• Member Since 17th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

CloudMistDragon


The mist's dragon of cloud.

E

The Windigos are not what they seem. They are the ghosts of ponies who were cruelly murdered by a demon two thousand years ago, and unable to find any pony who would ever understand their hate, they instead seek out humans who have had harder lives than most ponies today in an attempt to understand what gave the ponies the fire to defeat the demon. Once they find a human with a particularly interesting fire, they finally decide to make direct contact...

The cover art was done by the wonderful amalgamzaku (AKA Mix-up). Special thanks and big shout out to them, check out their Deviant Art page and Youtube channel, both of which can be found on their FIMFiction page.

https://www.fimfiction.net/user/195663/Mix-up

Chapters (13)
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Comments ( 47 )

Don’t read this comment before you read the story!


I like your premise. Ice spirit horses don’t get enough development.

I hope you’ll go into more depth on what this internal fire is that draws them to him specifically out of 7 billion humans to choose from.
I’m cool with the ice spirits being the ones to transport him, but the concept of “we’re your life support” after them being at fault for his injury seems very blackmaily. I wouldn’t be so inclined to trust those who introduce themselves that way.

What would I say? Probably something like "Don't possess me and turn me into a cannibal monster, thank you very much."

sorry been wanting to read this story for a while, been very busy. Interesting story a human that inhabit a Windigo/pegasus and is tasked to function as their mediator, could be a fun to see how this will all turn out for all of them. I wonder if his resentment with the world will start to bleed through into his temporary life. I wonder if he will have to which from his human life and pony or did they lied to him and just shoved his soul into that body with the false promise of going back. From the looks of things, my guess is that they are purposefully leading him on to do their bidding to convince the naive ponies to allow them in Equestria to feed on. I am guessing then the moment he thinks he is going back to his old life they will break the truth to him and let the rage disrepair and hopelessness of forever being trapped in equestria will turn him into a true mindless vengeful Windigp like them. I wonder what RP role will be in this story? Could the Pillars recognize him for what he has become, Starswirl certainly say them in that era at least. I wonder if he will have Windigo instincts too being easily wrathful toward others?


Also if you are looking to commission your own cover art for your story, let me know, I have done a lot of them here on fimcition here is my DA Gallery and here is my Youtube channel here. PM me if you are ever interested, and good luck on your story. Really looking forward to see more of it in the near future.

Hum, his situation sort of reminds me of myself before I joined I discovered Fimfiction over six years ago, depressing times, always being negative, always being cynical, always being suspicious of everyone intent around me, those were, all to avoid my own feelings that I numbs for myself for so long and never admitted that I had. And then I read The Dream that Wasn't here on Fimfition, made me realize that I wasn't the only one who thought that way too, but also that I was denying parts of myself, a pain of loneliness that I had to shut myself off in order to go one, preventing to feel the full experience of what life has to offer, because I didn't realize did that anymore. Being Autistic myself like the character I can certainly certainly share the feeling of having coworkers how don't seem to see me as a weirdo, and other not so kind words or that they don't seem to want to get to know you. Part of it I would say it's the cause by a vicious cycle of body language, where if you are suspicious or defensive with people your tone and body langue will reflect that wither you want to or not even if you are not consciously aware of that, and that you can't just switch it off to reverse the trend it's all a question of how you see yourself and the people around you and that needs a good environment where you feel like you are doing something fulfilling in your life and that you can feel that people with turn on your on a dime.

I think that is reflected by the recording of Hoops from Shroud that reflect that pervasive fear of anything you say out of line will be turned against you, and you have to watch and moderate every action you make around people, before anyone can turned them against you by any careless words I might say; it's so exhausting and restrictive which doesn't do any favored for my state of mind and it's hard to let go. And that Shroud just seem to create an aura of suspicion around him cause by the Windigos power he was created with and is affecting the perception of him from those around him.

