chapter 1
On a beautiful summers day in equestria Fast Hack is flying around then he sees the beautiful yellow mare fluttershy. Fast lands by her and says "hi my name is Fast Hack whats yours" Fluttershy says "my name is fluttershy". then fast asks her to go and have so lunch with him. she agrees and they go to one of the outside cafe's and eat lunch. They talk about everything until the place closed. then they went their seperate ways. The next day Fast is sleeping and there is a knock on the door he gets up to answer it. Its Fluttershy "wanna go for a walk around pof his house and onyville?" she asks. Fast answers "sure" so he walks out of his house and shuts the door and walks off. "where are you from?" fluttershy asks. "I'm from manehatten and i moved to Ponyville a few moths ago. so they walk to sugar cube corner for a snack Fast holds the door open for Fluttershy. when the walk in they both order some cupcakes and something to drink and they sit down and talk. " why did you move form manehatten to ponyvile?" fluttershy asks. "well i just got bored of the city and wanted to live in the more rual part of equestria ". he answers. they finish their snacks and go outside and continue their walk. "Its getting kinda late i think im going home says fluttershy. " I'll walk you home if you want." says Fast. "ok" fluttershy says. so they get to fluttershys house and they say their good nights and fluttershy leans and kisses him on his cheek. "what was that for?" asks Fast. " that's for a good time today I really enjoyed it." says fluttershy. So she goes in her house Fast is walking home talking to his self. "why did she kiss me" dose she like me? when he gets home he cant stop thinking about that kiss and he wondered if she like him. He thought maybe i'll ask her tomorrow if she likes me. Fast lays down and tries to go to sleep but he cant because he cant stop thinking about that kiss. so he lies there till about 5 in the morning and he falls asleep. then he wakes to a big bang sound. he gets up and looks out the window the derpy smashed in to the window to give him the mail . then derpy said " I just don't know what went wrong." then Fast found a letter from fluttershy so he opened it and started to read it. It says I really like you and i want to be your girlfriend i just didn't have the courage to tell you cause im really shy. Later that day Fast went to fluttershy's house and he told her that he likes her to and that he wants to be her boyfriend. That night they went on a date and they stayed out all night and Fast spent the night at fluttershy's house. The next day Fast and fluttershy walk around ponyville for hours then Fluttershy spends the night at Fast's house. Then they went to sugar cube corner and had some lunch. Fluttershy goes to the bathroom and then Fast calls pinkie over to the table and he tells her that he is going to ask her to marry him. PInkie says " I think that is a really good Idea and i want to plan the reception party cause everypony knows I'm the best a partys!" Fast says " i was going to ask you that anyway don't tell fluttershy about this ok?" then pinkie says " okie dokie lokie!" then she goes back behind the counter to get back to work. Then fluttershy comes back and they sit and stare into each others eyes. that night Fast cant sleep so he goes to twilight and ask her to plan the wedding. twilight agrees and she promised not to tell fluttershy. then he makes a trip to rarity's and talks her into making a wedding dress and tux for the both of them. Rarity had to make the same promise not to tell fluttershy. Then he knew that he needed a flower girl so he finds applejack and asks her to be the flower girl and she agreed. Then he asks big macintosh to be the best man and he agreed. Then he needed to find the perfect place. so he sends a letter to princess celestia to ask if he can use the canterlot castle. Fast and fluttershy have been dating for 3 years now and Fast gets the idea that he wants to marry her. So Later that night he makes a trot over to her house and he knocks on the door and she answers the door and fast asks " Fluttershy will you marry me?" it takes her a minuet she starts to cry and among the crying she says "yes" the next day derpy is knocking on Fast's door. He opens the letter and begins to read it " dear Fast Hack you are free to use the royal castle for your wedding and if you need any help ask my faithful student twilight sparkle sencerily princess celestia." the next week the canterlot castle is filled with friends of Fluttershy and Fast and the wedding goes of perfectly rarity made the dress for fluttershy and the tux for Fast. Then at the end of the ceremony rainbow dash does a sonicrainboom and Fast and fluttershy kiss under the rainbow explosion. after 10 months Fast and fluttershy have two kids one has the body of Fluttershy and the mane of fast the other has the body of fast and the mane of fluttershy. the next day people are stopping buy their house to bring them presents and congradulate them. After the wedding they decided to move in fluttershy's house. later that week the decided the wanted to go out for dinner but they needed a babysitter so the ask twilight and she said yes and the went for dinner and they had a great time and they went to get their children and twilight said that they were really good kids. THE END.
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I cried.
scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw4309_small.jpg
I feel like I'm reading a newspaper article than a story.
Wat
Have your seventeenth thumb-down.
I hope you where not being serious about this......
oh Gawd WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT! no paragraphs, terrible punctuation, no description what so ever, names not capitalized, words at the begging of sentences are not capitalized , terrible grammar, and the plot was shit.
I SWEAR A 7 YEAR OLD WROTE THIS!....( unless this is a troll-fic then i say well done)
950388 should this require another video of the tf2 classes saying insults
I wish the mods would not approve such abominations of literature. Shame on you.
950448
This requires Left 4 Dead insults.
950463 oh how long will that take
it's a wall of text,
one single wall of.......
text.....
Why would you do this to me.
reads fic *pulls out 9mm pistol and blows brains out*
950467
I'm not good at making insults. So probably there won't be a video.
