Episode 3: Lessons in Food and Lodgings
As you stare out onto the alien road, lit by countless lights, you feel as though you would be impressed if you didn’t feel so drained.
“It’s weird. Not a few hours ago we woke up and had pancakes with Nightshade and Grandbuggy, and now I just want to go back to bed and forget the whole day.”
Shock can do that. That and the fact that you’ve repeatedly slammed your head into hard objects, both deliberately and accidentally, Selena chimes.
“Yeah…but I’ve done that before and not been tired. This stupid body is way too weak and sensitive. I kind of just want to sleep now,” you say as you look at your side.
APonyReadingFanFic’s Comment:You could sleep in the inventory. (Someone might take it during the night, though.)
Tartarus Fire’s Comment
Your transformed inventory still has impossible space inside, and you have fit countless large inside of it, despite the opening being no bigger than a book. Not to mention it’s where Nightshade slept for the longest time, before she started getting more independent.
“I should reasonably fit inside this…Ah what the hay. This way I don’t have to spend precious bits,” you reason.
I don’t know Bugze, what if some human were to take it during the night? Asks Selena. You pause at that as the thought of being carried off by some thieving mythical monster comes to your mind. Shaking your head you say,
“I’ll have to take that risk. I’ll make sure to hide it though. Noling ever looks behind a dumpster.”
As you get closer to the garbage bin though, the stench really hits you.
“Oh geeze,” you gag. “What the buck do humans throw away that smells that bad?” breathing through your mouth, you open up your Inventory Purse and start to put your foot inside.
As you attempt to worm your way through the opening, you manage to get stuck.
"Gorramit! I'm getting stuck!"
Hmm, the entrance to the saddlebags must have been changed as well...the mare in your head theorizes.
"Really? An unlimited place to store stuff, but not a decent entrance? Ripoff!!!"
Selena chuckles,
Sort of like a reverse genie.Regardless, you should crawl out now before you are unable to.
“Ugh! Can’t anything go my way today?” you groan as you shimmer back and forth, unstucking yourself like Winnie the Pooh.
“Ok, now what?” you ask aloud as you put the inventory back over your shoulder. “I mean, I have slept in smelly places before…”
Down With Chrysalis’s Comment
You briefly consider sleeping in the alleyway, at least for tonight anyway. But that thought is immediately thrown out the window when you see just how dirty the alleyway is, and what was making the smell.
“Is that rotting meat!? Oh that is just disgusting! Wait...what in the name of Luna is that moldy thi-OH SWEET LUNA IT MOVED!!!” you shout as you swear you see the amorphous blob of brown goo move.
It’s just mold, it’s not mo-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Needless to say, you ran out of that alley faster than you did from that school. Or rather, you did the approximation of running you’ve been doing, which is still full of stumbles. Stumbles that lead you directly into traffic of those fast metal carriages.
“Ah! Whoa Now! EEP!” you dodge the alien carriages whose drivers clearly don’t understand that a changeli-po-person walking in front of them means slow down.
“This must have been what that virtual frog felt like! Why did I never consider his feelings?!” you shout as you roll out of the way of a larger carriage.
“Get out of the street ya moron!”
“Get a job bum!”
“What’s your problem Schmuck?!” several voices from the carriages call out, no doubt from evil human lips.
“I’m sorry! Walking on two legs is hard!” you cry out in anguish as you stumble and fall on your face in the middle of the road.
Bugze get up before one of these carriages hits you.
“Ya Blithering Drunk!” *HONK*
“AGH! What a horrible sound!” you cry out as you place your hands to your ears. “AH! My ears are all weird and flat! Oh Luna, one of the finger things went inside!”
In your disgust, you manage to bolt upright and make it to the other side of the street, only falling twice more. Once you get to the other side, you see a few pedestrian humans giving you strange looks.
“Cheese and Rice, you things look hideous!” you cry out causing a few of them to scowl.
Before they have a chance to retaliate, you stumble away from the ape monsters down a quieter road.
“OK, that was a harrowing experience through the pits of Tartarus itself.”
You crossed one road. Very poorly I might add, Selena snarks.
“And got away from that disgusting alley way at least. These damned dirty apes and their stupid speeding bullet machines.”
Yes, perhaps you should refrain from insulting their appearances to their faces? We don’t want them to know we come from another reality after all, she points out.
“Ugh, that’s going to be tough. They’re all stringy and their faces are flat.”
Well if we’re going to find an Inn of some sort, you’re going to have to get over your disgust.
“I’m not gonna get over it…but I’ll try to hide it I guess,” you relent as you shuffle down the sidewalk. While it’s only just gotten dark, this street seems nearly abandoned, and covered in trash. Indeed, you noticed before when running from Crystal Prep Academy that the area was nice and polished, but once you crossed a rail road track in your mad dash, the area started to look more run down.
“Great, it’s like the alley way has expanded it’s evil rotting mold influence. Ugh, now where am I going to find some place to-“
You come across a semi-rundown building with a big glowing sign on the front of it that says,
DESPERATE LODGINGS
Right under the sign in tiny print are the words,
For when even your parents’ house is a worse last resort.
You can't help but raise your brow at this as you think,
Well isn't that just nice?
Sadly I believe we are that desperate, unless you believe that alleyway will be a better opti-
NOPE! THIS PLACE IS PERFECT! NO LIVING NIGHTMARE MOLD HERE!
With that panicked thought you begin to head in. Only…
Kersey475’s Comment
You try to open the door that clearly says "PULL" on it, but you have trouble getting your hand to grab the handle.
“Come on, come on…” you mutter as you try and fail to use your new appendages.
Just grip it with your thumb and forefinger, the rest will follow suit, Sombra says matter of factly.
“The Tartarus is a thumb?” you groan back as you flail your fingers around. In frustration you basically end up slapping the doorknob with your useless human hand,
"Stupid, doornob, won't, work!" you shout. “Oh what I wouldn’t give for some good ol dexterous, easy to use hooves! Heck with this, we’re doing this the Earth Pony way!”
You then bend in front of the door knob and open your mouth to grip it in your teeth.
