiar sinking feeling in her stomach returned. Remembering Rainbow Dash's advice, she decided she should talk to James.

***

Lights placed low on the walls dimly illuminated the hallway, a recent addition by James given his now regular late night visitors. Unlike normal, however, Starlight wasn't dropping in to play a couple games at the end of a long day. She had come because she needed a friend to hear her out.

As expected, James' room was nearly pitch black. Even during the day the thick curtains over the large window kept the room dark. She could hear James' snoring long before she entered but that ended abruptly once she was in the room.

“Sorry to barge in.” She whispered, hoping she hadn't actually woken either James or his wife Lucca, even though she would be waking James soon anyway.

There was a soft moan that she guessed was Lucca followed by rustle, then suddenly James began snoring again. Starlight could only guess what that was all about, but was glad she didn't seem to be actually bothering them yet.

She didn't have to stay particularly quiet with James' snoring but still tried out of courtesy. In moments she reached James' side of the bed and gently shook his shoulder with her hoof. “James? Can I talk to you?”

James groaned momentarily before opening his eyes. “Hey there,” he quietly said with a smile, “everything alright?”

Starlight looked at him uncomfortably before shaking her head.

“Alright. I'll meet you in the den.” He said as he reached up to the corner-post and collected his robe. Starlight walked away as James tied the robe, careful to not disturb his wife as he stood up.

***

Starlight didn't head directly to James' den, she walked past it to first visit his personal kitchen and get a couple drinks for them both. A tea for herself, and a slightly sweet coffee with a splash of cream for James. I am waking him up and asking him to listen me complain. This is the least I can do for him.

Her horn lit up and the two drinks levitated as she walked back to the den.

The room was cool as it had likely been empty for a while. She walked in, past James' reading chair, and climbed onto the couch, taking the blanket draped across it and wrapping it around herself. She could start a fire in the fireplace if she wanted, but that seemed a bit much just for a conversation, wrapping the blanket slightly tighter she patiently waited for James.

It wasn't long before James walked through the door, and saw Starlight sitting on the couch, blanket around her and looking depressed.

“I got you a coffee.” Starlight said as she gestured to the mug she had placed on the table.

James walked past his chair and sat on the couch next to Starlight, taking the mug and wrapping his other arm around her. “Thank you. Now, what's wrong?”

Affectionate gestures weren't uncommon from James, and right now she greatly appreciated the sentiment. “It's … a personal matter.”

“I'll help however I can, but don't you usually go to Twilight first?”

“That's the thing, I need somepony to listen to me. I don't need help, and you know Twilight will just try to solve the problem,” Starlight explained.

James smirked as he rubbed her shoulder, “I'm usually guilty of that too.”

“Just listen please. You're the only one I can think of who has real perspective on this.”

“Okay,” James patiently said as he took another drink of his coffee. “Just let it out.”

Starlight nodded and told James everything about her relationship with Sunburst, his relationship with Velvet, and his refusal of her. “… I always thought he'd be there, but now that he's gone … I don't know what I was thinking.”

James held his cooled coffee and quietly listened as she spoke, letting her clear her mind before speaking. “He's not gone, Starlight,” he calmly said, “but I get that he's with someone. And a monogamous relationship is what most people want.”

“Yeah.” Starlight mumbled. “But he's only there as a friend. I guess I just want more now. I want somepony to love … and somepony to love me.”

There was a tug in James' chest as he saw Starlight wiping away a tear. He'd been lonely, back before he and Lucca were together, and he knew what he would have appreciated most when he felt this low. He placed what was left of his coffee on the table and gently embraced the lonely mare.

“James!?” Starlight asked, shocked, as he held her close.

“Don't worry about that,” James quietly said, “I know you'll find someone to love, but you never have to look far to find someone to love you.”

“Thanks.” Starlight couldn't help tearing up as she heard his words, being held as she was. She gave a small smile, allowing herself to get comfortable. “… Can we stay like this for a while?”

“I'll never complain about getting to hold a cute girl.” James said with a smile as Starlight chuckled.

Even though she still hurt from what had just happened with Sunburst, right now, like this, she was happy.

