Sunset's M-ASS-IVE discovery

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Comments ( 6 )

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Tania tokustar

Tania tokustar #1 · Sep 11th, 2022 · 2 · 2 · 2 ·

This is not that bad to be honest here have a like,follow and a derpy

Tysk

Tysk #2 · Sep 11th, 2022 · 1 · 1 · 2 ·

I like it. Maybe its not perfect, but interesting and enjoyable. I can’t wait for next chapters.

Sathien

Sathien #3 · Sep 11th, 2022 · 3 · 1 · 2 ·

This is okay but you definitely need an editor when you have lines like this

"You make a good [point], Rarity. In the meantime, I need to return to my tent. All this cool air feels [???] on my ass." said Sunset getting back to her feet with some difficulties and made her way to her tent.

Comment posted by AndrewsArchive deleted Aug 17th, 2023

Starswirl the Beardless

Starswirl the Beardless #5 · Apr 18th, 2023 · · · 2 ·

I'm not sure what to say about this one. You have a premise that could potentially be good, but your execution is very lacking. There's not much to hook the reader other than the basic premise, but it doesn't seem like you'll be writing any more of this anyway. On top of that, you have quite a few mechanical issues which probably could have used some additional proofreading.

Postwarmonkey50