As your counterpart begrudgingly drags himself off the dusty couch, complaining the whole time, you frown a bit in disappointment.
Kersey475’s Comment
Dear Luna, was I ever this stupid and lazy? you think in annoyance.
Well….Selena trails off.
Wait really? You groan offput.
I’m just being honest. I believe in the early days of our adventure you were, but fatherhood forced maturity and responsibility on you for the better.
Perhaps you should make this drunk adopt a child of his own,Sombra snickers.
Oi! Things are complicated enough already! Besides, this guy doesn’t have powers or helpful mares in his head to keep a kid safe, so no thank you. Turning to B2 you say,
“Enough grumbling, it’s just shopping.”
“Buddy, I was drinking all night. I haven’t slept a wink since yesterday, the last ten years have been flashing through my head, and I’m talking to an alternate universe version of myself who claims he’s from some magical pony land. Give me a break.”
“Well…You can sleep later. Shopping time is now so that we can ensure you even have a future,” you declare and start walking. Rolling his eyes, he reluctantly follows you as you both head out through a back entrance.
No need to advertise where we’re staying, you think as you shut the door.
“Alright, where to?” you ask your slowly sobering up other self. He puts a hand up to his scruffy orange chin and contemplates for a second.
AllenNoir’s Comment: I would suggest going to good will or a surplus stor it will save money and you never really know what you might find there from week to week.
“Well there’s a Goodwill down by the liquor store. They usually got good cheap clothes,” he answers.
“Yeah…I’m guessing that’s some sort of second hand or surplus store by the sound of it, but let’s stay away from anything close to booze for now,” you shut down his idea causing him to frown.
“I ain’t got a problem!” he demands.
“Uh-uh,” you say unconvinced. “But we need more than just clothes, we need food and heck, we can even look for tech for me. Any stores like that?”
“Well, there is the mall, they got a bunch of stuff there, but that’s north of the tracks, clear on up in the rich folk part of town.”
“Well we have your weird green paper money now, so maybe no one will notice if we’re rich or not,” you surmise causing your counterpart to concede, thinking it’s a good point.
“Well alright then. Might want to take the bus though, it’s pretty far.”
8bitmadness’s Comment
"Wait, what's a bus?" you ask in confusion.
He gives you a look as if you’re joking but then his eyes enlighten in understanding.
"Right, right…Pony alternate universe. Guess you being a horse you wouldn’t need one.”
“I’m actually not a pony…well not completely. I’m more changeling, but I do have pony in my blood,” you admit.
“You’re a what now?” he says taken aback.
“A Changeling,” you repeat.
“What the hell’s a changeling?”
“Uh…” you contemplate how to answer that question. “I’ll tell you that later. It’s not an easy answer.” He stares at you for a moment before shrugging.
“Whatever. Anyway, you see them gas guzzler’s racing down the road, not obeying the speed limit,” he points to the metallic carriages on the black roadway.
“Yeah,” you answer as one zips by.
“A bus is kinda like those, only much bigger. People pay to get on and they take you where you need to go much faster than walking can.”
“Huh, neat. Well if you think it’s best, let’s try it.”
On the Bus
“AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!” you scream as the scenery outside the gross smelling interior whizzes by at super sonic speeds.
“There’s no track! This is way too fast! I just sat in some gum! Why are the floors sticky?! What's that smell?! WAY TOO FAST!!! WE’RE GONNA BUCKING DIE!!!”
“Dude, sit down! We’re only going like 45 miles per hour. Everyone’s staring,” B2 implores. Turning around on your smelly and sticky seat, you see other humans looking at you with strange looks.
“AAAAAHHHHHH!!!” you yell as the realization that you are stuck inside a hurtling hunk of metal with horrendous creatures strikes you. Your doppelganger just shakes his head.
Later
“I saw my life flashing before my eyes…I don’t wanna go fast anymore…I don’t want to Sonic!” you whimper.
“Jeeze man, I didn’t think you’d freak out that much.”
Indeed Bugze, you’ve driven derby carts, and been on trains at high speeds before.
“My derby racer never reached those speeds, and a train at least doesn’t wobble side to side, or have gross disgusting humans on board!”
B2 just shakes his head at your outburst and places a hand to his head.
