Chapter 10: Celestia's Verdict
Dear Princess Celestia,
As you know, two days ago, we captured a white female Diamond Dog (or Howlite Howler, as I will refer to her) outside of Dragon-Shy Cave. We had come looking for Spike, who had gone missing, and found this diamond dog utilizing a strange form of magic to murder the pony Beast Breaker.
At first, I thought that the Diamond Dog was some kind of monster. But an investigation proved that the murdered ponies had been engaging in unspeakable acts of brutality and abuse towards her and – according to her account – dragons, griffons and other forms of life. Spike would have joined them if not for her timely intervention.
However, before you could pass judgement, the diamond dog escaped. We tracked her to the edge of Diamond Dog territory, where Rarity had previously been a… guest… of their kind. And there… we found several ponies recently freed from Diamond Dog enslavement. When we questioned them, we found out the Howlite Howler had personally freed them.
We aren’t sure how to respond to this, and currently, we have several returned citizens of Equestria to tend to. Please let us know what you would like done with our new guests, and what should be done with the Howlite Howler.
I look forward to your quick reply.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle.
Princess Celestia re-read the letter several times, to make sure she understood it correctly. In front of her, Princess Luna stood, fidgeting and rubbing her hooves.
Celestia finally sighed through her nose, folding Twilight’s letter.
“My sister,” she finally said. “Did you not say that these canines were said to worship your moon? Was that not the reason why I allowed you to question her?”
Luna ducked her head. “I-I did,” she admitted.
“And how did you handle this creature that should have looked to you as a goddess?” Celestia asked. Her tone was questioning, yet Luna looked up in defense.
“I-I thought she was lying!” Luna said, her voice cracking. “I thought she gave me nothing but falsehoods and claims that ponies had committed unspeakable sins upon her!” She turned away, clearly not believing her own words. “But then I looked into her mind... and I saw the truth." Her eyes closed. "I saw what she was put through."
Celestia's cold look faded at the sight of Luna's regret. Though her ears pricked as Luna's eyes opened, narrowed in anger.
"And I saw Blueblood’s face in her memories. Ordering her torture.”
Celestia narrowed her eyes.
“It is unfortunate Shiva had such an… adverse reaction to his presence,” Celestia noted. “Until he has recuperated from his injuries, I will not be able to question him.”
“Then what is to be done in the mean?” Luna asked. When Celestia looked at her, Luna inclined her head. “I assure you, Celestia; I see the error of my ways now. I had come to the wolf expecting a monster, and found only a scared woman. It is a mistake I will not repeat again.”
“Granted, the fear she has gained is not without reason,” Celestia admitted. “Though it is hard to maintain sympathy for those who deliberately poke at the eye of the beast.” Her head hung. “Even when they are my little ponies,” she added sadly.
“Then I ask again,” Luna said. “What’s to be done?”
Celestia was still quiet for another minute, gauging her sister’s reaction. From the flick of her ears to the tremble in her hooves.
“Find Shiva,” Celestia finally ordered her sister. “And learn what she is up to.” A quill and paper floated over to her. “I remember Twilight’s last report on the Diamond Dogs. They gave up Lady Rarity, yes, but only because she was too much of a handful. If Shiva is offering them something better than work horses, I want to know exactly what she’s given them, and if it will threaten our borders.”
“And if it does?” Luna asked worriedly. Celestia didn’t even hesitate.
“Inform me immediately,” Celestia declared. “And scared woman or not, we will ensure that Shiva commits no further harm to our subjects.”
Luna nodded and left the throne room with a flash of light.
#
Shiva yanked the tendril hard, pulling a mine cart full of gems from the tunnel. Other diamond dogs, all glowing with the links of Shiva’s magic, easily tugged several more carts along. It had only been a few days since Shiva had overthrown their Alpha, and yet they were raking in more jewels and food than they knew what to do with.
“Still miss the work horses?” Shiva asked a nearby Diamond Dog.
The dog grinned at her. “Let them stay in Equestria,” he declared. “We got the Howlite Howler.”
“The Howlite Howler!” the other dogs cheered, yanking more gems from the depths of the earth.