Bugze, I can already tell you that won’t work. Your new mouth is too sma-*SLAM*
“GYAGH!” you stumble backwards and fall down after the doorknob swung out and hit you in the forehead.
“Excuse me,” comes a half hearted apology as some scraggly and pungent smelling human with a beard walks past you and into the night.
Groaning and rubbing the bump on your head, you notice that the smelly human left the door open.
“Thank you!” you call to his retreating form, and he gives a grunt of acknowledgement. With the impassable barrier collapsed, you enter into the supposed Inn.
Kazume Michishige’s Comment
And immediately trip over a large mass and fall to the floor.
“OOMPH!” you grunt as you hit the ground for like the 50th time tonight.
This is such bullspit! How can anything walk on two legs? It’s physically impossible!
The dragon in Ponyville has a hang on it, Selena counters.
Yeah well…He’s a fluke. Even more of a reason for Nightshade not to be alone with him. Weird bipedalness…
And while Selena rolls her eyes at your overprotectiveness, you turn and see what you tripped over. It’s a sleeping human, laying on the floor right in front of the doorway. Despite you tripping over him, he hasn’t even woken up. The guy just mutters something before turning over in his sleep. Looking around, you can see that there are a large number of humans sleeping on the floor.
Wow this place is a dump, You think as you get back to your feet and make your way past the maze of sleeping homeless people.
Far better than that alleyway, Selena says.
Oh ya, no contest…though that alley didn’t actually have people in it…Your mind flashes back to the rotting meat smell and moving mold. NOPE! No, you’re right. This is better.
Despite the smell, it is preferable to rotting meat, so you make your way to what looks like the desk, which has another human behind it snoring, holding what looks like two action figures.
Ugh, I’ve actually got to talk to it…you mentally groan before clearing your throat, but the human guy behind the counter does not stir?
“Excuse me?” You ask, but still no response. Whimpering, you reluctantly reach out with your overly sensitive hands and touch the Human’s shoulder.
“Hello?!” The human jerks awake startling you and almost making you fall again.
“He-Man!?” He shouts almost fearfully looking around before noticing you, “Oh, just another homeless guy. We’re pretty full, but there might be a spot or two left on the floor. Need bedding?” He reaches down behind the desk and tosses a bundle at you. “Here you go. First night is free, gotta pay after that.” The bundle hits your chest and falls to the ground as you try to grab it.
“Ugh! Stupid unresponsive spider limbs!” you groan. You eventually pick up the padding, which smells faintly of sour milk, using nothing but your forearms. You then give a quick thanks to the man behind the desk, who doesn’t hear you as he starts playing with his action figures.
“Nyeh! I will conquer Castle Greyskull fool!” he says in a nasally voice moving around the purple and blue figure with a skeletal face. You slowly back away from this weirdo and start looking for a place to sleep on the floor.
You eventually find a semi private corner. Semi Private in the sense that the nearest human to you is two feet away as opposed to cuddling you, but it’s all you got.
Pulling your hooded sweatshirt over your weirdly shaped head, you lay down on the smelly mattress and sigh aloud.
Bucking Humans… Bucking Jack for sending me here…Bucking Lady Luck…
Would you have come if you had known?Selena asks.
Yes! Definitely!Sombra replies.
Wasn’t asking you! She chides before asking you again, So would you?
Well…I mean…you remember why you’re here in the first place and sigh again. Yeah, I guess I would have still come, you admit. This is for your sake after all. I made a promise to you remember?
I have not forgotten my bug, she says with a smile. I just wanted to know. Try to get some rest, I will remain alert to your any potential danger.
Thanks Sel…though I don’t know how easy that will be. My freaking spine is different, and I feel all squishy.
Why not use the knock out plushie? She offers. You faceho-palm at that.
I keep forgetting about that handy dandy tool. Well, let’s hope it works here too.
Kersey475’s Comment
You reach in and try to get the Luna plush from the Inventory, only to find you still don't quite know how to work the- ugh- fingers properly
"Oh come on! Stupid wriggly humany fingers!" you growl under your breath.
Haven't you ever disguised yourself as a minotaur or perhaps a griffin? Anything really with opposable digits? Selena asks.
"I suck at changing, remember? Now fing you stupid fingers, FING!!!" you grunt as you try to grab the Luna plushie.
I told you, Sombra says sounding matter of factly, You need to grip with the thumb and forefinger. That’s how Peter picks his fruit.
“Yeah? Well Peter can go buck off the edge of my horn then…If I still had one,” you lament. “And seriously, what’s a thumb?”
The big fat one, he mutters sounding grumpy. Who hates Peter? Honestly.
“Rational Equines, that’s who!” You look at your five fingers and notice that one of them is in fact different and fatter from the rest.
“This is such a weird design…” After a few tries though, you are able to snag the desired plushie.
"Finally! Sweet dreams here I come.” You then stare into the doll’s eyes, and before you know it, you’re out like a light.
The Next Day
Roker12’s Comment
8bitMadness’s Comment
You awaken to find that most of the other sleeping people are gone, and despite everything, you feel well rested.
“Well, guess I wasn’t robbed in my sleep. Now I have to….Uh Oh...”
What? What is it? Asks Selena.
There is something you have to do, but you now must do it as a human.
“I, uh…I have to use the bathroom,” you whimper in dread.
After finding the one, nastiest bathroom inside this whole place, let’s just say it was traumatizing. Now you understand why humans always wear clothes.
“Not only are my dangly bits shaped wrong, but I have nipples on my chest! What sense does that make?! I’m a guy! Why are humans so gross?!”
But after that ordeal, you realized yet another horrible truth. You were hungry.
After asking the weird desk clerk about cheap food, he pointed you to some restaurant with a big yellow M out front.
“Well, it does look like a typical fast food place. Plus that guy did say there were burgers here.”
I doubt he was speaking of Oat Burgers. Can’t you smell it? Selena asks, causing you to stop and sniff. When you do, you stiffen.
“Is…Is that meat?”
It smells similar, but something’s off about it, she says warily, scenting countless oils and grease.
“Well we can forget that. I’m an herbivore. The last time I ate meat, it was Sombra’s smokey hide.”
I wasn’t smoke when you chewed me! That pain was unimaginable!
