Mad Science
Tempest wasn't entirely certain how long she was kept down in the lab on that table while Dr. Nefario performed his research. The doctor seemed to keep his own schedule that had no connection to the clock, only occasionally stopping as he dozed off...which Tempest estimated to be more related to his age than the passage of time. Between that and there being no sources of natural light in the lab, she had no way of telling what hour it was, let alone what day.
Still, the work seemed to be progressing well...or at least progressing. Dr. Nefario would bring over some sort of large machine of one sort or another and hook devices between it and her horn. The first time, he reached for a copy of the first tool he'd tried to use to get a sample of the crystal in the base of her horn while talking about 'stimulating the energy reaction'. Quickly catching on, Tempest had charged her magic. The energy had flowed along the cables from the devices to the machine, the screen on one side had lit up with crazed data streams, and then the machine had exploded violently.
Dr. Nefario had stared at the wreckage for a time, and then spoken calmly. "Well, I've learned three things now," he said as smoke billowed around him. "First, you're fully sapient and able to understand what I'm saying, which is helpful as I can tell you what I need you to do and when. That will make experiments go much smoother. Second, the energy you release is incredibly powerful, and not compatible with standard computer systems as far as analysis.
"And third..." Stepping back, he pushed one of the little yellow creatures forward. "Mel's in charge of monitoring the connections now."
"Whaaaaa?" the little yellow creature - having only a single eye and bits of dark hair at the sides of what for lack of a better term had to be called his head.
"Well I'm a bit more fragile than you are," Dr. Nefario explained calmly, "and while someone does need to watch each machine we hook up in case we get valid readings, it needs to be someone who won't be too inconvenienced by being blown up."
Mel frowned, crossing his arms. "Po ka me?" he pouted, grumbling seemingly nonsense sounds under his breath until he got close enough to see Tempest. Then his eye widened as his arms and lower jaw dropped. "Ipo papoya..." he murmured in awe, slowly drawing closer.
Tempest frowned as she pulled back, uncertain how to feel about this creature getting so close.
The eye suddenly widened further as Mel gasped in shock. "Cora Doka!" he declared in excitement. Turning, he shouted out to the other yellow creatures, "Ipo Cora Doka!"
All the creatures swarmed forward, making Tempest shrink in on herself worriedly as they surrounded her...at least until two of them started gently brushing her mane and tail. As short as they were, that was nice.
At that point one of them, this one smaller than the others with two eyes and clutching a teddy bear, spoke up. "Cora Doka seg!" he insisted firmly, his voice sounding much younger than that of the others. "Zzzria Agatooma!"
"Seg, Bob!" Mel snapped out. "Cora Doka!"
"Seg, Mel!" the other Minion - presumably 'Bob' - snapped back. "Zzzria Agatooma!"
The argument continued, eventually getting all of them involved as sides were taken. Tempest glanced towards Dr. Nefario worriedly, hoping for a solution, or at least an explanation.
Nefario sighed ruefully. "They're arguing over what your name is, for some reason," he explained. "Mel seems to think it's 'Tempest Shadow', while Bob insists it's 'Fizzlepop Berrytwist'. Honestly, I'm hoping Mel's right. That sounds like a name to get Gru back into villainy."
Tempest nodded in agreement. After all, that was the name she chose for herself when she was a villain.
"So Mel's right?" Nefario asked hopefully.
Tempest nodded, making Mel cheer and Bob pout. "Pelo...Zzzria..." Tempest looked straight at Bob and nodded again.
"Wait..." Nefario began in confusion. "You're saying they're both right?"
Tempest nodded again.
Nefario grinned widely. "A supervillain name and a secret identity? That'll get Gru into villainy again for sure! Now let's see what we can do about your horn..."
After that, Tempest went through the initial experiment several more times as Nefario used numerous different types of machines in an attempt to analyze the energy generated from her horn, leaving Mel and Bob to monitor things once he got behind cover to give Tempest the signal to release her energy. Each time, the machine would stream crazy information and then either explode, melt into slag, or - one frightening time - collapse in on itself like it had fallen into a black hole, dropping to the floor with a tiny tink sound.
However, Nefario was able to get bits and pieces of information from each attempt before the computers failed. He slowly and carefully began putting the details together, trying to come up with a theory. "I really don't know what I'm doing here," he admitted at one point as he went through the details to try and piece something together. "Like I said, my areas of expertise are machines, robotics, and chemistry. Biology's outside my skill set, especially not a biological crystal that overloads the most advanced computers with so much data their structure warps..." He froze, staring off into space for a moment.
O...kay, Tempest thought to herself. That's...either he's just had a Eureka moment, or he's dozed off standing up. Both are equally possible at this point. Reaching forward, she gently nudged him with a hoof.