“You’re aggravating my hangover man, can you stop yelling? Besides, if you hate lots of people in one spot, you’re not gonna like this,” he says as you both step through the doors of a very large group of interconnected buildings. When you get inside, your traumatizing experience on the bus fades somewhat.
You walk into the mall alongside your counterpart, staring in awe at all of the shop signs. The aroma of different foods hits your weird small nose, and the many glass windows displaying human clothes, and things you don’t even know. And that’s not all, there is a complete second story to this place with humans walking along open paths above you. After a minute or so, you decide to break the silence, though it's not so quiet with all the other humans milling about.
"So, this is basically a large multi level market, right?" you ask.
"That's what a mall is, yes," B2 replies. The both of you begin walking down the main hall of the mall, taking in the sights, although a few people give you and your counterpart strange looks.
"Okay, so what was on the to buy list again?” you ask. He turns to look at you.
“List? We didn’t make any list. You just said we needed to buy clothes.”
“Oh…well what clothes do we get? I’m not the best when it comes to fashion and stuff.”
“What, and you think I am?” He snorts.
“Well at least you’re used to these weird shaped rags,” you complain and tug at your clothes.
“Alright, alright,” he concedes. “If we’re gonna try to get jobs, we want work clothes and boots. A phone would be nice too. Last one I had ended up in some pawn shop.”
“Phone? What, do you just want to set up shop with a rotary or something?”
“Really?” he asks back at your naivete. “Jeeze, how does your world function? Do you have any tech besides trains?”
“Hey, we have TV and video games!” you defend. “I’ve yet to see that in this crazy place.”
He deadpans and nonchalantly points behind you at a video game store, and you see rows and rows of alien, yet nearly similar games to the one’s back home.
“…You win this round,” you concede. “Alright fine, we’ll get those clothes, and our own telephone. And maybe we should get whatever it is a lot of these humans are looking at while they’re walking.”
You point to several humans who are tip tapping and looking down at something that is far too small to be a Joy Boy. Whatever it is, it’s new and might be beneficial to your quest. B2 gives you a smirk you can’t quite read after you say this and chuckles, gesturing you to follow him.
“We’ll hit the clothes store first."
As you follow, you pass by a particularly interesting store.
"Huh, Narnes and Boble," You comment. Underneath the sign in smaller writing, it says COPYRIGHT AVOIDANCE HOOOO!
You look at the smaller text with a raised eyebrow and just shrug and look inside. And what you see is,
“Holy Guacamole, that’s a lot of books.” Sparkle’s library would be jealous at the amount of literature inside this building. Heck, it’s reaching upwards to Crystal Empire Library levels of tomes.
"You sure you wanna go into a book store? We’re gonna be crashing at a library after all,” B2 asks inquisitively.
"Yeah, but for the first time in my life, I actually feel the urge to... read." You respond.
Bugze, are you absolutely sure you're okay? You've been acting strange since we got here.
"I'm fine Selena, trust me," you say aloud.
"Who is…Oh, you talking to the voices in your head?" Your counterpart probes.
"Yep. I'm going to browse inside for a bit. Go get those clothes and whatnot, we’ll be the same size, then meet me at the fountain at what appears to be a food court. That one over there," You comment, pointing at a particularly nice looking fountain by a generic looking Chineighse takeout place.
"You're the one who has all the money though," he points out.
"Right, forgot about that. Here's 500 green paper bit things, "You state, handing your counterpart some cash.
“Well…alright,” he shrugs as he heads off to some clothing store in the corner of your eye. JC something or another as you stare at all the books, and even what appears to be a coffee stand inside.
Before you walk inside though, Selena speaks up with a thought.
TartarusFire’s Comment
Hey Bugze, she says, sounding almost wistful,Do you remember when you're Human counterpart gave you all of the money?
Well yeah, that was what, an hour ago? Also his name is B2 and…wait, what are you implying?
I'm not sure…but he is you Bugze, and you do tend to scheme…
Hey! I do not scheme, I have long and well thought out plans! You defend.
Mhmm, she says thoroughly unconvinced.
Well what about…or that one time when…I…
Perhaps scheme is a bit much, your plans are more heat of the moment.
Hmph. Just you wait until I come up with a good example, you snort. Anyway, what were you going on about B2 scheming?
Well, whether or not he isn't fully convinced you're an illusion is still up for debate, but I find it strange that he would give a random stranger every last bit of a large sum of money. In his mind, You could just randomly disappear forever after all.
