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This is Equestria1,618 words
This Ship Belongs to the Red Griffon!1,852 words
They Played Us Like a DAMN FIDDLE!1,009 words
What Do You Fight For?! I Don't Know, Love and Friendship?!2,066 words
And That's How Equestria Was Made!1,036 words

And That's How Equestria Was Made!

“You...you guys don’t have dicks...OR PUSSIES?!”

“I knew it…” the boss gave a taciturn remark, remembering what he said earlier. “You’re not dicks or pussies...YOU’RE JUST ASSHOLES!”

“And we very much enjoy SHITTING ALL OVER YOU!” they proudly proclaimed as Smith used her magic to activate the TVs again, switching them from playing the news to them showing Smith and her friends in the nude. “Also, unlike us, you don’t have the privilege of getting naked on live TV! We can even make money by uploading our porn to Youtube without it getting demonetized! That is the power we will always have over you! We can still get rich even without a moneymaker to shake! MUA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!”

“WHY?!” Twilight yelled. “WHY ARE YOU SO EVIL?! WHAT MADE YOU THIS WAY?!”

“Oh, that’s simple.” Smith answered. “I just got tired of being such an average, plain guy. I came here to take over Celestia’s throne and identity because I was bored. Plus, I have depression.”

“I wanted to impress this girl I liked.” Bob chimed in. “Also, I have depression.”

“I wanted people to eat more chicken.” Jack explained. “Oh yeah, and I have clinical depression.”

“Wow, those aren’t very good excuses…” Twilight responded in awe. “But at the same time, that’s HORRIBLE…”

Sad music began to play as a 1-800 number appeared, accompanied by a voice narrating…

“If you or a loved one is diagnosed with depression, you should call-”

“Wait just a goshdarn second!” Applejack interrupted. “If you had depression, why didn’t you just call a doctor or seek medical help?”

“Better yet,” interjected Fluttershy, “you could have just found a positive, constructive way to combat your mental health issues.”

Silence filled the air after AJ and Fluttershy pointed that out, before Smith and her friends cried…

“YOU CAN’T TELL US WHAT TO DO! WE’RE OUTTA HERE, SUCKERS!”

Smith and her friends teleported away as Twilight growled, wanting to go after them with her own teleportation magic before Rainbow intervened…

“No.” she told Twilight. “They’re not worth it. They’re not the kind who are ever going to learn their lesson in this life. Cliche as it sounds, let’s just allow their karma to catch up to them. Because trust me, it will...IT. WILL.”

“Rainbow, you really have changed…” Twilight replied, admiring Rainbow’s maturity. “You really have grown up...so that’s why you called Captain Celaeno and not Panel Peddler. Instead of fearing what Panel really thought about you, you had faith in him, realizing he needed to stand up for himself on his own and chose the path of self-acceptance.”

“Heh heh heh.” the boss laughed. “Even I didn’t call Panel. I’ve been around the block enough times to know about how businesses fail, and I knew that he was the kind of guy who would put his business first. So instead, I decided to discuss business with an old dragon friend...”

Meanwhile, Smith and her pals had retired to a solid-gold mansion in Canterlot, built from gold they had stolen from the griffons and the dragons. Before their propaganda scheme had been foiled, they had intended to steal gold from Ponyville too, and use it to expand the mansion. However, thanks to Rainbow’s efforts, Celaeno got to the gold first and gave it back to the citizens of Ponyville. Had Smith and her friends succeeded, everyone in Ponyville would be made poor just so Smith and her friends could get even richer. But now that their true nature had been exposed to so many, such a ploy would never have a chance of success again…especially with karma on its way...

*STOMP* *STOMP* *STOMP*

Smith and her friends didn’t even hear the stomping of dragons outside, as they were too busy jamming to Gold on the Ceiling by The Black Keys until the former Dragonlord, Ember’s father, tore the roof off. Smith and her friends turned to face him and shrieked before he breathed the most powerful torrent of fire he could on them, melting their entire gold mansion along with them, mixing their incinerated corpses that became ash with the molten gold. He then stuck his head in the pool of molten gold and drank some of it.

“Delectable.” he remarked, grinning devilishly. “We’ll make a fortune off of this...get the bottles ready…”

“And that’s how the Millenium Items were made!” Pinkie exclaimed on a stage at Griffonstone.

“Wrong franchise, Pinkie.” Maud, standing at a microphone, corrected her before turning back to the microphone. “Anyways, we’re glad to have you all here tonight, folks. Thanks to the generous donations of the Dragon Kingdom, Griffonstone is no longer the poorest region of Equestria, and now has the potential to make its mark as a prosperous nation once more.”

The crowd, filled with Equestrians of all species from all over the land, cheered.

“None of this would have been possible if we hadn’t fought for what we believed in.” Maud continued her speech. “We stood up and stuck up just like dicks for our cause to say what we want to say and be who we want to be. And while we all wished there were more times we could have taken the easy way out and been pussies, at least we never fell to being assholes spouting a bunch of shit that we didn’t believe in ourselves, yet forced on everyone else anyways! We have fought hard for and earned our right...to call ourselves believers!”

The music from the song, I’m a Believer by The Monkees, began to play as Maud started doing a cover of it. The audience continued to cheer, even as one pony who looked like Young Neil from Scott Pilgrim remarked, “This is really bad.”.

On a hill, watching from afar, were Rainbow Dash and all of her friends, including Spike, the boss, and Panel Peddler.

“Come on guys…” Rainbow Dash happily told her friends as they got up. “Let’s go see a movie together…and just enjoy hanging out with each other for who we are...”

When the human who became Maud Pie saw this on his computer screen, he smiled to himself, saying…

“Now that’s the kind of content I really appreciate getting for free…”

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