ColossalGX
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FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This is your official review from Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
Remember to vote in the contest's poll -- voting closes at midnight, June 6th.
And make sure to allow notifications from the contest group and/or follow Dirty Little Secret to get the full results and the awards show post on June 9th!
------ Review ------
Please keep in mind, I know I can be overly critical and negative at times. I can always find something to nitpick, even in the greatest works of literature ever written. Please don't take it personally!
-I'm really surprised you got a fic with the human tag and 'loli' in the description through on Fimfic.
two girls old enough to be starting high school!-- yeah ... that's definitely underage humans, in bathing suits, fondling a guy's dick. Not my job to be the Fimfic loli police, though.-
Flashback…-- subtle, very subtle-Managed to defeat Fimfic's automatic paragraphing somehow.
this whole experience had caused his pants to become still.-- huh?-Um... did she just orgasm from having her lower back massaged?
-
Or what he was her office.he heard Silver said.-- very sloppy wording, to the point of being difficult to read.-Never really comes to a climax or has actual sex. A tease of a story.
-Plenty of milfs and lolis, if that's what readers are after.
------ Scores ------
To clarify what these scores mean, check my judging rubric.
Cloppability: 40/100
Allure: 80/100
Enticement: 80/100
Immersion: 70/100
Prose Quality: 50/100
Total Score: 320/500
The more specialized scores for individual prizes, as well as the results of the community poll, will be published when the full results are announced. If this story wins any awards, there will be another post in the story comments sometime after June 9th announcing that this story has won.
Thank you for participating, and thank you for contributing to Fimfic's collection of clop!
10249247
This is the second time you've come across loli in this contest. I think they want the whole site shutdown by Mister Metokur's followers and/or the FBI.
10249312
I was told what's wrong with the story, and admit I was lost in translation over the guidelines. So I changed the words in a way to hopefully remove any context that anyone was under age of consent.
10249247
Thank you for your criticism, which is why I just now fixed the story to hopefully remove any context that anyone was under age of consent.