Hey that's not true, I wouldn't do that.
Maybe not on purpose, but every now and again things come up, she points out. And also, HE doesn't know that.
Ok, yeah that’s true, but I’m here to help the guy out. Why wouldn’t he have given me all the money from the exchange?
It’s just a suspicion. We gave over about one fifth of our funds, and it just seems like there should have been more by his earlier eagerness.
Hmmm…You do have a point there. But still, the five hundred paper money I just gave him seemed to be enough…
It might be nothing, but still it would be best to have a contingency just in case. I would rather not be taken advantage of.
Okay then. You've got me curious. Any plan?
Well back in the day when I suspected misinformation, I would confuse my target as much as possible, and ask the same question later. If the responses did not line up, I knew they were lying.
Sounds complicated... and tedious. Do we have to? Drunk and homeless he may be, but even I don’t think I would be that much of a jerk to hold out, you complain causing her to sigh.
Alright fine. Just keep your guard up just in case, she implores.
“Yeah, yeah…” you mutter as you turn back to the strangely named book store. “I’ll put that to the test later, but first let’s see what’s up with this place.
And with that, you head inside.
8bitmadness’s Comment
The first thing you see catches your eye, a cardboard cutout of some sort of rectangular device. It kind of looks like a bigger version of whatever it is that practically every human holds in their hands.
"Nook? What's an e-reader?" you wonder as you walk over to the display counter and look at the display table.
“Stores books digitally and lets you read them easily? How the heck does that work? It’s just a black mirror and…Oh….” Your eyes widen in awe. You had reached out your hand to touch the device, and it suddenly came on with a soft glowing light. “Oh this is so cool. It’s like some sort of futuristic note pad or something like on Star Trek. A Joy Boy screen’s got nothing on this!” you exclaim and pick the device up, using all of your willpower not to accidentally drop it.
You then tentatively use your fingers to swipe with it, and you see words displayed upon it. “Oh heck yeah. This thing is definitely going towards our tech scrounge. Heck, if Jack doesn’t end up using it, I’ll just get it for Nightshade. I bet she’d freak over another world’s stories.
It could be a nice memento of the trip seeing as how we have no way to take photographs.
“Oh right…I’m gonna have to get a camera at some point. But yeah, we’re definitely buying it, plus it's not too expensive, only $99…Now how do I get books on it?”
About a half hour later, you manage to extricate yourself from the book store with a brand new device and several dozen books loaded on it. It had taken awhile to explain to the Human Lady behind the desk exactly what you wanted, and to your surprise, you found that the humans have their own Daring Do series. You then had her put anything similar to that on as well.
“Alright, I’ll have to have B2 show me how this thingy works properly tonight. I can’t wait for when Nightshade gets a load of this. Maybe then she’ll do more reading…I wonder how she and the old bug are doing?”
Meanwhile, in Equestria
Kersey475’s Comment
"Do I have to?" Nightshade whines as she sits across from Grandbuggy on the train.
"Sorry grandsweetie, but you gotta get some learning in ya," Grandbuggy firmly insists.
"But I don’t want to read boring old books. There’s not even any action in them.”
“Kid, if we’re gonna be questin for these ancient knick knacks, it’s best if you start learning their history.”
“But this isn’t fun reading, this is like homework. Daddy never gave a buck about homework!" she argues.
"And look where that's gotten him," Grandbuggy snarks. “It’s still a long train ride to go kid, it’s either this or nothing.”
"Fiiiiine." Nightshade groans as she looks back down at the textbook,
"Starswirl the Bearded-"
"Pffft. More like Starswirl the Jackass." Grandbuggy scoffs before he changes into Starswirl with a brief flash of green changeling flame,
"Oh look at me, I know everything just cause I have a long stupid beard and know a few advanced spells so everypony should always listen to me." 'Starswirl' says mockingly.
"Uh, isn't that specieist against donkeys?" Nightshade asks.
"It was the DONKEYS who gave him that title!" he says flashing back to his pony form.
“OK, but why do I have to learn more about him?” she asks in confusion.
“Kid, there’s a general rule about magical whatchamahoozits in this world. They were either created by him, or they were created by other idjits just as arrogant as him,” he instructs. The filly just shrugs at this sagely wisdom.
