Maud Pie Reacts to the Teen Titans Go! Movie

by Misty Shadow

This Ship Belongs to the Red Griffon!

“So what now?”

“Hey, Dashie!” Pinkie exclaimed, suddenly opening the door and bouncing out of the meeting room with the rest of the group. “We were talking for a while, and we decided it’s for the best we just put all this behind us. Would you like to come with us to see a movie to help us forget about it all?”

“.....Sure.” Rainbow answered, trying to sound as neutral in tone as possible. “What movie are we going to see?”

“Teen Titans Go! to the Movies!” Pinkie replied. “Just like my sister!”

“Yes…” Rainbow said, continuing to sound emotionless. “Just like your sister…”

“Keep it together…” Rainbow thought. “Just be glad we’re not going to see some thinly veiled feminist propaganda...or that horribly inaccurate documentary about us last year, trying to make me out to be a pirate…”

A nervous look came across Twilight’s face as she slipped a phone into her chest and said…

“Let’s get going, I don’t want us to miss the show. Plus, when we get back, I got a lecture to prepare for the school…”

“Yup, our school that thankfully has no political biases.” Rainbow thought again, unable to stop her train of thinking even without speaking her mind. “Come to think of it though, I really have no way of knowing whether or not my friends are trying to implement social justice politics into their lessons…”

As the group passed by Rainbow, Rarity gave her a suspicious glare, telling her…

“You better watch yourself. I know where you lean…”

With that, Rainbow’s right wing suddenly stuck up.

“No…” a disheartened Rainbow told herself as she took notice of her wings becoming griffon wings. “I’m not who they think they are. That comic was full of it! I’m not a griffon, I’m a pony! I’m a pony who is…”

“Boring.”

Rainbow heard that voice come from her phone. Pulling it out, she looked at her reflection in it and saw Maud Pie’s face.

“You’re so fake.” Maud Pie told her as the tune of Upbeat Inspirational Song, one of the songs from the Teen Titans Go movie, began to play. “You’re no more real than who you criticize for being disingenuous, pretending that you’re happy with not expressing your true feelings…”

“My feelings…” Rainbow said to herself, not sure what to think. “What are my true feelings? Do I even know anymore?”

She then imagined being at the Changeling hive, approaching a group of Maud Pies that surrounded the bonfire they called the feelings forum.

“Come on, Rainbow Dash.” they told her in an eerie-sounding voice. “Join the feelings forum. You can stay here for years and years if you want. All you have to do is promise to never tell us how you really feel. The only cost is the eternal silence of your soul...oh, and giving us your soul itself would be nice too.”

“NNNNNOOOOO!” Rainbow screamed out loud in the movie theater, revealing that she and the rest of the gang had gone to the theater to see the Teen Titans Go movie while she was having her episode.

“NNNNNOOOOO!” Pinkie began screaming with her before someone from behind told them to “shush”. “The poor kitty got run over!”

“Do you want me to report you to the staff?” the stallion from behind threatened. “Do you want to have to leave?”

“No no!” Twilight exclaimed suddenly as she turned to the guy behind her, growing worried. “I’m sorry, I assure you, my friends are just anxious from personal trouble. All they need is some time to settle in-”

“I’VE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!” Rainbow screamed as she got out of the seat and ran past Twilight through the theater row, only for her right wing to suddenly stick out and slap Twilight in the face, causing her to slip out of the seat and drop the phone that was in her chest on the floor. While the phone suffered no damage, the rest of Twilight’s friends and the stallion from behind gasped as they saw that the phone, lying face-up, was set to record video.

“Piracy…” the guy muttered in disbelief.

“Wait!” a frightened Twilight cried in desperation. “I promise, it’s for my lecture! Youtube took down all the rips and there’s no way the DVD would come out in time for my next class! I only meant to show it in my classroom for educational purposes, I swear!”

“Works for me!” Pinkie exclaimed innocently. “We all know that Teen Titans Go is very educational material. They taught me that there are people in this world who can’t count to 10!”

“Wow…” Rainbow thought to herself, noticing the guy wasn’t moved, scowling as he went to report them. “I can’t help but feel a bit sorry for Twilight, but with the way she and the others have been acting lately, I don’t feel bad for saying, “Better her than…”

“ME?!” Rainbow found herself exclaiming in disbelief in Princess Celestia’s throne room. “What did I do?!”

“Though Twilight may have been wrong for attempting to pirate a movie,” said the ruler on the throne who resembled Princess Celestia in a snooty voice, pretending to be unbiased, “at least she was only doing such a thing for the greater good of educating our youth. You, on the other hand, were engaging in disruptive behavior for no good reason. Had you not hit Twilight in the face, her deed would not have been exposed and this wouldn’t have turned into such a big deal.”

“But-but-but...THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE!” Rainbow stammered before having an outburst. “It was still Twilight’s fault for pirating a movie in the first place!”

