Chapter 13
It was a week to the Formal, and Sunset was a bundle of nerves. Even thought the Pier was well on its way to being decorated, the sound systems had all checked out, and the catering businesses they’d hired had put aside their petty squabbles in favor of what Schaden had assured her was “Really a rather stupid amount of money at tax season as long as they don’t kill each other”, Sunset was almost positive something was going to go wrong. Again.
She just hoped it wasn’t something she could get blamed for. Again. Being a Saturday, Sunset found that she had little to do. Thanks to her hyper-vigilance with the Planning Committee and her typical homework habits, really everything she needed done was already… done. At least as far as she was concerned. There were still people setting up in their free time, and some last-minute changes and work to do, but between the student body and the staff of both the school and the Pier itself, there wasn’t much room for her to stick her nose in and bark orders.
Which left her with a curiously open weekend. It was noon, and she found that she had little to nothing to do. She’d of course gone to the Pier first thing in the morning, and quickly found that there just wasn’t any room for more help. Everyone was All Hands On Deck, whether they needed to be or not. From there, she’d called her friends to see if they wanted to hang out, but most if not all of them were extremely busy.
Rarity was making them all new dresses for the formal. Twilight and Pinkie were at the Pier decorating and… dong whatever Pinkie does. Fluttershy and Applejack had apparently set aside this weekend to do some work on the farm, as it seemed AJ’s cows had taken after Fluttershy rather well, especially since they now had someone to talk to whose vocabulary wasn’t limited to ‘Moo’. (Although Sunset had been assured that ‘Moo’ was, in fact, a beautiful and vibrant language with great nuance that no one appreciated properly.) Even Rainbow Dash was busy all weekend, running drills with the soccer team for their big game next weekend.
Even Schaden was busy this weekend. Something about helping his father with their garden. Last she heard he was out shopping for tools.
Thus, Sunset was alone this weekend, with not much to do. Having wandered about town listlessly, her feet had dragged her to the most socially active place in town, where she was sure to find someone to hang out with or something to do. The mall. An old but reliable trope, and certainly a great way to kill a few hours, even if it meant sacrificing as many brain cells to the gods of mass marketing and cheesy music.
Of course, she’d only walked around for all of ten minutes when the universe decided “Hey, remember how you said you were bored ten minutes ago? I fixed it for you!” and she rounded the corner to see what she at first assumed to be some kind of hallucination.
It was Schaden, surrounded by people who didn’t immediately want to strangle him. Well, surrounded was a strong word, there were really only three other guys, but still. Soarin was there, with Sandalwood, and a third person Sunset was distinctly surprised to see.
“Flash?” she called, and the boy in question turned to see who was hailing him. His eyes fell on Sunset, and he smiled and waved her over. “What the hell are you doing?” she asked, once she was in conversational range.
“Language, young lady,” Schaden scolded, not turning to look at her.
“I swear to god, Schaden,” she growled.
Flash Sentry waved his hands apologetically. “Hey, hey. No violence. We’re here for the power of love, right bros?!”
“Right!” they all cheered back. Even Schaden.
“...Okay seriously what the hell,” Sunset demanded.
Flash draped an arm over her shoulder and directed her attention to the scene in front of them. It was both very odd and very sweet, as Bulk Biceps was waiting patiently in line to talk to Sonata Dusk, who was manning the counter at a pretzel stand.
Sunset noticed a few things wrong with this scenario, namely the ridiculous size of the bouquet Bulk was hiding behind his back. Literally the only thing keeping Sonata from noticing was the fact that he was built like an Abrams tank. Also she was kind of dense, but given her propensity for getting distracted by shiny objects and pretty colors, it was unlikely she would have missed the obnoxiously bright flower arrangement if she’d seen it.
“I can’t believe you’re all here just watching this,” Sunset groaned.
Soarin looked offended. “Of course we are! This is a great moment in bromantic history! Bros will forever tell of this moment and transcribe it in the Swoliest of Bibles!”
Sunset felt a migraine coming on. “Please tell me you’re joking.”
Flash put a hand over his heart. “A bro does not joke about true love, Sunset. Even the mightiest of bros is entitled to the happiness of romance! We are here as Bulk’s witnesses, nay, his brociples, as he takes a great step forward into the world of manhood and opens his heart for all to bear!”
Sunset wasn’t sure when her words had left her, but she wished them a long and happy life away from this bullshit.
Sandalwood nodded sagely. “Agreed. We are here to offer our strength and support for our friend as he parts the waters of trepidation like Broses in search of the distant shores of love! In the name of Fixer Christ, amen.”
“Amen,” the boys agreed.