He suddenly spun, gripping her face with both hands and tilting her head so he could look straight down her horn. "No, it couldn't be...there's no way that would evolve naturally! But...but it would explain everything! And the amount of processing power to handle manipulating that much energy in a changing environment...it's the only thing that makes sense! But if that's so...then that means..." He released her face as he stared into the middle distance. "...my god..."
"From the sound of it, this was the perfect moment to come ask for a progress report," Gru mused thoughtfully as he stepped into the lab. He carefully stepped around some of the computer wreckage. "Especially since it looks like this is becoming expensive."
"Gru, there's a secret laboratory belonging to a think tank that has secretly created a crystal quantum computer," Nefario began calmly. "The actual computing portion of it is only 300 atoms large, stored in a three foot by five foot glass case to perfectly preserve its function. If I'm going to analyze the energies Tempest is able to generate-"
"Tempest?" Gru asked in confusion.
Nefario gestured to Tempest. "Mel and Bob somehow figured out her name was Tempest Shadow...or Fizzlepop Berrytwist, she apparently goes by both."
Gru chuckled ruefully. "I know which one Edith and Agnes will each use...but what was this about the super computer?"
"If I'm to successfully analyze the energies she generates so I can fix her horn, you're going to need to steal it," Nefario explained calmly.
Gru winced ruefully. "I...don't really want to get back into villainy..."
Tempest frowned thoughtfully. If Nefario needed that computer to fix her horn, then she needed to convince Gru to steal it. From her read of him, he was surely capable. Turning, she beckoned Bob forward and began making gestures, trying to communicate with motions that she needed something to remind Gru of Agnes and her apparent unicorn obsession.
Grinning, Bob nodded and dashed off. When he came back, he was carrying a toilet brush with googly eyes and an ice cream cone attached, looking very much like the sort of make-shift unicorn toy someone would make if they went to the store for one only to forget what they were there for until they were on their way back and then desperately assembled a facsimile out of whatever they had to hand. Walking up to Gru, he shook it at him to get attention. "Meja boo, papoya papoy."
Gru glanced down at it, then turned towards Tempest who was giving him a pleading, desperate look, the same one she'd given him when she'd first realized there was a chance he could restore her horn.
"They've got a point," Nefario offered, a sudden cunning grin on his face. "Don't think of it as villainy. Think of it as...parenting. You already moved the moon once to keep those girls safe and happy. What's a mountain or two - or a computer - to give Agnes a real live healthy unicorn of her own?"
Gru sighed ruefully, then finally nodded. "Alright," he allowed regretfully. He then squared his shoulders. "One last big heist. For Agnes."
Nefario grinned widely. "And there's my old friend!" he purred happily, giving Gru a playful fist nudge on the arm, not enough strength in his arm to really call it a punch.
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Excellent. Now, ALL MINIONS OF TATSUROU! INITIATE THE EVIL LAUGHTER PROTOCOL!
Hopefully she can learn their language fast. That would solve the issue. All you would need to do then is mark when the Minions speak.
COnquer the world to save it
I don't know which one should I question here... whether how Nefario understood what the Minions said, or how they knew both Tempest's name.
I wonder how Tempest will see the living room with the dead animals into furniture?
8980037
MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!
8980037
8980057
Maybe once they get the quantum computer hooked up to her, they could feed a translation "program" directly into her brain?
Hell, I've seen weirder excuses for easy translation in fiction.
8980076
It's pretty clear from the movies that both Gru and Nefario can understand Minionese, and the Minions can understand English.
It's not something to brush off so easily how Tempest is able to recognise how the Minions were trying to communicate.
8980156
Probably the same reason that gryphons can talk to ponies, unconscious universal translation spell
You know, I didn't realize it at first, but she could actually be a major contribution to his world. While Gru has a literal army of minions, he's very much a "lead from the front" type of guy and would probably have tried to attempt his various villainous acts even without them. Even when he does make use of his minions, it's mostly as distractions, cannon fodder, shields (how useful their indestructibility is), and general "Minions! Attack en masse... or just do something."
Tempest, on the other hoof, is a trained and experienced commander, skilled and practiced in the art of effectively utilizing and maneuvering an army. The minion's goofiness and distractability aside, she might actually be able to organize them into a force which can carry out Gru's schemes with some degree of competence. Her previous job was, essentially "coordinate the army so the Big Idea man's evil plan will succeed". She has the potential to neatly fill the missing piece that was holding Gru back from true success as a villain.
Of course, making sure the plots of the future movies can happen mostly unimpeded will inhibit any major changes, but Tats tends to write his best stories when working off limited source material (such as a single movie) rather than a serialized source (such as a full episodic tv or video game series).
I was iffy at first, but now I see that this could actually go somewhere really interesting. I look forward to it.
