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Ocellus is sent by King Thorax of the Changeling Kingdom to serve as the Friendship Ambassador to Ponyville. As she becomes introduced to Ponyville, she meets five diverse creatures and soon befriends them. However, they're put to the test as Nightmare Moon returns to deliver eternal darkness. It's up to Ocellus and her new friends to stop her.
This rewrite of the first episode is a collaboration with Switch Swap.
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Shouldn't the changeling in the picture have wings?
Great beginning Can't wait for the next chapter
10583069
That’s more of a question for whoever made the picture.
This is a pretty interesting reverse story of the young six being in the first episode anyway it looks like Ocellus is the princess of Friendship very interesting but it looks like the other creature are preparing for the sunset celebration and it looks like she's meaning each other creatures that someday she'll become friends with but things will be very crazy once tonight comes can't wait to see how this will work out this is a pretty interesting start
You have my attention.
10583184
I think it was orin331 on deviantart
Here's the link https://www.deviantart.com/orin331/art/Queen-Ocellus-763142089
And you've got my attention
I am looking forward to see if it turns out exactly the same way as in the original.
It's not clear at all, what element will be assigned to who and I take it as a good thing.
However, I'd recommend you to take a little more time with the descriptions. I'm sure it would improve the reading experience. The main issue is, I think, the fact that creatures we know as "Young Six" are supposedly adults in this story, but we are not presented with their altered appearances. I mean, this is an alt. universe, so it's not obvious at all if they even looked exactly like that as teenagers from the timeline we're familiar with.
I like the story idea nonetheless, keep it going!
This reminds me of a fanfic called Friendship is Magic 2.0, where the Student Six were also roleswapped with the Mane 6. I think you’ve done the concept better, but there’s definitely room for improvement.
I like how you established each member of the six separately (unlike FIM2.0). However, you did so in a rushed manner that doesn’t convey any of their personalities. The Mane 6 didn’t get much development in the first episode, but at least we learned what they did in their daily lives and their basic traits.
I also liked how you explicitly say that the changeling kingdom is different from canon, because it avoids raising too many questions about what happened to Queen Chrysalis, but Ocellus also mentions that she’s from there way too many times.
10583430
Gallus is described as being young.
Great start n this chapter.
As was said (better) by other reviewers; the story idea DEFINITELY has potential, but it is a bit too rushed in some ways (though, admittedly, this IS only the first chapter and there is plenty of time for character development AFTER Nightmare Moon is taken care of [that's what the Slice of Life stuff is for, naturally]). While I DO appreciate Ocellus taking the "Friendship Ambassador" stuff seriously (as that is a great differing detail from Twilight at this point) and meeting the other main characters one at a time, there isn't much characterization beyond what we know about the characters from canon. Still, the exchanges are really good, as is the future chapter set-up and I am definitely looking forward to more of this.
Though, hopefully, the future chapters after Nightmare Moon is taken care of will show a bit more of the assorted realms these different characters come from. And maybe some universe backstory as to how these realms are already on good enough terms with Equestria to justify Changelings, Dragons, Hippogriffs, Yaks and Griffons being casually seen in Ponyville at this point in time.
I like it
A bit rushed, and could use some edits, but it's a good plotline, good job
10583664
This is actually a rewrite of that
I canceled it because I was going to only focus on Detective Nyx
And now it’s sequel, Heroine Nyx
Well, as was already said, this was still rushed, but I DID like the work that went into the exchanges, characterizations, action, general wrap-up to the first adventure and set-up for the future slice of life stuff. I DID like the alterations to the Everfree trials to make them make more sense (and even had a couple of the trials reveal multiple Elements so you only needed three trials instead of five). And, yeah, to be fair, Nightmare Moon is a Starter Villain, so it makes sense to get through it as quickly as possible.
Definitely looking forward to more of this story, but I DO hope the Slice of Life/Character Development are far less rushed in the future. And perhaps include some in-universe backstory for how this Equestria has already developed this level of acceptance for other species (perhaps something along how dragons, hippogriffs, Changelings, Griffons and yaks actually HELPED Equestria's settlers a lot in the early days, but a bit more detail).
But, anyway, Happy Holidays.
Wow that's actually pretty good I mean a little rush but pretty good so Ocellus and her friends have to travel through the everfree forest to find Princess Celestia before it's too late so they went to the obstacles throughout the forest proving themselves they actually can do this but when they finally made it to the castle Nightmare Moon was there thinking she had the upper hand but little does she doesn't know the elements are here within these kids and finally they found the Sixth Element they finally defeated Nightmare Moon and free Princess Celestia and thorax Princess Luna is back once again this was pretty interesting I wonder what's going to happen next for those kids I guess we'll find out next time