• Member Since 13th Oct, 2018
  • offline last seen Feb 22nd, 2019


PANCAKES. ~ I just like reading stories. Will be making more stories in the future. ~ PANCAKES



Starlight came to visit Canterlot along with Twilight. Hopefully it's nothing important... Right?

(I'm quite new to writing, so please tell me if I have any mistakes so I can improve. Thanks.)

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 5 )


Boy that was fun

OK some common issues.
1. Single Chapter Length story cut up into pieces.
2. Script style story. Just dialog and actions, no descriptions of location, mood, expressions of characters. So it's boring.
Fine for a first draft, not a completed story. Needs serious fleshing out, significant lengthening to justify 3 chapters. Remember in written works you have to tell your audience more that what is said and simple descriptions of actions, we can't see the visuals in your head unless you tell us what they look like.
Going to tell it how it is, in this form the story is dull and uninteresting. There is the spark of something, use more that metaphorical kindling.

Yeah this could’ve just been a single chapter. There are also grammar errors and it’s rushed.

Thank you, I'll try my best to fix those mistakes.

Glad your not giving up.

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