“If you say so Grandbuggy…Do you think Daddy’s doing alright?”
Grandbuggy looks up in thought for a moment. “Well, if I know my boy well, he’s either on track, or doing something stupid…”
In Human Land
8bitmadness’s Comment: I mean, we could always have him buy a crap ton of ball bearings and use them as emergency ammo for the Second Law, turning it into what is effectively an air blunderbuss.
TartarusFire’s Comment: like 2000 snow globes or something You never know when 2000 snow globes will come in handy, trust me.
“Come on Selly. You never know when 2,000 snow globes will come in handy. Plus they’re all on sale.”
For the last time, no Bugze! she orders, and you can hear her facehoof. You are standing in a knick knack shack, and in your hands is an order pamphlet usually given to other store chains.
“Alright fine, what about a crap ton of ball bearings then? We could put them in Second Law if it still works here and turn it into a full on blunderbuss!”
Bugze, she sighs, those metal balls fired from that weapon would tear organic matter to shreds. Do you really want to end up killing someone?
“Oh…didn’t think about that,” you admit, forgetting just how squishy humans are compared to ponies.
“Well if that’s the case, then I guess I won’t be getting anything from this fine establishment,” you grunt as you throw down the paper and walk away from the confused human behind the counter.
“Who the hell was he talking to?” the blue girl with long white hair and glasses asks aloud in confusion.
After leaving the knick knack shack, another store catches your eye and you rush in.
Down With Chyrsalis’s Comment
There are so many clothes to choose from!
They are costumes Bugze. This is literally a costume store. The other You is in a real clothing store, she tries to dissuade.
I… you start to plead while holding some sort of black superhero cape before you relent and sigh. Oh you’re right like always…Dang it! Why can’t I have a better fashion sense!?
Calm down Bugze. Despite everything you did manage to pick out sets of clothes relatively fast back in Equestria. You just have to go to a real clothing store, and not wear what fictional characters do. Sighing, you put the cape back up.
“Yeah, alright. Besides, this cape would have been tainted anyway. Bat-MAN? Bleh!” you gag at the thought of the caped crusader being humanized.
“I guess I’ll just go find B2 and see what he picked out and-OH SWEET LUNA LOOK AT THAT!” you declare pointing down an aisle that has pictures of what you swear is the human equivalent of Neighponese Anime characters.
At the end of this aisle, displayed on a mannequin is something glorious. Your eyes almost pop out of your head as you stare at what you believe is the perfect new coat to wear.
Its a roughly mid-calf-length coat with a standing collar and chains attached. You can't help but stare at it in awe as you think,
It's...perfect!
Oh not the coat lust again, Selena groans.
It’s not lust, it’s Love! You walk up to the coat and feel the material up and down, the sensitive hands for once being perfect for the task. It’s absolutely perfect! Nothing can make this be-OH LOOK AT THAT HAT!
Your eyes sparkle as you see a visored, ornamented cap, torn at the back above the coat You practically rip the two articles off their placements and giggle giddily as you head to the changing room. As you do, Selena sighs before letting out a chuckle.
Hehehehehe....In a way this is refreshing, knowing that despite the sudden set of competence, you’re still the dumb lovable bug I know.
“You say something Selena?” you mutter as you observe your gloriousness in the mirror.
Nothing my bug, nothing at all…
“Alright then,” you say not really paying attention as you bask in your glory. Good Grief, this coat and hat combo make you look like kickflank as Tartarus. The hat is kind of weird in that it’s torn at the back, but your spiky orange hair seamlessly bends into the look.
“Oh I’ve got to show B2 this,” you say giddily as you walk up to the front to pay. After doing so, you walk out in coat and hat, which the counter girl called a Jo Mo costume or something, you weren’t really paying attention to her.
Making your way towards the fountain from earlier, you spot B2 in the food court, with several trays full of different foods, chowing down like Nightshade on a good day.
“Good Grief,” you mutter tugging the cap down over your eyes at what a mess he’s making.
“At this rate he’s gonna need another shower.” You then see that he has bags of clothing around his table. “Well at least he got his job done. Oh, knowing me he’s gonna freak when he sees this co-“
“Ah hahaha! Look at that pig over there daddy. He’s got his slop and everything,” you overhear a very familiar filly voice.