Still, I do get that Shroud is a concentrated ball frustration and resentment form his old life, and why he would be the perfect tool for the Windigos end. Normally I think RP would know better in what is acceptable thing to do in helping a newcomer in how to feel welcome, through she is generally inconstant and often unaware of how her careless actions can make things worst then what she had intended, I am not sure what she was hoping to get out of this with the Hoop's help. Shy was certainly right in pointing that out what RD did and can understand Shroud being very defensive around others because he is afraid of rejection from risking to open up to everyone. Still, RD might also be right in wanting to point how his words or mannerisms might put ponies off and just wants him to be aware of it, as misguided as it might be.

looking forward to the next chapter

Interesting, there is more then one party who is interested in Cloud Shroud presence in Equestria. and seem to be exhibiting a sense kindred with clouds for some reasons: I wonder if this is the Windigo part of him that is expressing that? I wonder who are those this green eyed shadow and what is his stake on Shroud and what are it's relation with Windigos, that seems likely antagonistic or at least wants Shroud for his own ends that is interdependent from the Windigos.


It was nice to see Luna in the chapter and somehow already picked up on Shroud's presence in Equestria, I wonder how and why she managed to single him out of all the rest of her ponies and why it warranted her personal attention with her and how she somehow empathizes with him for the turning to NMM; I am guessing that it related to his nihilistic view of the world that is poisoning his outlook on life and his interaction, already seems to be creating aura of stan-off-ish form everypony else around him.

Still I wonder, if his new job in the could factory, much like his human one just means that he let himself be trapped in the same routine as from his own life, and really can't think of doing anything else, especially sense he doesn't really seem to realize he has wings he can do almost anything now. I would have guess that this would be more RD's department sense she is a thrill seeker I would have guess she would have dragged him along in teaching him some fight tricks or just get him to try out cloud busting, which should be fun to do, if he tired working at the weather managing instead, he doesn't seem to have a very developed sense of curiosity or wonder lust; probably been atrophied by his prior years of grind. I wonder what he does in his time off sense he has been living in Equestria, from the sound of it he has his own place now and really doesn't have an instinctive to go anywhere, sense he hasn't made any friends yet. Through I hope he won't attract other ponies who are like him that would probably any his sour mood even worst.

I In know RD is rather egotistical, to an extent at times but she did help him a lot in getting him that job and a place to stay, but having him living so far way from her doesn't allow for much looking up on him, even if she had to go to cloudsdale ever few days or so to get their weather clouds for Ponyville so it could be a way for her to monitor without being on his case all the time.

Nice work keep it up.

Why isn't there a dark tag?

we're not just friends with benefits

"Friends with benefits"
I like where this is going

Congratulations on your sense of fulfillment to you work, you deserve it. I I though it was an interesting chapter see finally the confrontation between RD and Cloud about how they annoy one another without meaning to and how Cloud is just doesn't seem to be aware of his own lack common or social niceties and courtesies to a person that you see everyday tend to lead to a degradation without a minimum of upkeep. It really looks like Cloud is trap in his own cycle of resentment that just amplify itself to himself and the people around him, isolating him from everyone around him a through the apparent creation of his own making by poisoning his own well. He at lease had the good sense of just keeping the resentment between him and RD and not just spread it to the nearest gossiper that pretend to be sympathetic toward him.

I would credit RP for trying to make amen with cloud if only for her own sense of being faithful to her own principle, even in her misguided way, knowing full well that it would probably blow in her face anyway.

Through I wonder what the Windios were talking about their passed, were they dead vengeful spirits still wandering the living plain and the 'nature of their hatred' is something different then just then trop that we usually see.

I wonder his Cloud's body is exactly like that of the Windigoes or if is has different properties that allow them to more easily keep control on him hatred and thoughts?

Keep up the good work.

Is Sombra playing any part in this?

10410459
He most certainly will, I have a feeling you'll enjoy Chapter 5. :ajsmug:

10410852
Yeah, I had a feeling that he was the one talking to Cloud. I do look forward to the next chapter.

well... i ship it i guess?