Starlight quietly enjoyed herself, letting her thoughts drift as she did. In some distant part of her mind she could hear Rainbow Dash talking, telling her a story. Her eyes shot open as she remembered what Rainbow Dash had said about when she first started having feelings for James. Back when they had been locked in Washu's training room.

Shortly after Starlight had suggested helping Rainbow Dash sort out her feelings, Rainbow Dash had confessed that she hadn't stayed as calm as she wanted everyone to believe. And it was during one of those times where she had completely lost her composure that James held her and promised that she would get out safely.

Everything that he had done and the closeness they had fostered up to that point all came to a head with Rainbow Dash realizing that she did feel something for him. She had never expected it, but she was happy to be with him. What surprised her most was that soon after, she began to visualize what a relationship with him could be, and found that she actually liked the idea.

That wasn't the only thing to be unearthed during their sessions. Later Rainbow Dash had mentioned that while planning for the mock wedding she had seriously considered, however briefly, asking Mayor Mare to actually marry them.

Starlight had heard about other times that Rainbow Dash's feelings had cropped up again, just as powerful as they were when the two of them were trapped with only each other for company and comfort. How she had always pushed them away, telling herself that it was just because of what they had been through together.

Like a blast of cold water Starlight realized the same was happening to her right now. She felt that she didn't want him to let her go, and that she would be happy to just stay with him. She told herself that she couldn't do that to Rainbow Dash, and braced herself as she reluctantly pushed him away. With another pang of guilt she realized that she was disappointed when James simply let her go.

“Let's go do something fun and get your mind off all of this.” James offered, slowly rubbing her back.

“Well, I do need to practice for the AC competition.”

“You're coming to that?” James asked with a grin.

“Yeah, actually, Rainbow Dash had the same idea and invited me. She said we could team up.”

James hummed a moment. “I see. Well I guess that means I've got to figure something out.” As he thought, a wicked grin spread across his face. “Actually … heheh … that could work out.”

“Should I be worried?”

“About me planning something? Always.” James said before he began to laugh. “Come on, I'll help you practice.” With that the two left the den and made their way to James' holosuites.

***

The door of the holosuite slid closed behind James and he found himself marveling once again at the Raven's Nest. While there had been some minor upgrades and customizations to the program (he had to get rid of the tobacco smoke,) the majority was unchanged from when he had first got the program from a hologame community in the Federation.

He'd spent his first month in the twenty fourth century holed up in his diplomatic suite, just downloading games and programs. And he was overjoyed to find that many of his favorite games had been upgraded, expanded, and adapted for the advanced technology.

The complex he now stood in had an industrial feel, with heavy machinery looming overhead and NPC maintenance workers in areas marked as being off limits. The “pilots” would enter from a heavy blast door onto the main floor where they could walk around and explore. Dominating the center of the open floor was the ranking billboard that gave the pilot's rank versus the various NPC characters in the game. One of the modifications to the program allowed James to use it as a multiplayer scoreboard during competitions.

Immediately in front of the scoreboard was a large desk with a friendly looking receptionist in a gray jumpsuit, their appearance was always randomized but their personality never changed. Here pilots registered for battles and missions during single player campaigns.

To the right was the shop, and while not every item available in the game could be purchased, it did allow them to see what they hadn't gotten yet.

To the left of the shop, and linked by a door between them, was the garage where pilots built their Armored Cores with the parts available to them.

Along the back wall, behind the leader board, was a gargantuan screen where battles between Armored Cores could be watched freely. Along the other wall had once been a wild bar and mechanical scenery, but James had found someone to modify it into a large lounge. The lounge thematically fit in, though not so rough and tumble, and had a bar with appropriately unhealthy food and drink available. As well as comfortable (but not plush) seating where the massive screen could be easily viewed. While it felt like a dive, it was a fun and comfortable dive.

The holographic door let out a heavy clang as it closed behind Starlight. “I'm going to go make sure I've got everything ready.”

“Take your time,” James answered as he watched Starlight disappear into the shop. Once she was gone, he made a beeline to the receptionist.

“Hello, Power Mad,” The holographic woman politely said, “are you registering for a battle?”

