The first Side-Story* written for ASGeek2012's Pandemic.
*EDIT: officially regarded as non-canon*
The transformation plague has been stopped, but its effects have been felt across the world, with a population of hundreds of millions of ponies now walking the Earth, contact with another world being made, and knowledge of magic being made public.
Unbeknownst to all, an underworld of human magi already exists, and has been lingering beneath society's notice for centuries. With more magic around now then ever, each of them plan to exploit this new magic by whatever means they deem fit, so long as they profit from it and survive the new world.
Chapters (7)
Frankly, I would have prefered the Magi families to be other than the stereotypical bunch of classist, inbreed, backstabbing, self centered, power hungry jerks.
Not sure how I feel about this one yet. Will track and follow to see how it goes. Waiting to see the primary cast of this one, characters are what sell the story.
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Me too, and I hope that as we go farther on the story we see more nuanced and human characters, who are both the classic mage society but at the same time got more motivations than power to be who they are. The fact that they can recognize that they and their ancestors have done things beyond the pale its at least something they have over most secret societies.
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Take Mage the Awakening for example: there are several factions,each one with their own ideology, and many local cabals who interpret that ideology according with their personal wants, needs, and goals. Most of the conflicts between them are described in Grey vs Gray morality.
I think this is a very interesting concept, and you should run with it. I can't consider it explicitly canon, as the idea I had was that human magic was strictly latent until it can be brought to the surface in more modern times, and even then it will take some time. However, this is a perfectly acceptable "alternate universe", and I will be interested in seeing where it goes.
One bit of writing advice: make sure to diversify your main characters a bit. I'd like to see them have different personality traits that come out as the story progresses.
Feels a little better than the previous chapter. Feel a little more connection to the characters now.
Nice way of adding some exposition on the Councils without it sounding out of place, the fact that it also helped humanize the members so that the young prodigy Marguerite wasn't feeling nervous was a nice bonus. On the mechanics of human magic we learned that mages need to unlock their magic when young and then transform part of their bodies in foci to channel it, and to do so the process is extremely painful to the point that most can't or won't make the effort to do it for all fingers.
Are there other parts of the body that are used for channeling magic? Without an understanding of what kind of magics there are available Its hard to tell if any other piece of the body would be practical, such as having the forehead for mind magics or the back for rituals.
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Effectively, one can make as many parts of the human body become foci for magic, but you would have to endure more pain over longer periods of time to do so.
The pain also grows the older someone gets, which is why this is done when someone reaches the age of reason, when a person can conscionably make such a choice on their own while the pain threshold is low enough to allow a child to do it.
As for why fingers, because humans are a generally “hands-on” species and reformatting one’s whole hand is generally considered a waste of time and unnecessary pain.
The trade off for the pain, however, is that more foci leads to being able to better handle more raw power, more complex magic, and a greater ability to utilize multiple spells at once.
Also, different kinds of magic being used exclusively or especially from different body parts is more a matter of personal style than empirical effect.
Well, experiments like these will certainly make friendly contact with Equestria difficult. "Don't worry, they're just criminals" isn't exactly an excuse our world would buy, much less Equestria.
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As was mentioned in the first chapter, Human magi have A LOT of skeletons in their closets. Future concerns over ethically questionable experiments will play a major role in how they conduct themselves and prepare for disclosure.
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I agree with this assessment. The characters feel much more real in this chapter, and the interactions are better.
There is, however, a large amount of exposition concerning character backrounds. They're interesting backrounds, but they could better be doled out in smaller pieces as part of the scene. Also, some aspects of the characters are better shown rather than told.
Another nit-pick: avoid stringing too many punctuation marks together. Try to stick with one and use other means to suggest the emphasis, or at most use two like "??" or "?!".
Above all else, however, the story is interesting and I will be continuing to read.
This chapter is definitely better use of exposition.
Doing chapters out of chronological sequence is not bad, but it is risky. So long as the sequence of events in the story appears logical, you should be okay,
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The chapters may be out of chronological sequence, but they still follow a sequence, one that was revealed in the first chapter.
It's interesting to see how a family rooted in tradition seems to have trouble dealing with the new world outside of their tradition. Even Wanda is talking about magic as if their family is the only way to gain access to it, seemingly ignoring (possibly intentionally) that as ponies all three of them have access to magics the old families can only dream off.
oh, now we got to see what the contract entails...
