Iron Will vs. Mr. Satan

by Sparkle Cola

Never Skip Leg Day

Chapter Four - Never Skip Leg Day

Twilight’s eyes roved over the blueprints for the Canterlot Colosseum. The locations of the air ducts were indeed depicted throughout the structure, as Twilight knew they would be. Blueprints were not the easiest things to find in the Canterlot archives.

Not the easiest for ponies not named Twilight Sparkle.

She spread her hooves further to keep the sheet of rolled bond paper flat, swallowing nervously. This would be the first time she had ever broken into a structure illegally, and the thought made her stomach feel like it had a hollow pit in the middle.

Well, that wasn’t exactly true—she had broken into places numerous times when she was adventuring or saving the day with her friends—she had just never done so alone before. Somehow, breaking and entering with friends just seemed more legitimate… because second-story work is magic?

Twilight ducked her head beneath some of the furnace ductwork, the emanating heat making her forehead perspire. Carefully, she reached out with her magic to loosen the hex-screws holding the access panel in place. “Ugh. I should have just bought a ticket like everypony else. I mean - I want to see what all of the hullabaloo is about, but after what I said to Celestia, I can’t let myself be seen! That alien sure looked impressive though…”

After a moment, she shook her head and refocused on her task. “I mean, the whole principle is wrong! What if some other alien civilization suddenly popped up on our own world, stealing ponies away to be contestants in some sort of competition or fight? What if they were stolen away to be experimented on!”

Twilight paused again, the untwisting screw on the second corner halting its motion. Her brow furrowed as she began to imagine the possibilities.

“Nope! So much nope, I can’t let myself do that!”

She went back to her work, freeing up the third screw, and finally the fourth when she noticed a slight draft across her flank. It was almost as if somepony had opened the door to the machinery room she was working in.

“You! Purple pony! You’re not supposed to be there!”

Twilight startled upright, her horn neatly piercing the ductwork metal surface. Surprised and a little wounded, she pulled her horn free and was met with a blast of warm air to the face. Cursing under her breath, she spun around to see who had caught her, red hooved - or horned as the case may be.

“I’m here on official busin—” Twilight’s eyes widened considerably as she did a double take. Twilight looked over the pony’s yellow-orange coat, his flashy blue mane obscured partly by his security guard hat?

“Flash? Flash Sentry?! What in Equestria are you doing working Colosseum security?”

Flash lifted a hoof and scratched at the back of his neck, chuckling nervously. “Oh, you know… the Crystal Empire scene was getting kind of stale, so I needed to explore new horizons… see the world.”

Twilight frowned. “And you’re seeing the world by working security? In Canterlot?”

“Never mind that!” Flash grimaced. “What are you doing… in the West stadium furnace room?”

Suddenly, the hot air blowing from the punctured ductwork made her backside feel just that much warmer. Twilight flicked her tail in annoyance.

“I’m doing important... investigational work! There is a problem going on that I, as the Princess of Friendship, need to take care of…” She placed a hoof over her heart, hoping that would sell her case.

“Um, what sort of problem?”

“An inter-dimensional problem! One that needs my help in particular!”

Flash Sentry waved his hooves defensively. “Okay, okay! You’re only trying to help, I get it…” They both stood there for another moment, the situation growing awkward. “You want I stand watch while you do your snooping?”

“That’d be great.”

“You know I could always get you a ticket?”

Twilight knew he was just trying to be helpful, but she couldn’t stop her gaze from going a little flat. “Just… watch the door.”

Flash’s eyebrows went up. Twilight began to turn around, but found that he hadn’t moved yet. “Not me, the door! The... the closed door!” Flash gave a hurried salute and stepped back, shutting the door in his own face.

Twilight sighed, shaking her head. Activating her horn, she turned around and performed a mending spell, knitting together the torn metal from her horn-puncture. That done, she began to clamber through the access panel, muttering under her breath. “I can’t believe I’m about to go through with this…”

* * *

“Fillies and gentlecolts! It is time for the main event of the evening!”

Lights flashed and danced across the screen of the ventilation shaft, causing Twilight to flinch back. The ductwork she had chosen had positioned her exactly over the fighting ring, many meters high in the air. Unfortunately, layers of dust and grime had caked the screen across the opening, obscuring her view. Twilight huffed. Surely just one of the janitors could be a pegasus?

Hmph.

Lighting her her horn carefully, Twilight cleared out enough detritus to see better. She hoped the aura of her magic didn’t draw anypony’s attention down below. What with the commotion of the fight about to start, she figured it would be okay.

