Brony Goes to School
Brony T. Pony has always had a difficult childhood. His father was an alcoholic and his drinking got in the way of family life. It’s bad enough that his father’s alcoholism brought them into poverty, he and his mother were also being abused both physically and mentally. When he was seven, he went with his now single mother to live in Windcrest, California. One would think that this would be a good thing, but Brony was even more miserable. He and his mother lived in a crime-infested part of town and he would always get bullied in school. When he was fourteen, he joined a vigilante group called the YouTube Crusaders, which was one of his biggest regrets. The leader of the group, Taris Galloup, used his authority as leader to bully innocent children and expected other members to do the same. Seeing as how Brony was bullied as a foal, he disliked what Taris was doing and called him out for his abusive behavior numerous times. When Brony finally had the guts to try to escape, he was stopped and held for ransom in Taris’s closet for a week with no food or water. When he was finally able to get out, he knew that enough was enough and he had to do whatever he could to get out of Windcrest. He saw an advertisement for Princess Twilight Sparkle’s School of Friendship, and this was his golden ticket to a better life. In order to get the money to go to Equestria, he began filming himself and reviewing various media. When he finally had enough money to buy a train ticket to Ponyville, he began to pack his bags and get ready to leave Windcrest forever. As he was packing, his mother walked into his room.
“Brony, do you really want to do this? When you’re gone, who’s gonna care for your poor mother? I’m getting old, y’know?” she asked.
“I don’t think you know this, mom, but Windcrest is a dump! We live in the ghetto, police chases happen every day at every hour, there’s graffiti everywhere, I’m being harassed by weird, naked men on my way to school, and I have Taris on my ass because I’m not an asshole like he is! I fucking hate it here! I’m leaving!” Brony replied.
“I understand, but this is the best I could do. This was the cheapest apartment in town. I’m sorry you have to live like this, Brony, but even this is better than living with your alcoholic, abusive father” Brony’s mom replied.
“Yeah, that’s the only good thing, but if I stay here, Taris’ll kill me! Plus, I’m sick and tired of living in a crime-infested dump! Equestria is out calling for me and I gotta answer the call!” Brony said.
“B-but, what about…me?” Brony’s mom asked, feeling disappointed.
“Look, I know that this place is cheap, but sometimes cheap isn’t the best option. Especially if you’re living in a shithole like this! Heck, Carson City’s only three hours north of here and from what I’ve heard, it’s actually very nice! Why don’t you go there?” Brony retorted.
“Brony, we talked about this! I don’t have the money to relocate!” Brony’s mom replied.
“Yes, you do! You’re a special education case manager for the Windcrest School District! I’m sure they make a decent amount of money!” Brony retorted.
“Not really. It’s usually a high paying job, but the schools in Windcrest aren’t that good, therefore, employees don’t get paid very well. Half of our paychecks go to the superintendent who usually gambles away all that money!” Brony’s mom replied.
“Not my problem! Look, I gotta catch my train! Talk to you once I get to Ponyville” Brony retorted.
His mom let out a frustrated sigh and went up to Brony to kiss him. “I don’t really blame you for wanting to go somewhere different. If you want to go to the friendship school, I want you to go! Follow your dreams! I love you, Brony. Safe travels”
“Love you too, mom” Brony replied, forcing a small smile as he left the apartment.
One very long train ride later, Brony finally arrived in Ponyville. Before he could make his way to the school, he went over to the payphone to call his mother since he promised her he’d call once he got into Equestria.
“Mom, it’s Brony. Just arrived in Ponyville” Brony said.
“That’s good to hear! Are you on your way to the school now?” Brony’s mom asked.
“Yeah, I am” Brony replied.
“Ok, dear! If you need anything, give me a call! I love you!” his mom replied.
“Love you too” Brony said before he hung up and flew to the school.
Once he made it to the school, he went inside and tried to find his way to Headmare Starlight’s office. After having to ask a few ponies where her office was, he finally made it. He gave a few knocks on the door.
“Come in” Starlight called, prompting Brony to walk in.
“Can I help you?” Starlight asked.
“Yeah, uh, I was wondering…uhh, how I can be a student here” Brony replied.
“Oh, of course! Can I have your name?” Starlight asked.
“Brony T. Pony”
“And what does the T stand for?”