10420589
This legit made me laugh. :rainbowlaugh: You do you. :trollestia:

10421208
i mean... one of them has already been inside the other.

10421226
It's part of the joke, but again, interpret it however you want. :pinkiesmile:

Hum, weird chapter, not that I am against Sombra being there, but I find the idea of him being sent to 'Help' Shroud by Celestia dubious at best. Still it could be interesting to see where this goes with sombra making a further mess of things.

10421231
Sombra was always there, this was entirely planned from the start as you could see by the shadow being Luna's agent. Celestia's not stupid, if Luna has some idea of what's going on, one would naturally assume she does too.

Hey, what the FUCK does any of this story mean

Chapter 5 has been re-titled in response to the recent bemused reactions I've been receiving. Since it appears that people are not enjoying the current, intended story progression, certain plans for the series may be canceled.

https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/916241/plans-for-windigo-whisperer-may-be-canceled

If you disagree with such a move, please leave your feedback on this blog.

So naive and unlike Rainbow Dash, the protagonist of the story has yet to be found.

Interesting shift in tone, if a bit sudden, I do like the now slightly more layed back situation, as the previously all boxed in Shroud seamed to be inevitably spiraling into a psychotic break down with the amount of spite he seemed to be building up. Still Sombra adds an extra dynamic to the situation and his sassy side does add more levity to the situation even if I would normally attribute it to Discord. At least is adds a more interesting side in exploring what is actually troubling Should deep in his soul with Sombra acting a medium represent his personal issues. For being actually gay for Sombra I think it's a lot of fun, especially with the connection part that I hope we will explore some more, I wonder what he will try to do to seduce him or viceversca, it sounds like that an actual kink in his armor of solitude was found that allows us to see a different side to Shroud, even if Sombra actually the most toxic person he could ever be with. As for the diffusion of tension and reconsideration between Shroud and RD is interesting and at least allows now for a more rubber band relation between the two of them, along with acknowledging RP's personal flaws in going completely unsubtle in trying to 'help' her friends.

10431002
"seduce him"

This legit made me laugh. :rainbowlaugh: Nothing of the sort will happen, I've promised no actual romance plots, an easy promise to keep with no romance plots being planned in the first place. The story is written though so you can interpret whatever you want from it, I don't care. :twilightsheepish:

10431462
Sorry the soulmate part and blustering through me off.

10431636
No need to apologize, it's a story with complex messages that take time to understand. Not trying to sound like I have a big head, I just like to write stories that delve into deep issues everyone can relate to.

I don't really see any real negative comments beyond just a gratuitous one, so I don't know where you are going with that? If you mean the low interest part, that comes with creating a good buildup of tension to the story, and don't rest all your motivation on how popular it is

Interesting, the self realization part of Cloud felt somewhat rushed and convoluted in how he just seems to come to his conclusions, but none the less fairly accurate in how he he realizes that it's his optics that is the problem and his general attitude that got RD to get desperate enough to record him, even if she is in principle. I think the plot idea is pretty good, at least it has potential to build up to good drama and I think it would be hard to capitalize on that with the more laid back tone the story has taken in the last two chapters of compared to the more edgy tone of the first few chapters, thought the occasional shifting between of tone wouldn't be bad either.
I am at least glade that you the writer seemed self aware of what Shroud is actually feel, even if he is/was too deep to realize it himself, and not just an edgy character just for the sake of being edgy, but actual personal emotional turmoil that he was trap in it, all to your credit.

Still looking forward to see more of your story.

10450800
I know I am not getting really negative comments, that's not what I meant. I meant that if people are not even putting the time forward to explain what they dislike, that shows a lack of interest, thus a lack of demand. It's not worth turning this story into a long-term series if I am not receiving enough positive feedback to merit such a thing. Thanks for your feedback though.

10451074
you are actually on a good start, you just needed to build up some steam before it really start to glow, don't rush to finish it.