The noise of the crowd surged, as this was finally the moment they had been waiting for. Everypony focused on the fighters as they entered the ring while a unicorn, dressed in a dapper tuxedo, stepped to the middle with a microphone held aloft in his magic.

“It’s...TIME!” The unicorn struck a dramatic pose, giving a little hop on his hooves before, turning to point his folded program towards the hue-man to his right. “FIGHTING, out of the red corner, a creature never seen or heard of before in ALL of Equestria: here from parts unknown! He is an experienced fighter, specializing in all sorts of martial arts that nopony has ever heard of, and yet he is undefeated in all of his matches that nopony has ever seen. Fillies and colts, the Lunar Challenger, it’s…”

The unicorn’s voice bubbled up into a tremendous crescendo, carrying a prolonged “M” before releasing the tension like and explosion.

“Mmmmmmmmr. Hercule… SATANNNNNNNNNN!” Twilight found herself struggling not to hop up and down in the air vent and cheer. What was coming over her? The cheering outside was loud, but the din was quickly swallowed up in the volume of an ear-shattering cheer.

“HUZZAH!”

Twilight watched as Mr. Satan gave a confident closed-mouth grin, staring down his opponent. He placed his blunt claws on his hips, not bothering to remove his maroon-colored robes, and started to flex his pectorals, alternating from the right to the left and back again.

Mr. Satan was saying something, but Twilight couldn’t make out any of it over the noise of the crowd. She quickly cast an eavesdropping spell so she could listen in.

The tuxedo-unicorn spun the other way, now pointing the folded program held in his hoof emphatically towards the champion.

“And now.... FIGHTING, out of the blue corner, a minotaur who needs no introduction! Hailing from his hometown of Oreford, Minos. A black-belt in Moo-jitsu and Moo Duk Kwan. He is also a master in the earth pony fighting style of Hoof Kuen. Undefeated over his solar career with thirty-two wins with no losses, defending his title successfully twenty-seven times in a row!

Twilight could have sworn she heard the Lunar Alicorn’s voice in the background cry out: “Fie! A pox upon thee!”

“It’s your champion… IRONNNN... WILLLLLLLL!”

The crowd broiled into a frenzy. Without warning, fireworks exploded around the air duct, no more than three meters from Twilight’s head, causing her to cry out and fall on her rump in a panic.

“You’re going down, you hairless gibbon! In the first round, and I’m not fibbin!”

Twilight scuttled back to the ventilation grate, her eavesdrop spell still functioning. Iron Will was full of pithy alliterations, and she knew that voice anywhere. Sure enough, there he was, prancing back and forth on his side of the ring. The Hue-man merely walked up to the center where the referee was standing. His grin was lucid—almost like he knew something the minotaur didn’t.

The tuxedo unicorn brought his microphone to the referee’s muzzle, a grizzled earth pony who looked like he had seen the business end of one too many hooves.

“Okay, fighters—” Goodness, his voice sounded like just finished gargling with gravel, and then got his uvula caught in a blender. “—I want a clean fight. No hits to the groin. No eye gouging or rabbit punches. No kicks to an already downed opponent. Touch gloves and then return to your corner.”

The two touched gloves and separated. A clopping sound began to draw Twilight’s attention away for a moment, and she looked around curiously until she noticed that it was her own two hooves that she was excitedly clapping together. Was she… actually looking forward to this? That couldn’t be right! Such things were barbaric! Twilight dropped her hooves and hurriedly leaned forward to look down again.

The announcer pony was gone, leaving the ref standing between the two combatants. “Red fighter are you ready? Blue fighter are you ready? Let’s get it on!” That was it: the signal to begin. The two warily approached.

As the crowd began to chant, Twilight followed the two fighters with her eyes. Iron was shuffling back and forth, and holding his arms up in a fighter’s stance, but Mr. Satan just stood there with his arms folded, watching him. That didn’t seem to make any sense at all. While she rubbed her chin with a hoof, studying the differing styles of the two combatants, a booming voice rang out over everypony.

“GIVE ‘IM THE HORN, WILL!”

Twilight gaped in astonishment. She knew that cake-scented Royal Canterlot Voice anywhere. She just… had never heard that motherly and gentle voice sound so savage and violent!

Iron Will made some powerful gestures, chopping his meaty arms though the air. “Come at me, ape. Don’t wait all day. Let’s get it together so I get to play!”