“There ain’t nothing funny about that princess. Filth like that shouldn’t even be allowed in such establishments,” replies another familiar voice, but it sounds wrong somehow.
You look over and see a human stallion and filly, and they are looking at B2. One with amusement, and the other with disgust. With the coloration of her hair and skin tone, not to mention the jewelry on her head, the little one can only be Diamond Tiara, so the frowning adult must be,
“Filthy Rich?” you gasp out.
“That’s Mr. Rich to you!” he says grumpily, almost automatically as he turns to face you. He looks at your face and sees no familiarity there which causes a slight look of confusion to cross his face. “And who exactly are you supposed to be?” he asks looking over your jacket and hat.
What the buck? What’s up with the tone and scowl on this guy?
Indeed, wasn’t his counterpart more jovial?
Diamond Tiara looks over at you and she raises an eyebrow.
“Hey, isn’t that costume that from that weird anime with the fighting ghosts or something?” she asks you.
“Uhhhh….” You drone.
“Hush princess, don’t talk to the riff raff, Daddy will handle this,” he orders her as he pushes her behind him, away from you, before fixing you with a superior look.
Seriously, what the buck humanized Filthy? Why are you acting like you’re stuck up wife?
WHAT DO YOU DO?
Bugze calls out "Go, Star Platinum!" Silence falls across the mall, but it is quickly broken by a fat human wearing glasses calling out, "Sweet Jotaro Kujo, man!" Suddenly, a swarm of nerds floods towards Bugze, and he flees, smashing a kiosk of cabbages ("my cabbages!"), and eventually escapes by pretending to read a book called Past Sins. When next Bugze finds B2, he (B2) is drunk on water wearing a Dumbledore outfit singing about hedgehogs.
That's like, the exact definition of what a train ride is. I should know, I commute down to and back from the city on a train at least four times a week.
And in regards to what B2's favorite food is. Can't really go wrong with bacon as a choice. It's also funny just because of how fanatically devoted some bacon lovers are.
hehehehehAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!'
Oh BrownDog...you have no idea what you have just released! My comments will now be 90% JoJo references, so be prepared!
Speaking of JoJo...
For the past...you think five minutes this version of Filthy Rich has been berating you, your clothes, your lifestyle choices, and you think he was also insulting the mall too. It's kinda hard to tell since his fancy talk had gotten to levels of confusion at this point.
By now you usually would have probably yelled at, punched, or both to the snob in front of you. But for some reason you can' explain you feel...calm isn't the word for it. Your still getting more and more pissed off at this twisted version of a pony you respected, but you feel more...contained in your anger. Like something's keeping is helping keep it in check.
It's refreshing...and a bit scary.
Bugze? Are you okay, usually you would have acted by now. I can fee your anger bu-
Relax Selena, I got this,
With that thought you just send Filthy a harsh glare, but the rich pony doesn't notice as he continues with his insults,
"-And those clothes! My servants wear more dignified clothing than that travesty your wearing!"
Seeing as he stopped flapping his gums you say in a deep voice that surprises even you,
"You finished?"
Finally noticing your glare you take some pride as he flitches while Diamond...looks slightly awed?
Deal with snob first, question filly later.
Your thought aside Filthy snaps out of it as he glares and says,
"Why? Is the commoner finally getting tired and going to say how 'money means nothing' or some rubbish like that?"
You simply grunt before responding,
"No, I was wondering when you'd get tired of yapping off so I can go get my brother before he eats himself into a coma."
Filthy simply glares at you before he says,
"Are you saying that talking to me is a waste of time! Do you know who I am!?"
You just continue to glare as you grunt out,
"Yes, and all I see is a snob who is insulting me for no reason but that I exist. Not the best example for your daughter huh?"
Filthy glare deepens at that as he says,
"And what would you know about raising a child?"
You get flashes to Nightshade before you say,
"More then you, that's for sure. Parenting is about setting a example for your child before they turn out like you. I almost failed in that department, and trust me when I say it wasn't pretty."
Before Filthy could say anything another voice from behind Filthy said,
"Filthy honey there you are! I was looking all over for yo-oh."
A familiar looking person appears next to Filthy, and you can't help but cringe internally as you think,
Oh great, the other snob is here. Least the nose is fixed in this dimension.
Spoiled Rish gave you a once over before...winking at you and saying to Filthy,
"Oh honey, who is your...handsome friend?"
