Seven years before Twilight Sparkle, a curious creature arrives in Ponyville. How will they react to each other and this strange new world?
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You done fucked up.
Well that just happened...Despite his fast relationship I think Aj and him are a good match here is hoping they deal with awkwardness that is about to occur. Nice to see doug has a bit of faith in him of his old home. Overall I would say doug is making progress and this was a pretty good chapter.
9898292
Dude, calm down, it's just a prayer. By all accounts, people can believe in a religion without adhering to its most strict dogmas, or just be raised under that and keep the habit. Hell, we can't even pinpoint which version of Christianity is being used. There's really little to nothing to be mad at.
I wonder if Doug is under some sort of compulsion? Right at the end he has a moment of clarity where he asks himself what just happened. This is after he and Applejack have had sex and he proposed to her, all on the first day! Something must be up and is affecting both of them.
That was a beautiful and sweet chapter they are so cute together and I'm so happy that they are finely together. BigMac is going to freakout when he find's out.
9899416
Well, that's more a reason to be mad at modern society, isn't it? Even then, you can't really get mad at people for believing in what you don't. Religious groups all over the world have a very long and horrible history of doing that.
And again, nothing really to get mad at the story or character.
9899416
9899419
As much as I love comments, and I do, I don't want this to turn into some sort of flame war on the merits of religion. What matters is the contents of one's beliefs and thoughts, not where those beliefs came from. And while religion might not be a small part of Doug's personality (because many of our beliefs are grounded in religious concepts - concepts that the ponies might not necessarily share), Doug's religious beliefs and their impact on the story is relatively minor.
9898292
Was this really necessary?
9898292
I found the Athiest Guys.
Nah but the dude got transported to another dimension. I’d say this is a pretty stressful time that would force anyone to pray.
...I find this story kind of interesting but this chapter and the whole connection feels way too fast. I find myself put off a bit by what feels very unnatural. Hopefully this is an exception and not a rule of what to expect from this story.
9961095 I thoroughly agree. He has been in Equestria like a day. It comes off confusing. I want to like this story, but Doug as a character feels, straight out the uncanny valley. Or, the closest a written character can to that effect. That combined with the townsfolk giving the KKK a run for the money, makes it unpleasant at times to read. I also kind of find the weird mid-scene change of perspective thing kind of jars with meaningful conversations.
9898292
I gotta admit, that's pretty ballsy of you. And, reading your further comments down the line, I can say that you are entitled to have an opinion, and even express that opinion. Your First Amendment rights prevent any of us from legally forcing you to stop.
But I think you forgot one thing. Well, two really.
One - You have the right to hold and express an opinion. You do not, however, have the right to incite hatred against a person, people, or organization, especially if that hatred is based in race, gender, religion, or sexual identity. Free Speech does not protect you in this case.
Two - This link will take you to the general rules of the site, and the second rule is very clear. No attacks on a person due to gender, race, religion, or sexual identity.
I'm not going to demand you change your comments or remove them. I am, however, going to warn you that someone is going to get the Admins involved in this at some point. I will grant you that this is borderline, as you don't seem to be directly attacking the author, but it is borderline. The Admins have the power to decide whether or not you are violating the rules in this instance. Having never been banned before from this site, I cannot say one way or another how they will react.
9966828
As to your first point, people do have the right to incite hatred as based on the first amendment. However to your 2nd point, the website does have rules, and even then the owners/moderators don't even have to abide by them.
...did he seriously just marry her after knowing her for less than a week?
9992089
The long and short of it? Yes.
Now, he had his reasons. He's horny, obviously, and thinking with the wrong head, as it were. I wrote it to be as close to dub-con without actually crossing that line, as he doesn't dwell on what might happen should he refuse Applejack's advances - a survival mechanism, of sorts. Yet he hates himself for giving in, and projects a bit of that failing during subsequent chapters. Even if, as to your previous complaint, he gets over things and 'adapts' too quickly.
A part of it comes from this being a rewrite where, in the first version, he gets together with Applejack on day one. It becomes a minor point mentioned later, but ultimately has little bearing on the story. It's something I probably should have changed, and stretched their relationship to take months to get to this point.
Alas, maybe the next version will take a million words to get to the first clop scene where they just hold hooves. /s
I wanted to like this stpry but theres been to mamny uncanny valley moments for me generly boiling down to doug rolling over instantly,
9992122
Your writing quality has improved substantially however you could have given this story a bit more sustainence and depth in the beginning by drawing out his entry into Equestria, and the following interactions between Applejack and the rest of the town.
It breaks realism a tad when you logically think of it: no sane Human is going to be so accepting of such radical social change (especially with how ingrained our social norms are from a young age) let alone mating with a completely alien species, within the span of a week. Yes, its a work of fiction, however having relationships progress so fast and with such litle depth to them detracts from quality world building and just sticks out like a sore thumb.
I've been there myself... you want to get to the good part of the story fast and get out the main plot and not waste time on other things, but having a quality foundation to build your fictional universe on creates a unique atmosphere and depth to your story, and creates a sense of genuine attachment and care to the characters, where if something disastorous happens it is likely to be a genuinly upsetting thing for the reader to process.
I will compliment you use of world building elements so far though in how theres unique laws, social norms, and a unique timeline in your story, what with Sunset Shimmer introduced in the start as well.
10003655
I'll agree that it seems rushed, and is rushed, and I should have done a better job showing Doug's trepidation and reluctance. As you said, it's an alien culture, and at this point he's pretty much going along with it while trying to figure things out. It becomes a major source of tension, though less than one might expect from someone 'sane'.
9992089 9992122
DId I miss something, or isn't this happening on day one?
So, Doug just had sex with AJ AND asked her to marry him on his first day in Ponyville? It's so unusual that I'm starting to doubt myself if this is truly the case.
Doug is also too quick to accept the nudist ways of Ponyville despite him used to wearing clothes since he was little and doing so for years.
Look, your world building and character development are really good. Although it's better to include time skips so that AJ and Doug's relationship have more time to grow.
I'm pretty much just echoing almost half-decade comments at this point, but this pacing is fucking nuts. 22 chapters equaling out to one day is ridiculous - though it makes slightly more sense when you realize how many chapters just kind of awkwardly end mid-conversation... only to immediately pick up in the next with zero scene transitions or time passing. It really feels like a lot of these could've been condensed.