“The”
“Ok, Brony The Pony. Tell me about yourself”
“Well, I came here from Windcrest, California, which is one of the most corrupt, filthiest places I’ve ever been in! There’s graffiti all over the place, gang activity is always happening, police chases are happening 24/7, and my mother and I just so happen to live in a part where the most crime happens. We live in a run-down apartment building which looks like it’s about to collapse at any minute. My mother and I get broken sleep every night because all we hear in the middle of the night are couples screaming at each other, police sirens, and gunshots”
“Oh dear, that sounds terrible. I’m sorry you and your mother had to live through that”
“As am I. We moved there when I was seven. My parents divorced because my father insisted on choosing alcohol over his own family. His drinking problem has got to the point where we were not only in poverty, but we had to sell the house because we couldn’t afford to pay rent or bills because he spent all that money on booze and slot machines. Not to mention, he would get drunk and attack me and my mom. It was terrible!”
“Oh my! I’m so sorry you had to go through that! Have you talked to your father about his alcoholism?”
“No. I don’t even know where he is or what he’s up to right now and I don’t even want to know! But if I were to guess, he’s either dead or in jail!”
“And how much alcohol would he consume?”
“He’d have about 3 12-packs a day. One 12-pack before work, another 12-pack at work and another 12-pack when he got home from the bar. He’s spent so much money at the bar that we were actually in debt for a little while”
“So, not only is he a terrible parent, he’s also a menace to society, is that correct?”
Brony nodded as Starlight took notes.
“So, now that I got a glimpse of your childhood, can you tell me about your life with your mom in Windcrest?” Starlight asked.
“Let me start by saying that I love my mom. She stuck by my side while we were living under my father’s tyrannical roof and she’s done so much to make sure that I have a better life in Windcrest. However, reality was that life in Windcrest sucked. I already told you about the ghetto apartment building we lived in, second grade was as bad! I went to an all-human school that was always on lockdown because of nearby gang activity. I was always being bullied by my classmates and even the teachers. The principal did nothing about it and even called me a “pet” and held an assembly where I was whipped and yelled at right in front of everyone at the whole school while they were laughing. When I got home, I immediately raced into the bathroom with my mom’s toaster and put it right in the bathtub, causing me to go into a coma. My mom was horrified when she saw what I was doing and rushed me right to the hospital. My mom then sued the school district for child abuse, and they compensated her with $500,000 and a job with the district. Seeing as how the district obviously needed help, she accepted. However, the conditions she worked in were terrible. The schools were overcrowded, the teachers were being bullies, and the district superintendent took half the money out of her paycheck to spend it at the casino!” Brony replied.
“Frequent lockdowns, bullying teachers, child abuse, and a superintendent who gambles away school funds? School is supposed to be a safe haven, but if they torment kids to the point of suicide attempts, I-I just don’t know what to say! How could one city be so dangerous and toxic?” Starlight replied.
“Well, after the lawsuit, I was assigned to a different school in a whole new district. There, I was greeted with open arms by my teacher and that was where I met my best friend. We’d do everything together, she and I. We ate lunch together, we played together, we did homework together! However, her family dynamic wasn’t good either. Her brother was the head of a vigilante group called the YouTube Crusaders, or at least I thought it was a vigilante group! He pretty much abused his power by bullying little kids and even murdering them! I tried to leave, but he knew what I was doing and kept me in his closet for a week with no food or water. The police were called, and I was freed. However, he received no punishment whatsoever, all because he’s the leader of this…this…cult! This isn’t a group, I tell you, it’s a cult! It’s a fucking cult and I fucking fell for it!” Brony continued.
“Please calm down, Brony. And please refrain from using profanity. This is a professional setting” Starlight replied.
“Sorry, Miss Glimmer. Sometimes, I just get overworked when I tell my life story. Mostly because I just want to forget about it” Brony replied.
“I understand, but please try to contain yourself. So, why do you want to attend the School of Friendship?” Starlight asked.
“Well, for one, this school feels like a safe haven for me, especially after what I’ve been through. Second, I feared making friends when I went to school in Windcrest. I’ve never seen a human before, so of course I was gonna be freaked out. I wanna learn how to make friends without worry” Brony replied.