Shiva turned, spotting Luke back in the treasure horde. As his silver eyes found her brown eyes, he nodded in satisfaction.
Shiva’s tail wagged as she gazed upon her new pack. A part of her worried for what the ponies might do, but for now, she was able to dismiss it.
These dogs appreciated her. They loved her. With them, she almost felt like she had Master back.
Her heart throbbed at the memory of her lost Master, but then she remembered: Master wasn’t really gone. She was a part of her.
She was the Master.
Huh, Shiva thought happily. I like how that sounds.
She would protect this new family with everything she had. They would live happy, fat and free. And if the ponies wanted to stop that from happening, then they were clearly bad, and would deserve to be stopped.
Yes, Shiva decided. That will work.
And there we have it: Shiva's the Alpha of the Diamond Dogs, while more political intrigue stews in Canterlot.
Now, this is technically the end of only Part 1. Similar to the two parters, there is a second part to this story, though I wasn't sure to include it here or continue it in another story. Please let me know what you think, and if I should continue the story here or in a second story.
Until then, thanks for reading, and have a great day. 
Edit: Revised on April 18th, 2020, on feedback from MosAnted. Thank you again, MosAnted for your feedback and suggestions. Hopefully, they've helped make the story better.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- JNKing · 55k words · 125 8 · 2.2k views
- JNKing · 40k words · 157 11 · 3.1k views
- JNKing · 39k words · 47 8 · 1.1k views
- JNKing · 64k words · 116 14 · 2.8k views
- JNKing · 71k words · 71 5 · 2.1k views
- JNKing · 116k words · 43 7 · 1.2k views
- JNKing · 16k words · 66 7 · 2k views
- CommanderX5 · 80k words · 216 7 · 3.1k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.292 seconds
Total duration
763 users online
1,116,111 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Shiva is what the Diamonds need to get out of the Stone Age.
I can’t wait for the next chapter.
10150426
That they do.
10150431
Can't wait to share them.
Out of curiosity, would the conclusion of this chapter serve as a good 'End of Part 1?' There are at least twelve chapters left, and I'm wondering if I should split the next chapters into a sequel story.
Your feedback is greatly appreciated.
Statement/Fact: I wish to snap this meatbags neck.
continue the story
Great story dude! I cant wait to read more!
As for rather to contine here or make another.....dont know, I suppose either one would work. Maybe another would be better cause then we could get another story image. Xd
Up to you man. 👍
10158345
I literally was looking for images if I decided to go for a sequel.
Thank you very much for your feedback. I'll have the chapter for the second part out by Friday.
Until then, thanks again for reading.
Ok, I've liked this story for the most part but this *really* bothers me. Blueblood admits to ordering the kidnapping and torturing of multiple creatures and Celestia just... does nothing?
WHY!? He's an useless ponce! The very least he deserves is having his titles stripped from him!
I really wish you wouldn't just have written Celestia to be such a doormat. Way too many authors do.
10186090
Yeah, sorry for making Celestia look like a bit of a door mat here.
My logic was that Blueblood is making any punishment against him look like Celestia is supporting Shiva's actions against Beast Breaker. If Celestia punished him or stripped him of his titles, Blueblood could spin it as Celestia saying that Shiva was right and that Beast Breaker deserved to be mauled and killed.
It's incorrect, of course, but Celestia can't make herself look like she doesn't care about her subjects. Plus, I meant for Blueblood to have a little more political clout here. After all, he's a Prince; I'm not sure how differently it works in Equestria, but Princes and Princesses are sort of the same rank. I just feel like he should have some kind of political sway over something if he's going to have the title of Prince instead of a more minor title like Lord or something like that.
Is there a better way I can convey this so that Celestia looks less like a door mat and more like her hooves are tied by political red tape? I'd really appreciate any tips on how to improve my stories.
Thanks again for your feedback, and I look forward to your reply.
10186140
I will admit that part of my criticism comes from an unreliable source, that being, I've read so many fics that some fanon has starting to bleed over in my mind. And much of said fanon has Blueblood being related to Celestia only distantly, if that, and his title usually being merely ceremonial. Thing is, canon doesn't really give us much to work with regarding him, so we all fill the blanks somewhere.
