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While looking for help, Twilight and Starlight get a new helping hoof.
Twilight
Celestia
OC
Starlight Glimmer
CraazyAutumn · 1.4k words · 353 views

A Strange Thought

Starlight came to visit Canterlot along with Twilight. Hopefully it's nothing important... Right?

(I'm quite new to writing, so please tell me if I have any mistakes so I can improve. Thanks.)

Chapters (3)

Canterlot · 13th Oct 2018 · 544 words
544
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Disappearance · 25th Oct 2018 · 229 words
229
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Questions · 25th Oct 2018 · 386 words
386
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Comments ( 5 )

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KamikazeKawaii

KamikazeKawaii #1 · Oct 25th, 2018 · · · Questions ·

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Boy that was fun

Xanderfox

Xanderfox #2 · Oct 26th, 2018 · 2 · · Questions ·

OK some common issues.
1. Single Chapter Length story cut up into pieces.
2. Script style story. Just dialog and actions, no descriptions of location, mood, expressions of characters. So it's boring.
Fine for a first draft, not a completed story. Needs serious fleshing out, significant lengthening to justify 3 chapters. Remember in written works you have to tell your audience more that what is said and simple descriptions of actions, we can't see the visuals in your head unless you tell us what they look like.
Going to tell it how it is, in this form the story is dull and uninteresting. There is the spark of something, use more that metaphorical kindling.

Starlight Glimmer1