Princess Twilight Sparkle and The Champion of Cyrodill each completed their own journey and form of ascension, but now they will have to face a new challenge when the two of them started to see in the sky the world the other one tried to protect.
Unfortunately their first encounter would not go as one would expect... But regardless of any setback they will try to find a way to save their respective worlds.
I would appreciate any criticism. But the criticism i would want the most would be on grammar or spelling. I wrote this fanfic as a way to practice my english so it would really help me.
Chapters (12)
So the Princess of Friendship and the Prince of Madness, eh? Sounds interesting. Sadly, a number of fics on my priority list have updated all at once. I'll give this a once over when I get caught back up.
ok this is getting to be really funny now.
Are you also going to do The Elder Scrolls I-III?
I'm just gonna say it, you should seriously consider rewriting the end of this chapter. And I'm saying this as genuine constructive criticism, but to avoid spoiling it for other readers I'll put my reasoning under a spoiler block.
Killing off an established main character in a fanfic is something that requires a very experienced writer to pull off, since in that case the death is one that should have a major place in the plot. The way you have it written RD's death really just feels like it is nothing more than a giant, out of nowhere "Fuck You!" to both the readers and the characters. Killing off a main character for shock value is an unfortunately common mistake that rookie writers make, and it doesn't make a fic better by making it "edgier" with out of nowhere deaths. Shock value deaths are best reserved to fics that are pure horror until you have grown and advanced as a writer. Unless you plan on the rest of the cast discovering that she is still alive in Coldharbour somewhere and mounting a rescue mission, it really serves no narrative purpose other than giving the main cast another reason to hate the bad guys that are already trying to destroy the world. And again, it takes a very experienced writer to be able to properly write characters dealing with such a loss if you wanted to have them dealing with loss as part of the story. Otherwise it goes one of two ways- The characters spend the rest of the story in an unending depression that just kills the mood and drags the story down, or they seem to get over it too quickly and the death has almost zero impact on the overall plot making it more in line with what the impact the death of a secondary character would be.
10496568 yeah, i understand what you say. i rewrite the end of the chapter a couple of times before i relase it, now i see that is more dark that i thought when i relase it.
and i will have to take some things to consideration for future chapters.
and of course i will continue under spoiler block, i will ended up talking about little plans about future chapters so you can ignore my comment if you wish.
yeah, i agree. i originally wanted that once the chain strike at rainbow and made her dissapear the chapter would end with fluttershy screaming her name, what i added after that made it too sad.
of course, rainbow is not dead. i think if i edit something about this chapter specifically would be adding some dialogue from an injured and confused rainbow, with that making clear that she is alive at least, not ending the chapter in such a somber note. and well.. really, being honest. im not gonna kill any of the mane six, yeah plot armor i know.
also if i did a story where important characters die i would make sure to have some build up instead of something spontaneous... and leave the body, you know how death works in fiction. no body = is alive.
I ¨killed¨ rainbow dash simply to get her away from equestria and send her to tamriel while making her lose all contact with the rest of the mane six.
this is because i want some of the different characters of the story be at different locations and incomunicated. if any of them learn something about the crisis they would be unable to inform the rest. i focussed too much on giving an axcuse in rainbow case that i failed to notice than ended darker that i intended.
and now that i am thinking about what you said. yeah, it would be very screw up if rainbow dash was having some funny moments in tamriel while her friends are all angsty over her supossed death.The more i think about it the more screw up seems.
what i originally planned that rainbow dash would be searching for either twilight or the hero of kvatch and in the way helping some village or city from invading daedra. but now i think i will change a couple of plans about that.
i will have to rethink how i would go about it, i will try to not make things as dark in the future, that means rewritting some future chapters and rethinking certain events.
thank you for the criticism, i appretiate it.
10496945
No problem, and glad you liked the criticism. Many times criticism of a major point like that is met with hostility from the writer. Which is why it took me so long to actually comment, even though I read the chapter a couple of minutes after it was posted (I got the notification while I was reading another fic). And back into the spoilers for the rest of this comment.
I was hoping that RD still being alive but lost somewhere was the case here, because that does have far more potential for a good story than an out of nowhere death. And I'm glad to hear that you are planning to give character deaths the proper care in storytelling they need. Because I'm not exaggerating when I say I've read around 400 fics (not counting oneshots) over the years I've been on this site, and I could probably count the number of fics that gave actual thought to properly written character death on just my hands. Character deaths just for the sake of "edginess" has kind of grown to be a pet peeve of mine when it comes to fanfics. And on separate note, plot armor pretty much fits with the lore of the Elder Scrolls Series. The "Destined Heroes" bound up with the events tied to Elder Scrolls have some level of plot armor until they fulfil their part in their prophesy. Just look at the Last Dragonborn's escape of Helgen.