Running Out Of Air

by I-A-M

You Were Perfect

---

Wallflower Blush

---

“It’s smaller than yours.”

They’re the first words out of my mouth as I step inside the small studio apartment and I’m instantly afraid that it makes me sound ungrateful.

I look over my shoulder at Sunset Shimmer who’s carrying in the two bags that contain the lion’s share of my worldly possessions, and she smiles at me.

There’s already a bed frame and mattress in the apartment, courtesy of Applejack’s brother. Big Macintosh put it together over a couple of days.

I’m always a little in awe of people who can work so effortlessly with their hands like that. There’s nothing particularly complicated about the bedframe, and I know it’s basically just a couple of posts and planks nailed together and given a good finish, but it’s still impressive.

“A little,” Sunset replies with that fetching grin of hers, ignoring the awkward moment. “I gotta say though, I’m not thrilled that it’s in the East End.”

“Why?”

“It’s hobo knife-fight central is why,” Sunset says blithely.

I chuckle weakly and shrug.

“It’s barely in the East End.” I gesture to the lone, small window that looks out over the city. “See? You can see downtown.”

Sunset moves over to the window and leans on the sill, looking out across the skyline. I join her a moment later and she nudges me with her shoulder.

It’s been a rough few weeks since I went and saw Doctor Hive, and things have been different between Sunset and I since that night.

I’m not sure if it’s a ‘bad’ difference, but it’s been different. I’ve tried to put a little distance between us even though I know I’m only doing it because I’m scared. The difference is that, unlike most times when my anxiety is just getting the better of me, this time it’s for a completely legitimate reason.

I don’t want to be the reason Sunset decides to pitch herself into the fire, and this is the best way I know to do that.

She cares about me. I know that and I’ll always love her for it, but she can do better than me.

“Are you sure it’s big enough?” Sunset asks after a moment.

“I’m sure,” I say. “I don’t need much room.”

Sunset wrings her hands. When she stops, she looks back up at me with the shadow of a pleading look on her face.

“There are still open studios at the Commonplace,” Sunset says quietly, looking over at me. “We could ask Sticky to resubmit the paperwork, you’d only have to wait a week or so.”

Have I mentioned that I love her?

Because I love her.

I really, really do.

“I’ll be fine,” I say, putting a hand on hers. “I uhm, I think this is… is better.”

There are days, like today, that I wish Sunset was a little better at concealing her emotions around me, even though I know that sounds selfish. It’s just that if she was, it wouldn’t be so easy to tell when I’ve almost made her cry.

“Y-Yeah,” Sunset says, almost concealing the shake in her voice as she nods. “Better… it’ll be better. And y’know, if you ever want to come hang out at my place we’ll finally be able to sit on the couch!”

We laugh softly together. It’s not what I’d call a happy laugh, but it’s a laugh, and it’s not faked so at least there’s that.

I don’t know how to tell Sunset that in my wildest, craziest daydreams, I’d like to stay with her. That if the world were perfect and if I weren’t so messed up, and if Sunset weren’t such a disaster about it, then I’d want to stay with her because just being around her feels right.

It feels better than right, it feels perfect.

Every day I’m not around her feels like I’m slowly suffocating under the weight of the world, and then suddenly Sunset is there and I can breathe again and everything feels okay again, right up until something happens and I remember that it’s not safe for Sunset to spend all her time around me because I’ll mess up.

I’ll mess up, and then Sunset will have to fix it, and every time she’ll burn up a little bit more of herself. She’ll take bigger risks, do something a little bit crazier, and if it happens enough I know that, no matter how great and amazing and brilliant Sunset is, she will eventually make a bet on me and lose.

And then she’ll lose everything, and it will be my fault.

“I uhm, I asked Principal Celestia if I can have the key to the gardening shed,” I say after our laughter trails off, and Sunset gives me a curious look at the odd change in topic.

“Okay,” Sunset says with a small laugh. “That’s… actually, probably for the best, since you’re a better gardener than our school’s landscaper.”

“The little garden in the rear copse behind the school,” I continue. “I’m going to start cleaning it up properly, and planting some new flowers.”

Sunset smiles a little more broadly at that.

“That’s great!” Sunset says. “Do you uh… I mean, I wouldn’t be much help I guess, but maybe… maybe you’d like some company sometime while you’re working?”