James shook his head, “Not yet, I want to send a message to Invader, please.”

***

Starlight looked over her parts list and their specifications. Her mind, however, was elsewhere. However briefly, she had just seriously considered dating someone who one of her friends was interested in. She needed to understand why, and began asking herself the same questions she had once asked Rainbow Dash.

Did she find him attractive? She'd called him handsome before (and meant it) when he was shape shifted into a stallion.

But what about right now, in his real form? Her eyes skimmed the stats of several generators, not taking in anything as she thought, and realized that she couldn't say no.

Starlight shook her head as she tried to focus on her AC. She failed.

She liked him, they were good friends. There was never a time where he wasn't kind to her. Even when she had nearly destroyed Equestria, the first thing he did was ask her how she was feeling.

And it wasn't just him, she liked his whole family: She and Lucca would take time every week to find something fun to do for a few hours. She could talk with Tali endlessly. James' oldest daughter, Sara, even called her “aunt.” There were paintings from Amber hanging in her office.

Was it possible for her to be a bigger part of that?

With a sigh, she considered what she was doing right now. She'd just been rejected by someone she loved, and was looking for someone to validate her feelings.

She looked to her AC and decided it was ready. It was a build she was comfortable with, and this was just practice anyway.

Once again her mind drifted to her situation, thinking that James seemed to happily give her that validation she wanted. She began considering their long hug earlier and found that she really wanted to be back there. Wrapped in the blanket … and his arms. The thought once again came with a feeling of guilt. Thinking that if she had acted sooner with Sunburst she may not be considering this now.

She had to pull herself together, James was waiting for her so they could start their game. She put on a smile as she left the garage and found James sitting in the lounge waiting for her. “All ready,” She said with a grin as she walked towards the table.

“Mine's set up and we've got a random arena. Do you want to work together or go head to head?” James asked as he got up and met Starlight partway.

“Let's work together for now.”

***

Lucca sat in her workshop sipping her coffee as she reviewed her schematics, trying to think if there were any modifications she should make before getting back to work. Just over the constant rumble of motors, voices caught her ear and she turned to the door to wish her daughters well as they went to school. However as she stood in the doorway of her workshop and the hum of motors no longer drowned out the deeper tones, she realized that the voices, very clearly, weren't her daughters'.

“By the way, that move you pulled; totally cheating,” Starlight said with a chuckle.

“I'll keep that in mind,” James answered with his own.

“Sounds like you mean to use it Saturday.”

“Of course,” James laughed out loud this time. “it may be cheating, but it's not actually against the rules.”

“Dad's cheating again?” Sara said with a snarky half grin as she and her sister walked towards the duo.

Starlight walked up and hugged Sara as Amber hugged James. “Yeah, he is. He needs to play fair.”

James rolled his eyes. “Come on, I was outnumbered. Give me a little leeway.”

“Shouldn't you two be on your way to school?” Lucca called from the open door of her workshop. “You've got your project, right Amber?”

Amber shifted uncomfortably, “Yes mom.”

“Hey, don't worry. I know you know the material, just show them what you've done and give your report.” Lucca said comfortingly.

“What's your report on?” Starlight eagerly asked.

“How environmental pressures effect evolution,” Amber shifted slightly as she spoke. “… I painted a progression showing how a squirrel could potentially evolve into a tiny seal-like creature. And the pressures that could contribute to the change.” She added with a smile.

“I'd love to see it,” Starlight smiled at the excited young girl, “but maybe later. And if you want, I bet Twilight would love to see it too.”

Amber beamed before she ran off followed closely by Sara.

“And I believe you said you've got a bed to get to,” James said to Starlight with a smile.

Starlight grinned and scoffed. “Yeah, you're right. I'll see you for your lecture Friday,” with a hug Starlight walked off towards the door connecting James' castle to Twilight's.

“I thought Tali had borrowed you.” Lucca commented as James approached her.

“Mmm. That smells good.” He “answered,” looking to her coffee.

“Want a taste.” Lucca offered, holding out her steaming mug.

James shook his head. “No sugar, no cream, no thanks.”

“Wimp.” Lucca laughed before taking another sip of her drink.