“Yeah, exactly. So I don’t exactly have a good track record. Besides, there’s no way that smell can make me-“
Your stomach gives off a wailing call like a dying beluga whale, and suddenly, the aroma coming from the place seems much more inviting.
“On the other hand, maybe it’s not meat!” you declare as you head inside. After ordering the first thing you see on the menu above a younger human, you were asked to pay. Since you didn’t have this world’s currency, you pulled out four bits, standard price for an Oat Burger. The human behind the counter seemed startled.
“Is…is this gold?!” the pop mark faced teen squeaked.
“Yeah,” you nod. “Why? Is that not accepted?” The teen quickly looks around before answering,
“Uh, N-no no. It’s fine. Enjoy your meal sir!”
Your bag of mystery food is all but thrown at you as the human pockets the coins instead of putting them in the register. You’d question that if you weren’t so hungry.
Sitting down at one of the tables-
“This is such a weird way to sit. How does Lyra stand it?!”
-You open your bag of food and behold your meal. The fries are pretty much the same as the ones in Equestria, not much changes when cooking a potato, so you scarf them down. The burger on the other hand…
“I…I think it is meat. But if that’s so, then why is my mouth watering so much?” you proclaim in confusion as you clumsily pick up the cheap food.
There is absolutely no possible way you could ever get that disgusting slab of...definitely not meat past your lips, Bugze. I will not allow it, Selena warns, sounding like she’s an inch away from assuming direct control.
"But...food..." You say, almost hurting to give up such a delicious smelling meal.
Oh let him have his fun, this is quite enjoyable regardless... Sombra chuckles.
Your stomach rumbles, much louder than it had to signal your initial hunger.
“It smells tasty though,” you argue.
You said it yourself Bugze, you’re a herbivore. Even then, this thing seems to be mostly just grease and chemicals.I can't have you killing yourself by eating trash.
"But I'm not a pony or a changeling right now, how would you know if my digestive system was compatible with the usual foods or not?" You ask, somehow using your meager intelligence to its limit to construct a logical line of questioning.
That's... A good question actually. Wretch, you're the human expert around here, what do humans usually eat?
Based on the show, they're omnivores. I've never seen them eating things like grass though, so I doubt humans can digest complex plant protein. Maybe they use it as a source of fiber?
"Oh great, now he's making head-canons," You complain, not wanting to listen to Sombra any further.
Well, if you’re omnivorous…but still, this thing can’t be healthy Bugze, she implores.
“Of course it’s not healthy. It’s fast food,” you instruct as your stomach grumbles more. “And it’s true I may be a herbivore…but that’s Equestria Bugze. This disgusting body needs what it wants!”
And with that declaration, you open your jaws to indulge yourself, only to be stopped when you hear someling say,
“Excuse me?”
Looking to the side, you see what you can only describe as a Gothy looking human mare. She has long dark hair, heavy makeup, wears all black clothing, and sounds like if Maud Pie was bored with the world.
“Uh…yes?” you venture.
“I just wanted to say, like…I’m a big fan,” she says in that bored like tone.
“Huh?” you sputter in utter confusion. “A fan?”
“Yeah. ‘Would You Kindly?’ is like, my life’s soundtrack.”
The words are slow and still sound bored, but there is a faint smile on the female’s make-uped face.
“What are you talking about?” you ask. Her face barely registers emotion, but you do notice a slight eyebrow raise.
“You are, like, The Hooded Offender aren’t you?”
If you had had any food or liquid in your mouth, you would have spit them all over the floor.
“I-Uh-Wh-H-Guh-“ you sputter.
How the buck did someling recognize me already!
You are wearing the sweater hood up! Selena remarks sounding worried herself.
Balls! Aw crud! Is she gonna turn me in? I gotta run! I gotta hide! I gotta-
“I’ll take that as a yes,” she continues. “Don’t worry, I’m not one of those, like, nutjob fans, I know you disappeared from the spotlight, I won’t tell. I’m still bummed you all broke up, even if it has been ten years, but I don’t blame you. Your songs are still awesome.”
Your brain kind of crashes at that.
“Songs?”
Just_Another_Guy’s Comment
“Yeah man. The Wanted is still my favorite band.”
The Wanted…I knew there was something off about that poster! Oh Sweet Luna!
What is this female getting at Bugze? Asks Selena, still confused.
Our evil human counterparts aren’t public enemy’s, We’re a freaking Band!
A band? As in musicians? She asks bemused.
Yeah. That old poster was an advertisement! And it was all old and crusty because the band broke up ten years ago…
“Um…Thank you?” you say unsuredly.
“No problem. You rock Offender. I’m still one of your biggest fans,” she says still in her monotone.
Biggest fans? Oh no…Oh Luna No! you start panicking. You get flashbacks to a news report about how Justin Beaver was dragged into a closet by crazed fan fillies saying they wanted to carry his foals, despite his screams for help. You’re doppelganger is a rock star, so what if…
“So,” she speaks again, causing you to start, “I know this is kind of much but…”
Oh gods No! IT’S ALREADY HAPPENING!!!
“Can I like, have your-“
"NO! NOT ME HUMAN! I'M SAVING IT FOR MARRIAGE!!" you scream as you throw your burger at the girl, and run out the door as fast as your shaky legs let you.
In the burger joint, other patrons look very confused by the outburst, and at the gothy looking girl with the hamburger smeared against her shirt.
“…Autograph?” she finishes her sentence in confusion.
As you run into the daylight, you pant and stumble and fall multiple times.
“I am not going to become like Sapphire Shores or that little twerp Pop Star! I’m not!”
Bugze, for goodness’ sake, Selena sighs at your idiotic jumping to conclusions.
“I can’t! Not in this body! Not in this world full of hideous creatures!”
I don’t know. That dark clothing and make up wasn’t all that unattractive, Sombra mumbles.
“I KNEW IT! You do want to buck some ugly ape monster!” you accuse.
I didn’t say that! Sombra defends.
“I’m not going to let you fulfill some weird fantasy of hooking up with your favorite cartoon characters!” Having shouted that aloud, several people on the street look at you with weird looks.
“Ah! More potential fanfillies! You’ll never take me alive!” you yell as you reach into your inventory and pull out the Power Glove.