Suddenly, a thought hatched into Starlight’s mind. “Y’know, there’s a student who goes here that’s been through a similar life story as yours, only, he doesn’t have any family or even a home for that matter. I think you should take some time to build rapport with him. His name is Gallus. He’s a blue griffon with yellow tips on his head feathers”
This excited Brony. It sounds like he’s getting accepted.
“Most of our students came here to live better lives, and by listening to your story, I believe that you’re in desperate need of a normal life, which is something that you’ve been deprived of your entire life. So, with that said, let me be the first to welcome you to the School of Friendship!” Starlight said.
Brony was very excited to hear those words. “Oh, Miss Glimmer, thank you!”
He went over to give his new headmare a big hug, with her hugging back.
“So, I have your class schedule here, six classes each day, and it appears that you’re going to your honesty class first. Would you like me to take you there?” Starlight offered.
“Eh, might as well. I got lost on the way here, so a little help wouldn’t hurt” Brony replied as the two went over to Professor Applejack’s classroom.
Once they made it, Starlight told Applejack to meet them in the hallway.
“Anything going okay, Starlight?” Applejack asked.
“Yeah, things are okay. I have a new student with me. It’s his first day here” Starlight replied.
“Why, hello there, new student! Ah suppose you got mah honestly class first. Well, lucky you! Name’s Applejack! What’s yours?” Applejack greeted.
“Brony. Nice to meet you” Brony replied, extending a hoof to Applejack.
“Nice to meet you, Brony. Why don’t ya come in ‘n introduce yourself?” Applejack replied as she and Brony walked inside the classroom.
“Class, as y’all can see here, we got ourselves a new student joinin’ us today! His name’s Brony and ah want y’all to treat ‘im with respect, y’hear?” Applejack announced to the class.
Then she turned her attention back to Brony. “Be right back, sugarcube. Ah’m gonna get you a syllabus for the class”
As Applejack walked out of the room, Brony took a seat next to Gallus, who was the griffon that Starlight told him about.
“Hey, you’re Gallus, right?” Brony asked.
Gallus nodded in response.
“Starlight Glimmer told me about you. She said that you had a difficult life an-“ Brony was interrupted by Gallus putting a talon over his mouth.
“Now’s not the time to be talking about that kind of thing. We can talk later, okay Brownie?” Gallus said.
“Actually, it’s Brony” Brony corrected the griffon.
“Paul” Gallus said before directing his gaze to the front of the board.
“Paul?” Brony thought to himself.
By the end of third period, Brony was really enjoying his time at the school. His classes so far were very fun. In Professor Fluttershy’s second period class, he learned how to be gentle around a tarantula. Although he was a bit creeped out, he managed to not cause a scene. In Pinkie Pie’s third period class, he learned how to bake a cake, something that he’s never done before. And this was a perfect lead-in to lunchtime. He packed a slice of the cake he made, plus school lunch, which was a hayburger, a side of hay fries, and a small carton of chocolate milk.
As Corn and Peg were about to sit at the table with their food, they found Brony sitting by himself, eating his lunch.
“Look, Corn, a new student!” Peg called out.
“You’re right, Peg. I’ve never seen him before, so he must be new. Let’s go say hi” Corn replied as they made their way to where Brony was sitting.
“Hey there! Are you new here?” Peg asked Brony.
Brony nodded as he was chewing his food.
“Well, it’s very nice to meet you. I’m Corn” Corn greeted.
“And I’m Peg!” Peg added.
Brony gulped. “Huh, think I know you from somewhere. Do you have a show?”
“Oh yeah! We do!” Corn replied.
“Think I saw it a few times. I think it’s really good. Name’s Brony by the way” Brony replied.
“Well, Brony, we’re just about to go over and eat with our friends if you wanna come” Peg offered.
“Yeah, maybe you could make more friends!” Corn added.
“Eh, why not? The more the merrier, y’know?” Brony replied as the three made their way to where the Young Six were sitting.
“Hey guys! Look who we have here!” Corn announced as he was pointing at Brony.
“Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! A new student? Hi, new student! I’m Silverstream! Let’s be friends! Hey, do you like stairs? I looooooooooooooooove stairs! In fact, stairs are number 1 on my top 500 things I love!” Silverstream cheered.
“Sil, calm down!” Smolder chimed in before turning to Brony.
“Sorry about that. Silverstream gets a little too excited when she meets a new student” Smolder said.
“Well, at least that’s a step up from second grade. On my first day, I was beaten and yelled at” Brony replied, causing everyone to gasp in shock.
