• Published 28th May 2018
  • 8,561 Views, 1,156 Comments

Three Kittens, Two Unicorns, and a BANANA! - Tatsurou



Tempest Shadow finds herself added to a rather...despicable family. Perhaps things will turn out better this time around.

  • ...
45
 1,156
 8,561

A New Kind of Party

Once the group entered the party, Tempest looked around to take it all in. There were the expected streamers, confetti, colored spotlights, and dance music. There were quite a few people there, and children ranging from younger than Agnes to just older than Margo, definitely a 'family' party more than anything else. There was also a preponderance of guacamole and chips, and a few hanging pinatas. The music...could have been better. Overall, it struck her as the sort of party someone would throw if they felt they needed to throw the party but had something much bigger on their mind.

Since Gru and Lucy immediately started mingling and giggling - every inch a new couple - Tempest took it on herself to keep an eye on her sisters. Margo immediately went to dance with the 'player', so she decided to keep a mental eye on her emotional state. Much to her surprise, the spell form for that was one the Overthought had already finished researching and was able to provide it immediately. She had a bit of extra magic for the casting, so she sent the excess into two other spell forms. The first would prevent Edith from injuring anyone with her ninja sword, and the second would prevent Agnes from eating more than four churros by preventing any further from getting into her mouth. Not only would that prevent her from being mostly cinnamon and sugar by body weight by the end of the night, it would also be amusing to watch her trying to chomp down on her fifth as it refused to pass her lips. She'd probably find it fun, too, and turn it into a party trick.

With that taken care of, she began wandering the party. To her relief, the only children wandering around without an adult holding them were old enough to respect personal space. They'd approach to pet, but the moment she made it clear she was going elsewhere they allowed her to. This allowed her to move through easily, and mostly avoid suspicious observation.

The only minor hurdle was when a chicken tried to attack her, for some reason. A brief lightning bolt sent it running...and brought the restaurant owner - Eduardo, that was his name - investigating. "Is there a reason you tried to barbecue my pet chicken, little lady?" he asked, his voice between playful and hostile.

"Apologies," Tempest offered blandly, using the same tone she'd used when casually demanding Equestria's unconditional surrender. "I saw a farm animal normally harvested for food wandering around and the absence of protein on the buffet, and assumed hunting was part of the party activities."

Eduardo glanced down at her suspiciously for a moment, then let off a happy chuckle. "Gru must really like you," he purred happily. His eyes roved over the party...only to pause as an unpleasant expression crossed his face.

Curious, Tempest followed his gaze to where Gru and Lucy were happily dancing together, neither seeming to care that their dancing attempts made Princess Twilight Sparkle look like Sapphire Shores. Glancing back, she saw Eduardo's expression had altered. Rather than unpleasant it was...wistfully nostalgic.

Lightning connected in Tempest's brain as she put the pieces together...and she began to reconsider 'sisterly vengeance', or at least consider being less vindictive with it. Understanding people wasn't very much fun. "How long ago did she die?" she asked consolingly.

Eduardo blinked in surprise, turning to her. "Who..." He shook his head as he saw her piercing look. "Heh, smart little lady..." He looked back towards the happy couple. "...three years ago today..." His sad glance shifted to his son...where he'd just shifted from dancing with Margo to dancing with some other girl.

Noticing Margo's emotions starting to shift, she sent what she'd had of the conversation with Eduardo in text form to play on the inside of her glasses. As she'd expected, Margo marshaled her own emotions and left the dance floor gracefully.

Turning back, she saw Eduardo making his way out of the party. She began to cautiously follow. So that's it, she thought to herself. He got out of villainy to be a father...and heartbreak at the world taking his love pushed him back into it. This isn't just ego...it's a vendetta.

She watched calmly as El Macho - she didn't need to think his civilian name anymore, at this point his role as a father was all that was left of that man - proceeded to salsa dance across a tiled floor, his steps triggering the tiles to light up and play the first few notes of 'La Cucaracha'. The far wall opened up to reveal an elevator, which closed behind him as he stepped in.

Tempest calmly glanced to either side of the set of tiles, where lines of statues armed with various weaponry reminiscent of an Indiana Jones temple stared angrily down at the path, plainly waiting to strike. Thoughtfully, Tempest focused her horn, playing the same notes the tiles had out of it at the same tone. She smirked as the elevator opened. A quick stasis spell froze the room until she could cross, stepping into the elevator as it closed behind her.

As the doors slid open, she stared across a long bridge to more of what looked like Aztec motif. To one side was a giant magnet-shaped flying machine, the same one that had stolen the lab. Well, there's the hard evidence, she thought as she stepped in. Not that I needed it, but it'll satisfy Sheepsbutt.

"Yes indeed," El Macho's voice declared as she stepped in. "Gru must definitely like you."