“I’d like that,” I say softly, looking over at her briefly before leaning against her and resting my head on her shoulder.

The rain has petered out over the last few weeks, so the sky is clear and the great steel-and-stone skyscrapers of Canterlot gleaming in the early afternoon sunlight. There are birds on the wing, and I watch them flick across the sky in lazy arcs, their heads cast downward as they search for morsels of bread.

“I guess it’ll be nice to have your apartment to yourself again, huh?” I say after a moment. “Sorry I took up so much of it for so long.”

Sunset doesn’t answer right away. Her arm just fits itself over my shoulder and she squeezes gently. I try to look up at her, to see the expression on her face, but I can’t. Her head is resting on mine and as she’s staring out the window, so all I can see is the edge of her graceful profile.

And what I think might be wetness on her cheek.

“Yeah,” Sunset says finally. “I guess so.”

This is okay. That’s what I tell myself because it has to be okay. Because now that I’m out of Sunset’s apartment, I can slowly drift out of her life. I can go back to being Wallflower Blush, the forgotten girl, and Sunset can go back to burning bright as a star, and never have to worry about the time that a silly flower fell in love with the sun.

She’ll forget about me, like everyone else, and she’ll go on to something absolutely incredible.

“You’ll never lose me, you know,” Sunset says softly, and I freeze.

For a brief, crazy moment, I’m sure she just read my mind. I know that’s crazy though. I know because she doesn’t have her geode on her. She keeps it stashed away somewhere ever since what happened with the prescriptions. She says it’s because she trusts me, but I think it’s also because the power scares her a little.

“I’ll always be here for you if you need me, Wallie,” Sunset continues, then she turns her head to look down at me, and I remember why I fell so hard for her in the first place.

That look in her eyes. Those fierce, fire-blue eyes that have the courage to take the world by the throat, and the set of her regal features that doesn’t just demand respect, but commands it.

She’s always so sure of herself. I don’t understand what that’s like, and I don’t think I ever will, but seeing it so clear and blatant on Sunset’s face is something I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of.

“Just say the word, and I’m there, okay?” Sunset says.

Then she turns and wraps her arms around me, and I lean into the embrace and rest my head in the crook of her neck for what I’m terrified might be the last time.

Even though I know tomorrow we’ll be back at school, and we’ll be that way for a few more months, so I know it’s not the last time I’ll be able to see Sunset, or to hug her.

But the end is coming.

Summer is coming, and with it will come finals, Senior Prom, then graduation, and then she’ll be gone to university or something else to do something incredible, and I’ll be right where she left me.

Forgotten.

But not yet.

She hasn’t forgotten me yet.

“Wallie?” Sunset says softly.

I realise I haven’t said anything for a little while, and I chuckle weakly as I pull back and look up at her again. I do my best to memorise her in this moment, while she’s looking at me, and there’s something in her eyes that I think might be more than just care.

For a long moment, I memorise the line of her straight duchess nose, and the soft gleam in her cerulean eyes, and the way her gorgeous, curling, red-and-gold hair falls around her face.

“I know,” I say quietly. “I remember.”

I move forward again, and this time I lay my head on her chest and briefly allow myself the selfishness of losing myself in the sound of her heartbeat.

Sunset wraps her arms around me completely and squeezes as she rests her chin on top of my head.

“Good,” Sunset says. “Don’t ever forget that I’m here, okay? Because you’re…”

“I know.”

I know what she’s going to say, because she’s said it before, and I feel a little bad that even now I have trouble believing it. But I think she believes it, and isn’t that just a little bit incredible?

I owe Sunset more than I can ever thank her for. She pulled me out of a dark place and gave me more than anyone has ever given, and now there are two parts of me that are at war trying to decide why. The first part is the old part, and I’m still not sure that it’s wrong when it tells me that Sunset did it because she pitied me, because she felt bad, and because I was a project for her to fix.

The other part though… I like it a little better even if I’m not sure I believe what it tells me. It tells me that the reason Sunset did what she did for me is for the reason she gave when she was holding me in the hospital.

In a perfect world, I hope that’s really true. Even if I’m not sure that it is, I hope it is, and it’s been a very long time since I’ve hoped for anything that nice. So maybe Sunset won’t forget me completely. Maybe she won’t because Sunset never lets anything she cares about out of her hand and if it’s true then she won’t let me go either because—

Because I’m precious to her.