Mr. Satan threw back his head and laughed, pointing a finger at the larger minotaur. “You think your cute little rhymes are gonna scare me, cow man? I eat burgers every Tuesday and Thursday!”

Iron Will closed in. “I don’t know what your hayburger intake has to do with anything, but if ya wanna talk food, I’m gonna fold you in half like a pita!”

Iron Will’s left jabbed out in a flash, almost quicker than Twilight’s eyes could follow. The speed surprised her, given the massive bulk that he had. One jab became many as a flurry of punches followed, heading for Mr. Satan’s head. Blow after blow rained down, inflicting impressive damage to his exposed—-

—wait... Not a single punch was landing, as Hercule kept smiling and dodging. A duck to the side here, a spin, a side-step and a shoulder maneuver there… how many ways could the hue-man devise to dodge around?

“What’s the matter Mr. Cow?” Mr. Satan laughed as he stepped out of range yet again. “Ever heard of a speed bag? What kind of martial arts do you practice again? Cow Foo Dung?”

Iron Will continued to swing wildly until he stopped with a snort and lunged forward, grappling onto the loose robes that the hue-man was still wearing. His glare turned into a victorious smirk. “You may be a quick little monkey, I’ll give you that. But let’s see who’s head is harder!”

Iron Will drove his forehead straight down, causing Twilight to gasp in horror. But then in a surprise development, Iron Will’s head head kept going. Mr. Satan had slipped out of his robes somehow, and was standing to the side, arms still folded.

“Well, thanks! Since you’re holding my karategi like one of my trainees, why don’t you hang it up too… oh! Well, it looks like you already took care of it.”

Iron Will spun around, but was still blinded with his head was caught up in the robes. Apparently, his horns had entered both of the sleeves of the ‘karategi’ and he was having a difficult time disentangling himself.

Mr. Satan stepped back and bellowed a hearty laugh while Iron Will thrashed about. That is until one of Will’s horns clipped the hue-man beneath his eye, slicing open his cheek and causing him to stagger back.

Iron will finally succeeded in pulling the robe off, and he didn’t look too happy. Mr. Satan didn’t look very pleased, either.

“That’s it monkey. You’re going down! Nopony makes Iron Will look like a clown!” The minotaur lowered himself into a crouch, apparently preparing to come at the hue-man like a battering ram. Amazingly, Mr. Satan got into a similar pose.

“Hercule, what in Equestria art thou doing?” Luna’s Royal Canterlot Voice now came to the forefront. “Stop thy incessant banter and thy squirreling about and smite the beast!”

Unbelievably, Hercule turned his back on Iron Will and pointed toward the Lunar Royal Box. “Hey! Trust me Lulu, I know what I’m doing! Don’t you worry your pretty little head, and don’t let Tiberius doubt for a moment. This chump’ll never lay a hoof—”

It looked like the hue-man was about to say more, but it was at that moment that Iron will made his impact, having charged across the ring like an out of control pain-train. Mr. Satan got thrown forward with a sickening crunch as Iron Will’s head made collided with the middle of his lower back.

The collision was horrifying, and for a second, the hue-man resembled a filly’s rag-doll. That must have been Iron Will’s finishing move! Twilight held her breath, hoping that somehow his spine hadn’t been shattered in two.

Mr. Satan coughed and wheezed as he started to slump down. “Ow. Is that… is that all you got?”

“I’m just getting warmed up!” Iron Will roared. He tried to pull his head back while Mr. Satan continued to slide down, but unfortunately, Mr. Satan had nowhere to go. One of Iron Will’s horns had embedded itself deeply in the corner post, just between Mr. Satan’s legs, so the hue-man ended up sitting squarely atop Iron Will’s head.

Suddenly seeming to realize where he was, Mr. Satan stopped wincing in pain and grabbed the minotaur’s remaining horn with his right hand while he held up his left making the sign of a “V,” mugging for the audience.

“Ah hah! Yes, that’s right, folks! I wore him out before I drew him into my trap!” Cough, cough. “And now I’ve caught the bully by the horns! Only now does this chump learn that Mr. Satan is too quick, too crafty, and too excellent of a—”

Before Mr. Satan could finish his monologue, the minotaur twisted his powerful neck to the side violently, smacking his free horn into Mr. Satan’s chest and sending him hurtling him into the boxing ring ropes. The hue-man made a valiant effort to roll off of them gracefully, but he mostly skipped off and crashed to the mat, landing like a sack of loosely packed potatoes. Twilight winced as she saw him finally come to a rest, his backside high in the air. At least the creature wore pants, or this position would be even less flattering than it already was.