Now that actual people (transformed, but still people) are disappearing and getting treated like lab-rats by the various shady organizations, the secrecy of magic on earth seems to be on a timer.
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One would think that, but shady organizations like these have many ways of ensuring that the secret doesn’t get out TOO far...
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Under normal circumstances, yes, but the health of the transformed is not just a matter of public concern, but diplomatic concern as well. Equestria won't take kindly to news of transformed "just going missing."
Nevermind the shitstorm if one of the more amateurish ones nabs an actual Equestrian by mistake or intent.
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Let's just say that those pertinent details are for a later chapter.
Catching up with this story now. I like the idea of the Three Locks and the fact that humans had to adapt pony magic to suit them. It's an interesting idea and some nice bit of world-building.
I hope you explore the reaction of ponies like Twilight or Celestia when they eventually discover just how much Equestria's previous contact with Earth affected humanity.
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At the same time, though, it's still very early on in the post-ETS world. Things are highly chaotic, so their secrecy can be maintained a little while longer. But I do agree with the original assessment that it's just a matter of time. Especially in the US where the military is going to be coming out in force to keep order.
Nice to see an update. This always seems to have interesting ideas. I just wish very much you had chosen to do a longer ongoing story with a few of these characters so I could get invested in them before doing an anthology form story with them. It isn't that this is weak, it just feels like it is cart before the horse, and would stand stronger if it came after a full story with at least a few of these characters to anchor it. I'd really recommend it, think this one would have more traction with that.
Think it is the lack of straight chronology that really gets me. I get kind of OCD about when things are happening and keeping them in order. My personal fault not the story's.
Will be re-reading through this again soon though. Maybe reading chapters out of order to get things lined up in my head straight.
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The singular purpose of this anthology is world-building.
I started with an idea: what if there were humans in “Pandemic” who already used magic? The part that came next, in my mind, was to then build the world that would make this idea fit. And this is a WORLD we’re talking about, spanning the globe and full of its own rules and logics. At the same time, it’s a hidden world, so I also need to show how it’s hidden.
But above all else, I wanted to build a framework for others to build and draw upon. Remember, everything is being written in such a way as that it would be able to fit into “Pandemic” canon with little issue, even if it is officially non-canon. ASGeek2012, you, or anyone else would be able to use the material in this story, as it’s supposed to be a part of the “Pandemic” universe.
As for writing a singular narrative with a focus on a specific set of characters, let’s just say that I have plans for the Nightmare Reaper, who appeared in Chapter 2: Cavalcare la Tempesta.
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So far the ones who I have enjoyed the most on seeing were Marguerite Poirier, not sure why, perhaps it was just seeing what all was piled on her. Cachet Truman and Adalheid Ruch from this chapter also left a strong positive impression. I also enjoyed the general "why do we hate ponies" back and forth dialogue between the skinheads.
I’m glad you liked the skinhead dialogue in Blut und Eisen. I think you’re the first to comment on it. How did you like the battle sequence at the end of that chapter?
Which would you say was the strongest chapter so far?
Well this looking good so far
Thanks for the chapter
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The third and the most recent chapter appealed to me most so far. I'm a character person and those just felt like the characters I enjoyed the most. Those felt like the times things felt most "familyish" with these families. Cold aristocratic snobbery makes me want to slap someone, so when they let that completely drop for a little bit--even for a few minutes and return to it later--I actually get to like the characters a bit more since I got a glimpse under that pasty high nosed shield.
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And I realize characters take time to get likable. I have a habit of making very unlikable characters and it being a long time before I give something to like about them (looking at Phobia Remedy and Number Crunch--oh my god never seen so much hate as for Number Crunch, I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to make her somewhat sympathetic for readers later on with all the hate). Wish I had more time to get to like some of these characters.
Hmm, bit convenient, but still just as no shield is impenetrable no cloak can hide forever. The magi have worked with amateur ponies so far, but there's no telling how long this convenient accident can keep them hidden once professional Equestrian spellcasters get drawn into this, possibly after one of the human magi crosses the line and starts experimenting on Equestrians.
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Yes, it does indeed appear convenient. But, I have already determined how and why this “veil” was created, and who created it. If you want a hint, just reread Pandemic. The person who made the veil appears there.
Curious. Interesting story, could do with a little help on the writing front, specially word repetition, but it's nice nonetheless.
I wonder how will the governments react when they first see unicorns casting spells way beyond the limited taught ones. Or to a Pegasus or Earth pony doing it.
Any updates on when this will update?