The Crossover That Nobody Wanted, But Never Knew They Needed

Author's Note:

The more you read, the stupider it gets.

And now, for our main show... ponies (and a dragon) being so oblivious that they can't tell the difference between their friend and a horsehead mask!

"Twilight!" Spike burst into his ~~mother's?~~ caretaker's room, "Breakfast's ready!"

But low and behold, he was met with silence. Twilight didn't respond, for she was not there. Rather, in her place, sleeping as soundly as the inanimate object that it was, lay a lone, rubbery, horsehead mask.

"Twi-light!" Spike called again, "C'mon, your coffee's getting cold!"

Nothing happened. In fact, so much nothing happened that by the sheer strength of its nonexistent willpower, the horsehead mask managed to get out of bed for the day, winning itself multiple medals and awards of excellence for ten minutes well-spent.

Seeing as how the horsehead mask, which could and often is obviously mistaken for Twilight Sparkle, got out of bed, Spike left the room. As for the ghastly apparition that now haunted the horsehead mask, it decided that it'd be a good time to move to better pastures once and for all.

And so, the horsehead mask once again flopped to the ground as the ghost of good comedy ragequit reality. However, because it flopped so close to the doorknob, and due to the overly-complicated machinations of a sleep-deprived author, the horsehead mask managed to open the door...

...and promptly fall to the floor as anticlimactically as physically possible.

The pitter-patter of Spike's footsteps raced back up the stairs. "Twilight!" he shouted, scooping up the horsehead mask, "Are you alright?"

The horsehead mask flopped to one side, an action that came across the young dragon as a nod.

"Okay then," Spike nodded, dragging the horsehead mask by the mane, "let's get down to ~~BUSINESS, TO DEFEAT, THE HUUUUNS...~~ breakfast. 'Kay?"

Spike glanced up from his Power Ponies comic, his eyes meeting those cold, unblinking, plastic dots of the horsehead mask. Sighing, he set down the comic, and made another cup of coffee for the mask.

"Here." Spike mumbled, sliding the steaming mug in front of the mask, "You seem pretty tired this morning, Twilight. Were you reading all night again?"

The horsehead mask drooped, its soft plastic-and-rubber-casted facial features sagging in the hot steam.

Hrm... Spike thought to himself, staring at the melting horsehead mask, something seems... off about Twilight today...

By the mighty power of the weight of condensing steam, the horsehead mask fell face-first onto the table, and into the bowl of oatmeal before it.

...Nah, the dragon's train of thought continued, she's just sleepy. We'll see how fast she wakes up when I tell her that Celestia is--

*insert Kool-Aid man noises here*

Celestia stood among the rubble of what was formerly a wall of the kitchen, her muzzle scrunched as she stared at the horsehead mask.

"Spike?" she growled, pointing an accusing hoof at the mask. "What's the meaning of this?"

"I--"

Celestia lit her horn, pulling the horsehead mask's half-melted face from the bowl of oatmeal. She turned her eyes to Spike. "Do you want my dear student to drown in her breakfast?"

"No, I can expl--"

"My dear mother would be so proud of me right now, saving the life of a young, innocent--"

"Based off the books she's got in her romance sectionI'd say otherwi--"

"INNOCENT mare from the horrors of death by oatmeal."

A smug 'I told you so' grin materialized across the alicorn's face as she gazed off into the distant void. Meanwhile, a lump of oatmeal dropped from the sagging, flattened muzzle of the horsehead mask.

"See?" Celestia suddenly continued, magicking into existence a napkin to wipe the mask's face, "She's fine now, Spike."

"Princess Celestia, Twilight doesn't look too good."

Celestia shrugged, lighting her horn again as the horsehead mask vanished. "Nothing Rarity couldn't fix."

An awkward silence took hold over the two as their eyes locked on each other. Spike leaned in closer, as did Celestia, on the other side of the table. The dragon blushed, turning away for a moment, mumbling to himself, "Rarity would hate me for this..."

Or at least, that's what he would've mumbled if it weren't for the fact that Celestia had also vanished, leaving behind only a written note in her wake. Spike picked up the note.

"Brace yourself." He read, "Brace myself for what?"

He flipped the note over.

"Scrolls incoming, special delivery for Twilight Sparkle."

At that moment, Spike began machine-gunning scrolls across the room.

The horsehead mask landed on the floor of Carousel Boutique with a wet plop.

"Darling," Rarity sang as she emerged from a backroom, "did you forget to dry off after taking a shower again?"

"..."

A towel landed atop the disfigured horsehead mask. "There you go, darling," Rarity continued, "now hurry up and dry yourself off. You'll ruin the carpet."

Horsehead mask did nothing, for it was a mask, and not a horse.

Rarity sighed, taking hold of the towel in her telekinesis and dabbing the remaining oatmeal off the mask's melted face.

The author now requests for the reader to imagine the scene that just occurred, based on your personal interpretations.

Horsehead mask flopped to the ground with a quiet squeak.

"Oh dear," Rarity gasped, propping the rubbery mask up with a hoof, "would you like to sit down, Twilight?"

Before the mask could do anything, Rarity set it upon her fainting couch, and stuck a thermometer in its plastic mouth. Seconds later, said thermometer slid from the horsehead mask's muzzle.