With a crack of splintering wood, Iron Will freed up his horn and snorted, steam blasing from his nostrils. “You try to grab my horn? You gonna wish you never been born!” Iron Will rushed in, but Mr. Satan had climbed to his feet again. The two met in the middle, seemingly matched strength for strength as they clenched with each other, until Mr. Satan quickly drew back and down, pulling the minotaur over him. In the blink of an eye, the hue-man completed the roll, planting both feet into minotaur’s belly and launching him upside down into the a corner post with a crash. The maneuver was so stunning, so unexpected… that Twilight had a difficult time parsing out what just happened. Iron Will was suddenly upside down, his legs from the knees down hanging backwards over the top rope. .

“Now, that’s more like it! Mr. Satan stepped up, and placing his foot over the edge of Iron Will’s nose ring effectively pinning his upside-down snout to the floor.

“AH! Not my ring! Not—AH!” Iron will struggled uselessly but he couldn’t move his head very far. “Ya darn monkey! Let go!”

Mr. Satan’s eyes tracked up the creature, falling on his entangled legs before smirking.

“You call that a quadriceps? Hah! What’s the matter, avoided leg-day too many times at the gym?” Mr. Satan leaned forward and twisted Iron Will’s legs, quickly pinning them into a figure four position and applying pressure with his grab.Iron Will’s grew considerably larger before he started pounding the mat with a fist.

“I give up! I give!”

The crowd was stunned into silence, before a raucous cheering emerged from the Lunar Royal Box. Numerous chirps and squeals of the bat ponies could be heard which were quickly drowned out be a very loud, very exuberant shout.

“HUZZAH! My knight will be champion FOREVER!”

* * *

It was late, but Twilight couldn’t be bothered with sleep when she had such burning questions to handle. Turning another leaf of the ancient tome, Twilight blew her bangs out of the way and continued to pour herself into her studies. Interdimensional theory had always been an interesting subject, but now? Now, if the doodles in the margins of the notebook Twilight was using were any indication, now it was the most interesting subject anywhere! Twilight couldn’t get the images out of her mind—how the Alien moved, how he dodged? How confident and self-assured he looked as he crowed about his coming victory… what Ponyville stallion acted like that? And my oh my, thinking about those impressive muscular pecs…

Twilight shook her head suddenly to clear it, returning to where she left off in the tome.

It had been two days since the contest between Iron Will and the hue-man, Mr. Hercule Satan. When the hue-man learned that Twilight had gained the knowledge to return him to the exact point in time from which he was taken, he begged her to let him continue on for a while, and to train. Twilight couldn’t help but notice how Princess Luna also nudged her shoulder up against him, and how his hand snaked over to glide down her graceful neck, running his digits through her starry mane.

The whole experience had filled her young mind with questions and ideas!

A sharp knock at her study door broke Twilight out of her reverie. She sat up from the position she had been in, flicking her wings out to stretch them before calling out over her shoulder.

“What do you need Spike? ...I’m a little busy!”

The door opened part way, revealing a pair of apologetic green eyes belonging to her trusted assistant. “Sorry, Twi. But Princess Celestia is here. She said that—”

“Ah, my dear Twilight!” Princess Celestia gushed, pushing her way past the smaller drake. “It’s so good to see you again… I see you have been focused on some exciting new area of study, surrounded by books?”

Twilight looked back at the desk she had been sitting at, suddenly embarrassed by the stacks of books piled so high they obscured the light spilling from the windows. Each of the titles were a dead give away, labeled with concepts such as metaphysics, universal thermodynamics, physical sciences, magical gateways, and interdimensional theory. Twilight’s mind raced as she considered what to do. It would look far too suspicious if she suddenly whisked them away before Celestia got a chance to look at the titles, but neither did Twilight want her to see what she had been doing. Not after the whole scene in Canterlot with all of the newspaper and tabloid articles on Mr. Satan and his origins.

Twilight jumped away from the desk, running up to meet Celestia who was still standing closer to the door of the study. “Yes! New area of study! I’m always looking into one thing or another, getting sucked into one rabbit hole or another. Ahem.” Twilight cringed for a moment. “Anyway! This is no proper place to meet with a Princess, no siree! Why don’t we go downstairs to the map room for some tea—”

Celestia blinked her eyes pleasantly as she turned to Spike. “Spike? Could you be a dear and get us some tea? Twilight and I need to have a conversation in private.”

