Well this was a good read, and was interesting to see it as a dream sequences, I was a little confused that he was anthro in the story, looking forward to see more of this.

9122831
Oh, he was? Did I slip a hand instead of a hoof someplace and didn't catch it? I'll have to fix that if I can find it, he's still a pony in the dream.

Honestly Cadance will probably be OK with Shining's fetish. And help him along.

9123112
Perhaps we shall see, if Shining isn't as covert with his little hobby as he might think he is. Besides, some risque mare-talk is always good fun, even if the mare in question is your husband!

Good read, but indeed the dream was confusing. You used "hand" three times and some sentences seem to only make sense if the ponies are anthropomorphic.

"Kneel," the stranger commanded, and Shining obeyed, dropping the spear he was no longer fit to wield. <...> Glancing up, Shining found his muzzle level with the loincloth loosely tied around the stallion's waist...

"What must I do?" Shining Spear replied solemnly, staring at his knees, barely constraining tears. He found his loincloth barely risen between his legs, as if his stallionhood opted to hide from one which outmatched it.

I imagine kneeling for ponies works like this (it was surprisingly hard to find an image on Depribooru to illustrate what I mean):

derpicdn.net/img/view/2018/4/16/1709319.jpeg

For non-anthro ponies the first quote would only make sense if Sunchaser was sitting, and the second never.

9123978
This is what happens when both you and your proofreaders write a lot of anthro and feral stuff at the same time; things slip through the cracks! Oh well, these are easily fixed for the most part, just swapping around a few words. The uses of "hand" should be corrected now. As for kneeling/sitting, I think I should just clarify that Shining is sitting, that makes it easier for him to see what's going on downstairs in the scene, and that he's staring down at his hooves rather than knees. There's examples of ponies bowing/kneeling in the show, but that's not the pose I think best works for this in my head.

9159140
It's kinda strange but I don't get the same feels for "Mama" clops, you know, older woman with younger girl. I know there was a movie about such a relationship. It doesn't have the heat a male version does.

9159627
I would tend to agree, there's just something of primal appeal and authority about the whole "Daddy" thing, between an older/younger guy or a girl/guy with me. My BF likes the older women/younger lover thing more than I do, must just be different strokes.

You mentioned liking the build-up in stories, and that's one of the funnest things for me to write. Working up to the action is often just as hot as the sex itself; the way I see it, there's only so many ways you can write "X goes into Y" and the mechanics of sex, but there's an unlimited array of how to get there, and the play between the characters involved, what the act means to them. That's what separates erotica from pornography in my book!

9159847
The tease is the thing! There is a straight clop by Gabriel Levedier (spelling) called "Daring Done" which has a lot of sexual tension and build up. I also like clops where there is some bondage. No cruelty, just fun.

Excuse me. The author is Gabriel LaVedier. I was close.

9159880
I've read that one before, it's on my list of saved fics. Bondage is fun; I'll need to include some more of that in my stories! Hand, or hoof, cuffs are my favorite.

I think it would be fun if Cadance helped him with this fantasy. She is the alicorn of love and the erotic. She could be the one to dress him up, apply the make-up and maybe watch the action. She could even get involved, but NOT with Mr. Big Cocksure. THAT is how a woman emasculates a guy. Which would make HER the Big Dick on campus.

9177469
I do like that idea, now that you mention it; Shining still being the guard captain and respected stallion in public, but giving power to his wife and his desires in private. Really fits the theme of this whole collection, I feel. I was thinking of something like that later on, when my break from this series over. I know what part three of this little story will probably be, but the 4th part might have some more "influence" from a certain eagle-eyed wife.

Cadence is kind of an interesting character to write, because how she acts isn't quite as explored in the show as the other Princesses (the Tempest Shadow comic plays with that in an amusing way). I see her as somewhat like Celestia on a smaller, more-personal scale, more aware of her surroundings and the feelings of others than she initially seems, and holding that same trickster bent to her interpersonal actions.