Falx_of_Lume’s Comment
Sliding it over your fist, you aim the grappling hook and fire it at a rooftop, and sail away to safety!
-is what would have happened if you hadn’t screwed up the “sliding over your fist” part with your, still, unfamiliar tentacle-hoof-things and pathetically drop the glove before you could aim it.
Well that didn't go as planned. You think redundantly as you hear a hoof hitting someling’s forehead.
Look, I’m just saying that I didn’t find that woman disgusting, that doesn’t mean I want to mate with her, Sombra continues to defend.
“Yeah Sure. Just like Lyra’s fetish for claws and minotaur hands has no correlation you filthy Humy!” you shout aloud.
“Um, are you okay?” asks a voice from beside you.
"Gah!-The Fanfillies have caught me!” you yelp as you fall to your knees. “Not like this!"
“Dude?!” asks a concerned female voice.
"Please just make it quick!" you plead, closing your eyes shut.
Ex-cuse you?! Selena asks with a dangerous edge.
I mean, it’s not like I long for it or anything, but if it’s gonna happen, then you might as well let it ha-
What. Was. That? Selena asks in a voice as cold and foreboding as a frozen lake cracking.
Nothing! I wasn’t encouraging anything! He quickly corrects himself.
You snap your eyes open in determination.
“Oh sure you weren’t! I’ll never let you have what you secretly want Smokey!”
As you stand up, you startle the female human from before. Some green haired, pink girl with headphones on.
“I’m not the Hooded Offender! So leave me alone!”
She cocks her head to the side.
“The Hooded Offender? *Scoff* That dude and his band were sooo last decade,” she declares.
“Exactly! So Noling should be his fans!” you declare before running off, leaving countless pedestrians confused as Tartarus.
“Crazy Homeless Guy,” Lemon Zest mutters as she turns her tunes up and continues jogging.
Several Minutes Later
After some more running, proving you’re getting better at that than simple walking, you come to a stop and gasp for air near Desperate Lodgings.
“That was a close one. From now on, no more wearing the Hood!” you then reach in, and after a few mishaps, you finally pull out your stetson hat and place it on your head.
“There, now I’m inconspicuous.”
You’re wearing a cowboy hat with a sweatshirt, Selena deadpans.
“Ok fine, but at least no one can connect me to my doppelganger.”
Only one person even identified you, and you decided to be an idiot and blew everything out of proportions, she chides.
“Well I’m sorry, but King Crystal kept talking about his fetishes!”
I did no such thing you insect!!! Sombra growls in annoyance.
“Agree to disagree,” you shrug as you look back at the ramshackle inn.
What are we doing back here again? Asks Selena.
“Well, breakfast was a bust, but I do need to know where the nearest library is so I can start researching this world. Otherwise, we won’t know where to start looking for Tech or ancient Sea Ponies. The desk clerk might know where it’s at.”
You are about to enter the door, when you bump into another guy who had also been reaching for the handle. The same guy that swung the door in your face last night.
“Oh, excuse me,” he says.
“No, my bad. In fact, I’m still bad at these, why don’t youuuuu…” your mouth drops as you take in the homeless man in more detail, and he in turn gets a good look at you.
He has long, scruffy orange hair and a beard, and his eyes are blood shot red from some sort of substance. But there’s no mistaking the similarities, even he can see them.
He’s You.
Kichi’s Comment
8bitMadness’s Comment
"WHO ARE YOU!?" you both ask at the same time, in the exact same voice. You are absolutely dumbfounded. You already have found your counterpart.
"Wait a minute, you're me!" you both screech simultaneously.
"And I'm you!" you both continue, still somehow perfectly in sync. You somehow manage to be the first to break the pattern, launching into a strange sequence of questioning.
"If you're me, and I'm you, then WHO AM I? IS MY LIFE A LIE? WHY IS EVERYTHING SO COMPLICATED?!"
Your doppelganger doesn't hesitate and immediately slaps you. "I'm the one that should be asking that question! Who are we?! Did I just hit myself?!" he then punches himself under the jaw and collapses onto the ground.
“Yes! Yes I did! What was in that bottle?!” he croaks.
“But if you hit me, and you hit you, and I’m you, THEN WHO WAS PHONE?!” you yell out as you collapse right next to him.
Really Bugze? You're letting yourself get confused this easily? I mean, I know you're not that smart, but this is a new record.
“I’m not smart, so he’s not smart, which means…What does it mean?! Why am I a hobo?! I thought you, I, We were a rock star!”
“I was a rock star. You were a rock star! But then the band died man! It up and died!” your doppelganger sobs. “Oh God, Is This Real Life?!”
“I…I don’t know. I don’t know…” you mutter as you watch your counterpart crying on the ground and twitching from whatever is in his system.
Bugze, perhaps we should move on? Selena suggests.
“I don’t know, should I? I mean, this guy is me, so I guess I’m crying right now? Oh Geeze,” you rub your temple at the headache.
I know this is an inopportune moment, but I’d like to reiterate again, that I was not encouraging-
SHUT UP! Both you and Selena yell.
Your Homeless Former Rockstar Doppleganger is Crying at Your Feet.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
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Bugze’s outro:
Now on with the show!
As you stand there watching er yourself cry up a puddle, has he been holding this in for awhile? You contemplate on what you should say.
"Um...Any tips Selena?"
"I honestly don't know my bug. This is jarring even for me."
"Oh come on! Your the one who always knows what to say to cheer me up and keep me motivated."
"Bugze, I already have a hard time keeping you, Nightshade, and Smokey in here under control.(Hey!) But two of YOU that's a disaster waiting to happen." Selena says."Thou two of you in bed wouldn't be all bad" Selena mumbles.
"Well thanks for the help Sele...wait what'd you say?!"
"As fun as it is to watch you cry up a river, this is getting a little much for me. Plus I think we're going to attract a crowd."
"Oh right crying me." As you attempt (and nearly fall onto your human counterpart) you try to pick him up with little success.
"Darn these useless noodles! This be so much easier with hooves!"
"Oh for, let me do it!" Sombra grumbles.
"AS IF I let'd you have control of Bugze and cause more trouble for us! " Selena shouts.
