Muzzydeath
Joined 7th Jul, 2012 ·
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- InsignificantGryffindor · 29k words · 72 4 · 2.7k views
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quite a few mistakes, good story but LOADS of typos, also you should change your paragraph structure.
This is how I do mine, there are better ways but I find this one works for me
"Come here" said the man, with a knife in his hand
"No" I screamed as I ran
"I said come here!"
"Never"
He was gaining
Bad example I know, but it is much easier to read that way
Break apart the wall of text into bricks of text. It's way easier to read.
also, you might want to eliminate this
"SSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOO,what's in the book?"Nothing"She
your punctuation ain't too flash, spaces with commas, forgetting " (whatever those are called nowadays) just small stuff like that will affect how this works out
Hope my advice has helped, god effort and keep up the good work!
Would you mind if I edited this, then sent it back to you? I have a grammar OCD and I need to fulfill its wishes. Thanks.
Some spelling and grammatical errors, but understandable. I REALLY want to continue reading.
Waiting for a response of any sort is boring... I guess I'll play with Derpy for a bit...desmond.imageshack.us/Himg705/scaled.php?server=705&filename=derpygif.gif&res=landing
1174648 Epic graphic Derpy.That made my day.
Hmmmm... :D
SQUEE
YOU SUCK I NEED TO READ THE NEXT PART
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mine will be done soon though... 
1176377 yay!!!!
.........................................AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This actually isn't all that bad (I'm a bit wary when people use both the Sex and the Gore tags.
Typically doesn't bode well for the story's quality), but you really need to remember to put spaces after commas and periods.
It's what's separating it from "not that bad" to "pretty good".
Not bad. Fix some grammar mistakes and it would be amazing!
I've been editing the stories for him (I really wish he'd run them through me before posting :/) Chapter 3 is revised, so it should be posted soon, once Muzzy gets on. And remember everypony....
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzimkqgZf71r54mdi.gif
1187115 sorry Swiss,but I have a certain Somepony that keeps hounding me to keep the story moving,but I'll let you revise first.
1176402
wall o text
didnt read
HURR HURR IM A HURRSE