Spike looked doubtfully from Twilight and back to Celestia again. Celestia was smiling pleasantly, but Twilight looked like a nervous wreck and was subtly shaking her head. “Uh… sure thing Princess Celestia. I can get you two some tea. Twilight has been holed up in here for two days, but she hasn’t told me anything about what is bothering her. I hope you can help?”

Celestia’s smile became more warm. “Absolutely, Spike. Thank you!” The eyes of both alicorns tracked Spike as he made his way to the door. One pair calculating, the other looking betrayed. The door finally clicked behind him.

Twilight felt like a rat trapped in maze. The books resting on her desk seemed to be begging for attention, ready to tell Celestia all, any question she might think to ask them.

“Stupid, traitorous tomes…” Twilight fumed.

“What was that?”

“Nothing!” Twilight gave a toothy grin. “Nothing… so what can I do for you, Celestia?”

The alicorn paused in her pacing, turning herself about so she could face Twilight directly.

“So, Twilight. I have just two questions…”

“Um, yes Celestia?”

“First of all… How did you enjoy the Royal Fight Club match?” Princess Celestia had a mischievous smirk on her face while she watched Twilight’s cheeks color with embarrassment.

Twilight swallowed.

“And Secondly... could you please open a dimensional portal for me?”

Twilight’s pupils shrank to pin-pricks. “How… how do you know about that?”

“My.dear sister has been lording her victory over me for the past two days, and while it has been upsetting, it has caused me to become quite motivated. I set a task on my secret agents, and they have not disappointed… It seems that you and Luna have been busy?

“I… it wasn’t my idea, I swear!” Twilight could feel herself start to sweat bullets. “Luna put me up to it—I didn’t think it was a good idea, I said so!”

Celestia only gave her a knowing smile. “Oh, I know you probably had ethical concerns. My sister has always been a pony to skirt around the moral sides of issues from time to time… So how about it?”

Twilight blinked in confusion. “How about what?”

“How about showing me to your laboratory?’ Princess Celestia giggled. “I want an alien too!”

End (or the beginning?)

Author's Note:

So there you have it. Never thought I'd do an anime cross-over, but when you get an idea and it starts to run away from you, this sort of weirdness ensues!

I'm thinking about founding a group, one where each member is welcome to pick a new challenger, with alternating princesses seeking out another anime character to defeat the one the previous princess had just pulled. It could be a thing... Do you have one in mind?

That being said, the point isn't to jump suddenly all the way to Saitama, as brilliant as that would be. These things need to be slow and gently progressed! I think I'll do it. Look for the group. Leave a comment if you are interested. I hope for great comic things of epic proportions. I mean... how could it not go that way?

And I shall call it... Royal Fight Club. And it will be good.

Comments

[Dirty Bit]

I remember back when I thought Chris Rager voiced Iron Will before we learned it was Trevor Duvall

[Sparkle Cola]

9512691
Either way, I instantly loved the character because of the voice. I still laugh at Iron Will scenes...

[NagaShark]

MORE PLEASE! I MUST HAVE MORE!

[Firestar Dragondell]

Oh Do Buu Vs Discrod.😗😗😗

[Sparkle Cola]

9516775
Now, that's a really good idea... Though I need some guest writers to add "episodes," just bringing slightly more characters in... bit by bit... Until Discord and Buu level... hah!

[Firestar Dragondell]

9516839
I can (or try) To do Buu.

[Sparkle Cola]

9516887
How open would you be to me doing some editing???

Also - that's quite a jump to go from Hercule Satan to Buu
Also - the story makes this a non-magical tournament, but that doesn't mean there isn't a magical tournament as well (though you would think Twiley would be knowledgeable about it)

[Firestar Dragondell]

9516908
Uhhh Buu can turn who he fighting into a ball.
Have you seen dragon ball xenoverse 2 when buu turn trunks into a ball?

[Sparkle Cola]

9516921
I know enough about the character (though I am not an expert on all things Dragon Ball like my daughters are... heh.

As I said... Buu is a great idea, but I would like Luna and Celestia to go tit for tat, upping the ante every "episode" with more powerful characters until we get to Saitama or something like that.

The whole Royal Fight Club (thus far in this universe) was for physical combat only. No magic allowed...

I imagine Buu could create quite a few problems for Celestia and Luna

[Firestar Dragondell]

9516928
They can fight beerus and champa They are the only two who act like there Brothers

[Eddyzim1234]

9516932
Wouldn’t that destroy universe 6 and 7?