Taokaka is in equestria, well sort of. She has decided to tell us her story of her being in Equestria, and all the fun she had with ponies, or "Uni-somethings" as she calls them. That or "Funny Doggies".
Read on as she causes confusion, chaos, and a possible mental breakdown for Twilight Sparkle while along the way eating more candy then she should, trying to find a substitute for Litchi's (or "Boobie Lady" as she calls her) boobies and causing great pain to Celestia! This is Taokaka in Equestria!
Please note that this fic will not, in keeping with the mindset of Taokaka, be serious in any way.
Taokaka and other characters in this fic are from the BlazBlue video game series. For more information on the games and characters, look here: http://blazblue.wikia.com
remember to ask questions on this, i'm not expecting everyone to understand blazeblue, so please ask any question you want to ask.
1292438 dreadfully sorry about that...
1292456
tao is like that. shes dumb, naive and ungodly adorable!
(This was just based on the description.)
1. Capitalize the Beginning of sentences or proper(specific) nouns, titles, names, etc.
2. If there is a word that ends with a vowel and you need it to be plural, keep it the way it is. If the word ends with "y", change the "y" to "i" and add "es".
3. (This is a very common mistake that people do and don't realize it) "'s" means it belongs to whoever "s" means the object is multiple objects Say the word is car. Car's means that it belongs to Car. Cars means multiple cars.
-TEP
1293356
sorry agian, deeply sorry but hay i had fun writing it so its good enough, in some way.
1293376 Well, it was nice that I was nice about it.
1293404
true that is true
there are proberly kinda people that would go "oh this story has is dreaful, burn it with fire or something"
however my defence for this story is the charecters i'm using, i don't make them up so i can really alter anything about that.
1293418 Or "This is crap, Bye."
But that's why I'm nice. And most advised, you need an editor/proof-reader.
That's it for this story, bye.
Oh boy.
All right. First rule of writing: know your audience. In this case, your audience is people who like MLP:FiM. This tells you how much you need to explain in your story, and what you can probably leave out. For example, you don't need to explain what Equestria is. However, there is no guarantee that your audience knows anything about whatever universe you're crossing with, so you'll have to do a lot of explaining for that one.
The good news is, you tried to explain it.
The bad news is, you didn't do it very well.
You literally had to take us away from the actual story to explain the other universe (maybe that's a style thing? I don't know), and all I got out of it was, "There's a perverted cat thing obsessed with giant boobs." Your showing is excellent, but it shows the complete opposite of what you want us to think. It's not cute, it's annoying and slightly creepy.
As far as the actual story... honestly, there's not much there to comment on. Luna decides to adopt this creepy cat thing, who somehow got there with a video game move, I guess. Dunno, maybe this just isn't my cup o' tea.
CHOO CHOO.
1294843
well firstly, tao isn't perverted, she just likes boobs... don't question it, i didn't make this up
secondly, i thought switching from the blazeblue universe to the blazeblue unviverse was a good idea, and hay, i think it's a good idea.
and yeah, if you don't like giant talking cat people that will proberly cause destruction in equestia, then yeah, not your story. but hay, there's to there own
1295506
choo choo? umm... okay...
1295904
Choo Choo is the calling card of the Train Wreck Explorers, a group dedicated to constructive criticism of badfics, and generally trying to help authors fix a fic that people agree is poorly written. To some, we come across as a bunch of wankers, and I can understand that, really. Some fics are so bad that the only real way to criticise it is to say 'go away and learn how to write in legible English, then we might have something to talk about'. You might be getting a visit soon, just to warn you...
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/22879360.jpg
1296179 great, so is this good or bad?
1297100
Well, for you, probably both. It means that you'll probably face some quite in-depth criticism of your work, since it was nominated on the TWE frontpage. On the other hand, unless your work is basically unreadable pap, or has a plot so broken that we basically say 'No, please, scrap this and rewrite', we should generally try to make your work better. No guarantees and all. I'll see if I can write up a review of some kind in the near future, but at the moment I'm a little busy castigating a clopfic with RD in a maid outfit, so I may take a while. I think it speaks for itself that your work has pretty much gone unnoticed so far, despite being nominated, which means it's probably mediocre quality... no offence meant, but that means it's probably a head and shoulders above the pap we usually deal with. From my skim of it so far, it looks reasonably coherent and grammatically correct, so I guess this is 'brb for now', sorry.
1297133
none taken, i expected it to be medicore at best.
i mean, i try stuff that most would not do, so differant charecters and pairings.
i didn't expect everyone to like this story and really i don't care, i'm just happy to write and put something new that hasn't been done before.
1297161
Mmmh... it looks fairly unique, from what I've seen. You might want to generally use capital 'I's in your general comments, because it makes you look much more mature btw... well, since we can't actually see each other, we kinda judge by writing skill, and capitalising 'I' is pretty important in English.
1297164
yeah it is, but i should point this out, my english, though it's my first language, i'm bad at because my autism makes my skills at it well... you can planly see
1297174 At risk of sounding patronising, it's not overwhelmingly difficult to press the shift key in conjunction with I...