"Look you two I watched My Little Human more than you two. I know how to use their limbs. Just give me control of his arms and legs, until the dolt here learns how to use them correctly.
" Sombra sighs.
"I hate to say it but he's right Selena. I don't know how to use these ugh things." You think as you look at the sausages attached to your once beautiful stumps.
"Fine, but ONLY until Bugze learns how to use them. But if you try anything I'll make you REGRET it." Selena warned. You suddenly feel like a body with no limbs as your hands and legs move on their own and pick up your sobbing friend.
"By Grogar's Bells what does this guy eat?! He's heavier than a chariot carrying anvils!"
"Ah ah ah! No complaining, this was your idea." You say with a smirk. As you carry your crying self toward a nearby bench.
"*sob* Who are you talking too? *sniff*", said human Bugze as he turns his head to you.
"Crapbaskets."
I made human Bugze's speech violet and Bugze's speech blue in order to tell who's talking. But not while he's thinking. I'm too tired and lazy for that much effort.
You know... all things considered, we tend to think up some pretty good songs for intros and the like, but the ones you think up just fit so much better. So I vote we hear your choice for the Outro music BrownDog! My choice is to defer to your judgement! (This choice is inspired by the MLP episode of Suited for Success on account of it being a good lesson.)
Now on to the storyline!
Bugze's Perspective
You stand there looking at the crying alternate version of yourself, not knowing what to do.
"Dear Luna, is this what I'm like when I lose it? How do you guys stand being around me?" You ask aloud with a twitching eye.
We don't exactly have a choice about it. Sombra deadpans.
To tell you the truth though, you don't really cry as much as shout out loud what you're thinking, usually because you forget you don't have to talk aloud for us to hear you. Selene says.
"He's been crying for half an hour!" You exclaim.
Like right now. She adds. If you keep speaking aloud like that the locals are going to start thinking you're crazy.
"Oh please, there's nobuggy around except Mr. Cries-a-lot and he's not paying any attention to me right now!" You retort.
"*sniff* Who're you talking to?"
8655731 Maybe start mine right after yours at this point. Your section till now is better in my opinion.
"Ah crud." You mutter.
The alternate you is looking up at you with two-halfs fear, another half confusion, and a final half sadness.
Four halves equal two, Bugze. Selene groans out with a facehoof.
Well he is the second version of him-
Shut up, Sombra.
"Yeah, shut up Sombra!" You say.
"Huh? Sombra? He's here?" Human Bugze asks glancing around him.
"Shut up me! I'm talking to the voices in my head! Stay out of it!" You snap at him in irritation. He closes his opened mouth with a click of his teeth behind his lips.
So much for keeping the locals from thinking you're crazy. Sombra says wryly.
By the looks of things, he's homeless, so the others are more than likely to ignore him if he talks. Especially considering talking about "another version of himself having voices in his head" will also make himself look crazy. Selena reasons.
'Wait, what? You lost me with that explanation.' You ask, finally thinking your words instead of speaking them.
Never mind that. Right now, we have to do something about him. And considering he's you, he'll likely believe what you tell him so long as it's believable. Selena says.
'Right.' A moment of thought. 'Wa-Hey!' You think indignantly.
Bugze! Just tell him you're just a guy that looks like him. It's a big world out there and everyone's bound to have at least one person look like them in some way. It'll work. Selena instructs you.
'Alright alright. You relent, dropping it.
Okay, time to put your skills of deception to use here. It'll be easy this time. He's not expecting it, and there's absolutely no reason for him to disbelieve your (Selena's) explanation. It's time to deliver with a completely cool head and confident attitude. You inhale.
"I'm you from an alternate dimension inhabited by ponies and other sapient creatures that has magic and other forces at work in it. My best friend is a reformed powerful demigoddess that is stuck inside my mind and I also have another slightly less reformed villain stuck in there as well. We came here in search of ancient relics sent here over a thousand years ago along with some other bad guys in order to find a way to get them out of my head and create bodies of their own for them." You tell the alternate you with a completely serious look.
WHAT THE ABSOLUTE BUCK WAS THAT?! Selena shrieks with panic.
'I DON'T KNOW! I WAS UNDER PREASURE! THE TRUTH JUST SLIPPED OUT!' You answer with just as much panic.
THAT TRUTH COULD HAVE BEEN A FLIPPING BOOK!!! HOW DID YOU EVEN SAY THAT WHOLE THING WITH A STRAIGHT FACE AND-SHUT UP SOMBRA!!!!!
AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sombra laughs hysterically.
End section. Feel free to continue at your leisure fellow readers!
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"Maybe we should talk about something? Try to get information" Say Selena
"Can you tell me about Grandbuggy? Chrysalis? Nightshade" Ask Bugzee noticing that with each name the human Bugzee seemed to be hurt even more.
After mentioning Nightshade, the human Bugzee began to cry
"Great, look at what you did" Say Selena
"It's everything okay?" Ask Bugzee
"My life have no sense... I'm not sure about what to do anymore, If I have strange hallucinations of a me from other dimension... Maybe I should die... Everyone could be better without me" Say Human Bugzee crying as he take a crystal between his hands.
"I told you the fingers are used like that" Say Sombra
"Not now..." Groan Bugzee as he try to stop his human self to kill himself just like Trixie
After a long time, Bugzee manage to win and save the human
"Yatta!" Say Bugzee in victory
"I can't even kill myself... Why? everything was okay until..." Began to say the human Bugzee
"Until...?" Ask Bugzee
"Until that concert... Changelings was a famous band and they invited us WANTED to make a concert with them, we accepted, without knowing that it was a trap,,, I was going to ask Nightmare to marry me, and I wanted to have a family with her but then Chrysalis invited me to a drink, the next thing I remember is Nightmare finding us in a bed and getting angry. After that the band disbanded. Nightmare returned with her sister, Sombra dissapeared and I only got my old music... I tried to explain it to Nightmare but she did not want to tell me, it was her sister that told me that she had a daughter, but did not tell me what happened to her... If I knew that this was going to happen..." And then Human Bugzee began to cry again.
