- Member Since 7th Sep, 2012
- offline last seen Aug 6th, 2022
bronyheat
Another day stretching a dime into a dollar. All work and no pony makes brony a dull boy.
bronyheat
Joined 7th Sep, 2012 ·
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bronyheat · 9k words · 33 11 · 1.8k views
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You're 95% of the way there; for the level of plot-heavy the story is, it ends too soon by stopping with the clop. Implications of new foals are all well and good, but I think it would work better if we were actually introduced to them with a bit of sappy, feel-good epilogue for Luna's barrenness arc.
10533411
You're very much correct; truth is by the time I got to the end, I just had kind of felt the story had gone too long for being clop. If the story is well-received, I'm might try to do a sequel which would go more into what happened next and let us see more about Twilight and Cadence's reactions to everything.
I am going to pretend I didn't see that reference
10533548
Honestly, the Twilight side of the narrative kind of dragged a lot of the story down. I know it played up the comedy aspect as the B plot, but it didn't play off very well with the A plot, and made things take too long, and seems to have detracted from the investment that could have been made in making the main event punchier. The A-plot was suitably raunchy, but the actual sex seemed a bit too short and underdetailed, and the aforementioned lack of an epilogue was a bummer.
10533919
Believe it or not, but I actually trimmed a ton out of the b-plot when I felt it went on too long. ;P
Cutting it completely wouldn't have been the story I wanted but I do appreciate your feedback and it feeds into my suspicion that less probably would have worked better here (outside of the "main event").
I'm not sure what series you're referencing, but I'd enjoy knowing!
The Moonlight Solace brought me here. I haven't read it yet, but I look forward to, hopefully at some point this week.
I quite like your writing style!
10572883
Thank you for the kind words!
It's been a bit since I posted this story, so no harm now in spoiling my references I suppose!
There are several references to the incredible East Horse / Austraeoh series by Imploding Colon. The most direct one is the sign from Discord which is referencing the fact he's on the dark side of the world annoying Rainbow Dash and her team (a nod to the newest book, Ofolrodi)
I thought this was going to be clop but this is actually super sweet.
I’m very glad to have found this.
The world building is what I’ve no doubts I’ll most enjoy, as well as the character exploration. Your portrayal of Luna feels quite true to her nature, and it’s wonderful to see in a way that feels so natural. The tone of the story is also very much so steady throughout, and surprisingly captivating!
I’m looking forward to reading the rest.
10925466
Thanks for the feedback. It's also nice to know readers still stumble across this story now and again.
this is so much fun oh god