1297204
sorry again
i have always been a bit well... not stupid, but my brain forgets things
and hay, i have fun writing, and if it's okay, i would rather prefer to keep this story cute and silly
1297223
Being cute and silly and using decent grammar are not mutually exclusive properties, you know... That honestly sounds like a ' 'kay not listening now, although you're welcome to try to break through my shell of apathy and faked cheeriness' passive aggressive response... it really does. But then tone is quite subtle on the net, and I may be reading things into your comment.
1297273
no i am listening, sorry if you took it the wrong way, but my other storys, aside from stripped scars, are mostly cute and fluffy.
i mostly write cute and silly, and if i wanted to write something more serious involving blazeblue, i would of picked carl clover and nirvana clover, due to there back story.
1297290
Yeah, it certainly looks fluffy. I read a up a little on the characters, and the whole 'boobie lady', while a little creepy, is quite innocent in context. It looks like it might actually fit quite well with MLP, all things considered. All in all, it looks decently written, really. 'Upper-cutted' should probably be 'upper-cut', because 'cutted' never appears as a form of 'to cut', just for the record. The prose is quite childish, but I think that's intentional, from my meagre understanding of Blazeblue, and specifically Tao. You should probably capitalise your chapter names and title though. Because you managed to mostly stick to proper capitalisation in your actual fic, just not in your comments or the description, which is a bit odd imo. Your description is your advertisement to the general reader populace of fimfiction, and this one basically says 'I don't know how to grammar', despite the fact that I know you CAN use grammar from reading the actual fic. But other people won't know that, so will just see the high dislikes and lack of caps and go 'meh, another badfic, skip.'. A good description will not save a truly bad story, but even an excellent story will suffer from a bad description. It should be spotless. This is where you say 'Love my fic, pwease. This is what it is about, and it's FUCKING AMAZING. Here's why, in 150 words or less'.
1297337
okay bro, i am sorry it's not as good as it should of been, but to my credit, it's cute in some way.
i'll re do the description tonight or soon i dunno, fix some things and such.
also, thanks for being so nice about the critisisem, it's been nice chatting to you.
Damm... so much critisism above me, probably because none of them know Blazblue.
Anyhoo i have none to give, it made me laugh and smile and i cant wait to see how Racheal reacts to Tao... god i hope it goes well.
1318024
hi there bro!
glad you like it, i expected this when i sibmited this
1318028 You are very welcome my friend
I feel the same way as you do. As long as its fun writing then it doesnt really matter if some people dont like it.
1318039 yeah, i have fun and well, if people don't like it, that's fine.
however, i wanted to write this because i was sick and tired of all the halo storys. there so boring to me!
1318200 I don't really read the Halo fics, i like the games, but im not that big of a fan, that i want to read them.
The same goes for most other crossovers, but that being said i do enjoy your pokemon crossover
1318471 aww thank you bro
"bro hugs"
1320332 *aceppting tha hugz*
1320336
i should make a order of who is gonna read these chapters though...
1320343 im not sure i understan what you mean by order, sorry
1320355
well, i'll list off the charecters that won't be reading the taokaka story:
nirvana, v-13, realus, arakune and hakumen.
Hm, interesting. Never heard of blazblue, but I have heard of Taokaka. Mostly because of the ScrewAttack Felicia vs. Taokaka Death Battle. Taokaka won.
1335599 thank you screw attack for macking tao more well known...
and seriously, now one hears of blazeblue? damn it! it has a better story then any other fighting game!
1336015Is that all it is? Just a side scrolling street fighter ish game? If so, I wouldn't be interested. Call it whatever you like, but the fact is I grew up playing games with some sort of adventure related story. Games that are like Street Fighter, or Marvel vs. Capcom, just aren't games I like to play. Although MVC is fun every now and then whenever I'm hanging out with friends.
1336023 meh good point bro. i like games with detailed storsy and great charecters, so i often avoid street fight, mainly because well spam hadoken, and hay, blazeblue is the only game that can say "we have a sexy squrriel girl in a bikini, and a boob obssessed cat"
1336037True, true. Anyways, hoping to read more. Rather enjoying seeing Tao as a pet to my favorite pony. Though I do want to know, why are you portraying Celestia as a complete bitch? I know this will never be canon or anything, but seeing a mean Celestia just rustles my jimmies.
1336048 well, i dunno, don't worry, i've portrayed celestia as nice in other storys, she will be nice don't worry...MAWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
1336058I don't like that laugh. Something evil is about to happen, I just know it. Anyways, any idea when the next chapter will be coming out?
1336069 well i'm writing a arc for my pokemon story, so after that i'm a start a writing the next chapter to this.
now who shall read this chapter? racheal or ragna?
1336072I don't know either of them. And you already said in chapter one that it was going to be rachel.
1336087 oh yeah, silly me.
dreadfully sorry for that, now i must get back to my writing, arevouir
I like the premise, but you need three things. Pacing, grammar..and make it a bit less random.
1458413
pacing and grammer i can do maybe, i'm not the best at that part.
random... umm... have a muffin!
1458603 One more sugesstion. An editor. Get one.
I'm a dinosaur.
1458788 deal bro!
and also, dinosaurs can eat muffins silly, they have tiny arms
hmm.... were am i going to find a editor that knows blazeblue also...
1458788 oh and bro...
the random is not gonna stop. next chapter, tao talks to hakumen, aka, a samari spirit cyborg
tao needs to escape lyra