“W-wait, is that what you were trying to tell me this morning in honesty class?” Gallus asked.
“Well, I-I…” Brony stammered, not knowing how to respond.
“Look, let’s talk in private, okay? Sit tight, everyone. We’ll be back” Gallus said as he and Brony went somewhere else to talk.
“So, Headmare Starlight told you about me, right?” Gallus asked.
“Yeah. I told her my entire life story and she told me that you dealt with something as bad, only, you don’t have parents or a home” Brony replied.
Gallus let out a sigh. “Yep, that’s right. My childhood was pretty bad. I lived on the streets of Griffonstone, which is the worst place on Earth”
“Worst place on Earth? Well, you certainly haven’t been to Windcrest, California! I’ve never been to Griffonstone, but I’m pretty sure that’s better than Windcrest!” Brony replied.
“How is Windchime or wherever you’re from worse?” Gallus asked.
“Well, my mom and I moved there to get away from my abusive, alcoholic father. Glad that we got out of that situation, but Windcrest wasn’t any better. We lived in a crime-infested part of the city: graffiti everywhere, gangs were everywhere, you can’t go anywhere without seeing a police chase or a drunk, naked guy trying to rape you” Brony explained.
Gallus’s pupils shrunk. “Wow, guess you did have it rough. Not even Griffonstone was that bad!”
“Yeah. And all my life, I’ve been bullied and beaten! First by my alcoholic father, then by everyone at my school in second grade, and now I’m hiding from a cult leader!” Brony added.
Gallus sighed. “I’m sorry you had to go through all of that. I must say, it’s actually kinda nice to have someone relatable to talk to. I’m Gallus”
“Brony. Nice to meet you” Brony replied as he gave Gallus a hug.
“Y’know, I’m not too fond of hugs, but I really needed that. Thank you, Brony” Gallus said, smiling at Brony.
“I’m always happy to help a friend in need. I just wish I had friends like you” Brony replied, smiling back.
“Well, you’ve come to the right place. This school’s one of the best places you could be at! This is my second year here, and my friends and teachers are already family to me! The family that…I’ve never had” Gallus replied.
“I feel you, brother. I’ve always wanted a normal family, and now, I got one!” Brony replied.
“I’m glad to hear that! Hey, I gotta go to my fourth period class. Nice talking to you, Brony! See you tomorrow! Or maybe in another class today!” Gallus said as he left to go to class.
After all his classes were finished for today, Brony went over to the West Wing Dorm Building to find his dorm room. After walking through the corridor for a little while, he finally found his dorm. There was a tag on the dorm reading: 257W: BRONY PONY.
He picked up the key from the ground and went inside. He was amazed at how beautiful the dorm room looked. There was a king-sized bed, a flat screen television mounted on the wall, a small desk with basic supplies already on it, a nightstand, a mini fridge that is already stocked, and the cleanest bathroom that he’s ever seen.
“Wow, this place is nice! Better than that shithole of an apartment back in Windcrest!” Brony thought to himself.
As Brony made his way to his desk to do homework, he found a note on his desk. He picked it up to read it:
Dear Brony,
Congratulations on being a new student here at the School of Friendship! You have made a wise choice to study the magic of friendship alongside some of Equestria’s brightest experts. I hope that your room is to your liking. Don’t worry, the walls are very thick, so you won’t hear any cop sirens or any fighting while you’re trying to sleep or do homework. Please read through the School of Friendship Guidebook. This contains all the rules and everything you need to know in order to be successful at the School of Friendship. If you need anything, feel free to contact me. Happy learning!
Starlight Glimmer
Headmare, School of Friendship
Brony moved the note away from the center of his desk and placed a binder containing his assignments in its place before starting his homework.
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Windcrest is a real city in California near Dana Point.
This story is illogical, stopped reading.
It’s only the first sentence and the story is already making excuses for itself.
You know I was going to simply say "Just because you can doesn't mean you should." and be on my way, but this... This is one of those fanfics, isn't it?
Not even trying to be subtle here. I'm skipping over a lot of his "tragic backstory" because blah blah abusive father blah blah single mother blah blah self-insert.
Sure, a horse can live for up to a month without water, but this is clearly a human society. You use a real city, you use real companies like YouTube. Brony should be fucking dead and this story should be about humans. If you really want to stretch it, Equestria Girls has humans,. but even then it doesn't have fucking California.