"Well, that is bad..." Comment Bugzee
------------
A little backstory I imagined, any problem PM and I edit. Something I did not use but I was thinking to use is that Chrysalis could be someone from middle or high school from Human Bugzee. As for Nightmare sister, you can imagine who it is and who could be Nightmare now... Based a little in how the EoH affected Nightmare Moon and the invasion with the changelings.
Okay, so working off the three previous bits.
This starts immediately after the end of Kichi's backstory, dunno where it would go but I suggest that it stay Frost > Falx > Kichi, as that seems the best.
"That's really harsh," You respond. "Somehow this world's Chrysalis seems more evil than mine."
"Wait, that crazy story you told me is true?" Your counterpart asks.
This is a bad idea Bugze, Selena intones.
I disagree, this is character development if I've ever seen it, Sombra responds. You swear you can hear the crunching of popcorn.
This isn't your show, Sombra. This can have serious real life consequences.
Meh, I really don't care anyways, so long as we don't die.
"Yeah, it's all true. A bit crazy, but if one of us has gone through worse, it's me, and I came out better for it." You respond.
Thats... actually pretty profound. Are you sure you're still the Bugze I know?
((Note, I feel that this could be an interesting plot point, that his human form makes him marginally smarter, or at least causes him to have occasional moments of clarity. Could be a fun little deus ex machina for when a bad situation can be solved with wits. perhaps selena and sombra are 'disabled' and Bugze can't hear them for a bit.))
"Not only that, But you're not forgotten. Some girl at a fast food place recognized us. You still have fans out there, and I bet you can get out of this rut," You continue, making sure to help your counterpart feel better about himself.
"... You're right, I can, and I will!" Your doppelganger responds from his position on the bench, showing a beaming smile. At least, that's what it would be, had he taken care of his teeth.
Okay Bugze, I can tell you're dedicated to this course of action, so I will support you in any way I can.
I won't, but if things get bad, I'll get us out of a bad situation. I have watched every episode of My Little Human after all.
"First thing's first, we should get you fixed up. If anyone asks, we're long lost twin brothers, separated at birth," You continue, feeling considerably more witty than usual.
You pull out several bits from your bag in an awkward manner, still not used to your hands. At least you're getting the hang of them quickly. Your counterpart's jaw immediately drops, and his eyes open as wide as possible..
"Is... Is that gold?" He asks, unable to contain his shock.
"Yeah, why? Is this not the currency here?" You respond with a healthy dose of youthful naivete.
"No, it's not. Gold is worth much, much more!" Your counterpart replies. Even to you it's obvious that he's getting excited.
"You need to keep that hidden until we can exchange it. People would Kill to get that much gold," He continues. You take mental note of this.
"So, are we rich?" You ask cautiously.
"No duh Sherlock, that should be enough to live comfortably for a couple of months," He responds.
((segway to something else here. I ran out of ideas.))
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Let's keep the idea train rolling!
Huh...we're rich. That's...new
What's the matter? Usually when we come across wealth you would be shouting aloud just how rich we are.
As well as saying how he'll buy every last bit of those terrible directors movies and 'cleanse' them with fire.
Ignoring Sombra's comment you ansewer Selena,
I don't know...usually this is the point when something goes really wrong and we lose all the cash. I feel like if I just don't do anything it won't happen this time.
...
Seriously who are you and what have you done with my bug?
"Oh shut up!"
The human you blinks his eyes in confusion at your sudden outburst as he says,
"Are you talking to me or the voices in your head?"
You roll your eyes at this before saying,
"The voices in my head B2, obviously."
Your human counterpart blinks owlishly before asking,
"B...2? What's that?"
You roll your eyes again before saying,
"Well since we can't just call each other Bugze I figured I should call you something different to avoid confusion. Since your the second Bugze, B2!"
You counterpart stares at you as Selena says,
Oh come now Bugze. There's no way the other you would just willing allow you to-
"B2 huh? I like, has a nice little ring to it, plus its short too!"
...I sometimes forget just how dumb you are my bug.
Now who shall continue this train next!?!
You can almost hear the multiverse laughing at you.
Another you. From an alternative universe. And he's poor, filthy and homeless, the epitome of the dredges and struggles of a life gone wrong... When you look into his eerily familiar eyes, you could see the defeat, the shell of a dying person. Lost. Alone. Facing something like this again... Even when on the run, you can still never outrun yourself.
You lay a hand over your Inventory, feeling its comforting texture. Your daughter has one too, an exact copy in fact. A connection, in a sense... Even when separated, you feel that she's still in there, sleeping in her room as always. With an Inventory of her own, Nightshade is bound to have adventures and a life without regret, without all the pain that accompanied yours...
Isn't that right? Nightmare Bugze?
But even then, he didn't have a future to look forward to. Neither does this one, who's sobbing into the ground. It's stuff like this that you wonder how in Luna you have the luck to turn out better despite your suffering and circumstances.
You sigh, rubbing your neck with your knuckles.
"Bugze?"
"Stand up," you say numbly.
Your human self minutely glance up, eyes glinting with tears and confusion. "H-huh?"
"Come on. Crying into the floor is too low, even for me." You hold out a hand, smiling thinly. "Even for you."
He look dumbly at the hand with a crooked breath. As if to test if it is even real, he prodded a shaky finger to your palm. Your hand twitch from the foreign touch, but you keep it still nonetheless. Then, tentatively, he grasps it. His grip is weak...but it's still warm, alive. To you, that's good enough.
He looks up at you. "W-who are you? Really?"
A pause. Then, you pull him up with a smile. "Call me BST."
And you're going to accomplish what you failed to do last time. You're going to save yourself.
"How far we've come" or "Let's dance to the joy division".
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Let's keep it rolling
Bugze: "Ok, B2, can we go and get this exchanged now?"
B2: "Um, well I think the bank is open for a few more hours."
Bugze: "Alright, let's go and do that first, then we should go about finding me...um us....both jobs. You are looking for a job as well right?" Bugze looks at his double.
B2: "Y-yeah." He looks away, a bit downcast. "But who is going to hire a washed up rockstar, I mean I look like a bum" He begins to tear up again. "I am a bum!"
Bugze slaps him.