I think the problem here is twofold: one, we aren't being shown Blueblood has that kind of power or influence, and two, why is the immortal God-Queen who's ruled the country for over 1000 years and whose word is law would be given pause. For the latter, which is also a problem I see many writers share, the problem is, as far as we can tell, Equestria *is* a monarchy, and monarchs through history held usually absolute power. True, Celestia might be loathe to rule with a heavy hoof, but that doesn't mean that authority isn't there should she wish to exercise it. Celestia just letting Blueblood off like that when he's responsible for what we would consider Crimes Against Humanity makes her look weak and impotent. Celestia could have at least imposed some temporary punishment on him, like, say, strongly "advise" him to keep to his quarters/manor until he's called, effectively house arrest. Her not doing anything is pretty much handing him a blank cheque and telling him he can keep on doing the same as long as it's "for the good of Equestria".
I think in both cases it's an issue with framing, and partly timing. If Blueblood has some clout then you need to show it somehow previously. Ditto if the system is not an absolute monarchy, which is what I would default to with the lack of any mention of a Parliament. Also that part might not have been so bad if that conversation had taken place some other time. Putting it at the Epilogue makes for a very unsatisfying conclusion, as opposed to maybe the beginning of the next story.
Oh and one more thing, we know Blueblood is a Prince due to some nebulous relationship to Celestia, but that doesn't mean he's her equal. Celestia is by all purposes a Queen, although Hasbro forced the writers to change that for marketing reasons. Put another way, the only equal Celestia should have is Luna, and later on, Twilight and Cadance. It does seem in Equestria the "Right to rule" is tied to Alicornhood so Blueblood would at least fall one rung below the other Princesses. Like I said before, it's fine if it's different in your AU but you need to at least somehow hint at it before dropping it on our laps.
Sorry, I got kinda ranty here, but I hope my points come across properly. I really like your story, and I get you were trying to make the ponies unintentional villains, but the Epilogue kinda undermines that point, which is why I found it so jarring and infuriating.
10186246
I can see your points, and think you got them across really well.
You are right in that my framing was off. I played this story from Shiva's perspective, and Shiva didn't stick around long enough to see the inner workings of Equestria or how much power Blueblood would have. Plus, I've been struggling with whether to make this and Part Two: Trust Denied be a full single story or two smaller stories, which was probably why the timing was off.
As for Blueblood's exact 'rank,' I was inspired by the Heroes of Olympus: the Mark of Athena. There, even though one character was in charge of a small community similiar to Celestia, someone ranked lower than her had a way with words that allowed him to inspire everyone beneath her to action. She effectively had her power yanked out from under her by the call of the majority, and couldn't resist without risking mutiny. Granted, Celestia has much more power than the character in Heroes of Olympus, but I've always gotten the sense that Celestia hates using her power or ruling with a heavy hoof, like you said.
I did have an earlier draft where nobles that Blueblood convinced or bartered to side with him came to his defense (which I ended up cutting). Do you think maybe if I combine that with your suggestion of Celestia low-key threatening Blueblood and his posse, it might work a little better?
Thank you again for a very descriptive explanation.
10186303
This might work, or at least make the point come across more believably. I would at the very least to make it a sort of detente situation, because if they can just yank Celestia around then one would wonder why she's still ruling. OTOH something like her implying a "Nuclear" option she's reluctant to use, but not entirely unwilling, to at least make the nobles back off would show she still has authority.
If you do go ahead with that Idea it might be worth to have Celestia note who those nobles were and keep an eye on them, and that could make for some interesting politics tug-of-war for the sequel.
10186378
Thanks for your feedback.
One other thing:
Do you think the story might be improved if I move this chapter to the prologue of Howlite Howler 2? Like I mentioned before, I had a hard time deciding if this story should be one long story, or be split into two parts, and I was worried that part 1 didn't end in a satisfactory way.