The boys all inhaled sharply as the line in front of the pretzel stand moved forward, until the only thing between Bulk and Sonata was a poorly-built countertop and an out-of-date cash register. Bulk gave a sideways glance to where his bros were hiding, as they all gave him a thumbs-up: the universal sign of bromotional support. “This is a beautiful moment in brostory,” Schaden whispered, leaning on the pillar and watching intently. “He is the Bromeo to her Juliet, starcrossed lovers from faraway lands destined to find each other, brought together by an un-bro-kable bond.”
“You know Romeo and Juliet were only together three days and like half a dozen people died, right?” Sunset sighed. She was quickly shushed as the boys tried to focus on what was happening.
They were too far away to hear what their friend was saying, but it seemed to be going well; he’d brought out the flowers, and Sonata had smiled, and they seemed to be talking amicably. There was a tension in the air as Sonata took the bouquet and stashed it… somewhere, then returned to talk to Biceps. There was some more muted conversation, then Bulk walked off, waving behind him with a small as he approached his brodience.
“Well, well?!” Soarin demanded, as Bulk joined the group.
Biceps didn’t say anything, but he held up the palm of his hand, where Sonata had written her phone number. There were cheers and a rousing chorus of “Bros! Bros! Bros!” as the boys, sans Schaden, hauled Biceps onto their shoulders and stormed down the mall with him.
Sunset stood, mouth agape, as the three boys hauled their friend off into the crowds. She turned to Schaden with little more than an exasperated sigh. “Why?” she asked weakly. “I thought you were getting garden supplies.”
Schaden shrugged. “Bros before hoes.”
That is distilled wisdom.
...
You created this chapter just to make that joke didn't you?
...Well done.
...I am convinced this entire sub-plot was created specifically for that pun
8957277
So true.
*reads the punchline*
*dies laughing*
autouslugi.club/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/quotes-garden-bros-before-hoes-quote-garden-love-you.jpg
...That was a glorious pun. Very well set-up. No tension before the execution, which is minus points, but for the casual ease it was said it's a different kind of tension. It also is no strech orally, with no need for emphasis, which is a huge plus.
All in all, in my amateur professional opinion, that is a guud pun.
8957297
I'm going to have to say Well Duh!!
Mr. Demon McRae... this was wonderful and you should feel good about it
It's a good chapter, but I keep wondering about Pinkie and her dong.
All that for a pun... I approve.
...For the first time in a while i unconsciously facepalmed. I now have a red mark on my forehead and a stupid fucking smile on my face and it's all your fault you glorious Pun-slinging Bastard.
You wrote that entire chapter just for that pun, didn't you?
...worth it!
This is the one time I don't hate that phrase.
A whole chapter of Sunset being shunned by her friends just to run into Schaden and glorious pun.
clap *pause* clap *pause* clap *pause* clap *pause* clap
Best use of frat phrase I have ever seen.
BROS BEFORE HOES!!!!!
Take a shot everytime the word "Bro" is used
Man that was puntastic.
God damn it schaden!
Bro, that was deep.
OH YOU BASTARD! YOU BEAUTIFUL BASTARD! BRILLIANT PUN! ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT! THIS IS WHAT I CAME TO SEE!
I hope everything goes well.
Oh god.
I have got to hear this.
This should be good.
Flash, promise me something. Never breed.
They were also 15 at most.
FUCK YOU!
8958091
I bet he even lied about the garden supplies thing just to make the pun, and fully expected to be able to use it.
8958166
I'd have more respect for Schaden's pun-making skills if he really put off helping with his father's garden.
The Bro level in this chapter has reached Barney Stinson.
As soon as I read Schaden was shopping for gardening supplies, I knew there'd be a punchline related to it.
Strider?
That was terrible in so many ways.
8961403
I know. Wasn't it awesome?
8961527
I hate you so much, other anonymous random person. :D
8961579
God fucking DAMNIT, Daemon. When you gave Schaden his own paragraph about the gardening, I knew something was going to happen... You were just fuckin’ WAITING to set that up, and I fell for it. 10/10.
That was bad and you should feel bad! @.@
Puns...
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8961315 Look up Doctor Strangelove on Youtube. You shall find many clips of Peter Sellers in a wheelchair speaking in a German accent.
8961353 I tend to cast a wide net when fishing for puns.
Dong. Heh.
You devious rake, you...
What about Princess Twilight, where'd she go?
Including them.
Best and most relevant part of the story!!!!!
If we're really doing the Romeo and Juliet comparison, I'd have started by noting that Bulk didn't come to the mall to confess his love to the girl he'd spent the last week desperately trying to meet... only to get distracted by the cute teenage bluehead with a nice rack and completely forget all about the "love of his life". Pretty sure without the huge feud between their families those two would barely have spoken to each other, much less knocked boots.
Thug life.
Honestly, while I love Schaden/Derpy, I just love thinking of the reactions of everyone to Schaden/Sonata.
All that build up for one joke, utterly brilliant!
Bro’s! Bro’s! Bro’s!