I find this unfortunate, but understandable. In all honesty, if you hadn't said anything I'd have thought you just put in minion words that seemed to fit. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the great work. Deus tecum.
Okay I have to say that I can now officially believe this to be canon if I didn't know better! Also Tempest is going to be perfect as an anti villain secret agent!
5 mins after the quantum computer reaches the base Nefarious finds that it has been slowed to the point of near uselessness due to the minions using it to download music and movie streams (Illegally of course)
So yes!
YES YES!
YYES!
YYYES!
8980254
I think it would be hilarious if Tempest then ends up seeing the inevitable pop-up ads.
Extra credit if she knows what it means and mentions them at the worst possible times.
Seriously, this is awesome, by the way. But the way he went, I thought he'd say the horn's crystal WAS a quantum computer, and a larger one to boot, not that they needed one to analyze it. Well, perhaps both are right...
It would be even funnier if it overloads the new computer too.
Also, I had suspected that the minions were actually using a real language here. That or you had done a lot of research into the movies. Interesting to see that both were true. I would like it if you kept using the ML, but I can see why you wouldn't.
8980254
You mean Nefario... assuming we're talking about Gru's assistant and not PWNY!Twilight's boyfriend.
8980037
Haha,
Mwahahaha,
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Like that?
8980037
BWA HA HA HA HADOUKEN!
8980304
Muwahahahaha!
8980057
I agree with this suggestion have her learn it or gets access to it. and then Market that way if it becomes pot relevant or funny you could do actual minionese if needs you want to but not have it required for actual movement of the plot
8980072
Wouldn't be the first time one of Tats' Anti-Villains did just that.
I'm guessing in the timeline this is after 1 but before 2?
8980297
Yes, could have sworn that’s what I typed but guess not haha
I will ride his trail TO THE VERY END!
8980037
8980037
I so hope they aren't watching the show, I don't want them to already know about her.
I think this story is going to be good. However at first I didn't knew if it was a good idea from nefario to try to destroy Tempest horn, but then he seems to try to fix it.
Honestly I thought with her being a baby the horn was back in his old stage, but maybe Discords magic couldn't fix what wasn't there or something like that.
8980247
That would be nice to see, I just hope she isn't going to be written as clumsy in some situations like when he fights against the mad chicken in the movie.
8980037
Damit why do you have to be Such an amazing author well here goes my night.
Wait wait wait wait... there's a minion translator?
What’s wrong Gru? This cannot be harder than playing soccer with Cthulhu.
Ever notice you use the word "ruefully" a lot?
"Ba tis agei!"
And poor Gru. Just when he thought he was out of the villainy game, a cute little unicorn pony pulled him right back in.
8980037
does this take place before or after despicable me 3?
8982355
I’m pretty sure it’s soon after the first film since Dr. Nefario is complaining about Gru turing turning from villainy, which we saw him do at the start of the second film.
So between the first and second film.
8980037
So.... once again we seem to be headed for another PWNY fic that is one big "How it should have ended" for the series involved. Not that I have any problem with that at all.
In fact, all the previous PWNY fics seem to show Tatsurou's near-godlike (and I don't say this lightly) skill as a writer. He manages to flesh out, redeem, and show hidden depths to characters; fill in, explain or avoid plot holes entirely; change plot points that are deeply unpopular with fans without removing all conflict from the story; and overall fix up a story to far better than the original. And all that while cranking out chapters for multiple stories at a breakneck pace! Not to criticize HISHE, but they do tend to leave plot threads hanging and remove most of the conflict of the movies they write their videos for.
So, yeah, I'm really looking forward to seeing where this story takes us. I know that wherever it goes, it's going to be great.
I think my mind short circuited from the Minions' babbling... I kind of liked it. Ha ha ha... HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! ...I'm done now. Sorry.
We require more vespene gas. (I.E. this story making me laugh.)
Cool, there’s a minion translator site? Send me the link!
8986707
The words "this site" in the author's note are a hyperlink to minionstranslator.com
8980037
Little Eris: HAHAHA! FOR EVIL!
8980076
I just got to read this fic and I have a theory .. From the glimpses I got from minions movie trailer they might as well have some kind of hive mind and/or be atemporal .. Maybe they worked /will work for her in another timeline .. Or they have extra dimensional knowledge like many seemingly stupid characters ( I'm talking to you deadpool )
EDIT: yeah didn't read next chapter when I made this ... That's similar to what I thought instead of atemporal/extra knowledge they have a fated someone and some mind reading skill
Alright then. I'm optimistic about this story focusing on the merits of villainy. Also, if we're following Tempest to adulthood, hopefully that'll mean she gets a bunch of younger siblings.
I'm halfway through this chapter and I've decided to say fuck it, I'm in for the long haul. You know how to make a good beginning out of this.