Bugze: "Oh no, we are not going through this again. We are going to exchange this and then you and I are going shopping. We will get us some more clothes and maybe a mane cut for you, then we will start looking for jobs."
Bugze then realizes that B2 smells.
Bugze: "But first, why don't you go and take a shower, if you are filthy, they will throw us out of any building before we get a chance to buy anything."
B2: "A-alright, if you think I nee-"
Bugze: "You do. Go on, I will be right here."
B2 walks off to the showers in the shelter and Bugze sits down on a bench by the road.
Selena: "Who are you and what have you done with my bug?"
Bugze: "What do you mean?"
Selena: "You just took control of that situation and thought with a rationality I thought you would never have."
Bugze: "Hey! I have my moments. Anyway, while I am having this moment of rationality, what do you think of all this. And do you have any ideas of what kind of jobs we should look for?"
Selena: "Well that would depend on your skill sets, and on you getting better control of your body. You can't have Sombra do it forever."
Bugze: "I know and I will, and you are right. I know I can do a patchjob, and buck apples, but I doubt that they harvest apples like that here."
Sombra: "They usually either pick them by hand or they use a machine"
Bugze: "Ug great, they use machines. Those are evil. EVIL!"
Selena: *GONG* "Enough Bugze! We are not having that breakdown again."
Bugze: "Fine, but that still leaves us with a question? What do we do for a job then?"
(Sorry I cannot think of much more right now, unless you count the whole Jack showing up that I put down for the chapter 1 options. It could give them both a way to get a job and a secret reference for a convenient job working at a certain school to be present for certain events)
Outro: https://youtu.be/v2H4l9RpkwM
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Bugze needs a job that will cause mass chaos, and occasionally cause him to curse lady luck. I have just the idea. You know how there's the fan theory that discord in EQGverse is a janitor at CHS? well, he should go for a janitor job at Crystal Prep. It fits thematically, and he doesn't need to learn a new skill, which means more comedy and more action is available.
Also, I found a bird's eye view of Crystal Prep. based on the first chapter, Bugze ended up very close by, so I have edited an image to show where I think he showed up. Note the specs in the lower left quadrant, those are people.
i.imgur.com/6E7eRQp.png
purely by chance, you find a cork board labeled "Job Openings".
"Huh, that's really convenient," You mumble to yourself.
You said it. It's kinda creepy how sometimes the exact thing you need is right in front of you the entire time
"You're right Selena, and it is kinda creepy," you reply.
You skim several of the postings, and notice that a large number of them have already been pulled down.
"Let's see, fry cook? Nah. Butler? No, that one requires a three month training course. Stuntman? With my luck I'd be dead within the week."
Look at this one, Bugze. Local school is looking for a janitor. It says to contact 'Scruffy' for details.
"That could work. I'm good at fixing things, and even if I mess up at the other stuff, I can just fix things up again."
You take your time thinking of the pros and cons of being a janitor. Despite the lack of excitement, it should be easy enough, and it's a security net just in case you run out of cash from converting some of your bits.
"Hey, Bugze, you okay there?" Comes a familiar voice.
"WhoWhatWhereWhenWhyHow?!" You shriek, turning around to face B2, now much cleaner.
"Oh hey B2, you shower fast," you speak casually.
"Bugze, I was in the shower for a half hour, and I've been trying to get your attention for the last five minutes."
"Oh, I must have zoned out there. I was thinking."
"Trying to decide on a job to apply for?" Your now fresh smelling counterpart asks.
"I'm going to apply for a job as a janitor at a school called Crystal Prep. Says to contact someone named 'Scruffy'."
"Oh, that place? It's a rather prestigious school from what I've learned living in the area. Apparently they've got a fierce rivalry with another school, Canterlot High."
"Canterlot? That's the capital of my world. How far away is it from here?" You ask, hoping that the geography of this world is similar to that of your home world, at least in terms of distances.
"Pretty far, at least a two hour drive by bus."
"Wait, what's a bus?"
"Right, alternate universe. A bus is a vehicle, kinda like a carriage but it's powered and driven by a battery and a lot of small explosions. They can go pretty fast, or at least faster than a human can run," your counterpart explains.
"Sounds like a lot of my adventures," you quip.
B2 laughs at that. Luckily the both of you are in an isolated hallway, otherwise you'd be waking others up.
"Well, we should probably both get some sleep. We've got a long day ahead of us," says B2.
You yawn, realizing your exhaustion has finally caught up with you.
"That sounds good to me," You answer tiredly.
B2 leads you over to a pair of cots, and hands you a somewhat ratty blanket.
"Sorry, it's the best I could find," He says.
"No worries, I've slept with worse," you answer, netting a chuckle from your friend and universal counterpart.
"Good night, Bugze."
"G'night B2."
You wrap yourself in your blanket, and before you know, you're fast asleep.
((suggestion for the person replying to this comment: maybe try working in Bugze and his mindscape. I think it's about time for a pow wow between Selena and Bugze, and maybe Sombra.))
Another idea for a job...
Because you can fix things easily and your love for video games is top notch, when you came across a wanted poster for a fixer at a video game store it caught your attention.
"Is this good pay?" You ask your counterpart, holding the poster towards him.
(Don't know what currency you would like me to use, but since Canadian minimum wage is up to $15 now, I'll just put it as...)
"Sixteen dollars isn't that bad," B2 started. "It would be great to earn and save up money."
Ten minutes later, and you're staring blankly at your manager. Your blue eyed, midnight colored hair manager.
The woman who is interviewing you sits behind her desk in her office. "So, you two have experience in 'fixing' as say. We were looking for one of you but you mentioned you two work together?" She says as she looks down at your resume you two quickly put together just an hour ago before looking for jobs.
You just keep staring blankly as your counterpart speaks after looking at you weirdly.
"Ah, yes, we're twins and we have around (*) years of fixing experience." Your counterpick continues.
"Well..." She adjusts her glasses and thinks for a moment. "I would need a sample of your work, and someone here would have to train you with out equipment. Would you like to stay for a little while so you could show me your skills?" She asks.
"That would be great! Thank you very much Ms. Moon."
"Not a problem. We have been looking for workers for a while! With some time you may be able to help with other things too if that's fine with you."
