- Member Since 2nd Jul, 2020
- offline last seen 7 hours ago
AndNoOneSingsMeLullabies
An alt account for posting violent, gory, fetish-filled clop. Apparently, green isn't my color.
AndNoOneSingsMeLullabies
Joined 2nd Jul, 2020 ·
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WHAT THE HELL IS THIS CUPCAKES YIKES
14 dislikes before hitting 50 views
Oh god yes, pour those down-votes down my throat and drown me in your hate!
Hmm ... I'll bite and give it a read tonight or tomorrow. Let's see just how deep this hole goes.
10321939
When you write something like this, and as your first story too, it's going to get a lot of hate. It's also not a popular subject at all.
You won't stop people from hating on it no matter what you do. Disabling the comments and the votes will only make you look like you can't accept the universe won't bend over and kiss your ass like you want it too.
Welcome to fanfic writing.
10321982
???
Thanks for the advice, but you seem to misunderstand. As that red bar grows so too does something else.
10321976
Thanks, hope you like it
10321982
It is Maybeline's alt...
10321988
Wait. Shoot, it there a writer named Maybeline? To be clear, this is an alt made because I know this kind of writing isn't everyone's cup of tea, but that bio line was just a pun based on the old commercials. I'll have to change it, don't want to associate another author with some fetishes they might not be comfortable with.
10322018
Just searched, there used to be one but I think they deleted their account because nothing is coming up
10321983
Well, the downvotes are clearly misplaced. This delivers on exactly what is promised. While I wouldn't have minded a bit more actual plot, what is here is pretty solid. A few typos here and there, but nothing major.
You did a great job of capturing Zephyr's voice, too. Really easy to picture him saying everything.
10322125
Writing a story like this while keeping at least somewhat true to a character's voice is a real challenge, because MLP isn't really a series that heavily endorses violent rape. So it's great to hear that at least one person found this interpretation of Zephyr believable. Thanks for the feedback.
I'd LOVE to see a sequel to this!
I dont know why people put dislikes. They shouldn't even bother reading rape stories if they dont like em.
This fic wasnt too bad. But not good enough for me to leave a thumbs up. It just felt like Rainbow was too weak and should have kicked Zephyrs flank.
I j is it suppose to bottom tape but whenever hacking someone limbs comes up all I think of “oh well they dead from blood loss right ? Cause a hack saw would cause massive bleeding and she’d batsylly bleed out. No mention of him cartetixon the bleeding so. You know.
this was a bit too much torture and too less rape for me, I won't give a downvote or upvote.
also the torture is kinda weak because it was all so obvious, Dashy had no hope from the beginning and hope brings the most pain in the end.
This wasn't the best rape I have ever read, but also not the worst, so I give you a solid "meh" :D
Loved this! Just maybe a bit more rape in the future. Ever thought of doing one with an ftm character?
I think I could share this and hoping to get 100 downvotes from it.
I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate Zephyr Breeze for what he did to Rainbow in this story. I just wish that damned womaniser to be taken to tartarus and waste away in prison for all eternity. Heck even Tirek deserves better things in life than he does.
10640205
You have a disgusting mind!!!!
10329325
The reason I read this was because I was getting bored.
Hm. I read this.
Yea no, I'm trying to process what that this is meant to mean there. I can't believe I read this.
I think the reason for reading this was curiosity. After all, curiosity did kill the cat (
)
)
I wanted to know how it ends, if she got out of the hellhole and away from that asshole, a tiny bit of me is disappointed that she didn't, but I know it's not always as perfect as fairy tales like to make it out to be. I really hope this Zephyr gets what he deserves. (Something wayyy worse than death here! No one gets to hurt Best Pony this bad, and get away with it!
Oh and the addition of FlutterDash both brought down the story and added to it, for me. I'm not a FlutterDash shipper, (AppleDash is my forte) but I feel like it was the best choice here, what with Zephyr and Shy being siblings, I always love imaging a world where Shy has to tell Zephyr about the Dash and her relationship. Never thought it would go this way, though.
This fic disgusted me in more ways than one, but that's been said plenty, so not gonna go anywhere with that.
If I were to say something on a writing standpoint, this was pretty good. Grammar was perfectly fine, the progression was nice, the characters and their portrayal was nice. One thing I'd say is the beginning, I was not expecting to get right into things. A little set up is the kinda of thing I, personally, enjoy, but that's probably just opinions.
(Oh and maybe add an AU tag? I don't know if that's what's you'd like this to be, but I feel Zephyr would never be this bad... but that's me being quite naive, I suppose
)
All in all:
Hm.
Is all I can say.
There are quite a few writing errors here. Nothing particularly egregious, but I think you could have done with a bit more time in the editing bay. I've particularly noticed that the scenes with intercourse had a higher concentration of errors. This is a problem I refer to as "writing with only one hand." My favourite example from you is:
Two sentences. "Inside of her" is used thrice. A good writer tries not to repeat words or phrases in a single paragraph (exceptions apply). Decent ones will bust out their thesaurus. It's bad form in most scenarios.
And for an example of when it is okay to repeat a word over and over, we turn to the masterful writing of Spongebob:
Let me be clear, I do not begrudge the content of the story. It's fiction. It's not real life. It's multicoloured cartoon horses in a fantasy world. I even had a short chuckle at the ending. I just think you should give it a bit more time in the editing bay. Speak the words aloud if you have to, and if they sound a bit stilted, rewrite them.