Comments

[Song]

Holy. . . damn. Have I mentioned that I love your writing? God tier might be an understatement here.

[Resurgent Wanderer]

Absolutely top tier. This is easily my favourite ship/slice if life series on this site.

I look forward to seeing your next work

[Reese]

Wish You Could:
"but I can’t that isn’t because Wallflower hasn’t"
Missing word(s)?

Whew.
Nicely done, here. Thank you for writing. :)

[KwirkyJ]

On one side, I can't give this story top marks -- not delivering of the (implied?) promise of seeing these characters deal with the mess they landed themselves in, specifically the fallout of the fallout of Dr. Hive revealing Sunset's gamble, leaves the conclusion feeling abrupt and incomplete to me. To counterbalance that, however, much everything else about it -- portraying homelessness, abuse, social services (with which I have little to no personal experience, so this was somewhat illuminating), anxiety, and self-esteem and self-identity issues (with which I have more experience), to name several topics -- hits hard with dizzying force of overlap, plausibility, approachability, and earnestness.

Thank you for writing!

[I-A-M]

10471173
Thanks for the review, I tried to hit all of the more sensitive topics with all of the respect and realism that they deserve. Wallflower is a complex character, same with Sunset, and portraying each of their personal foibles and personality quirks has been as challenging as it has been enjoyable.

Re: your one complaint-- that is entirely fair, although I can tell why I did it if it helps. The reason is the difference between what I consider to be systemic drama (drama of an outside system acting upon the characters) and personal drama (drama of interaction between characters). This story was always intended to be about highlighting the sometimes-unhealthy dynamic between Wallflower and Sunset, so it wasn't about making Doctor Hive's threat a reality, it was about the perceived betrayal, and Wallflower's realisation at how far Sunset is will to go for her, which becomes her main impetus for putting distance between them and refusing to live with her for a long time.

But I definitely understand where you're coming from.

Cheers!

[KwirkyJ]

10471194
It is precisely that putting of distance that I had expected to see, and it happening mostly symbolically with Wallflower moving out struck me as paltry when compared to the time and attention (i.e., scenes) shown elsewhere.

If I was unclear, this is a really powerful and well-composed work, and you have every right to be proud of it! I'm just grousing because the ending pitched me to the side a bit and I am trying to explore-and-explain why.

[Clarity]

I just read this in one sitting.

It gave me a lot to think about, things I can't really put into words, but I just want to say that you've captured the components of a codependent relationship perfectly. Thank you for writing this.

[I-A-M]

10518018
It was a joy to write, thank you for reading it. Hopefully you enjoy the rest of my library, and the rest of the SunFlower cycle, too .

[Gay For Gadot]

The distance between what happened in this chapter, and where we are as the story ends, is significant and deliberate. Just like the distance that formed between Sunset and Wallflower as a result. If I didn't know there were way more stories and that this turns into a romance, you would be breaking my heart, Yammy. Not necessarily because I disagree with how this ended, but because of how much of an undercurrent was just left to churn.

This was an absolute treat to read. Your first-person perspective works really well, especially with the switching POVs between chapters that illustrate exactly what Sunny and Wally were missing from their interactions with each other. Your writing has a nice flow to it. Not too flowery, not too minimalistic, just engaging. But when you need to land a punch, you sure know how to do it. Imma need those feelings back, aight?

There was no question in my mind as to whether I was gonna like and fave this. I was hooked from the reading of the first chapter. And I'm sure I'll enjoy the rest of the series just as much as I continue on.

[TamiyaGuy]

This is a real “not with a bang, but a whimper” kind of an ending, a melancholy denouement following the bittersweet (…or just bitter-bitter) catharsis of Wish You Could.

Pretention aside, nothing much happens in this chapter, and honestly that’s a good thing. It’s a come-down from the drama swamping the middle chapters, from the fire of the climax. The embers are cooling, soon to drift away on the wind.

…Okay, maybe a bit more pretention then. But with it…

…the time that a silly flower fell in love with the sun.

Bloody hell, you have a way with words. It might be artsy, flowery bollocks, but that’s beautiful.