...
...
...
What?
What?
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
And I leave it here for others to add on to it! Let your inner JoJo fly Hive Mind, and bring out the JoJokes like there's no tomorrow!!!
8708007
A little after everything it's resolved, when Bugzee is going to leave the shop, he got a hug from behind and notice the filly from before hugging him with a strange smile.
"Uh... What? I'm not too dirty to be hugged? By do you hug me?" Ask Bugzee surprised
"Mommy like you, so I decided to give you a chance" Say Diamond Tiara smiling as she leave and leave you alone.
"Well, maybe she is not that bad" Comment Selena inside Bugzee mind.
Just as Bugzee was crossing the door a big alarm began to sound surprising Bugzee
"Gaaah! The heaven is falling!" Shout Bugzee surprised and scared
"That is a anti-thief alarm, did you forgot that you need to pay?" Ask B2
"What? Of course not" Shout Bugzee angry
Just then a guard approach him
"excuse me, can you two take out whatever you have in your pockets?" Ask the guards
Bugzee was going to protest but B2 convinced him to do it and he got his things out of the pocket, noticing a expensive female perfume and that he lost part of his money.
"So... What are you doing with this?" Ask the guard
"I don't know from where it comes, I swear!" Say Bugzee
"So you don't know? I hear that thing everyday... I should kick you out of here but as this is your first time, as long as you pay for it we are not going to have a problem" Say the guard and before Bugzee can say anything else B2 pay the guard the price of the perfume and he leave them.
"Why did you do that? I didn't take that perfume" Say Bugzee
"I'm not sure... But seriously, I don't want to be kicked of the mall... Can you think of someone that could do this? Do you have any enemy?" Ask B2
"What? No! I don't have any enemy, how can I have a enemy in two days?" Ask Bugzee surprised
Suddenly Bugzee eyes change for a moment
"That b*tch..." Say Selena using Bugzee mouth for a moment
"Wait, what?" Ask Bugzee confused
"When that little one hugged you, I knew there was something suspicious, to change that suddenly... she put that perfume in our pocket when she hugged us and even took some of the money" Groans Selena
"Wait, are you saying it was her?" Asked Bugzee surprised
"Ummm... Hello? Are you talking again with those voices?" Ask B2
"Uh? Oh, yeah..." Bugzee tell B2 about the suspicion of Selena
Just when Bugzee was going to go back to have some words with the filly, B2 stopped him
"Hey, I can guess what you want but is a bad idea" Say B2
"Why?" Ask Bugzee a little angry
"First of all, is your word against her, and her dad... Compared to us, a pair of hobos, they will never believe us, and even if they believe us" B2 comment to Bugzee making him groan even more.
"Damn you Lady Luck!" Groan Bugzee
-----------
Mainly I got the idea after reading your post, DT getting her revenge or taking that as a hobby, because she is a rich girl.
8708042
8708007
There's a nice jojo reference in this bit.
A while down the road, chronologically speaking:
You and B2 return to the library, and begin to settle in for the long haul.
"I feel like I should be doing something important, but I don't remember what," You muse, speaking to no one in particular.
"Didn't you say you were going to apply for that janitor job at Crystal Prep? Today's a school day, maybe you could go now?" B2 responds, absentmindedly munching on some chips he brought back from the mall.
Suddenly you strike a dramatic pose.
"OH MY GOD!" You shout, in a strangely Japoneighese accent that reminds you of one of the older changelings from the hive. He always had a thick layer of stubble, and went by the name Hermit. He was also purple for some reason.
What in the world was that Bugze? That wasn't your normal voice. Also, what was up with that pose you made?
"... I have no idea how or why I said that Selena, but the posing at least felt natural."
Well, I suppose it does match your outfit.
"Hey B2! I'm gonna go apply for that job!" You shout across the library.
"SHHH! This is a library!" B2 shouts back.
"WHY ARE WE YELLING THEN?!" You respond.
"I DON'T KNOW, WHY ARE WE YELLING?!" He returns.
"You know what, I'm just going to go and apply for that job, like I said I would. Maybe that will stop this craziness for a bit."
Don't tempt fate Bugze, they're in league with Lady Luck
"Oh... Buck me with a cactus."
You exit the library, and somehow manage to navigate your way to the school without incident.