Rarity picked up the thermometer, squinting as she read the temperature. "Hrm." she mumbled, wandering from the couch, "Twilight, darling. You shouldn't be pushing yourself so hard, dear. You seem awfully sick today."

The mare's face lit up as an idea flew into her mind. "How about we take you to see Fluttershy?" Rarity began. "She's quite skilled at figuring out all this medical nonsense, given how many animals she cares for."

No response.

"Very well then." She huffed, her horn lighting up as she took hold of the horsehead mask. "I'll take you to her myself, given your seeming inability to move."

Rarity opened the door just in time to meet face-to-face with Pinkie and Rainbow, the latter of whom appeared rather squeamish for no apparent reason.

"Oh, hello, darlings." Rarity greeted with a nod, "I assume Pinkie's helping you find a dress, Rainbow?"

"Urk."

"Yuppers!" Pinkie cheered in return, "And I made sure to stick to the checklist that Twilight sent me on what Dashie should wear to her flight school reunion!"

"Checklist?"

Pinkie then pulled out a scroll, waving it towards the horsehead mask. "Right here, silly!" she laughed, "Ask Twilight if you want to know about it. Me and Dashie have some designing to do!"

"No way I'm going in a dress!" Rainbow suddenly burst, lunging away from Pinkie...

...and directly onto the horsehead mask.

"OHMYGOSHI'MSOSORRYAREYOUOKAY?!" Rainbow Dash shrieked, scooping up the tattered horsehead mask from the dirt and dust.

Rarity groaned. "Dear, that's one more reason why I now need to take Twilight to Fluttershy's."

"What about Zecora?" Pinkie peeped peppily from beneath a pile of puffy pillows, "Wouldn't she be better at helping Twilight than Fluttershy?"

Rarity shook her head. "No, darling," she began, "she left town to gather ingredients after I visited her for some extra-strength fabric softener."

The horsehead mask drooped in Rainbow's hooves.

"Well, hurry up and get her to Flutter's place then!" Rainbow shouted, taking to the air with the mask still in her grasp.

It took a full minute and a half to realize that 'Twilight' was still hanging from the pegasus's hooves. At this point, the mare and the mask were conveniently located over Sweet Apple Acres. Why? Because we need to fulfill that Mane Six character tag.

Frantically, Rainbow knocked at Apple family's door.

"Who is it?" Granny Smith croaked from within.

"Where's Applejack?!" Rainbow shouted, pounding on the door.

"I'll go get her." Granny Smith's voice sounded in return.

"Somebody once told me ~~the world was gonna roll me~~ that the worst thing Ah'd ever set eyes upon was gonna be a bucket o' rotten apples," Applejack deadpanned, "but this, this here's a problem Ah ain't got a solution for."

Granny Smith hobbled over, peering over her grandchild's shoulders at the horsehead mask.

"Granny," Applehorse began, "do you have any of that back pain ointment left over? Ah think Twi here needs a mighty lot of it right now."

Granny Smith raised a brow, staring dumbfounded at Applejack and Rainbow Dash. "...And what in tarnation are the two o' you youngsters doin, messing around with one-a them horsehead masks?"

"Horsehead mask?" Applejack snorted, "Granny, you oughtta get your vision checked sometime. This here ain't a mask, it's our friend Twilight."

"Yeesh." Granny Smith huffed, stumbling back to the house. "Kids these days and their strange games..."

Applejack and Rainbow Dash rushed up the winding path to Fluttershy's house, paying mind not to awaken the ~~Eldritch Guardian, Cthulhu~~ guard squid from his slumber as they passed the fish pond.

"Flutters, we need your help!" Rainbow shouted, knocking hard enough to nearly bash the door in. "There's something wrong with Twilight!"

The door slowly creaked open as Fluttershy peeked out. "Oh, hello." She whispered, looking between her two friends. Her eyes landed on the horsehead mask. "What's Twilight here for?"

"Well," Applejack began, "it seems to me that Twilight here thought it'd be a good idea to go on a fly with Rainbow today."

"Hey! I forgot that I was still holding onto her, okay?"

Applejack stared at Rainbow for a moment, before continuing onward. Horsehead mask flopped onto the ground, slipping between Rainbow's hooves.

Fluttershy stepped out the door, picking up the horsehead mask. "Oh... oh my..." she began, walking back inside with the mask slumped over her back.

As for Applejack and Rainbow Dash, the two mares were now met face-to-face with a closed door.

Fluttershy set the tattered horsehead mask on a bed, paying mind to shoo away Angel before the bunny could stick his head inside the mask. After roughly a minute or so of staring down the mask, she proceeded to put an ice pack over its rubbery forehead, and left the room to make some porridge.

They say her scream could be heard all throughout Equestria.

All she was going to do was give Twilight "horsehead mask" Sparkle some hot porridge to ease her illness.

Instead, she set hoof in the room to find Harry the bear wearing said horsehead mask.

Slowly, and with an unnatural stutter in its movements, Harry turned to face Fluttershy, the horsehead mask still stuck on his head.

"I LOVE IT!" the bear suddenly shouted, giving a thumbs up as Fluttershy promptly fainted.

~~~Meanwhile, in an alternate universe where Twilight is a hat~~~

Twilight sulked as Celestia paraded around town with the former sitting atop the latter.

"I regret everything." was all she could say about the whole ordeal.

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