What.
Okay so you don't even bother trying to cover up your hometown, but Twilight Sparkle's School of Friendship is real? So in this version of Equestria, California is real!??!
Can you at least attempt to make up a fake town name? Fuck I don't even know what race Brony is meant to be because you focus so much on other fucking
peopleponies, slow your roll with your RP backstory, because this is looking more like a character sheet for a shitty DnD game than it is a story.STALLIONS. THEY'RE CALLED FUCKING STALLIONS YOU DO NOT REFER TO ADULT MALE PONIES AS MEN. MEN REFERS TO ADULT HUMAN MALES. DID YOU EVEN BOTHER TO DO ANY RESEARCH?
wew
I'm sorry but I've never seen a fanfic be so illogically stupid. For someone named TheGamerBrony you sure do lack MLP knowledge.
Skipping over the conversation, I've already checked out of this shit and I don't have the patience to examine your self insert's assholishness...
So. Equestria is connected to California by train. And has payphones. While you call on using hooves.
It sucks I already used the "NOT SCIENTIFICALLY POSSIBLE" meme. https://i.imgur.com/I6q0b5u.jpg
Moving on before I tear my hair out ranting how phones are not a thing in Equestria...
Oh Goddesses he's finally using a canon character. So this is clearly either post-timeskip or somewhere in there. Thanks for explaining that earlier instead of focusing on Brony's alcoholic father who is brought up literally once! Context for the world of Equestria? What's that?
I'm sending you the medical bill for my busted liver because I am going to need a lot of alcohol.
Conversation, reitterating things that we already know of (You could just say "after explaining myself to Starlight" or just trim the fat that is that fucking character sheet of an intro and get into something like WHAT RACE/GENDER/THIS MOTHERFUCKER LOOKS LIKE OH MY GOD THIS IS LIKE PULLING TEETH.)
Oh hey he brings up the alcoholic again. I'm going to ignore this needless fucking padding and pointing out that the amount he drinks would probably kill someone within a day. Because like everything else in this shitshow, it is not logical.
oh my god there's a fucking page long rant
i don't care
i just don't fucking care about your fucking OC. You put him on a pedestal like he's some tragic hero and I don't even know what he LOOKS LIKE so I can't ENVISION HIM and I'm ASSUMING HIS GENDER BECAUSE YOU SPEND SO MUCH TIME ON IRRELEVANT SHIT THAT I SKIP OVER PARTS OF THIS JUST TO ENSURE MY TATTERED REMAINS OF SANITY STAY I AM LEGITIMATELY PISSED OFF AT THIS CONGRATULATIONS.
Oh good you bastardise a canon character to make him similar to the protagonist. Good thing I don't give two fucks about the Student Six otherwise I might have problems with this!
Oh good now Applejack is here. Goddesses forbid Applejack has a life outside the school herself, eh?
Who the actual fuck...
does research
Oh
They're characters from something entirely different to MLP. This now a crossover. Thrust upon the reader with no context, expecting you to know a Nick Jr. show in advance without any prior buildup or context other than THEY'RE MAGICAL HORSES.
This is where I stopped reading. I should have stop reading at "Brony T. Pony". Hell, I should have stopped at the title.
This is without a doubt, the worst thing I've read in a long time. You have legitimately pissed me off and I want to trash not just this, but you as an author for being so dense, so out of touch with MLP that you didn't even use Manehatten as Brony's home.
Fuck, the name "Brony T. Pony" makes me want to die. You didn't even try.
Literally the only thing about this thing that is passable is the spelling and grammar. The actual words on the fic and how they're used in an objective, non-story context are fine. Good even.
Everything else about this can go and die in a fire.
I'm not even exaggerating when I say this.
This is awful. Everything about aside from the grammar is actual garbage. It's like you watched the finale of the show without any prior context and thought "Huh this will be neat to write about." and proceeded to write a story about your self-insert that once again, I have no idea of anything physically Maybe it's in the parts I skipped, but I'm not even entirely sure if they're even a goddamn pony, that's how bad a job you did describing them.
I assume that Brony T. Pony is based from your avatar (which is in itself, objectively bad but I'm not a n artist.) and if I'm wrong about that and they do get described, I'm sorry but there are a lot worse things in this.
