This was epic I hope there's a sequel where they get together.

Grammer needs work, so does paragraphing. But other than that, story is good.

The phrase “he then” was used far too often, which isn’t good in a narrative. But the story is great; with a bit of grammar and structuring, this could be an instant classic.

While I had hoped for full vaginal intercourse, there was plenty else to sate my appetite. Smolder’s masturbation while watching and describing her fantasy was a highlight for me, and that ending with the oral and leaving her trapped with the vibrator was saucy as heck! I loved that they were both super freaks who are into this kinda stuff. Hope they keep at it!

Certainly an enjoyable read. Too few people pair Gallus and Smolder, I think they have wonderful sexual chemistry.

Certainly an interesting story, if a bit limited vocabulary-wise. And thanks for the fave toward my first clopfic as well. Promise you the second part's coming by the end of today.

This was definitely an enjoyable continuation!

I still think there's room for a fun sequel too. For one, there's the question of whether Smolder and Gallus want to go public with their new relationship or if they wish to keep it secret. Say the latter, for example, you could combine it with the sleepover idea previously mentioned. The girls have a sleepover and somehow, a topic like that pops up. Ocellus mentions how Changelings used to abduct ponies, Silverstream explains how her kind used to be terrified of the Storm King enslaving them, and Smolder then asking if they could see it be hot if it happened with someone they trust. If they admit it could be sexy, you'd have at least two options to go from.

One, Smolder tells Gallus, and together, they decide to play with Silverstream while she sleeps. Maybe he ties both girls up and orders Smolder to make out with a sleeping Silverstream. Depending on what you think fits more, Silverstream could wake up in the middle and like it, or she pretended to be asleep. Or maybe you want to have it fully consensual and Smolder convinced Silverstream to do some BDSM with Gallus and her.

As for the other three, Yona might wonder if her budding relationship with Sandbar could work even better if he had more control over her. Yona's a big, strong girl—frankly, she could snap him in half if she's not careful. If she was restrained, she wouldn't need to worry! Ocellus, meanwhile, only knows stories of her kind abducting ponies in their sleep. But how can she fully understand that situation? To wake up, helpless and immobile, for somepony to take advantage of her? She might decide it would be a valuable lesson to have Sandbar 'abduct' her. She might also think the idea is super-kinky, but shy book bug wouldn't admit that to anyone, least of all herself!

Anyways, just some ideas thrown out there. I liked your story a lot!

You should probably put more paragraph brakes for bookmarks to be useable in the middle of the story instead of having it be two giant blocks. Other than that it was pretty decent of a story.