My eyes!
950457
"Well, um.. It's got ponies... And, um, it's over a thousand words..."
*clicks 'approve'*
950463
"I hate poorly written fanfics"
- Francis L4D1
950488 nooooooo when is that other video going to be made again
My opinion
950519
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MaXe4ubdX8o
Please refer to :06
950545 link is broken
950517
"I hate pony fanfics. Actually, I hate ponies."
"What the hell are you talking about, Francis?"
"Unless they're vests. I wouldn't hate that."
950557
Not for me. What do you mean by broken?
950577 the link doesnt work for me
950577 just tell me the videos name and i will search it
Pony vest hmmm I should ask pinkie for one
950524 Couldn't have said it better.
950590
"Two different versions of the same scene playing at the same time".
950596
VESTS: A Tragic Story
Waaaaaiiiit a minute, I get it! It's not just a troll fic, it's a troll account!
Think about it- Fast Hack? This was clearly written super fast, likely a single sitting, by a hack writer.
On a side note, the heck am I looking at? When I look at his profile, it says that he was last seen an hour before he registered here. How is that supposed to work?
950638 KILL THE WITCH
Guys, this sucks too much to be a troll fic. This makes troll fics look like my little dashie, it sucks that bad... Go stick this fic in a toilet, that's where shit goes, not on here.
10 months two kids wow that is fast!
Oh god this is so bad, I can't stop laughing
WALL OF TEXT!
If you were seriously trying to write a decent fan fiction, I'm afraid you seriously failed at it. I didn't even bother reading it all the way through. Never fear! You can still improve! You should try to follow basic grammar and spelling rules (not being sarcastic here). Watch your punctuation and spelling. Try writing your fic in Google Docs first then import it. That way it doesn't look like the Eldritch abomination that is that wall of text. But before you make your fic public, post it on a forum or board asking for help editing. People can help point out the mistakes you missed.
)
As for the actual story, characters, etc., it needs some serious improvement. I can't write out an entire guide, but here's a good one if you are looking for one: http://tinyurl.com/cpdkgkn
I hope this helps and best of luck!
(If this was a troll fic, then lol
This story is fucking amazing. The emotions, the characters, the format, they all blended together in glorious fucking harmony. SEQUEL!
This sucks, it's horrid, makes no sense, and I fucking love it! It is beautifully horrendous, no other fan fiction can honestly make me say, "It's so bad, that it's entertaining!"
*Starts to shake* PLEASE STOP IT!
since nopony liked this fanfic how can i make my next one better?
953365 ok sence i see no one else is answering you i shall do my best to help
(note that im not the best author myself but i will try to give advice to the best of my ablity)
first i'd like to address the wall of text try spaceing out your story makes it easyer to follow so just hit enter once or twice between speakers
second paceing try not to rush your story but try not to go to slowly either
lastly proofreading make sure to proofread your work(or the grammer nazis will find you) bad grammer can ruin a story i know because it ruined mine
for your effort i will throw a watch your way and hope that you will not be discouraged from trying again
Can't you at least consider grammar...?
yea I'll try
This has potential, but definitely needs some help:
1) Slow down! Your story is going way too fast. For example, knowing Fluttershy, it's going to take a lot more time, prodding, and convincing to get her to go out with Fast Hack, let alone be able to converse with him easily. Didn't read the whole thing, just the first few sentences (and a blurb in the middle), but I could tell that you have included way too much information and time in the relatively small number of sentences/words. Slowing down will let your reader relax, let your reader not feel like he/she's on a rollercoaster, and let you develop your ideas much more fully.
2) Please, please break your story up into paragraphs! It makes it so much easier to read, it's less exhausting for the reader, and less intimidating to the reader than a single solid block of text. Whether you do block paragraphs or indent is completely up to you, as long as there are breaks. Also, each character gets his/her own paragraph when he/she speaks--even if it's just one word.
3) Edit, edit, edit! Check your spelling, check your punctuation, and check your grammar. Also, get a second or third pair of eyes to look over your piece before you submit it. That way, they can help you flesh out ideas, or suggest something that works a lot better grammatically or otherwise.
If you would like, you are more than welcome to PM me (and we can exchange e-mails or something) if you'd like me to edit this and help you out. Spelling and grammar are some of my strong points (my college writing professor even called me her editor-in-training a few times.
) and I would be happy to help you out. Like I said at the beginning, this story does have potential; I mean, who knew that Fluttershy might finally work up enough courage to develop a relationship with a stallion? 
953365 Well, it was a bit rushed. You could split this up into a few chapters so that you can get into the character's emotions. You need to check spelling, punctuation, etc., and make sure to start new paragraphs when needed. (If you're not great at that stuff, I can help
)
You've got a nice idea for a story here, but I don't think that it can be done in just over a thousand words.
And people. SERIOUSLY. Isn't the brony motto "love and tolerate?" I don't think that you're exactly loving and tolerating in the comments here.
999334 i know i was just so mad i forgot about it
950267 Tears of joy in the fact that you have finally found the perfect fic? Me too
You are a god among mear mortals. I LOVE THIS FIC AND I LOVE YOU.
I came and cried at the same time. Thank you, good sir.
999334 I have to agree, it was a bit rushed but it is still quite enjoyable and could benefit from a more developed sequel.
I find it hilarious how the mods let this shit-turd pass inspection.