Your style of story-writing really comes through in this ending as well. Because it doesn’t have the sad, kick-you-in-the-teeth finality of a tragic ending, you know? It feels like they’re both carrying on with their lives, but apart. Like they both know it’s ending, which is why they have to keep walking.

I swear, if your saga’s non-linear nature hadn’t already confirmed that the pair eventually reconcile and get back together, I’d be wanting to kick your arse right about now

[HomuHomu]

Dam man that was some of the best writing on the site. I’m definitely checking out your other works.

[I-A-M]

10758294
Glad to hear you enjoy my work. This story is the first in a relatively long(ish) SunFlower series, the stories of which are (mostly) in order in the group, if you want to check them out.

[HomuHomu]

10758545
I am fully aware and plan to read all of them. I just got to finish my english paper first. 👌

[Ice Star]

Now that I finally have the hard copy, I was pleased to dive right in. Which is exactly what I did, too. I blazed through this whole story in a day and it was worth all the time. By the time it ended, I was stunned that it had gone by so darn quickly even though this is by far the longest story in the collection. I hadn't expected what your take on a SunFlower relationship would be except that there was going to be some kind of helper dynamic that is so typical with Sunset and those helped by her. What I hadn't expected was a dive into the mental health system done seriously, and a story that didn't let Wally's long road to recovery end with the breaking of the Memory Stone. The wide supporting cast was awesome at helping Sunny and Wally fit into the wider world and navigate their shifting relationship. This slow exploration to bring these two together and help rise above their background and the CHS setting was an excellent storytelling move.

All in all, this had a lot of phenomenal characterization and gripping from the get-go. That not everything was revealed at once helped with stringing along the impact and giving the budding feelings between Sunny and Wally an organic feel. The fact that this has an alternating first-person perspective enriches the story immensely, and it gives a unique rhythm that helps weave our two leading ladies together. An excellent story that I'm sure I'll revisit in the future.

[applezombi]

Here's a review!

Feel free to contact me for any questions, clarifications, or feedback. Great story!

[KwirkyJ]

10471173
I partially retract what I said before. Upon a re-visit in one pass, I better understand the narrative structure relating to the conclusion. This last chapter is an epilogue. That walk home and chat in the penultimate chapter was the essential element and I didn’t grasp the pacing last time. Top marks, for the story and wordcraft both.

[Starlight Nova]

Have the the collected works for the SunFlower Saga been added in order?

[I-A-M]

11026994
Yes, not counting the ‘Christmas special’ which was added last. Everything put into the group was added in chronological order, with Air being the first and Helianthus being the last.

[Evil Fairy]

I can go back to being Wallflower Blush, the forgotten girl, and Sunset can go back to burning bright as a star, and never have to worry about the time that a silly flower fell in love with the sun.

One day, when the Setting Sun drew quite low in the sky, she looked out. And there, under a jagged outcrop of concrete and asphalt, she saw a Flower growing. She was a shrinking little bloom. Neglect had left her frail and wanting. But the Setting Sun saw beauty and grace in the Flower that couldn't be hidden, even yet. So, "Flower," she called, and startled the poor Flower turned her head to the light of the Setting Sun. "Why are you here? How did you come to this place?"

"The gardener who should have tended me was cruel and neglectful," the Flower said in a small, sad voice. "I used what small magic I had to escape him and come to this place, where I wouldn't be found, wouldn't be seen." As she spoke, the Setting Sun noticed something.

"Flower, I see some few little cracks in the stone above you where the light of Day might creep in and nourish you. Why have you grown away from them?"

"I chose to come to this place," the Flower said bitterly. "I chose the shadow and the cold. If any Light or Life comes here, let it come to others, who might need it more! ...or are more deserving," the Flower ended, in a voice the Setting Sun could scarcely hear.

And the Setting Sun saw the courage and kindness in this poor blossom, along with her beauty and grace. The Setting's Sun heart welled up with love for her. "Flower," the Setting Sun said, "The full light of Day cannot reach you, but I can. I will share my light and warmth with you, and you will grow full and healthy and strong!"

"Why?" The Flower demanded tremulously. "I am nothing. Why should you share your light and warmth with a feeble sprout like me?"

And the Setting Sun smiled. "Because you are precious to me."

(A little bit of nothing, but if the author should read it, I hope it makes you smile! This whole saga really touched me deeply, and that line I quoted was so lovely, I had to do a little tribute to it. Thank you!)