Turning, Tempest saw El Macho now in his costume...and he didn't really make it look good anymore. While the luchador look may have worked when he was younger, taller, and buffer, it didn't look good on a short fat guy. "Please cover up more," she requested flatly. "I'm still a child."

"Oh, sorry," El Macho replied, pulling his cape around with one arm like a vampire to hide his chest. "I was expecting Gru to follow me-"

"He did, through me," Tempest explained calmly. "I am a living weapon, so he doesn't need to worry about being disarmed if he sends me to scope things out." It was total bull, but he'd buy it.

"Ah, he's gotten fiendishly clever as he's become a family man!" El Macho observed with an evil chuckle. "I've been watching his development for some time. Stealing the moon! What a feat!"

"So you were hoping to recruit him, but weren't as sure of yourself there once you saw he was a happy family man?" Tempest deduced thoughtfully.

El Macho's expression turned pained. "Yes...when I learned he was a single parent like myself, I thought he would understand. But if he's getting back together with their mother..."

Tempest suppressed a smirk. "We're all adopted," she clarified. "Lucy's just the best match we've found for Gru as both wife and mother candidate."

"Oh!" El Macho declared, much happier now. "And he certainly seems happy with her, so that's a good choice." He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "And...what does she think of his...career choices?"

Tempest grinned, seeing an easy way in to get all the information she wanted. "She's a big fan."

"Is she now..." El Macho murmured, an oddly thoughtful, nostalgic expression beneath his mask.

Tempest nodded her understanding, deciding not to comment on what she'd deduced. "So what's the big plan?" Tempest asked curiously. "Gru's not going to come down until he's got my report."

Chuckling, El Macho swooped dramatically over to the wide platform at the edge of the bridge. "Yes, indeed!" he declared excitedly. "Doctor, do show the little lady what we've been working on!"

Dr. Nefario stepped out, only to pause as he saw who was waiting. "T-Tempest?"

"Hello, Uncle Neffy," she said happily. "Please, show me what you've done to the Minions."

"Eh?" El Macho asked, surprised. "How does she know we experimented on the Minions?"

"She's got a strong bond with them, and they really like her," Nefario explained calmly. "It's no surprise she noticed some of them going missing, and put two and two together." Pressing a button, he lowered down one of the mutated Minions strapped to a chair.

Tempest recognized him as Kevin, and winced slightly as he let out a suddenly intense bleat-like scream. "So you turned them from banana people into Raving Rabbids," she observed irritably. "I'm certain there was a point to that?"

"The PX-41 has done so much more than that!" El Macho declared excitedly. "He is now...an indestructible killing machine!" To demonstrate, Nefario pressed a few buttons, and Tempest was treated to the sight of bullets, flames, and axes bounced off his flesh, and an axe, bomb, and police car dropped on him being eaten whole, the only moment of significance when his body stretched out cartoonishly as the bomb went off harmlessly inside him.

"And here's the best part!" El Macho declared excitedly, before gesturing upwards. "I've got an army of them!" The lights came on, revealing the rest of the mutated Minions in cages...who immediately began behaving mindlessly berserk as soon as they realized attention was on them.

"Soon I will unleash them on the world!" El Macho bragged excitedly. "And if anyone...anyone...tries to stop me...then...Yow!" He dramatically flailed, careful to keep his cape over his body. "Their city gets eaten!" He turned back to Tempest. "And I want Gru to work with me, so we can take over the world in this way! Though it would be great if he'd allow me to transform the rest of his Minions, so the forces could be spread more efficiently."

"Then you've still got a stash of PX-41, then," Tempest concluded thoughtfully. "And...where might that be?"

El Macho chuckled softly. "Now why would I be telling you that when Gru hasn't said he's in?" he asked playfully.

Sighing, Tempest sent a signal through the Overthought. The 'mindless' Minions above all stilled, then proceeded to crush the locks on their cages. The ones directly above the path tore the bottoms of their cages off before jumping down to the path, then slamming the cage bottoms together and squeezing them solid to form platforms all around where El Macho stood, as the rest of the Minions jumped down, now surrounding him and giving him menacing glares. "Do it or your city gets eaten," she stated calmly, with a hint of mischief in her voice.

"Wha...how?" El Macho demanded in shock.

"I'd like to know that myself," Nefario asked as Kevin broke free of his chair.

"Tadda jeelei ta won!" Kevin shouted as he gestured to Tempest.

"Tadda jeelei ta won!" the Minions shouted back as they all stomped their feet in unison.

Seeing Tempest smirking smugly, Nefario glanced from the Minions to the slight glow of her horn. "...ah. That explains it."

Author's Note:

For those who didn't put it together in chapter from context.

"Tadda jeelei ta won!" - "All hail the Queen!" ('praise' the Queen literally, but close enough)