Entering through the front doors, you immediately enter the door labeled 'Office', and walk up to the secretary.
"Welcome to Crystal Prep, how can I help you sir?" she asks, clearly unenthused at life in general.
You hesitate for a moment, then manage to gather enough confidence to speak.
"Yeah, I'm here to apply for the janitor position." You say with purpose.
"Oh, you're looking for Scruffy then. He's probably in the boiler room. Napping. Again." She replies in a monotone.
"And how am I supposed to get there?" You ask.
"Main stairwell down the hall, go down two flights and go through the red door labeled 'Maintenance', you can't miss it."
Taking her advice, you walk off, but not before hearing the secretary mumble something along the lines of "Finally, the floors haven't been properly cleaned in months."
Once you enter the boiler room, you immediately see a man sitting in a chair, with his legs crossed and resting against a desk. He is asleep, and has a pornographic magazine draped over his face. He is wearing a dark sea green pair of work pants, a matching jacket with a sky blue shirt underneath, work pants, and a belt, as well as a burgundy hat.
"Excuse me? I'm here for the janitor job." You announce, waking the man.
Now that the magazine is off his face, you can see a gray, unkempt soup strainer of a mustache on his face.
"Huh, who? Oh. Why are you down here?" He asks.
"I'm here for the janitor job." You reply.
"Oh. You're hired. Name's Scruffy, I'm the Head of Maintenance."
"Huh, that was easy. I expected an interview or something." You say.
"Nope. Too lazy." He replies.
"I can tell. I overheard that the floors supposedly haven't been 'properly' cleaned in months. How have you not been fired yet?" You inquire, genuinely confused as to how this man has kept his job.
"Despite how nice this school is, it's still a public school. I used to be a teacher here, and managed to secure tenure. I also have a position on the school board. Good luck getting rid of Scruffy."
"Sounds about right to me. What did you teach anyways?" You respond.
"Shop. They got rid of it because it was 'interfering with more important academic subjects'. Anyways, let's get you a uniform, and get started with routine maintenance of the property."
That was the longest string of words you have heard Scruffy speak.
MANY HOURS LATER
You stumble back into the library with your uniform in hand, completely exhausted.
Entering, you find B2 in the same spot he was at before you left, still eating chips.
"How the hell do you still have chips?" You ask.
"Turns out there were a few left in the bag. I almost threw them out!" B2 replies, somehow incredibly proud of his "accomplishment".
You facepalm, and wander off to go to bed.
I kind of died from cringe when I saw my crack '2000 snowglobes' in thereDying of cringe is like 95% of the previous couple chaptersAlso since Bugze has been a bit off so to speak, should we actually give him a Stand?
too much jojo will drown out other memes8708672
reference to OH MY GOD:
reference to WHY ARE WE YELLING:
I can't remember if Grandbuggy is able to fly or not, but if he is...
Meanwhile in Equestria
"Kiddo, I think it's time you finally learn how to fly."
The two stood in a dry canyon, about to finally start their real adventure. However, Grandbuggy still had to teach her the basics.
Nightshade stares blankly at him for a second before turning her head in surprise and staring at her wings. "I... kinda forgot I had these." She says sheepishly with a couple of flaps of her wings.
"You get that from your old man." Grandbuggy explains, before transforming into a Pegasus stallion. "Now, let's get started."
They practiced for hours, eating and drinking on occasion and making progress very quickly. The old bug wasn't the greatest flyer by far, but if there anything he was good it was teaching.
It turned out well for his grandson.
...Right?
After hours of practicing, Nightshade was able to properly fly.
"It's not that hard. I don't get how Scootaloo can't do this. This is so fun!"
"Easy, sure, but mastery is difficult. But I have high hopes for you kiddo."
Nightshade beamed.
"Now that you can fly, you'll be able to do so much more."
"Only if I can out myself as the alicorn filly. But yeah, this gives me much more room of movement other than the ground."
If the old bug can't teach her, then a funny scene would be somehow getting someone like Rainbow to teach her, though I doubt we're meeting the Mane Six this early on.
