- Member Since 26th Jun, 2018
- offline last seen March 28th
Minty Sundae
<== Razz is taking pics of my butt again
Minty Sundae
Joined 26th Jun, 2018 ·
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hes not wrong in his threat to spoiled. hope the kid comes out okay
She could be lying just to slight him, its completely in her character to do something like that. Maybe I'm in denial because I simply want things to be okay for him.
See now I want to see a sequel why you do this to me
wow, I sorta saw this coming but the ending was a nice twist. is this a one shot or do you have any plans on a story with Dad and his daughter?
Wow. Absolutely amazing story! Being honest I’m not a big fan of diamond tiara or her mother. But being honest I would love to see a sequel for this one! Of course there will be a ton of drama and love. But that makes things always a bit more interesting. Looking forward for more stories ^^
That's all we need. A ponified version of The Gaduate
One word: Kentucky
9814669
I thought it was Alabama?
Wow, I never felt so conflicted on a fic before. Should I give it a like or not? Should I add this to my fave list? I'm not gonna lie, I enjoyed reading this, but the dude is banging his own daughter and just, ugh! Moral conflicts are hard, man.😫
quickmeme.com/img/b3/b3338759f6dcc01bf15e18827ead3b6ebeb546e6e8e1e385474e498a168b4f66.jpg
I enjoyed it.
Well, that was a twist ending.
I saw the ending coming, but it still surprised me XD
This is some serious Oldboy shit. Excellent twist on a sweet story.
This was such a great story. The narrator's personal voice was incredibly strong, and did an excellent job conveying his character. It was also surprisingly heartfelt, making me want to root for the narrator/DT/SS trio. I really want to read more of this, even if I'm not sure what ground a sequel would cover. Probably something with Silver Spoon, since she felt a little like a third wheel in this?
Either way, major props to you!
I didn't know she could make spaghetti.
Well, this was a interesting read, that's for sure. Well done, kinky and hot, with unknown incest as a good topping.
This is also why meeting the parents is a good idea. But hey, ponies be ponies. Incest is wincest! A he loves her and she loves him. Go for yours!
I'm sure this has happened to somebody in a soap opera before. just next generation make sure to wear protection and get some dna tests done beforehoof
9813732
Eh, one generation, should be fine. Besides,apparently Di got the good genes!
pretty = young?
"Okay, so- if we assume the absolute legal minimums here, like, he was 18 at the time he met Spoiled and Spoiled was only slightly more so,
and since it's now 20 years later, give or take six months of dating, marriage, and two months of pregnancy, MINUS the 11 months Spoiled was pregnant with Diamond,
That puts Diamond at 19 - 20 years old,
while our protagonist is, at a minimum, 38 - 39.
Incest aside, Spoiled has plenty enough reason to be upset with the middle-aged janitor/painter stallion robbing the cradle.
Still, good twist tho.
This was a very strong showing, but it did have one pretty bad problem - it simply moved way, way too fast. Part of this was by design, but in the span of only a few thousand words, we had not one, not, two, but three sex scenes (all of which were good, by the by - very descriptive, good use of the senses, gave us a good sense of this first-person character), and while all of this did set up the actual accidental incest aspect of the work, I feel like a different approach could have worked in a lot more detail and made this fic not feel so lightning fast.
Still, this was a very good showing. Good stuff!
9821370
Young & pretty. She's the type to obsess over every last wrinkle. She was afraid Filthy would dump her for somepony younger & more attractive.
That's the math I was getting too, though I left it blank because 18 is our age of consent, not necessarily theirs. When writing this, I pictured him as 39 while Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are 19.
The one thing I would disagree with is Spoiled Rich being upset at Diamond marrying somepony older than her. I honestly don't think she'd care if he was 90, as long as he was rich. Marrying someone poor? That's what irks her. I don't think Spoiled loves Diamond, but rather views her as a tool to use. Filthy Rich, however, would very much be upset with the cradle robbing aspect, and I called that out in story:
One other thing we never really see is how Diamond feels about things. We have a biased perspective (one of the reasons I usually avoid first person; though it does allow to go far more in depth into his thoughts), but DT is a complex character in her own right. I think she suspects that Filthy isn't really her dad, and I think that's why she looked for a stallion outside of Ponyville and Canterlot, places her mother frequents. As for the age gap, there are several possibilities for that. She could like older stallions, he could've charmed her regardless of the difference, or she may have been just trying to spite her mother.
And thank you! I hope you enjoyed the story!
9821645
First of all, thank you. Your critiques have been helping me tremendously. If you look at Homecumming 2 compared to the original, and then this fic compared to both of those, I think you can see the improvement (especially in the sex scenes) here. It’s rare to find such good feedback. Thank you.
I think the fast pace is probably a result of the first person perspective on this one. He's recalling the relevant parts (and the sex scenes are driving the plot, as opposed to being dictated by the plot), and skipping over the months and years that aren’t. I rarely venture into first person, and that's probably one of the reasons for the poor pacing. How would you have paced this differently to be more immersive?
Thank you again! Even if this fairs poorly in the contest, it’s my first fic to hit the Featured Box, and your feedback on my prior work is one of the reasons it did. I’ve already seen some improvement in my work, but there’s always room for more.
That ending, d'awww
The narration is very brusque and summarizing sometimes, even in the heat of a sex scene. Sounds like the narrator is bored with it, even at the height of passion. Like he just wants to get the story over with so he can go home. That does at least give the narrator a consistent voice throughout. And the scenes did have (just barely) enough detail to be enjoyable.
The concepts were the best part, though. Amazing justification for some father/daughter incest, and bringing Silver Spoon into it really spiced things up.
There could have been extra potential with Silver Spoon, though. What if he met Silver’s mom and realized that he was ‘familiar’ with her too? And Diamond was pregnant by the end … but what about Silver? (Honestly, Silver Spoon seems kind of forgotten about by the end.)