10451170
Heck no, I'm taking as much time as I need and if I need to go above fifteen chapters, so be it. I'm giving you the guys the story I want to tell and the story you want to read if it's the last thing I do! :rainbowdetermined2:

Personally I think the pacing is too fast, the idea is good, usually there would be build up, describe how he convinced RD to let him bunk, explain her thoughts for the first few weeks and let it flow, its like your skipping how parts of a storing going from A to C, and the foreshadowing is a little too obvious.

The Idea of a human avenging the windingo, while being possessed by Sombra, entering the frozen North to kill a frost demon, while have Bruce banner levels of anger, is a nice idea. Just explain things a little slower else readers will get disinterested, because the ending will start to become too obvious, maybe hold back on giving the ice demons name at the very start, make the windingo seem more spiteful of the fact they have to let their long awaited revenge be done by a hairless ape who has no reason to help, other than understanding their hate, being hate-filled themselves, and enticed by immortality.

Make your character more interesting by foreshadowing a terrible event in their youth, and give small bits about what happened. As of this chapter the character seems like a Gary-Stu, he's immortal with the power of Sombra the backing of the windingo, and has a unjust personality.

Sorry if you take the criticism as pessimistic, or spiteful, but I simply see a lot of wasted potential, thank you.

10474642
I understand that you're only two chapters in, but in Chapter 4, it actually is shown that Cloud went through trauma as a youth that disturbs him to this day. While the pacing seems fast now, many things in this story are slowly developed and built up over time, like with a twist that is revealed by Chapter 4. I simply didn't feel that an explanation of why Rainbow Dash would let him bunk with her was necessary because RD had already shown in Chapter 1 that she wanted to help the guy get a job as he explained to her he was a drifter looking for a place to settle down, implying he also needed shelter.

There also seem to be fundamental plot points and character conflicts you are misunderstanding when you speak of the character being a "Gary Stu" having to take revenge on a demon for the Windigos, that's not the plot of the story at all. The Windigos' goal, not Cloud's, is an intentional mystery at this moment in the story. Cloud has no interest in taking revenge for anyone. Chapter 1 explained that the demon was already defeated and Cloud has no control over any of their plans, being a stooge who is essentially also their hostage. He knows he's being used as a pawn by them but doesn't care so long as he doesn't have to change the pattern of his everyday life. His character flaws are the fact that he's clearly mentally ill, extremely antisocial, and not at all like a hero. Such flaws are clearly displayed in this chapter as well as in subsequent chapters. As for him being "immortal", Cloud suspects such a thing to be, in his own words, "beyond too good to be true" in the first chapter. I can't explain further because I don't want to spoil how that ties in with a major theme of the story, but if my foreshadowing was really so obvious, that wouldn't have slipped past you.

Please don't take this counter-criticism as an attack. I'm glad you at least explained what you didn't like. :pinkiesmile:

10474824
I see what you mean, but I find a hole in you counter criticism, If the ice demon has already been defeated then what would the windingo’s goal be, or excuse for recruiting the protagonist, if the demon is already defeated then there would be no reason to recruit him, unless it were to get them their own physical bodies or punish the defendants, or princesses that failed to protect and forsake them. Not saying you should tell their secret plan, but the windingo should at least come up with a good cover story.

Second while the RD bunking is unnecessary, it would assist in the world building, would you really think the vanilla RD would hire goons to threaten a pony she barely knew simply cause of her sixth sense for danger alerting her to his true nature, she’s a great flyer, arrogant, a potential black belt, and allowing a drifter she just meet doesn’t sound too odd in this setting, however she’s not what I would call observant, unless the protagonist is speaking word for word his thoughts while sleeping, I doubt she would be able to notice for a while, especially from another room.

Also while FS has been working on her confidence, she is still the embodiment of kindness, so her outburst seems OOC (out of character), I think she would be more disappointed in her childhood friend, rather than scream that their friendship is over simply because of a mistake.