B2's favorite food? The Fool's Gold Loaf
Bugze's favorite food was already chosen to be the Elvis Sandwich (Peanut butter, banana and (hay-)bacon sandwich) so it makes sense the more foolish B2 version would love a version of that on steroids (An entire loaf of bread filled with a jar of peanut butter, a jar of jelly, and a pound of bacon, all covered in a stick of butter and toasted golden)
B2's favourite food? Extra Cheese Cheese Pizza
1. Bugze isn't a responsible fellow, he likes his junk food.
2. Eating cheese can cause nightmares... and you can put that together.
3. It's cheese. On Cheese. On pizza.
4. Mayhaps some stuffed crust.
Idea for a first meeting with one of the Human Mane 6 (specifically Pinkie which if you read all the way thru you'll see is hilarious)
===========
After sending B2 off to do something, you do some wandering around until you come across a fortuneteller's tent.
"Strange." you wonder, "I thought Jack said there was barely any magic in this wor- PINKIE!?" you state in alarm seeing a head of pink fluffy hair you'd recognize in any universe in a cloak and fortuneteller's hat.
"Yup, that's m- I mean- Noooo" Pinkie says in a faux-spooky tone, "I am Madame Pinkie, caterer of fate's destinnnnnny."
Regardless of what universe we're in, Pinkie will always be Pinkie. Selena observes.
"Enter the chamber of Madame Pinkie Pie where the answers you seek let us consult the mystical orb of fate's destiny."
Well if anyone can access what little magic that exists in this world, it'll be Pinkie Pie. you theorize, Might as well see if this Pinkie really can predict what's in store for me.
What that you shrug and enter the tent, taking a seat at one end of the table while Pinkie waves her hands around a crystal orb.
"Before the orb can answer, you must provide a most vital ingredient."
"What?"
She puts her palm out in the universal "money gesture" to which you roll your eyes and give her a Bit.
"Look deep into the crystal ball... for soon it will reveal all! Ah, yes, I see something... It is a vision of the future... I see... you, "
"Really? Wher- WAH!" you say leaning in closer only for you to accidentally trip and bang your head against the orb cracking it.
"Horseapples! I can fix it!" you say reaching for your duct tape only for the orb's cracks to start glowing orange as it shakes violently and erratically.
"HIT THE DECK!" Pinkie yells as the orb explodes sending surprisingly harmless pieces everywhere.
"Your destiny! This is incredible!" Pinkie exclaims, "You will be involved in a great battle, a Candyland piece in an awesome conflict between multiple agents of fate commenting and guiding your every mov-
"Yeah, yeah, I kinda knew that already." you casually dismiss, "Does it say anything recent?"
"Uh..." Pinkie Pie says confused as she takes out another orb from under her hat and starts waving her hands around it,
"Since you clearly do not care,
Let us see what you will have to bewar-"
"Do you really have to speak like that?" you ask in slight annoyance.
"It's in the fortune teller's rule-scroll." she nonchalantly says as she pulls a contract out of her hair before putting it back.
"In that case, I've recently been dreaming of these weird memories. Like somepony rewinded a movie I didn't even know I've seen yet."
"Hmmmm." Pinkie muses as she concentrates on the orb.
"I see webs of fate for thee,
But some are merely of what could be."
"Wait, 'what could be'? Am I gonna get visited by the ghosts of Heartwarming Eve?" you ask in alarm, "I don't want to be a part of ANOTHER Carol story!"
"Hold your horses there mister." Pinkie interrupts dropping the fortuneteller voice, "It means that while a few big events are locked in time, some of the smaller events are more optional."
"Huh?"
"Well as that doctor might say, time is a ball of wibbly-wobbly timey-wimy stuff. Some moments are fixed and have to happen, but some of the smaller moments, it doesn't matter whether you have to make them happen or not."
"Oh, so I'm NOT going to give my baby permission to marry a dragon!" you say in relief.
"Uh... no that part's definitely gonna happen."
"WHAT?!" you exclaim, "Anything else!"
With that Pinkie concentrates on her orb again,
"When the Sunset starts to rise,
You will have to help open its eyes.
And when you duel the siren three,
Music in me shall be your key."
Remembering what Jack said about "Villain Sirens" you focus more intently on what she has to say next.
"And- Oh cupcakes! I'm not supposed to meet you for a while!" Pinkie exclaims in alarm, "Sorry, but I have to go and when I see you next time we have to pretend we never met! See ya." With that Pinkie throws down a smoke pellet and when it clears she's gone.
"She's GONE!" you exclaim.
She's clearly dashing over that fence you fool.