“Seems you have a personal feud with Twilight…” the ruler sneakily changed the subject. “Not surprising knowing your blacklist. Accomplice to the illegal mutation of innocent civilians into Maud Pies, destroying one of Panel Peddler’s comics, and my favorite, watching alt-right conspiracy theorist videos from Black Pigeon Speaks…”

“WHAT?!” Rainbow screamed and squawked, her mouth becoming a beak. “What does that have to do with anything?!”

“Ooh hoo, you really should’ve set your Youtube video history to private…” the ruler taunted. “Black Pigeon Speaks is nothing but a lying bird spouting dangerous wrongsay...but you would know, now that you’re transforming into a lion bird yourself, lmao.”

“That’s not FUNNY!” Rainbow yelled as her ass transformed into that of a lion’s. “What gives you the right to tap into my information like that and use it to slander me?!”

“The fact that I’m your sovereign ruler, that’s what.” the ruler gloated. “I make the rules on what you watch. I make the rules on what you can and can’t say. There are no rules for myself, on the other hand. I am your infallible god.”

“Is that…” Rainbow replied in horror. “Is that how little you truly see me as?! Are you the only one you look out for?!”

“Oh ho, of course not!” the ruler jeered sarcastically. “I think that you’ve been a really awesome tool of mine up until recently! It’s just that Jack and Bob have been doing so much more for me lately. Nothing personal, it’s not that I don’t care about how long we’ve been friends, it’s just that they’re much better suited for aiding me in my plan to control the masses…”

“Then you’re…” Rainbow realized.

“Yes…” the ruler answered. “I am not the Princess Celestia you know. I am also not that blithering fool from last time. I am Smith.”

As Smith said that, she used her magic to make two white stallions appear beside her. The one on the left wore a white mask with a blue smiley face and a cone hat on it that covered his whole head, and the one on the right had brown hair that was given a buzzcut. The one on the left’s cutie mark was of a dead cow’s head with a false smile painted on it, and the one on the right’s cutie mark was of a heart being stabbed with a pen.

“I’m Jack…” the one with the mask said. “I make what your ruler decides you eat…”

“I’m Bob…” the one with the buzzcut said. “I make what your ruler decides you watch…”

“And together, we’re…” Smith intervened before they introduced themselves together as… “Jack Bob Smith!”

Rainbow just stared at the trio in silence before she burst out laughing.

“BWA HA HA HA HA! And just for a second, I thought you might have been a threat! What kind of loser name is that?! It’s just three loser names jumbled together!”

“Silence!” Smith yelled. “You haven’t heard our alternative name yet!”

“Oh, what’s that?” Rainbow continued to mock them. “Bob Jack Smith? Ah ha ha ha ha!”

“No…” Smith answered. “It’s the initials of Bob Jack Smith...together as that, we’re...BJS!”

“OOOOOHHHHH, REAL SCARY.” Rainbow taunted. “I guess I should watch what I say more now, just to make sure you don’t blow! HA HA HA HA HA!”

“THAT DOES IT!” Smith screamed. “First you dare to criticize me, then you dare to LAUGH! THROW HER IN THE DUNGEON!”

“It was worth it.” Rainbow gloated, unphased. “Go on and prove your fear of me by cutting out my tongue. Punish me all you like, but you can’t punish my friends.”

“Oh, I absolutely can.” Smith boasted with an unsightly sneer on his face. “If Twilight and the others ever start sticking up for you, I’ll treat them every bit as badly, maybe even worse than you if I feel like it...and make myself look glorious while doing it. So don’t be surprised if you find yourself saying “Hi.” to them shortly. After all, you’re already going to find yourself greeting your so-called “boss”...”

The sound of the gunshot Rainbow heard on the phone earlier echoed through her mind as she realized what happened to her boss...

“YOU BASTARD!” Rainbow bellowed as she charged at Smith, only for her horn to glow with the same yellow glow that was on the comic she read before she zapped her. Rainbow fell on the floor unconscious, only to awaken later in a cell…

“Dash…” a familiar voice called out to her as she could see the claw of a blue griffon shaking her awake. “Dash, wake up! It’s me, your boss…”

“Wha...what…” Rainbow stuttered as she opened her eyes fully and saw… “Gallus?”

“Yeah, not the Gallus though…” the griffon replied as he bristled his neck. “I’m your boss.”

“I thought your voice sounded different on the phone, but geez…” Rainbow remarked as she got off the prison bed she had been laying on. “How did you get like that?”

“I was tricked.” the boss answered. “Panel Peddler sold me out, told Smith and his friends about my location. His comic is what made us into this...”

It was then that Rainbow looked at herself, seeing that both of her hooves were claws now. She then went over to the mirror above the sink in the jail cell and saw that she had finally completed her transformation into…

“A red griffon…”