Last two, RD in spite of her arrogance is aware that a certain librarian is smarter than her so I think she would be more likely to talk to her smartest friend rather than employ a bunch of goons (though that wouldn’t be too OOC for RD), although if she had a recording of the protagonist sleep talk then she would likely take to TS for decoding of what the sleepy gibberish means, or simply out of laziness.

Nice rebuttal about my earlier critique btw.
P.s. Pegasi should have a natural resistance to cold, but I assume windingo cold is more supernatural.

10475425
The Windigos indeed do have a cover story that has truth to it, it's that they want to surpass the demon by discovering how to create the supernatural fire the ponies used to defeat him.

"What we’ve learned from your world is not enough, not if we are to surpass the power of our killer. No, we need that fire..."

I'm not going to debate over how the characters are/aren't OOC because that's a pointless argument I see far too often that also far too often comes down to a matter of opinion. Thank you for handling my counter-criticism maturely, but this will be my last reply. I'm always ready to review criticism, but I need to focus on writing the actual story. :twilightsmile:

I would have thought a windigo would use cold as more of an analogy instead of fire. I do like the truth of the Windigo are just petty bitter jerks that never moved on from their hatred of their old life and are just want to spread their own mystery as to not be alone. I do like the idea of reforming Sombra being a symbol for them that their bitterness is just so pointless. While the Revelation of cloud upon having his epiphany sounds a little sudden out of nowhere, I do like that he realizes that they were the same has he was and that he isn't falling for their tricks anymore and it's going to going to bother convincing them of otherwise.

As for what I would say keep chilling, sorry imagination isn't really there at the moment.

10501353
It's totally okay, dude! I'm just glad to have you commenting again! :pinkiehappy:

I am so confused at what is going on

Interesting little turn of events.

Strange turn of events, but interesting thoughts on Shroud's comment, it would have a good impact in reading, but I think the story might have needed more of a buildup to how he managed to reach those conclusions on his own and getting out of that spiral of self loathing of depression and how he stripped himself away from the toxic dynamic with the other Windigoes influence, which was unfortunately under developed. I am not sure I follow what is the problem with Sombra and Discord anymore it's hard to recall how the situation turned into that. Still, I do see a definitive improvement in the quality of your writing in the flow compared from the early chapters, so keep it up.

Holy shit

Is this guy Kira!?
.1 wants a quiet life
.2 is accompanied by three spirits
.3 has blond hair

I’ll see if there are other similar thing as I go through the series

demon in the human world? that doesnt seem good

Not a bad start, my only qualm with it is that internal monologue isn't any different than the spoken dialogue. Most authors Italicize it.

If three semi-evil spirits offered me immortality in equestria, I would probably take it in a heartbeat. I look forward to where this goes.

Very interesting. It feels as though fate has a much bigger hand in his new life than normal. We'll see how that turns out.
Nice message for this chapter too. "Know Thyself"

Well, to be honest, this chapter was all over the place. The story is there, and the plot is moving, but this feels more like an abridged episode rather than an original episode. Everyone suddenly being OK with the dark lord being around feels strange, I'm not referring to the interviewer either, mostly rainbow dash, seeing as she's right there.
I think that the story is good, and the plot is great, along with the message of willpower is true magic, but I feel like the execution fell flat and took a bit of a tumble here.
I'm going to keep going for now, hoping it gets better in the next couple chapters.

10675319
They aren't suddenly okay with him being around (look at RD's reaction), they just aren't rushing to stop him because Sombra is purporting to be reformed. The fact that he's been inside a friendly pony all this time and done nothing to harm any pony for all the time Cloud Shroud has been a productive member of society is why they are giving him the benefit of the doubt that the "power of love" has changed him, ludicrous as they find it.

I don't know why everyone skims over that detail. Nevertheless, thank you for your comments and encouragement. I welcome all comments, both laudatory and critical. :heart:

“What fun is there in making sense?”

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