• Member Since 16th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen Nov 14th, 2014

flutterguy54123


T

this is a spin of of a story a co-writer and I are writing Princess Celestia is pressuring her son to get married and he runs away complete with scootalove Caution: if you do not like for the queen to have a large roll this might not be the story for you

Chapters (22)
Comments ( 22 )

There are a few issues I have with this story. For one, your writing isn't very descriptive. I'm seeing a lot of "He did this." and "She did that." I got the idea, but your writing would be much better if you'd go into more detail. I'm also seeing a lot of mistakes in your grammar and spelling. . Also, please capitolize your titles. This may seem like a nitpick, but failing to do so will turn a lot of people away from your story. Also, pick a tense and stick to it. You keep jumping from present tense to past tense throughout the story. Aside from that, the story feels very rushed, and there's very little character development. Also, and this is just a nitpick, why does Thunder say "Mom"? He lives in regal society. He'd most likely say "Mother". It's a nitpick, but it stuck out to me. Anyway, it's not awful, but it needs a lot of work. But, writing's an aquired skill. So keep on writing, my fellow brony!

1076483 thanks for the help this is only my third story my other one is a lot more descriptive I kinda jumped the gun posting this one soon I hope to have a better version out:twilightsmile:

I like where this is going keep up the good work.

WWWWWWWOOOOOO First comment.... oh and the chapter was epic

Very good. Easily worth a track and a thumbs up.
I can't wait till the poor feller finds out that his perfect guys room (dark colors) has been girlyfied (probably with substantial amounts of pink) because Luna forgot to mention that he was not a filly. :trollestia:

Nice, he wants to find true love with someone who loves him because of his personality rather then his rank.:heart:

http://browse.deviantart.com/?q=flutterguy54123#/d5ikpa8 copy and past this is not a link, but if you were wondering what thunder looks like here's his pic.

sorry it took so long i didn't have internet for a long time so i'm going to give you some more chapters:twilightblush:


Man this is hands down one of the best fan fics ive ever read next to My Little Dashie

Anyone that dislikes this story is evil. This story is very heartfelt and sad. Granted there are a few grammar errors it is still well written.

Thank you for the support i have something very........ controversial coming up but it's to set up the sequel

1785953 That's because of the slew of generally awful OC fics on this site. I'm not saying this one is (I haven't even read it), but I can guarantee you it's because of the correlation between OC and newbie writers that this fic has as many dislikes as it does.

What?! That's total bullcrap how in fresh hell did your story pass with sad and comedy?! Mine failed for having tragedy and sad...

Thanks everypony i enjoy writing and i hope i don't make you to mad with the bad grammar :twilightblush: if any of you are wondering why i titled it as gore it's because of scootaloo's back story

1839116

Because tragedy implies something tragic and fatal happens. Tragedies like Macbeth have comedy, but are still considered tragedies. Comedic fics can be sad due to the nature of how the comedy plays out.

1835595

Which is upsetting, really. If someone can characterize properly, and create a well designed OC, people just dislike instantly because it's an OC. I find some newbie writers write 100K+ words, and their fic still only has 500 views, and a general amount of likes/dislikes (Ratio of 1.2:1). Quite upsetting.

Luna's Old English feels abused and forced. She doesn't use that much Old English.

Comment posted by flutterguy54123 deleted Feb 8th, 2013

2073211 I felt the same way that is why i eventually stopped using it thank you for your input:twilightblush:

C'mon bro! We need more chapters!!!!!!

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