I can't even summerise my feelings on this because there's just so much wrong here. You use the real world then transition to Equestria, the main character's name sounds like a fucking satire.
Alright before I lose my mind I'm going to break down some of the issues I have.
1. It's overly edgy.
MLP it's a children's cartoon. Alcoholic fathers, shitty run-down cities and payphones do not exist in it. I don't understand this obsession with making this darker and edgier for the sake of BE SAD NOW! FEEL BAD FOR THIS PONY! https://i.imgur.com/YnXhvSa.jpg
It's fucking pathetic and a tonal clash that doesn't even make sense within the story. This seems to be a common thing too, including things like rape (That was in an E rated story before you changed to to T) and other really stupid shit. THIS IS MLP FANFICTION. AT LEAST TRY TO STAY E-RATED YOU EDGY TEENAGER OTHERWISE THE READERS WILL NOT CARE AND BE TAKEN OUT OF THE STORY BY THE TONAL INCONSISTENCY.
2. Oh my god I don't care about Brony.
I read the name and I checked out. This isn't a character, it's a self-insert. You put literally zero effort to make Brony feel like a real character. Even the name sounds like a parody. Along with this, I can't envision anything about him because you spend way too much time on his alcoholic father who doesn't even appear. ESTABLISH. A. FUCKING. CHARACTER. OR. DON'T. INSERT. OCs. It's really that simple!
Along with this, I seriously don't give a shit, because "MY FATHER'S AN ABUSIVE ALCOHOLIC AND I LIVED ALONE WITH MY MA IN A RUNDOWN SHITTY CITY AND I GOT INVOLVED WITH GANGS" IS OVERDONE AS HELL. Try writing something of substance rather than cheap tropes for "FEEL BAD NOW." Once again, this seems to be a running thing, considering that Gallus gets raped at one point in one of your stories.
HAVING THINGS HAPPEN TO SOMEONE DOES NOT MAKE A CHARACTER. IT MAKES THEM BORING BECAUSE THEIR CHARACTER IS WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM. SHOW. DON'T. TELL.
3. That stupid fucking crossover.
Do I need to elaborate on the unnecessary Peg and Corn cameo? Because I had to Google that shit just o understand what it was. "Wow, they're magical horses." doesn't fucking cut it, as it is entirely unneeded and shows you don't have the creativity to write anything.
You know what? That leads great into my conclusion.
Conclusion (TL;DR)
This legitimately enraged me. The absolute lack of care in writing this pisses me off as a writer myself. You expect people to care for a cardboard cutout with a """tragic backstory""" when the reader doesn't even know what they look like. The world doesn't make sense (California and Equestria are connected via a train!?!?!??!) and is overly edgy for the sake of drama. Hell, you tell a lot of this without showing. Flashbacks to Brony's early years, the abuse he sustained, the feelings he felt during his earlier years, those make empathy.
These are just words on a fucking page. The only emotions I feel are boredom and anger.
I hate saying this, but I feel it's necessary for you:
You don't have what it takes to be a real writer. You can sure as shit write grammatically correctly, but you clearly lack the care and creativity needed to write a real narrative. This shit is tropes slung together in a desperate bid to write a story. Tropes Are Not Bad, but it's how you use them. Hell, the name Brony T. Pony itself shows you lack literally any creativity.
This is painful, legitimately fucking awful garbage. This isn't a story, it's a series of tragic tropes glued together to disguise the fact that underneath the actual words, you cannot write.
Is this needlessly harsh? No! I don't think so! You've pissed me off that much with your absolute lack of care in this dreck that I took the kid gloves off especially for you. Do you know why?
Because you can't even give your self-insert a name that isn't so cringe-inducingly awful that it borders on parody. When you can't even get a name to seem at least somewhat passable, that's a sign that maybe, just maybe writing isn't for you.
Go back to gaming, TheGamerBrony, you don't have the finesse for the art of writing.
(And since I spent so long venting on this, I'm saving it for future reference. Mostly because I put way more effort into this than you did even trying to write.)
10172283
Pretty much agree with what this gentleman said (except the E-rated thing, since fanfiction allows for more mature explorations of the source material and changing ratings as tags are added to a story is common practice). But for real, author, you need to do a better job than this; perhaps consider a re-write in which you change pretty much everything about it.