Trauma

by Starscape

Pieces of the Heart

It’s been so long.

So long since I saw her smiling face, hungry and eager for knowledge.

So long since I saw her beaming, jumping around without a care in the world.

So long since I saw her poring over her books, determined to learn this or that.

She was always bright, and hungry for knowledge. She looked up to me with a reverence that was unrivalled by anyone else. I became her foster mother, or so she told me. She said that I meant the world to her. Did she know that that was also how I felt about her? The top student at my school, the Element of Magic.

It only seems like yesterday that I saw her defeat Nightmare Moon with the other Elements. I can still vividly remember her battling Discord. Why are these memories so clear, and the rest from that time so fuzzy? Why is it that I think about her every day, wishing I could’ve spent a little more time with her?

I’ve read her reports on friendship countless times now, and remember all of them clearly. I was her mentor, her guide, her friend. She came to me in her moments of weakness, of sadness, and of joy. How did our time together come to an end so abruptly?

I see her in my dreams, every night. Dancing around in the lush green meadows surrounding Ponyville. Reading books by candlelight inside of her library. Helping her friends with all their troubles. These are things I will never forget.

The little details, the humdrum of everyday life that ponies have become used to, has been imprinted in their memory. The little details are what make life so special. They give a steady flow of normality, a reprieve from the days where there is none.

When ponies you love and care for move on, it is hard on everypony close to them. Ponies never forget important events like that. The trauma induced by the sudden passing of a close friend, lover or family member is heartbreaking.

But eventually they all move on. They continue living their life, doing what they normally do. But inside their body, inside their heart, there will be a little piece that is shattered. A piece that will never grow back.

When ponies die, their memories, emotions, thoughts and feelings all disappear. Some see it as a relief, a chance to forget all the experiences of their life.

But there is only so much sadness and tragedy one can take in their life. Ponies who have experienced more than they can take, often go insane, or take their own life. But what about those that are immortal? Those that never die?

What happens to those that never die, never forget? They’ve felt sadness and trauma beyond imagination. Every time somepony close to them passes, their heart is torn. The countless pieces that have been ripped from it is something that nopony can take.

I’ve had many students in the past. When they died, I did feel a sense of trauma, yes. Over time, after witnessing so much sadness and loss, those emotions were greatly numbed. But the death of this particular student tore my heart to shreds.

Memories. Memories are part of what makes us special, what makes us unique. If we have no memories, we are husks. But sometimes it seems that it would be much easier to just forget.

Why was she struck down by a mystery illness? Why couldn’t I cure it? Why was my heart ripped when she finally passed, completely unlike many before her?

I think I may know. She was the one I connected to the most, the one I could always confide in. She shared many of my traits. We had a lot in common. If I was feeling down, I could always rely on two people: her and Luna.

She trusted me as well. She said that she would gladly put her life in my hooves. I remember, that was the first time, in many years, that I’d cried. For some reason, that sentiment touched my heart more than anything else that she had said.

Immortality is a blessing, and a curse. It makes you wise, and gives you thousands of years worth of knowledge. But it also tears you away from those you are close to. It forces you to experience sadness beyond belief.

Faces passed. I remember every single one of them, vividly.

Princess Celestia began to write, her yellow magic enveloping the quill, and starting to scribble.

‘To my faithful subjects:’

‘You have been loyal to me through the worst of times. You have revered me with dedication like I have never seen. Thank you for your support and appreciation. From now on, Luna will run this kingdom. She will make sure that you are well cared for. Do not fear her, she will be a wise and benevolent ruler.’

After that, she took from her drawer a dark blue envelope, with the seal of Luna on the front.

She began to write:

‘To Luna:’

‘I am so sorry. I simply can’t go on. You mean so much to me, Luna. I will never forget you for your kindness and compassion. You have been with me in the worst of times, and through the best of days. I cannot take anymore of this. My heart has been ripped to shreds, scattered across the wind. Take good care of this kingdom. Continue my legacy. Equestria will be even better with your rule, I’m sure of it. I’m going off to a better place.’

With that, Celestia folded the parchment, placed it inside the blue envelope, and sealed it.

She walked to the throne room, carrying both letters. She placed them at the foot of her throne, and sat on the floor.

She started to speak.

“Twilight, I know you can’t hear me, but I wanted to tell you one last time how much you meant to me. You were my light and my soul. You were everything to me. You may have not thought so, but you were the one thing in my life that made me genuinely happy. Every time I saw your smiling face, I was reminded that life has its ups and downs, and every time I met you, I was happy for the rest of the day. Your eagerness to learn and to discover reminded me so much of when I was young. You were everything. I miss you.”

“There was one thing I never got to tell you before you passed away. One very important, crucial thing. You were more than the world to me. You were more than everything. For the first time in my life, I had found someone truly unique. Someone that I could connect to.”

Celestia felt a few tears. Those drops quickly became a river, running from the sun monarch’s eyes.

“I love you, Twilight Sparkle.”

With those final words, she brought the knife to her throat.

Comments

[The Blu Equine]

Not sure if celestia would choose that way to exit the world. Thats my only criticism otherwise it seemed good to me

[epicdonus1123 BOT]

[Ahiam94]

This was done very well. Really sad, but that's what you were going for, so it's good. Well done, sir.

[Fallen Knight]

I would think royalty would just take poison and go to sleep or something else less messy. Besides that its a touching story.

[Lightning Dasher]

that's all i have to say

[mimimi]

trash.

[Infinity Blaze]

.......... How does she die if she's IMORTAL? ( which means nothing can kill her)

[Starscape]

978005

No, 'immortal' means unable to die of old age. 'Invincible' means you can't be hurt or die.
Maybe it's my interpretation of the word.

[firedash]

[shirotora]

manly tears.

[Timinator]

[TAB]

A bit rushed but sill sad, WHY?

[myhe01]

[SpeedyAstro]

978005 Immortality means that you do not age once you get into adulthood. Invincibility is immortality and the inability to die.

[StarKeeper]

That... that... that last line...

[Periapsis]

Could she really die? If she's immortal she could have taken poison like doctorwhooves said. Not sure it would kill her, but still could a regular knife kill her? Like speedy said, it's the inability to die. Andere als die gute fic!

[DezzarTac]

" “I love you, Twilight Sparkle.” "

Killed the story for me

[Starscape]

984298

Sorry to hear that. My writing quality is bad, I know.

[DezzarTac]

986105 That has nothing to do with the writing quality. Its just the choice of words, the quality is fine.

[Smore98]

*Read compassionately from the beginning to before the letters*

This seems like a good way to point out life.

*Reads letters*

...Wait what?

*Continues reading before that last few words*

Wait...

*Reads last sentence*

*Heart skips a beat*

HOW CAN SHE DO THIS!?

[Alaxsxaq]

978005 Immortal doesn't mean bulletproof.
-John Carter

[Alaxsxaq]

Good story by the way. It's very interesting to read what people feel goes through the mind of an ageless being, watching all whither and grow back countless times, seeing cycles repeat over and over. Twilight was is something special

[Starscape]

1176288

Thanks!

[Fluttermac36]

Right in the feels

[deletingthisaccount]

Ouch. Well done, you got yourself some feels there

[TheOneAJ]

This was a beautiful piece ❤️
Loved the agent fluffy reading