If moving this to the prologue, and maybe even altering it so that Celestia decides to bring Shiva back to prove Blueblood wrong, helps improve the story, I'd be willing to make the necessary revisions.
Again, I really appreciate you calling this to my attention. I want this story to be as good as I can make it, and plot holes like the one you discovered only bring the story down.
10186976
Mmmm, it could work if you can somehow break the scene in two parts: the conversation between Celestia and Luna works well here, but if you could move Blueblood to the sequel then it can help in cementing his role as the villain (and let's not kid ourselves, while other ponies are antagonists due to ignorance and misunderstandings, Blueblood's actions are entirely willingly, knowingly evil).
Suggestion: Maybe Blueblood is recuperating from injuries at this time and that's why he's not present? Shiva did use him as a living meteor hammer after all.
And I understand why you struggled with breaking it up or not. A friend had a similar bout of indecision and in the end decided to keep it in a single story. There are both pro's and cons for each one and I honestly can't say which is better. The only thing that you need to take into account is that, when breaking up a story in multiple submissions/books, you need to take said break into account, as opposed to continuing in a following chapter.
Alright, this works much better now. We have Luna being chewed out and a solid hook to the next story 👍
10188138
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/167/803/FSyay.png
Awesome. Thank you again for your advice.
....wasint there a chapter or part in which celestia talks to blueblood about what he did? I thought I remembered that...
10198946
Yeah, I moved her confrontation with Blueblood to the prologue of Howlite Howler 2. Sorry for the confusion.
10199581
I saw that, no problem. 👍xd
10224803
Ah, I understand. And yeah, Pinkie wandering in while chattering would make a lot more sense for her character.
I just revised the chapter with this in mind, and I do feel that it works a little better. Pinkamena doesn't make a reappearance, and I think I did alright with showing Shiva's fight-or-flight response.
Thanks for this suggestion.
If the main OCs in this story were voiced, what would they sound like?
10326299
Shiva: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qzq-wfFTrbY
Luke: https://youtu.be/sTeCR2E82jo?t=53
Beast Breaker: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCDM4PwkMuE
10536601
It seemed like she was walking outside the cell then suddenly appeared in the cell, that and I'm pretty sure the guards would hear the noise since Pinkie wasn't being quiet... I'll just put to guard incompetence, but Pinkie suddenly appearing was odd, even for her, pretty certain Twilight would had made it clear not to approach her without permission.
11337720
i enjoyed it, i also like finding stories that involve wolves too in equestria. ^^ Often imagining one of my oc's ending up there. Most prefer dragons but always liked wolves.
11337961
Thank you for your feedback.
I too enjoy wolves; they're the natural ancestors of the dog, and there's just something really awesome about them.
And while I do enjoy dragons for their might and strength, wolves are also a lot of fun for me due to their natural loyalty to a pack and their connection to dogs.
I'm really happy you enjoyed my story, and look forward to sharing more.
Until then.
👋
11338025
i like how fans deal with daimond dogs, dragons, gryphons, etc. In show if not a pony the civilization isnt as advanced as ponies, their not all smart, and greedy. To me thats kind of steroetype and not all creatures would act like that. I love finding fanfics that expand the cultre, lore, and customs of various species and dont show them that their dumb and brutes like show.
11338123
Agreed; while I understand the show was geared towards a younger audience, I still really wish that they didn't write off non-pony species as just dumb barbarians, and instead got to show them as their own people.
It could've been a great way to encourage tolerance towards people of different nationalities, and shown how even if we come from different places, we can still figure out ways to get along with each other.
11338128
Gryphons kingdom fell after their idol fell, which is stupid in my opnion. I think think if it did fall cause of it then another gryphon kingdom least take its place. With changelings and diamond dogs i often imagine a beautiful underground city. While changelings having a hive would have a unique city under the ground. Dragons i dont imagine the draognlands being entirely a dump either. It just seem to scream if your a non-pony species you suck kind of vibe. If this was more realistic and i think each kingdom would be propserous in own way with unique history and culture. Again i know its a cartoon show but i've seen some childrens cartoons show bit more respect with other sentient species.
11338156
Absolutely.