Your counterpart had to drag your stiff body out of the office, trying to get your attention afterwards.
"Hey, what was that all about! You had me talking the whole time, ever since you looked at Luna's eyes you've been dead!" You don't respond. "...HELLO?!"
Bugze, as shocked as we both are, SNAP OUT OF IT!
"AH!"
Your counterpart flinches back at your short ear piercing scream.
"So Luna's our manager and she loves video games as much as I do!?"
She had a major addiction when she was young.
"We're getting fired in a week!"
Always slept in school because of the lack of sleep from grinding Minecraft at nights.
"She might even use the Canterlot Voice before doing so!"
Starswirl grounded her for weeks! Selena chuckles.
As you rambled on and your counterpart gave up and Selena was looking back on Luna's past, Sombra just sighed to himself and wondered how you even came this far.
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I have an idea for a job he could take hehehe.
As you look at the job board you notice a rather new post with a job opening.
“Oh hey here’s one! With no previous experience needed. For fifty dollars a night for five nights, as a security guard! This is perfect and no one’s taken the job!” You say with glee.
“I don’t know my bug this sounds too good to be true.” Selena said with worry.
“Oh please even this idiot can be a security guard for five days. Besides it’s the highest paying job on the board. This may be our only shot.” Sombra said with surprising confidence.
“Yeah,ehh hey! I’m not that dumb.” You say in annoyance.
“This goes against my better judgement, but what other choice do we have.” Selena sighed.
“Ok then it settles it, Bugze the security guard is on the job. Ooh it even lists the address! Let’s go!” You say with confidence. As you head to ask your human counterpart where to go, forgetting to see the name of the job you were applying for.
Security Guard Wanted for Fazbear’s Fright
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As for the game shop, that seems a bit like it will veer WAYYYYYYYY off from any EQG canon. I mean, this isn't a split off nightmare moon, and Luna is the vice principal of a school. That's still a LOT of paperwork, and I bet Celestia delegates most of it to her anyways in this world. Maybe it would work if she owns it but doesn't manage it at all, and just checks in every once in a while. I wanna give all three of our ideas equal weight, so Here's a way that it could work: Short stint as Janitor at Crystal Prep until he manages to somehow flood the school with industrial lubricant. Fazbear guard until he freaks out after the first night and nopes out of there and never wants to come back, Also he destroys the animatronics because robots and stuff like that are evil to him. Finally, using info from Crystal Prep, Bugze and B2 catch a bus to Canterlot, and THAT'S when he gets a job at Luna's game shop. I think it works nicely, and it can be done like a montage to keep it all within a single chapter.
I think it works nicely, and it keeps all of our stuff in the storyline.
BROWNDOG, YOU BETTER TAKE THIS INTO CONSIDERATION, BECAUSE I BELIEVE IT WILL MAKE FOR SOME FUN COMEDIC SEQUENCES.
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Oh yeah I forgot to add that in. Instead of a full time job, this is Luna's part time/ hobby when she's not at the school.
8659998
That works way better. I have a good feeling about this.
Couple of ideas to go from there:
Bugze becomes good friends with EQG Luna, that brings EQG Celestia into the fold.
Bugze decides to test some of his other stuff in the inventory. The Boom Stick comes to mind. I have a feeling that the only reason the power glove didn't work is because the plasmids and vigors he has are bound to his CHANGELING body. As a result of that, and as shown in the EQG movies that magic DOES work in EQGverse, then a good amount of his armament will work here. Best have a small sequence to show what DOES and what DOESN'T work, so that we have something to refer to. Hell it doesn't even have to be everything, that way Bugze can get in a couple of "Buck you lady luck"s.
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There is a little problem, Luna could recognize Bugzee and B2, unless he changed too much and B2 could recognize Luna... Somehow I think the solution is fake glasses like Superman.
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For comedic effect, B2 refuses to wear any fake glasses OTHER than groucho marx glasses. Bugze, with his newfound common sense, will wear regular fake glasses. Or not. either way it's gonna be funny.
The Beard has to be orange too with Bugzes counterpart.
Just saying.
I just had a brilliant title for human bugze if he ever got his own story.
Life of an unlucky rockstar: A hobo story.
Lol
There's too many comments to follow along, but here's an idea for a home for you (and maybe Original Human Bugze too);
At the bank you briefly spot some papers on a desk in an empty room. Human Bugze remember a line from the serial/show Person/Pony of Interest and thus gets you and him to quickly dash into the room while no one's looking, lock the door, and start looking through the papers and find exactly what you're looking for; A building sold to another bank that promptly declared bankruptcy.
"If that show's logic holds up, then that building should be in a state of limbo." Human Bugze says.
"Wait, the buildings are sentient and limber here?" you ask confused.
"No no, that means the building legally doesn't exist so no chance of being bought or inspected. So basically free room and board."
"ABANDONED LIBRARY" ACQUIRED
Suddenly you both hear angry knocking on the door,
"Who the hell's in my office!"
"Horseapples/Crap." you and Human Bugze both say.
"Wait, you have a show called Psych in your world?" Human Bugze asks you.
"You mean that show with the earth pony who pretends to be a fortune teller?" you respond as the banker starts breaking down the door.
"Eh.... close enough. Follow my lead..."
The banker breaks down the door... only to see you lying "dead" in the chair while Human Bugze has his hands to his mouth in "shock".
"OH MY GOD I KILLED HIM!" he screams and frantically runs past the confused banker and out the door as you continue to lie "dead".
He's clear. Now run you idiot! Selena says causing you to wake up and also rush past the now even more confused banker as the both of you make your escape to your new home.
============
Ponder how this rockstar got homeless.
He probably killed a hooker. Sombra morbidly suggests.
WHAT THE BUCK SOMBRERO?! you mentally berate.
According to the "rags to riches to rags" type movies I have viewed in your mind; Musicians tend to be brought down by narcotics, greed, and sex. And given how the Hooded Offender is still wanted in this universe, it seemed like the logical option."
I'm pretty bucking sure no matter what universe I'm in, I am NOT Jack the bucking Ripper!
It could've been an underaged-
THAT'S EVEN BUCKING WORSE!!!!
Oh, hey is that skeletor?
*MINDBLOWN*