9179461
I guess what set me off on that tangent is my dislike for bullies. Some people get off on being degraded. I just felt the big stallion went too far with it. It reminds me of a story I read where a small, young, sheltered man went away to college for the first time. He was housed with one of the big jocks on campus, of whom he was greatly afraid. One night, after a disappointing date, he pulled the young man from his bed and forced him to suck him off. After that, whenever the jock felt like getting off, he would force the roommate to suck him.
The young man stayed quiet, not daring to say anything. Then one night the jock brought the whole football team over and each one had a go at the young man. The next morning, he was a nervous wreck and vomiting nonstop. When he went to the infirmary, he broke down and told the nurse what had happened. The jock got transferred to another school. The young man dropped out and never returned. The story hints that he may have committed suicide. So, I guess you can see why I like for bullies to pay...even if the sex scene is hot.

9179530
I'm big into degradation myself, but like most kinks, it's not everypony's cup of tea. I think I've mentioned this in a comment before, but the stallion in this story is somewhat based on a certain type of homophobe, a bit of a play on someone who thinks of themselves as so masculine and dominant, that they can't possibly not be straight...even while they're having sex with men. Thus, Shining and the stranger are in the same boat of not being out, and both in denial of their desires, just in different ways.

That story you're describing sounds a few bit too dark for my tastes though, I probably wouldn't write something so bleak as to imply suicidal intentions on a character's part. I can see why reading something like that would make someone feel that way. Then again, bullies in most stories aren't exactly meant to be sympathetic anyway, and 4/5 times they get their due in the end.

9183904
I understand. I kind of like degradation, too. And rape fantasies. I do like being overpowered. And what you're saying about the big stallion makes sense to me. I guess he figures that as long as he's on top, it isn't gay. Which reminds me of an interview I read with a director of gay male porn. He said not all the actors in gay porn are actually gay. Straight actors are usually used as bottoms while the gay actors are tops. The reason is obvious, but I thought it was interesting.
Oh, and the story I was quoting was from a novel, not the website. One of the characters had been asked if he had ever known any boy who was gay, and he responded with that story.

9183966
Gay for pay is what that's usually called; some guys are willing to do that if the money is good and the work plentiful. I'd bet that a lot of women in lesbian porn do the same thing, but it's somewhat easier for them to pretend an interest in the sex because they don't have to get hard for it. That novel sounds a bit...strange. I guess it depends on the character telling that story and what that has to do with the novel's themes and plot but I digress.

I do share that want of being overpowered and interest in rape fantasies, though I find it hard to write a rape-oriented story and make it particularly interesting for me; when a character's agency in the events they're in is removed entirely by another, it loses the character-play that I enjoy writing so much. It's fine for quick gratification, but doesn't have as much to offer compared to other stories to me, unless there's another factor involved that changes or affects the character beyond the act itself. I quite like the story "My Little Drone: Friendship is Overrated." It's one of my old favorites, and that's a pretty basic rape premise; but the mental changes and loss of self in it makes it a lot more appealing to me.

9185666
I've done rape fantasies with my husband and rather liked it. Though, one time, he did a little research before we did it and...well, it got a little TOO real. He didn't hurt me but some of the stuff he was said to me was stuff he'd read real life rapists say. It was creepy as hell and I asked him to please never do that again.
Now that I think about it, I believe it's non-con that I like. Like "Daring Done" and others of that ilk.

9185763
There's no harm in playing out a fantasy, but one partner inadvertently taking things too far is why safe-words are a good idea; perhaps he was trying a bit too hard to make the fantasy feel more real for you? The line between thrilling fantasy and something a bit more troubling can be hard to read sometimes, especially in the moment; heck, even the difference between rape and non-con in erotica is a vague one too. To me, rape has a certain violent and overpowering control connotation to it that a story that's merely non-con doesn't have,

This story is top tier! I so want to commission you to write something for me!!!!

9350072
I'm flattered! Glad you like it

any chance of an update?

9489967
Eventually, but there are stories that both need to be competed and need to be updated a lot more urgently than this one does. Not that I don't have ideas of what I want to write next, though.